# \[OPEN SPOILERS\] Spoil anything. Srsly. **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [December 25, 2008, 3:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/open-spoilers-spoil-anything-srsly/478616 "2008-12-25T03:24:28Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Nonsuch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nonsuch/32/2922_2.png) [@Nonsuch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nonsuch)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2008, 6:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/open-spoilers-spoil-anything-srsly/478616/61 "2008-12-29T06:04:14Z")
Lily Bart poisons herself. Carmen Sternwood shot Rusty Regan, and Eddie Mars hid his body. Jason Bourne, née David Webb, volunteered for the Treadstone program. The narrator killed Roger Ackroyd. All twelve suspects killed Mr. Ratchett on the Orient Express. The flower girl gets her sight back, encounters the Tramp and realizes he was the “rich man” all along. The old man loses the fish. Gatsby is murdered. ---
**Author:** ![tr0psn4j](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/958977/32.png) [@tr0psn4j](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tr0psn4j)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2008, 6:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/open-spoilers-spoil-anything-srsly/478616/62 "2008-12-29T06:06:19Z")
Jack and Jill went up the hill. ---
**Author:** ![Rachael\_Rage](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/71c47a/32.png) [@Rachael\_Rage](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachael_Rage)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2008, 6:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/open-spoilers-spoil-anything-srsly/478616/63 "2008-12-29T06:40:29Z")
**Benjamin Button** fathered the woman who is reading to her dying mother throughout the film. The mother, after raising his daughter with another man, reunites with a prepubescent Benjamin, now showing the early stages of dementia, and cares for him as he ages backwards, until he dies in her arms as an infant. ---
**Author:** ![Nonsuch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nonsuch/32/2922_2.png) [@Nonsuch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nonsuch)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2008, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/open-spoilers-spoil-anything-srsly/478616/64 "2008-12-29T17:07:58Z")
> [@tr0psn4j](#): > > Jack and Jill went up the hill. I believe a proper spoiling of the story would be “Jill came tumbling after.” ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2008, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/open-spoilers-spoil-anything-srsly/478616/65 "2008-12-29T17:35:15Z")
> [@Nonsuch](#): > > I believe a proper spoiling of the story would be “Jill came tumbling after.” Maybe they’re spoiling the Christopher Nolan version? ---
**Author:** ![Arglefraster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3bc359/32.png) [@Arglefraster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arglefraster)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2008, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/open-spoilers-spoil-anything-srsly/478616/66 "2008-12-29T18:26:05Z")
_You_ were Darth Revan all along. The Jedi wiped your memory. > [@tim314](#): > > Whenever I hear this line mentioned I can’t resist telling the story of my friend who somehow made it to the age of 19 or so without ever having watched ESB or having the scene spoiled for him. So in his case it was more like: > > **Vader:** Obi-Wan never told you what happened to your father. > **Luke:** He told me enough! He told me you killed him! > **Vader:** No, I am your father! > **tim314’s friend:** OH MY GOD!!! :eek: :eek: :eek: I watched the movies when I was, oh, about 8 years old or so. That scene upset me so badly my mom had to turn it off and try to calm me down. I was crying and yelling at the tv (we’d rented them on video). I didn’t finish watching them until a week or so later. ---
**Author:** ![Yorikke](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yorikke/32/4335_2.png) [@Yorikke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yorikke)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2008, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/open-spoilers-spoil-anything-srsly/478616/67 "2008-12-29T21:07:48Z")
Samuel L. Jackson is “Mr. Glass,” Bruce Willis’ polar opposite, and staged all the accidents looking for him. Rocky Loses Rocky wins Mickey dies, Rocky wins Apollo dies, Rocky wins and gets the Russians to cheer passionately for him :rolleyes: Joe ---
