# Opinions...2nd try
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/opinions-2nd-try/596795
**Category:** In My Humble Opinion
**Created:** [September 19, 2011, 5:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/opinions-2nd-try/596795 "2011-09-19T05:57:52Z")
**Posts on this page:** 15
**Page:** 13
### Author:  [@Meyer6](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Meyer6)
#### Post date: [September 25, 2011, 8:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/opinions-2nd-try/596795/241 "2011-09-25T08:08:04Z")
> [@Broomstick](#):
>
> More accurately, _other people_ have an “insecurity” about the sex life of the disabled.
So? Other people’s misinformed opinions are their own problem, aren’t they? Why do you (the generic you, not \*you \*you) care what random strangers think unless you’re insecure about it yourself? I think **Freudian Slit** is right.
That t-shirt wouldn’t offend me or anything, but I’d probably think it was pretty immature if I saw a grown adult wearing it. And yeah, I’d think that they were insecure.
> [@Argent\_Towers](#):
>
> Heterosexual guys tend to be horrible at judging the faces of other guys. Jamie […] has a face with more or less perfectly symmetrical proportions - the so-called “golden average”.
I know the deal with the symmetry=attractiveness theory, but I think facial attractiveness is still somewhat a matter of personal opinion. I actually tend to agree with Spoons that he looks pretty average to me (face-wise I mean) - no better or worse looking than most of the guys I see around me. Obviously, thanks to the symmetry deal, he’s far from being hideous or anything, but he gets a resounding ‘meh’ from this heterosexual female. Clearly that’s just a matter of personal taste since so many people in this thread \*do \*seem to find him notably good-looking. But hell, I’ve been known to be attracted to guys that nobody else finds remotely appealing, so what do I know?
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### Author:  [@Ostrya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ostrya)
#### Post date: [September 25, 2011, 8:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/opinions-2nd-try/596795/242 "2011-09-25T08:29:15Z")
What’s with the tan?
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### Author:  [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)
#### Post date: [September 25, 2011, 12:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/opinions-2nd-try/596795/243 "2011-09-25T12:50:07Z")
> [@Meyer6](#):
>
> So? Other people’s misinformed opinions are their own problem, aren’t they?
Not when they impose them, uninvited, on other people. Even worse when they do it to strangers.
> [@](#):
>
> Why do you (the generic you, not \*you \*you) care what random strangers think unless you’re insecure about it yourself?
Because it’s as annoying as hell to be somewhere with my husband - a store, a park, a concert, whatever - and have some ninny come up to me and ask me, point blank, things like:
- why did you marry someone who can’t have sex? Are you gay? Are you really married?
- when are you going to get rid of him and get you a man who can give you babies?
- you’re not too young to divorce him a get a real man
These are all comments I have _actually received_, completely unsolicited, from either complete strangers or people who barely know me or my husband. They are rude, intrusive, and inexcusable. I care because it’s an invasion of our privacy. I care because there are busy-bodies who have tried to break up our relationship because they felt I could do better, or that they had my best interests in mind.
I care because those random strangers can make my life uncomfortable. Because in some instances they won’t shut the fuck up and leave me (and sometimes us) alone. Because it fucking _hurts_ the person I love when he overhears shit like that. Because _it hurts me_.
If they just _thought_ it and left me the hell along I wouldn’t give a damn but they don’t. They INSIST on vomiting it all over us, intruding into our lives like the worst sort of telemarketer with a phone stuck on redial of your number.
I’m sorry if you can’t understand how often I’ve received comments like that, or how hurtful they can be. Sometimes, the biggest handicap a disabled person faces is NOT what isn’t working it’s _other peoples’ attitudes_.
So when I see Jamie wearing that shirt I don’t think “what an immature tool” I think "Oh, boy - you’ve had to go through that shit, too, and “keep being an uppity gimp instead of a saint”. Granted, that’s NOT the majority view here, but then, I’m not in the majority. I married a cripple. That doesn’t mean I’m going to take crap from random strangers all meek and silent. One of the ways the disabled are infantalized in our culture is denying they have a sexuality. It’s disgusting and I’d like it to stop. It’s also sad that people don’t see the shirt as commentary on the nosey - he got that question so many times he got sick of saying “It still works” so he got a shirt that says it for him. But hey, maybe you just don’t get the joke. Maybe you have to either be disabled, or love someone disabled, to get a grip on why it’s so damn funny as well as so sad.
Used to work with a man who had a t-shirt saying “Don’t shout. I’m blind, not deaf”. Would you call him insecure as well? Or is it just because Jaime’s is related to sex that it’s so taboo?
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### Author:  [@Bad\_News\_Baboon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bad_News_Baboon)
#### Post date: [September 25, 2011, 1:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/opinions-2nd-try/596795/244 "2011-09-25T13:04:13Z")
I would say you are ok, physically.
