# Open Letter To The Homophobe's I've Met.. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [July 24, 2003, 2:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/open-letter-to-the-homophobes-ive-met/190625 "2003-07-24T14:14:06Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![modro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/6de8d8/32.png) [@modro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/modro)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2003, 2:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/open-letter-to-the-homophobes-ive-met/190625/1 "2003-07-24T14:14:06Z")
This is in the pit, but only because of the kinds of responses topics like this tend to cause. Rather than cause the moderators to have to move it later, I figured I would just start it here. First off, no. I do not wish to have sex with you. The fact that you have a penis is no more a deciding factor in my being attracted to you than the fact that your grandmother has a vagina. No, seeing a man naked does not cause an immediate “I have to blow him” response. Seeing a penis does not cause me to have an instant erection, then drop to my knees and worship the awe inspiring sight of the penis that has revealed itself in front of me. I doubt that your mouth would begin instantly watering at the sight of Martha Stewart’s vagina exposed in front of you, expect no different from me. No, I will not decorate your house. I do not run around promoting the advantages of homosexuality to straight people, I expect the same from you. As for my “Gay Lifestyle”, well, I don’t drink, or do drugs. Hell, I don’t even smoke. I don’t go to wild sex parties, although I have been known to help my neighbors with stuff like painting their garage or fixing their cars. I work 40 hours a week, and pay bills. Maybe someday I will want to have kids. I go and catch movies or hang out with friends. I even restore cars in my spare time. Really non-conventional stuff, fear the society crumbling wrath that is my “Gay Lifestyle”. I strive to be an open minded, non-hating person, and while I may promote gay rights, it is not exclusively because I am gay. I value the equal rights of all people. I think that hindering people’s abilities to live their lives simply by virtue of the color of their skin, gender, or their sexuality. I think people should be free to do as they wish, so long as it doesn’t infringe on the rights of others. I don’t think that gay marriages should be illegal just because seeing two men walking down the street holding hands is to your eyes revolting. Seeing your grandparents smooching on a park bench would be pretty oogy, but that doesn’t mean I am going to push to outlaw marriage after age 65 to prevent me from seeing it. And last of all, I don’t hate you. But I do feel sorry for you in a way. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2003, 2:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/open-letter-to-the-homophobes-ive-met/190625/2 "2003-07-24T14:37:35Z")
Yeah, but you’re still destroying the moral fabric of making a mockery of marriage between Adam and Steve. Or some shit like that. ---
**Author:** ![Trion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ccd318/32.png) [@Trion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trion)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2003, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/open-letter-to-the-homophobes-ive-met/190625/3 "2003-07-24T14:49:48Z")
You want to see people making a mockery of marriage? You should see me and my wife. We mock and we mock and we mock until we can’ts mock no more. But nobody says “Boo” to us. ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2003, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/open-letter-to-the-homophobes-ive-met/190625/4 "2003-07-24T15:12:33Z")
**modro** , would you mind if I shared your OP with a couple of idiot coworkers of mine? Somehow they can’t wrap their pinheads around the notion that gay people live lives like the rest of us. :rolleyes: I’ve gotten them to shut up with their most obnoxious pronouncements, but there’s still ignorance to be battled. ---
**Author:** ![hilltopper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c68b51/32.png) [@hilltopper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hilltopper)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2003, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/open-letter-to-the-homophobes-ive-met/190625/5 "2003-07-24T16:09:15Z")
Modro, 2/3rds of your open letter is explaining that you and other gays are not the “stereotypical gays.” The rest of your letter discusses gay rights and those rights being resented by homophobes. My question is, are those that are ignorant enough to think that the flamboyant gay guy portrayed on many a TV show is the norm considered homophobic? I don’t think misconceptions about gays=homophobic It seems “homophobe” has become the catchall word for people that don’t understand or agree with gays/the gay lifestyle. ---
**Author:** ![misstee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/958977/32.png) [@misstee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/misstee)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2003, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/open-letter-to-the-homophobes-ive-met/190625/6 "2003-07-24T16:12:03Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by modro \* > No, seeing a man naked does not cause an immediate “I have to blow him” response. Wow, I learn something new every day. J/K [hijack] If only my husband would figure it out, _I_ don’t want to blow him every time he gets his dick out. [/end hijack] ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2003, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/open-letter-to-the-homophobes-ive-met/190625/7 "2003-07-24T16:21:35Z")
Well I _do_ hate you, **Modro**. Not because you’re gay, but because of this image: > [@](#): > > **I doubt that your mouth would begin instantly watering at the sight of Martha Stewart’s vagina exposed in front of you** Now I have to go bleach my eyeballs… ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2003, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/open-letter-to-the-homophobes-ive-met/190625/8 "2003-07-24T16:36:01Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by jr8 \* > \*\*Well I _do_ hate you, **Modro**. Not because you’re gay, but because of this image:Now I have to go bleach my eyeballs… \*\* It’s a bad thing. ---
