# Opinion on a sentence in a job follow-up letter **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 15, 2009, 1:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/opinion-on-a-sentence-in-a-job-follow-up-letter/503066 "2009-07-15T01:11:31Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 18\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Nobody](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/94ad74/32.png) [@Nobody](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nobody)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2009, 1:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/opinion-on-a-sentence-in-a-job-follow-up-letter/503066/1 "2009-07-15T01:11:31Z")
I have applied for a couple of IT positions for a nearby school district. I have decided to write a letter to the person responsible for going over the applications to let her know how serious I am about working there. I do not have previous IT job experience so first I wrote this sentence: “I graduated college this June with a degree in Network Technology and as part of the program I took classes on computer hardware and software.” And then added this sentence right after: “But besides the classes, I have around six years personal experience working on my home computer and my wife’s computer by upgrading hardware components and installing software.” I showed the letter to a couple of people, one of whom said the second sentence would not get me an interview with her if she were looking at the letter. She says it shows my lack of work experience in the IT field and does not seem very professional. So, I would like some Doper opinions. Should I leave that in, or could it possibly ruin my chances for an interview? Thank you. ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2009, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/opinion-on-a-sentence-in-a-job-follow-up-letter/503066/2 "2009-07-15T01:21:36Z")
If you had built a computer from scratch, that’s one thing. But EVERYONE has uploaded software and hardware onto their home computers. At the least I could see the interviewer snorting in derision. I would get into specifics…the classes you took, what you learned, etc. Good luck! ---
**Author:** ![Nobody](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/94ad74/32.png) [@Nobody](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nobody)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2009, 1:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/opinion-on-a-sentence-in-a-job-follow-up-letter/503066/3 "2009-07-15T01:35:36Z")
> [@ivylass](#): > > If you had built a computer from scratch, that’s one thing. Well, pretty much. I bought the mini-towers the computers are in, I bought the mother-boards and CPUs, video cards, and sound cards to install on the motherboards > [@](#): > > But EVERYONE has uploaded software and hardware onto their home computers. At the least I could see the interviewer snorting in derision. You can upload hardware onto a home computer :eek:. Damn, I am out of touch. > [@](#): > > I would get into specifics…the classes you took, what you learned, etc. Good luck! Thanks. I like your idea about specifics. I might just give it a try. ---
**Author:** ![Eureka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/74df32/32.png) [@Eureka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eureka)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2009, 2:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/opinion-on-a-sentence-in-a-job-follow-up-letter/503066/4 "2009-07-15T02:42:38Z")
Yes, be specific. If you know anything about any specific programs used by the school district, mention it in particular. You don’t neccessarily want an entire laundry list, but don’t leave out any obvious potential keywords either. ---
**Author:** ![Nobody](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/94ad74/32.png) [@Nobody](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nobody)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2009, 6:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/opinion-on-a-sentence-in-a-job-follow-up-letter/503066/5 "2009-07-15T06:12:45Z")
> [@Eureka](#): > > Yes, be specific. If you know anything about any specific programs used by the school district, mention it in particular. You don’t neccessarily want an entire laundry list, but don’t leave out any obvious potential keywords either. Maybe instead of saying that I work on my and my wife’s computer, I’ll say instead that I built our computers. ---
**Author:** ![sandra\_nz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eada6e/32.png) [@sandra\_nz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sandra_nz)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2009, 6:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/opinion-on-a-sentence-in-a-job-follow-up-letter/503066/6 "2009-07-15T06:22:11Z")
And I’d word it: “In addition to these courses, I have had personal experience in…” Don’t start a sentence with But, it’s dreadful grammar! 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Nobody](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/94ad74/32.png) [@Nobody](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nobody)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2009, 6:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/opinion-on-a-sentence-in-a-job-follow-up-letter/503066/7 "2009-07-15T06:24:55Z")
> [@sandra\_nz](#): > > And I’d word it: “In addition to these courses, I have had personal experience in…” > > Don’t start a sentence with But, it’s dreadful grammar! 😉 Thanks. I knew it did not look right, but I could not figure out how to change it. They say in business letters not to use contractions, but most of the time, like what I wrote above, I feel like Data from STNG. ---
