I suppose people who are stupid enough to call tech support for things that aren’t plugged in are stupid enough to feel like that’s saving them some face. I’d just feel extra annoyed that the tech support guy was stupid enough to not realize that plugs only go in the wall in one direction - even the ones without the grounding prong. Maybe that’s not true everywhere, and I remember that it used to not be true, but it is now, and I’d be irritated if tech support tried to pretend otherwise.
To be fair, I think the “reverse the polarity” thing had a lot more traction back in the old days, when people were not as technically savvy. These days, more and more people have at least a rudimentary knowledge of how to set up a basic system, including the plugging of things in.
There is a simple and elegant solution to this problem. Non-retards on both ends of the phone should be privvy to a code word which announces their non-retardation.
Tech Support: “Hello, my name is Ted, can I help you?”
Customer: “Yes, I’m having problems connecting to the Internet. echo tango five”
Tech Support: “I understand. What’s your IP address? the eagle flies at dawn”
Bingo.
One of life’s small pleasures is hearing tech support gradually perk up: it starts when I’m patient and friendly, gets better when I’m not condescending, and finally I can practically hear them smiling when they realize that I mostly know what I’m talking about. It can take a while to get to that last stage, but man it’s nice when the person on the other end is finally making suggestions that might actually help (instead of having to run me through the “is that software even on your computer?” questions), at a normal conversation speed, and without dumbing down their language. 
Tech support, hell! You guys are useless! You’ve never been able to fix my cup holder, you tried to tell me that the magnetic clips I use to keep my current Zip disks attached to the file cabinet with has something to do with their file corruption problems (for the record, they aren’t even in CONTACT with the disk in any way!) and you’ve never been any help at all with the ID-10-T unit that is apparently the source of most if not all of my computer’s problems, in fact, I can’t even FIND the damn thing, even though I’ve REPEATEDLY looked with both hands just like I was told to!
The small pleasure is all ours. Really. One basically with it person, that respects me and what I do makes my whole day.
That’s it exactly. The only time I call tech support is if the product is still under warranty. I’m always pleasant and I always do what I’m told. Usually the call is over rather quickly and my new part is on its way.
I worked tech support for longer than I would care to admit, and also been calling tech support for longer than I would care to admit. Having been on both sides of the phone the easiest thing is to tell the tech why you are calling, and then tell him what you tried to fix it.
When I worked tech support I loved people who knew what they were doing, and were willing to let me duplicate some of their efforts to confirm they really did do something, and wern’t trying to just get a tech out, or a new part.
When I call I do exactly that. Tell em what isn’t working, and that I did A, B, C to try to fix it. Usually that involves swapping equipment from another machine that is identical. Let them decide if they want to repeat something I did. Do it if so, and I am off the phone in no time with a solution.
-Otanx
Oh, I realize it’s a blue moon situation, but I’ve seen him do it at least a half a dozen times in the last few years. It’s quite fun, knowing he does know what he’s talking about. But he starts out by explaining very politely that he manages the computer systems at a very large hospital and manages a help desk himself, and he talks at a knowledge level that folks like me literally cannot comprehend but true techies at the other end apparently respond to with joy. He goes through the checklists with people quite patiently if they really insist on it, but he’s often able to basically run through what they’d be covering far more quickly and then get to the real problem. There have even been a couple of occasions where someone from tech support called him back to thank him for alerting them to a problem they hadn’t known about. Like I said, total blue moon.
I hope you get someone like him someday – if something obscure needs to be done, he honestly and truly can do it. And he can explain the problem exactly the way it needs to be explained to create maximum understanding in minimum time. Of course, he started programming computers in 1967, so he has some basis for his knowledge.
I’m nerdy, and I do this too. Firstly if it’s part of the script they have to follow they have no choice and will get into trouble for skipping it. Most importantly, as others have said, the checklists are there to make sure ALL the basic troubleshooting and identification steps have been done, and in the right order.
No checklist = distinct possibility that something obvious gets missed due to brain fart, and lots of time is wasted. Hence the popularity of checklists for all sorts of routine/tedious but important tasks that everyone does know backwards but don’t want to screw up, such as getting planes ready for takeoff.
It does swing both ways. A lot or people who know me would say that I know a lot about computers, I don’t, I know what I’d tend to regard as the bare minimum to sucesfully use a computer, I know the major conponents of the computer, what they do and how to fix simple problems. I know what an IP adress is (to take one of the previous examples) but wouldn’t know it or know how to find it straight away, but given a little time I would probably be able to figure out how. If you ask me to trace a connection route on the internet, or do anything involving opening consoles and typing in commands I will be stuck.
I almost always find contacting any kind of technical support immensley frustrating. Some points
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You could often save a lot of time by allowing me a little time at the start of the conversation in order to say what I think is wrong. It is entirely reasonable of you to expect me to do this quickly as well as list the reasons why I have come to that conclusion. If I had a pound every time said tech support person has just completely ignored me and procceded to fiddle for twenty minutes only to come to the exact same conclusion as me by doing the same things I’d probably be up by enough to buy myself a paperback or something.
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I understand the reason for the check lists, I understand that despite popular belief they can in fact contain the solutions for problems, when I bought my last PC I was alarmed that the shiny new moniter was distorted and against my better judgment I did consult the list. I hadn’t 1) forgotten to plug the monitor in, 2)forgotten to connect the monitor to the computer, 3) immersed the monitor in water, molten lava, or aqua regia. I had however 4) placed the honking great subwoofer from my shiny new speakers right next to said shiny monitor :smack: .