**Author:** ![modro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/6de8d8/32.png) [@modro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/modro)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2003, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/open-letter-to-the-homophobes-ive-met/190625/9 "2003-07-24T17:05:23Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by FairyChatMom \* > \*\ ***modro** , would you mind if I shared your OP with a couple of idiot coworkers of mine? Somehow they can’t wrap their pinheads around the notion that gay people live lives like the rest of us. :rolleyes: I’ve gotten them to shut up with their most obnoxious pronouncements, but there’s still ignorance to be battled. \*\* Sure, feel free to use it, I don’t mind. I’m glad that you thought it worth sharing. ---
**Author:** ![modro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/6de8d8/32.png) [@modro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/modro)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2003, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/open-letter-to-the-homophobes-ive-met/190625/10 "2003-07-24T17:07:04Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by jr8 \* > \*\*Well I _do_ hate you, **Modro**. Not because you’re gay, but because of this image:Now I have to go bleach my eyeballs… \*\* I apologize, but you _do_ realize that I could have picked worse, right? ---
**Author:** ![modro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/6de8d8/32.png) [@modro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/modro)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2003, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/open-letter-to-the-homophobes-ive-met/190625/11 "2003-07-24T17:27:06Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by hilltopper \* > \*\*Modro, 2/3rds of your open letter is explaining that you and other gays are not the “stereotypical gays.” The rest of your letter discusses gay rights and those rights being resented by homophobes. > > My question is, are those that are ignorant enough to think that the flamboyant gay guy portrayed on many a TV show is the norm considered homophobic? > > I don’t think misconceptions about gays=homophobic > > It seems “homophobe” has become the catchall word for people that don’t understand or agree with gays/the gay lifestyle. \*\* I use homophobe in the loosest sense possible. When I think of homophobes, I think of people who want to: [ul] [li]Kick my ass because they are so insecure of their own sexuality that any glance in their direction automatically assume it was so I could scope their package.[/li] [li]Pass laws that infringe on my rights as a human being, such as marriage. It’s odd, that I can’t marry another man because of people citing religion, but yet you can go to McDonald’s and get a cheeseburger, even though some cultures consider it a sin to eat cows. Same with circumcisions. Jewish people are pretty much required to do so, but the country didn’t pass laws that require all men in the country to be circumcised. It seems ridiculous to consider banning beef because some people consider it a sin, but that is exactly what the gay marriage issue is. Gay marriage is illegal because some people don’t like it. If someone thinks gay marraige is immoral and wrong, there is a handy solution for the problem…[/li] Don’t marry someone of the same sex. [li]Or people who will automatically deny me equal chances at something simply by virtue of the fact that I have a boyfriend instead of a girlfriend.[/li][/ul] I could care less about the stereotypes, I’m not defined by them. Even my closest friends had no clue until I told them, simply because I am a normal, everyday Joe. I just like men. You don’t have to like what I do in the bedroom, just don’t use it as a reason to infringe on my rights. ---
**Author:** ![jlzania](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/67e7ee/32.png) [@jlzania](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jlzania)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2003, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/open-letter-to-the-homophobes-ive-met/190625/12 "2003-07-24T18:30:04Z")
> [@](#): > > First off, no. I do not wish to have sex with you. The fact that you have a penis is no more a deciding factor in my being attracted to you than the fact that your grandmother has a vagina. Ah yes, the gay man perceived as the indiscriminate fuck machine. Shortly after my husband and I first moved to Austin, my best friend followed. He was a man who happened also gay. We ended up sharing a 4-bedroom house, which necessitated finding another roommate. John insisted that I inform any potential straight males roommate about his sexuality during our screening process. Without exception, each and every one, when informed inanely said, " Well, as long as he doesn’t hit on me." My standard reply became “Not to worry-John has far better taste. You’ll be perfectly safe.” ---
