# Openly gay dopers: how do you deal with this? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 29, 2004, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/openly-gay-dopers-how-do-you-deal-with-this/271761 "2004-10-29T00:30:17Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 14\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Gravity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gravity/32/14322_2.png) [@Gravity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gravity)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2004, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/openly-gay-dopers-how-do-you-deal-with-this/271761/21 "2004-10-29T19:23:17Z")
The closest that I’ve run into that was probably when my dad, trying his not-very-subtle-to-begin-with damndest to put it “gently” told me that he understood, but he was sure that I’d find a man who would have me eventually, even if I was fat, and he wouldn’t hold “all this” against me when that happened. I just shrugged and changed the subject. They can belive what they want, but I don’t have to talk with them about it. ---
**Author:** ![Ephemera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8baadc/32.png) [@Ephemera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ephemera)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2004, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/openly-gay-dopers-how-do-you-deal-with-this/271761/22 "2004-10-29T19:31:40Z")
> [@Kythereia](#): > > The last line is the punchline: > > Yokel: (to Me) You’re not possibly gay! :eek: > > Roommate: :rolleyes: (referring to Me) Yes, he is! > > Me: (referring to Yokel) No, he isn’t. 😃 > > Deliberate misinterpretation, makes for a nicely subtle funny. You’re a guy? Huh. You seem distinctly feminine. ---
**Author:** ![ouryL](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ouryl/32/6067_2.png) [@ouryL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ouryL)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2004, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/openly-gay-dopers-how-do-you-deal-with-this/271761/23 "2004-10-29T20:28:48Z")
> [@Mr. Blue Sky](#): > > There’s an openly gay man in my office. He was on a break talking with a cow-orker about his upcoming anniversary with his boyfriend. > > The conversation went something like this: > > Guy: My seventh anniversary with “Joe” is coming up. > > Cow-orker: I don’t know why you tie yourself up with just one person. You have so much to offer. > > Guy: You think so? > > Cow: Sure. There’s plenty of young women who would love to be with a guy like you. > > Guy (in a loud, humorous whisper): But, I don’t like girls. I like boys. > > Cow: Aw, come on, I know you’re crazy, but not THAT crazy! > > Guy: (rendered speechless) > > How many openly gay dopers (or any openly gay people, really) deal with this? How often? Do you ever go ballistic? Potential stalker/psychotic cow-orker in the making R U N ! ! ! ---
**Author:** ![Munch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/munch/32/5281_2.png) [@Munch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Munch)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2004, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/openly-gay-dopers-how-do-you-deal-with-this/271761/24 "2004-10-29T21:21:53Z")
> [@ShibbOleth](#): > > It would be fun to turn it around on them: > > “So, how long were you gay before you switched back?” That’s hilarious! I’d love to hear what sort of reactions that one gets. ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2004, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/openly-gay-dopers-how-do-you-deal-with-this/271761/25 "2004-10-30T01:15:54Z")
My then-roommate, for the first few weeks I was out to my friends, would say “No, you’re not” when I made some reference to my sexuality. Initially this was slightly amusing, but then it started to piss me off. And then it started to REALLY piss me off. My feeling is that he didn’t want to believe I was bisexual because he had expressed an interest in me several months before, and if I wasn’t at least bisexual then by default I would have no interest in him, but if I _was_ non-het then there was no chance we’d ever hook up (with a personality like his, I wonder why). So one night when he was feeling fairly confident in himself - I’ve detailed this night in more detail elsewhere - he asked me several times for sex. I said no several times. He then, sounding fairly frustrated (heh), asked me how I knew I was bisexual, given that I didn’t want to have sex with him. Turned it around. He explained to me how he knew he was gay. I explained to him (and I was nice about it) how I knew I was bisexual and that I wasn’t horny at the time but that if that fact changed later on I would let him know. Skinned potatoes are hornier than I was that night. People usually are somewhat surprised that I am not straight, but I can’t remember ANYONE else ever trying to tell me I wasn’t bisexual. I’ve heard a few bi-specific myths (including more than one here), but the people I tell generally are the open, safe sort. The closest I’ve ever come to “You aren’t bisexual” are the “your sexuality is a choice” folks, but I don’t have too many of those sort in my life… ---