**Author:** ![wizard\_of\_aus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/ecc23a/32.png) [@wizard\_of\_aus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wizard_of_aus)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2009, 9:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/opinion-on-a-sentence-in-a-job-follow-up-letter/503066/8 "2009-07-15T09:00:04Z")
.. hey Nobody .. first up you should get a _Job Description_ so that you can highlight the specific sections of your course that apply to the specific job .. > [@](#): > > “I graduated college this June with a degree in Network Technology and as part of the program I took classes on computer hardware and software.” .. I would change it to \>\> _"I graduated college this June with a degree in Network Technology. The course work in my degree included a wide range of relevant topics._ > [@](#): > > “But besides the classes, I have around six years personal experience working on my home computer and my wife’s computer by upgrading hardware components and installing software.” .. YUK !! .. forget it !! .. this is where you match your course to the _Job Description_ .. something like \>\> “In particular I covered major aspects of a/match, b/match, c/match. I have had the opportunity to apply this knowledge in a practical way.” .. Nobody you need to give enough to get their interest but without giving them enough to exclude you .. the interview is where it happens .. best of luck mate .. WoAus looking in the job ads ---
**Author:** ![Nobody](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/94ad74/32.png) [@Nobody](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nobody)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2009, 10:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/opinion-on-a-sentence-in-a-job-follow-up-letter/503066/9 "2009-07-15T10:40:14Z")
This isn’t part of a resume or cover letter, which I already sent in, this is a follow up letter to let them know that I am serious about wanting to work for them. This is the body (name changed to protect the innocent :D): > [@Nobody](#): > > My name is Nobody and I have submitted applications for the _School/Department Technical Support Specialist_ and \*Microcomputer Support 1 \*positions. I am writing to let you know that my desire to work for the Salem-Keizer school district in an IT position is very sincere and that I believe that I would be a perfect fit. I love working with computers and have a lot of experience working with computers as well as with the public. > > I graduated college this June with a degree in Network Technology and as part of the program I took classes on computer hardware and software. But besides the classes, I have around six years personal experience working on my home computer and my wife’s computer by upgrading hardware components and installing software. > > If hired you would be gaining loyal and dedicated employee who would do his best for the Salem-Keizer school district. Thank you very much for your time. I am just trying for something that is quick to read and gets my point across. I’m pretty happy with what I have, but I’m open to suggestions, at least for a few more hours before I mail it off. ---
**Author:** ![bathsheba](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/9e8a1a/32.png) [@bathsheba](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bathsheba)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2009, 10:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/opinion-on-a-sentence-in-a-job-follow-up-letter/503066/10 "2009-07-15T10:49:03Z")
> [@Nobody](#): > > “I graduated college this June with a degree in Network Technology and as part of the program I took classes on computer hardware and software.” “I hold a Bachelor of Network Technology from Extrasuper College. The course work in my degree included a wide range of relevant topics.” Then state what they were (relevant to the job description) and then go heavy on emphasising how this makes you perfect for the job. Don’t draw attention to the fact you only graduated last month. It’s on your resume. The second sentencs is dodgy. Try something like, “I have a long term personal interest in (whatever networking is called) which led me to undertake my formal qualification in the field”. ---
**Author:** ![Siege](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dbc845/32.png) [@Siege](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siege)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2009, 10:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/opinion-on-a-sentence-in-a-job-follow-up-letter/503066/11 "2009-07-15T10:52:02Z")
Actually, your first sentence works against you. You wrote,“I graduated college this June with a degree in Network Technology and as part of the program I took classes on computer hardware and software.” This is one of my grammatical pet peeves. You did not graduate college, no matter how many people put it this way. You graduated **from** college. The preposition is important. I’d also put commas around “as part of the program,” but I tend to overuse commas. What would be even better is making the second half of that sentence a new sentence. As others have said, the second sentence is very generic. Some people would say they’ve upgraded the hardware on their computer because they’ve added a new mouse or printer. If I were screening resumes and deciding who to interview, that sentence wouldn’t make me more likely to consider you because it can apply to so many people. As **Eureka** and **wizard of aus** said, be specific and tailor your cover letter to the job you’re applying for. Talk about what aspects of the job you think you’d like, other than the salary, and how the experience you have can make you a better candidate for the job than the other people applying for it. Remember, you could be competing against over a hundred people for the job. If the person doing the initial screening gets 90 cover letters and 80 don’t have grammar or spelling errors, the other 10 are a lot less likely to be considered. ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2009, 11:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/opinion-on-a-sentence-in-a-job-follow-up-letter/503066/12 "2009-07-15T11:19:43Z")
“I have six years experience working on personal computers, upgrading hardware components and installing software.” They are your personal computers but who cares they are PCs. And never forget **Nobody** ’s perfect. ---