**Author:** ![Merhouse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b5a626/32.png) [@Merhouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Merhouse)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2008, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/open-spoilers-spoil-anything-srsly/478616/68 "2008-12-29T21:53:46Z")
I’ve taken off my clothing. I’ve just spoiled your appetite. ---
**Author:** ![HubZilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ccd318/32.png) [@HubZilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HubZilla)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2008, 10:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/open-spoilers-spoil-anything-srsly/478616/69 "2008-12-29T22:22:31Z")
> [@Arglefraster](#): > > _You_ were Darth Revan all along. The Jedi wiped your memory. > > I watched the movies when I was, oh, about 8 years old or so. That scene upset me so badly my mom had to turn it off and try to calm me down. I was crying and yelling at the tv (we’d rented them on video). I didn’t finish watching them until a week or so later. Heh heh, I remember being more shocked that Luke got his hand cut off. I figured Vader was lying when he said “I am your father”. ---
**Author:** ![Ann\_Onimous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ea5d25/32.png) [@Ann\_Onimous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ann_Onimous)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2008, 11:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/open-spoilers-spoil-anything-srsly/478616/70 "2008-12-29T23:00:00Z")
Ferris makes it back to the house from his day out with Cameron and Sloane, totally undetected by his parents. He makes a total idiot of Mr. Rooney, who has to sit on a school bus with a girl who offers him warm gummy bears. ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2008, 11:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/open-spoilers-spoil-anything-srsly/478616/71 "2008-12-29T23:17:46Z")
The crucial piece of evidence in the conversation he recorded wasn’t “He’d _kill_ us if he had the chance” it was “He’d kill _us_ if he had the chance.” Harry wasn’t listening to two lovers make plans to escape a controlling husband, he was listening to conspiracy to commit murder. ---
**Author:** ![Bag\_of\_Mostly\_Water](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bag_of_mostly_water/32/1029_2.png) [@Bag\_of\_Mostly\_Water](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bag_of_Mostly_Water)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2008, 11:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/open-spoilers-spoil-anything-srsly/478616/72 "2008-12-29T23:26:37Z")
Sophie had to choose which of her two children survive. This, understandably, causes all sorts of emotional problems. ---
**Author:** ![Yorikke](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yorikke/32/4335_2.png) [@Yorikke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yorikke)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2008, 11:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/open-spoilers-spoil-anything-srsly/478616/73 "2008-12-29T23:29:41Z")
> [@KneadToKnow](#): > > The crucial piece of evidence in the conversation he recorded wasn’t “He’d _kill_ us if he had the chance” it was “He’d kill _us_ if he had the chance.” Harry wasn’t listening to two lovers make plans to escape a controlling husband, he was listening to conspiracy to commit murder. Biggest fraud, cop-out ending ever. Joe ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2008, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/open-spoilers-spoil-anything-srsly/478616/74 "2008-12-29T23:49:46Z")
> [@wheresgeorge04](#): > > Biggest fraud, cop-out ending ever. I couldn’t disagree more; I think it’s a wonderful case of the answer staring you in the face the whole time. But I suspect we will have to agree to disagree on this point. More spoilers: Dale dies after they go back to America. Probably from smack. The original cards read: Shoplifter. Homosexual. Ex-convict. Informant. Little child molester. Alcoholic. Clinton never intended to expose his wife’s killer. ---
**Author:** ![Horatio\_Hellpop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Horatio\_Hellpop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horatio_Hellpop)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2008, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/open-spoilers-spoil-anything-srsly/478616/75 "2008-12-29T23:56:01Z")
Ferris pops his head out of the bathroom and tells us to go home. Stark meets Nick Fury, who wants him to start the Avengers. Freddy, his severed head in Jason’s giant paw, gives us all a sly wink. The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen actually thinks that (a) there might be a sequel and (b) Sean Connery might somehow be involved with it. The vampire played by Pee Wee Herman takes days of unfunny convulsions to die. Jackie Chan’s shoe is actually a cast painted to look like an athletic shoe. Matt Damon kills Martin Sheen. Leo DiCaprio arrests him on the spot, gets kakked by some black guy who works for Nicholson, who by this point is dead. Leo shoots the black guy, who is the only one who he knows can tie him to Nicholson. His secret safe, he goes back to the squad room to rise in the ranks to Sheen’s old position. When he goes home, Vera Farmiga dumps his sorry ass and shortly thereafter, he gets capped by Marky Mark. Really, they could have ended it at any point in the last 45 minutes and called it a day. Worse than **Carousel** in that regard. The great Train gets robbed. The kissers kiss. ---