**Author:** ![chaoticbear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f07891/32.png) [@chaoticbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chaoticbear)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2004, 4:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/openly-gay-dopers-how-do-you-deal-with-this/271761/26 "2004-10-30T04:05:37Z")
> [@Aesiron](#): > > You’re a guy? Huh. You seem distinctly feminine. Huh? No… wait _checks genitals_ Yup, still a guy 😛 Sorry I misled you, although I don’t know when that could have possibly happened. Oh, and conversation > [@](#): > > Me: “… I’m gay…” > Yokel: “No way!” > Me: “Yes, I am.” > Yokel: “What??? There’s no way!” > _usually: Roommate: “Yes, he is.” > Me: No, he’s not._ The “_usually: Roommate: “Yes, he is.” Me: No, he’s not._” part of it refers to the fact that we’re together so often that the next question after they find out that I’m gay is “is he? (meaning is my roommate gay)” or “Is your roommate”? We’ve just had that happen so many times that we can cut off further questions like that. Everyone heave a sigh of relief and understanding. ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2004, 5:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/openly-gay-dopers-how-do-you-deal-with-this/271761/27 "2004-10-30T05:10:58Z")
Just for the record, I, too, am feminine–very much so. ---
**Author:** ![Ephemera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8baadc/32.png) [@Ephemera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ephemera)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2004, 5:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/openly-gay-dopers-how-do-you-deal-with-this/271761/28 "2004-10-30T05:23:07Z")
I was referring to **Kythereia** , **Chaotic**. ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2004, 5:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/openly-gay-dopers-how-do-you-deal-with-this/271761/29 "2004-10-30T05:52:57Z")
> [@Kythereia](#): > > Just for the record, I, too, am feminine–very much so. Yes you are:D ---
**Author:** ![scott\_evil](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/91b2a8/32.png) [@scott\_evil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scott_evil)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2004, 1:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/openly-gay-dopers-how-do-you-deal-with-this/271761/30 "2004-10-30T13:45:27Z")
At my current job, my co-workers figured out I was gay maybe 10 minutes after I first sat down at my desk. I’m not a total flamer (not that there’s anything wrong with that), but for whatever reason, it’s obvious. In any case, it made things easier. I’m getting married (legally!) in three weeks, and one thing I used to worry about was my ring being spotted at a future job interview, being asked if I was married, and what my “wife” did. And then mysteriously not getting the job. I’m planning to go back to school, though, so I won’t have worry about that for a while. And if I do have to look for another job down the line, I’ll seek out something in the arts or something, where being gay doesn’t tend to be an issue. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2004, 2:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/openly-gay-dopers-how-do-you-deal-with-this/271761/31 "2004-10-30T14:14:53Z")
There was an episode of the “Golden Girls” when Blanche found out that Dorothy’s long time friend was a lesbian: Blanche: But she’s so attractive. She could have any man she wants. Dorothy: She doesn’t want any man. ---
**Author:** ![chaoticbear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f07891/32.png) [@chaoticbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chaoticbear)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2004, 2:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/openly-gay-dopers-how-do-you-deal-with-this/271761/32 "2004-10-30T14:59:01Z")
> [@Aesiron](#): > > I was referring to **Kythereia** , **Chaotic**. Ah. You quoted her quoting me and it confused me 😛 ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2004, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/openly-gay-dopers-how-do-you-deal-with-this/271761/33 "2004-10-30T15:30:01Z")
I don’t look or act stereotypically gay, but I guess most of my interests (e.g. the arts) or disinterests (e.g. sports) are stereotypically gay. So if the person already knows a little about me, they’ve probably already put two and two together. But sometimes I get a comment of “Oh, I never would have guessed.” Usually it’s not worth responding to, but on a few occasions, I’ve been known to reply: “Wait a minute, are you saying you’re \*\*not \*\*gay? I’m so sorry, I just assumed you were, because of, well, you know, the way you **are** , and everything. You really had me fooled.” Several years ago, at a Pride event, I found myself face-to-face with Fred Phelps, and I used this approach with him, especially pointing out his “gay” appearance (t-shirt, jeans, sneakers, baseball cap, moustache, shades). I just turned around and left him as he was looking down at his clothing, in total bewilderment. ---
**Author:** ![Walloon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/fbc32d/32.png) [@Walloon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Walloon)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2004, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/openly-gay-dopers-how-do-you-deal-with-this/271761/34 "2004-10-30T15:51:19Z")
> [@iampunha](#): > > He then, sounding fairly frustrated (heh), asked me how I knew I was bisexual, given that I didn’t want to have sex with him. > > Turned it around. He explained to me how he knew he was gay. 😕 Our understanding of this whole episode would improve if somewhere you would mention your gender. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/openly-gay-dopers-how-do-you-deal-with-this/271761.md?page=1)