**Author:** ![Mockingbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c68b51/32.png) [@Mockingbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mockingbird)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2003, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/open-letter-to-the-homophobes-ive-met/190625/13 "2003-07-24T18:47:17Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by jlzania \* > \*\*Ah yes, the gay man perceived as the indiscriminate fuck machine. > \*\* Yup. I met the husband of a now former friend when I was married. The guy knew that I had a husband and was happy. He still made it clear that he didn’t go _that way_. I pointed out that my then husband was ten years younger, much smarter, and hung like a horse. Oh, and we were MONOGAMOUS… why just like him. Needless to say… he shut up and his wife could NOT stop laughing. ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2003, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/open-letter-to-the-homophobes-ive-met/190625/14 "2003-07-24T19:56:43Z")
> [@](#): > > I strive to be an open minded, non-hating person, and while I may promote gay rights, it is not exclusively because I am gay. I value the equal rights of all people. This is the part that I still “catch” people on regardless of how open-minded they are. They think “okay, guy is advancing a gay rights cause/agenda … must be gay.” It’s almost amusing to watch them squirm (especially in email) when I ask them to explain to me why they think I’m gay. Especially since I don’t flame (much), I don’t really fit any of the supposed stereotypes of gay people, etc. Evidently down here in The South, I “like the cock” because I have a Proffitt’s card (sort of like Michael’s only cross-bred with a bunch of Target). Er, ok … ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2003, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/open-letter-to-the-homophobes-ive-met/190625/15 "2003-07-24T20:30:48Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by jlzania \* > \*\*My standard reply became “Not to worry-John has far better taste. You’ll be perfectly safe.” \*\* Excellent! The other acceptable response is: “Don’t worry – John only likes…” \ “…_larger_ men, if you know what I mean.” ---
**Author:** ![lissener](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lissener/32/6139_2.png) [@lissener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lissener)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2003, 11:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/open-letter-to-the-homophobes-ive-met/190625/16 "2003-07-24T23:36:33Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by hilltopper \* > \*\*Modro, 2/3rds of your open letter is explaining that you and other gays are not the “stereotypical gays.” The rest of your letter discusses gay rights and those rights being resented by homophobes. > > My question is, are those that are ignorant enough to think that the flamboyant gay guy portrayed on many a TV show is the norm considered homophobic? > > I don’t think misconceptions about gays=homophobic > > It seems “homophobe” has become the catchall word for people that don’t understand or agree with gays/the gay lifestyle. \*\* Time for this one again! You don’t GET to “disagree” with gays; the fact that you think it’s something that can be validly disagreed with MAKES YOU A HOMOPHOBE. Such proudly ignorant misconceptions are the result of FEAR, whether you acknowledge it—to yourself or to others—or not. ---
**Author:** ![chula](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a4c791/32.png) [@chula](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chula)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2003, 11:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/open-letter-to-the-homophobes-ive-met/190625/17 "2003-07-24T23:50:17Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by modro \* > **As for my “Gay Lifestyle”, well, I don’t drink, or do drugs. Hell, I don’t even smoke. I don’t go to wild sex parties, although I have been known to help my neighbors with stuff like painting their garage or fixing their cars. I work 40 hours a week, and pay bills. Maybe someday I will want to have kids. I go and catch movies or hang out with friends. I even restore cars in my spare time. Really non-conventional stuff, fear the society crumbling wrath that is my “Gay Lifestyle”.** The Gay Lifestyle sounds pretty good to me! Partying and no work - woo hoo! Can heterosexual women sign on too? ---
**Author:** ![SPOOFE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c5a1d2/32.png) [@SPOOFE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SPOOFE)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2003, 11:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/open-letter-to-the-homophobes-ive-met/190625/18 "2003-07-24T23:54:57Z")
> [@](#): > > No, I will not decorate your house. Aww… As for the rest of the OP - about the morons that you refer to thinking that a gay man would automatically drop and suck any cock he sees - I wonder if those same people think that women are the same way… that all they have to do is drop trou to get some nookie from their purdy co-worker down the hall. ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2003, 12:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/open-letter-to-the-homophobes-ive-met/190625/19 "2003-07-25T00:01:36Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by hilltopper \* > It seems “homophobe” has become the catchall word for people that don’t understand or agree with gays/the gay lifestyle. There is no lifestyle. Repeat: there is no lifestyle. Repeat until it sinks in. ---
**Author:** ![Windwalker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/5e9695/32.png) [@Windwalker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Windwalker)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2003, 12:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/open-letter-to-the-homophobes-ive-met/190625/20 "2003-07-25T00:49:27Z")
I must also protest to the way homophobe is being used as a general term for anyone who is against homosexuals. Homophobe implies fear of homosexuals, which is not always the case. Something like “anti-homosexual” or “anti-gay bigot” would work just as well and be more accurate, methinks. I mean, you don’t call folks who hate black people “negrophobes”, even if some do fear blacks. You’d call them racists or bigots. Too bad “orientationist” is too bulky to make it in popular usage. No doubt some folks fear gays, or fear becoming gay, but there are people who genuinely think it immoral, evil, or whatever. Don’t give them any moral advantage by mislabeling them. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/open-letter-to-the-homophobes-ive-met/190625.md?page=2)