**Author:** ![Jayn\_Newell](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Jayn\_Newell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jayn_Newell)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2008, 12:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/open-spoilers-spoil-anything-srsly/478616/76 "2008-12-30T00:05:59Z")
> [@Lucky\_13](#): > > Oh yeah, Jiraiya’s dead - the leader of Akatsuki killed him. I think you mean is _gonna_ die, as even in Japan the anime isn’t this far in the storyline (of course, my husband keeps telling me what’s going on in the manga…spoilsport) More anime: -The Puppetmaster is a program developed by the government that’s gone AWOL and it has a crush on the Major. -The sex-dolls have ghost dubs in them. They’re being programmed to malfunction so the authorities will find the girls being dubbed. -The Tachikomas kill themselves to save Batou. -The Tachikomas kill themselves to save the refugees. -The Puppetmaster is Motoko’s subconcious come alive in the net. ---
**Author:** ![SirRay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cc9497/32.png) [@SirRay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SirRay)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2008, 12:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/open-spoilers-spoil-anything-srsly/478616/77 "2008-12-30T00:49:36Z")
Pearl breaks a joystick controlling the ‘Satellite of Love’, causing it to initiate re-entry sequence. Mike & the Bots, after watching Diabolik, ask Pearl for help in regaining control of the rapidly descending SOL, but she declines and instead takes up an offer to be Dictator of a Middle Eastern country. The SOL crash-lands, but everyone makes it out safely (all off-screen of course), and Mike, Crow & Tom end up sharing an small apartment and watching cheesy afternoon movies together - Gypsy founded her own successful company, but the other Bots mocked her idea and so they remain poor. Joel of course escaped the SOL earlier in an escape pod Gypsey hid, after watching the movie Mitchell, but he does visit years later to help fix sabatoge that Dr. Forrester had programmed into the SOL. ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2008, 2:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/open-spoilers-spoil-anything-srsly/478616/78 "2008-12-30T02:38:04Z")
> [@Sir\_T-Cups](#): > > Dracula dies > > Frankenstein dies > > Godzilla dies (three times) > > King Kong dies Cloverfield dies… maybe. ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2008, 3:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/open-spoilers-spoil-anything-srsly/478616/79 "2008-12-30T03:26:38Z")
Roger was framed by Judge Doom, who was actually a Toon, and working with Cloverleaf Industries to build a highway through Toon Town. Emily dies, but is given the chance to relive one day of her life. She realizes that people don’t appreciate their lives. Niles and Daphne have a baby, Martin marries Ronnie and Frasier realizes that everyone is moving on with their lives. He then takes a job in San Francisco. Kristin (Sue Ellen’s younger sister) shot J.R. Mary chooses Ted because Ted and Warren have bonded. Farley dies after saving April. Michael marries Deana and starts his own family. Elizabeth marries Anthony. ---
**Author:** ![Sir\_T-Cups](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ed655f/32.png) [@Sir\_T-Cups](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sir_T-Cups)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2008, 5:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/open-spoilers-spoil-anything-srsly/478616/80 "2008-12-30T05:14:53Z")
**Kyt** : I ALMOST put Cloverfield in there, but decided against it. It’s funny you mentioned it. **Knead** and **George** : What movie are you guys talking about??? **Everyone else** : Like the post above, I wish I knew what half these movies were (or in **knilou’s** case tv shows) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/open-spoilers-spoil-anything-srsly/478616.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/open-spoilers-spoil-anything-srsly/478616.md?page=5)