**Author:** ![Quercus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/7ab992/32.png) [@Quercus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quercus)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2009, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/opinion-on-a-sentence-in-a-job-follow-up-letter/503066/13 "2009-07-15T15:01:31Z")
I’m not exactly sure why you’re writing this letter. If you’ve already sent a resume with a cover letter, the cover letter should have already said why you’re serious about the position and a good fit and more importantly said it to the person making the decision whether to interview you. Unless you have a personal connection with anyone in a position to influence the hiring process, I think this letter won’t help, and might come across as needy/desperate. (And frankly, any letter that stresses how sincere you are about wanting to work there might cause the reader to wonder why you need to say that: do you apply for other jobs that you have no intention of accepting? Do you do other insincere things in your life?) A phone call to confirm that they got your resume & cover letter is appropriate, at which point you can politely ask what the timeline for interview invitations is. If they do tell you (and it’s OK for them not to), then it’s OK to make a single phone call after that, just to confirm that you weren’t asked to interview. But unless circumstances are unusual, anything more just makes you seem desperate. It’s just like dating, if you seem desperate, people are going to assume there’s a reason and stay away. ---
**Author:** ![Nobody](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/94ad74/32.png) [@Nobody](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nobody)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2009, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/opinion-on-a-sentence-in-a-job-follow-up-letter/503066/14 "2009-07-15T21:32:16Z")
From the beginning of writing this, I’ve been trying to avoid sounding needy. But follow-up letters are nothing new. Anyway, I just Googled follow-up letters and see I need to change a couple of minor things, but if I word it right then it shouldn’t com across as needy. I just got an E-mail that the \*School/Department Technology Supoprt Specialist‏ \*opening has been canceled leaving me just the _Microcomputer Support 1_ position. I feel glad I applied for more than one position. ---
**Author:** ![Nobody](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/94ad74/32.png) [@Nobody](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nobody)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2009, 9:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/opinion-on-a-sentence-in-a-job-follow-up-letter/503066/15 "2009-07-15T21:56:53Z")
Just as I feared, after looking at samples of follow-up letters mine definitely looked more like a cover-letter. I have revamped my letter, and since most of the sites I’ve read said to send one if you haven’t heard back by two weeks, I guess I’ll by sending this letter this coming Monday. I don’t know why I didn’t think about looking up sample letters, but I’m glad I did. ## Anyway, this is a lot shorter, but also actually looks like a follow-up letter now. My name is Nobody and I writing to inquire about the status of my application for the Microcomputer Support 1 position. My resume and cover letter were sent to you on July 6. I am very interested in the position and feel that my computer skills and education would be an ideal match for this position. Thank you for your time and if you need to contact me I can be reached at (111)222-3333 or at nobody @ [nowhere.com](http://nowhere.com). ---
**Author:** ![Siege](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dbc845/32.png) [@Siege](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siege)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2009, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/opinion-on-a-sentence-in-a-job-follow-up-letter/503066/16 "2009-07-15T22:41:47Z")
Why the passive voice? While there are times when it’s appropriate, this isn’t one of them. If I received this letter, it wouldn’t improve my opinion of you and, depending on what else was going on that day, it might lower my opinion of you, because it does sound a bit like you’re trying to get me to contact you on your timetable, not mine. If you are going to send a follow up letter, put something in it which will give them another reason to consider you. Remind them of something in your background which makes you the best candidate for the Microcomputer Support 1 job. You might mention some talent or interest you have which makes you a particularly suitable candidate. You may be a nobody, but there’s no need to be a generic one. ---
**Author:** ![Quercus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/7ab992/32.png) [@Quercus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quercus)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2009, 2:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/opinion-on-a-sentence-in-a-job-follow-up-letter/503066/17 "2009-07-16T14:27:34Z")
> [@Siege](#): > > Why the passive voice? While there are times when it’s appropriate, this isn’t one of them. If I received this letter, it wouldn’t improve my opinion of you and, depending on what else was going on that day, it might lower my opinion of you, because it does sound a bit like you’re trying to get me to contact you on your timetable, not mine. > > If you are going to send a follow up letter, put something in it which will give them another reason to consider you. Remind them of something in your background which makes you the best candidate for the Microcomputer Support 1 job. You might mention some talent or interest you have which makes you a particularly suitable candidate. You may be a nobody, but there’s no need to be a generic one. I’m not a HR specialist, and even when I did do some hiring long ago it wasn’t for resume-type positions, but if I was hiring, qualifications in a follow-up letter would mean nothing to me. Either they were mentioned in the cover letter, so I know about them already, or if they weren’t mentioned in the cover letter, the applicant is too disorganized to get the cover letter right the first time so it’s a negative. A polite inquiry about the status of the application is a slight positive – it shows they have commitment and interest and the organizational ability to follow up at the right time. So I think **Nobody** ’s latest is fine (though as I said, ideally you call a couple days after you send in the resume to make sure they got it; and at that point see if they’re willing to give you a timeline, which allows you to do your follow-up at the right time). ---
**Author:** ![Nobody](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/94ad74/32.png) [@Nobody](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nobody)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2009, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/opinion-on-a-sentence-in-a-job-follow-up-letter/503066/18 "2009-07-16T19:17:22Z")
Thank you for the advice.