However, it would be nice if you would at least acknowledge the possibilty that if I am having a problem one of your products that I may have already connected to the internet, found your technical support page and worked through the list by myself before having decided to waste your valuable time. If I send you a detailed email listing the problems I am having and the action I have taken I will be unhappy if I receive in reply a cut and pasted copy of the list and cursory note making clear that you didn’t actually read my letter. On occaison the list will ask me to do things that I don’t know how to do or don’t feel comfortable doing because I am unsure whether I can undo them. It would be nice if you were willing to offer me some non patronising guidnace in this. -
Yes, most computer problems can eventually be sorted by wiping the hardrive and reinstalling the software but it would be nice if I could trust that you realise that while this solution is probably easiest for you it might not be optimal for everyone else and might resonably be considered the kind of escalation in events that people expect to be warned about.
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If any of the innocent steps of the advice you are giving me has a non trivial random chance of turning a minor problem into a completely seperate major problem it would be nice if I could have some warning. And if you have warned me of such (or more usually someone else has) and I am unwilling to take that risk it would be nice if you were still willing to explore the other possible solutions to the problem rather than insisting that I do step 16 on the list before step 17 and getting pissy if I don’t.
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Sometimes you will be in a position to get me off my back by identifying a potential problem that is someone elses responsibility (“It’s not us, it’s your service provider”), if you do I won’t be happy if they send me straight back to you with a plausible rebuttal.
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I don’t expect you to admit if you don’t know what the problem is as I have some sympathy about the type of people you have to deal with (although it would make a nice change) but that sympathy is unlikely to extend to watching an extended pointless show of doing things that you KNOW won’t work in order so as you can look like you’re doing something.
And please ignore the atrocious spelling
Computer technician here. Actually, I’m a Senior Computer Technician … 
Ah, tech support…
At the end of the initial phone call you have essentially two types of people: semi-literate morons who are reading from a simple script, and those who have to serve their time before moving on to better things. Their main job is really to filter out the easy fixes.
But tdn, they forgot one vitally important category that you absolutely must keep in mind, especially in the tech support industry: CIADPOI: Consciously Incompetent And Damn Proud Of It. Always recognized by the statement, “Oh, I don’t know anything about computers” (Or possibly the “I’m too ooooooolllllllddddddd to learn how to work a computer.”) This person is not only totally incompetent, but refuses to learn anything about the computer. When they inevitably screw their computer up completely, it is always your fault and your problem and you by GOLLY better get it fixed in the next ten minutes, buster, OR ELSE.
Oh yeah, and they have no idea why their computer is no longer working, it’s not like they did anything on it. (Yeah, except delete a bunch of registry files they need to make it work, because some stupid email told them to, and renamed every damn .exe file and .bat file in existence because they “didn’t like the names”, and Og only knows what else).
Not like I’ve run into them or anything, nooooooo…
Hey, if I call you with a tech support problem and you tell me to reverse the polarity, I’m going to ask if I should interface my computer with the deflector dish.
DogMom. Has my grandmother been calling you again?
Classic stuff guys, just classic!
I find when I must call Dell for support that it helps to have the whole litany of things I have already tried ready to describe to the tech. Most times this goes over pretty well and they immediately send a new part or PC.
It was bad for a while with Dell but they recently decided to stop outsourcing their US business tech support to India. I really have nothing against Indian call centers except its not very efficient to try and have a technical conversation with someone who does not speak English at the same level as the customer. I can only image how difficult it must be for someone with no computer skills to not only interpret the technical speak but do so while interpreting a sometimes heavy accent.
snicker
Actually it was a compilation of 5 different people, all of whom seem to think that:
a) I care whether or not they’re too [del]stupid[/del] old to use a computer
b) Since I am their “friend” (read: they can remember my name if it’s not TOO stressful a day AND it’s before 5-o’clock a/k/a “Happy Hour”) I will be Only Too Happy to fix their computer for them (for free, naturally, since anything they don’t understand isn’t actually relevant, nor is it difficult or time-consuming, and therefore is not worth actually paying for)
c) Due to the mindset listed above in the parenthetical: “not time-consuming” all I should have to do is click a button and voila the computer should be fixed and if it takes longer than thirty seconds I obviously don’t know what I’m doing
d) Every single damn thing that comes into their email box must not only be completely believed but immediately acted upon. After all, their <best friend / pastor / sister / aunt’s best friend’s favorite niece’s roommmate’s brother’s second cousin twice-removed> wouldn’t lie to them, now would they.
e) I just love trying to debug a computer with the owner hanging over my shoulder and randomly whacking on the keyboard or clicking on the mouse, all the while either asking stupid questions or making inane chatter so I can’t frigging concentrate. Oh yeah.
I no longer speak to those people, by the way…Actually, they refuse to speak to me - and I must tell you that I’m completely crushed by this. Totally and thoroughly. No, really.
When I was younger I worked in a hardware store.
Occasionally people would come in with electrical equipment that was malfunctioning.
Our manager would always say “what rating fuse do you have?” He’d then open the plug, and say “oh, you’ve got the wrong wattage fuse in that,” and change the fuse, and the customer would go away vaguely satisfied.
One day I told him I thought his ploy was very clever, since they felt they’d received good service, it got them out of the store quickly, usually these problems were intermittentent anyway, and sometimes they might even have a blown fuse, which changing it would fix!
Which is when he revealed to me that he actually thought what he was doing was correct. He had no fucking idea what fuses did, and someone once had told him that the thing “won’t run right” without the correct fuse. :smack:
I am in the category of consciously incompetent. 
And, BTW, next time you talk to a nurse about your sore throat, be sure to tell him/her exactly what bacteria or virus is causing it. We need more information than most of you idiots can muster up. We don’t call you idiots, actually, but if you have to call again because you forgot to take your prescription with you, we might get a little bit cranky. We’re busy all day long, too. It’s so hard to diagnose pneumonia vs. bronchitis over the phone.