The two things that would turn me off are these:
The tattoo- I’m not a fan in general but that it’s an astrological sign makes me question the person’s intellect. I really, really like smart guys and astrology doesn’t strike me as a thinking person’s passion.
The other thing is the body building. My brother was into bodybuilding… And I discovered the “joy” of protein farts. Now when I see a bodybuilder, my first thought is the bad smell. I don’t know if the protein farts are common, but they were in his group of friends. It was absolutely vile. The way a guy smells is a huge turn on for me as well. This is why someone I think is a stinky guy will not get a second look from me.
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### Author:  [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)
#### Post date: [September 25, 2011, 1:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/opinions-2nd-try/596795/245 "2011-09-25T13:42:20Z")
> [@the lone cashew](#):
>
> What’s with the tan?
He got it in Rio.
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### Author:  [@bucketybuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bucketybuck)
#### Post date: [September 25, 2011, 1:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/opinions-2nd-try/596795/246 "2011-09-25T13:46:25Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#):
>
> In other news, Nick Cage’s acting lacks range.
Nic Cage put on a bear suit to punch a woman and rescue a child. Your argument is invalid.
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### Author:  [@PookahMacPhellimey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PookahMacPhellimey)
#### Post date: [September 25, 2011, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/opinions-2nd-try/596795/247 "2011-09-25T16:07:29Z")
> [@jamiemcgarry](#):
>
> Douchey? Really? I thought it was great when I had it made and I still get a kick out of wearing it in public. And many _ **do** _ tend to automatically assume that if a guy is in a wheelchair, then there probably isn’t much going on “down there”. So I made a joke out of it.
I’ll be honest and I hope you won’t think badly of me for it. When you asked above if we would have any problems with dating someone in a wheelchair, this actually _was_ my first worry. Whilst I wouldn’t assume non-function automatically, I would actually wonder about it and, eh…yeah, that would affect how date-able someone was - and more than anything else chair-related at that. So I think the shirt is both funny and probably a smart move.
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### Author:  [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)
#### Post date: [September 25, 2011, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/opinions-2nd-try/596795/248 "2011-09-25T16:27:24Z")
If nothing else, the shirt would tend to weed out those who don’t share Jamie’s sense of humor.
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### Author:  [@Meyer6](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Meyer6)
#### Post date: [September 25, 2011, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/opinions-2nd-try/596795/249 "2011-09-25T19:10:00Z")
> [@Broomstick](#):
>
> But hey, maybe you just don’t get the joke. Maybe you have to either be disabled, or love someone disabled, to get a grip on why it’s so damn funny as well as so sad.
No, I \*get \*it. Of course I get it, it’s not exactly complicated. I just don’t share the sense of humour that says that’s funny.
I’m sorry that people have made rude comments to you, and I agree that those kind of comments are completely inappropriate. But your problem is with a small subset of people who have no filter and must share their rude thoughts - unfortunately those people exist. I’m not saying that it’s okay for those people to say that stuff, and I’m not saying you (or the OP) should just grin and bear it - saying something right back to them would be perfectly appropriate. But it would be inappropriate for you to sit in the park and yell “yeah, my husband’s dick works, and it’s fantastic!” to anybody who just happened to look your way. That’s the equivalent of what the OP’s shirt is doing, IMHO. It’s letting everyone in on his sex life when the fact is that most people probably don’t really care or want to be involved.
Obviously opinions vary on this. Obviously both you and the OP think the shirt is downright hilarious. And that’s your right. Like I said, I wouldn’t be offended or even really care if I saw someone wearing that. But the OP asked for opinions about his appearance and the way a person dresses is a part of that, so I think opinions about the shirt are fair game. Presumably the OP realizes that wearing a shirt with a slogan like that sends a certain message about his personality.
I think shirts with references to your dick are really for the teenage/college set only (and kind of lame even then), but then I also think that a persons sex life is not really an appropriate topic for conversations with relative strangers. I know that opinion is not shared by everyone.
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### Author:  [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)
#### Post date: [September 25, 2011, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/opinions-2nd-try/596795/250 "2011-09-25T19:28:21Z")
> [@Meyer6](#):
>
> No, I \*get \*it. Of course I get it, it’s not exactly complicated. I just don’t share the sense of humour that says that’s funny.
>
> I’m sorry that people have made rude comments to you, and I agree that those kind of comments are completely inappropriate. But your problem is with a small subset of people who have no filter and must share their rude thoughts - unfortunately those people exist. I’m not saying that it’s okay for those people to say that stuff, and I’m not saying you (or the OP) should just grin and bear it - saying something right back to them would be perfectly appropriate. But it would be inappropriate for you to sit in the park and yell “yeah, my husband’s dick works, and it’s fantastic!” to anybody who just happened to look your way. That’s the equivalent of what the OP’s shirt is doing, IMHO. It’s letting everyone in on his sex life when the fact is that most people probably don’t really care or want to be involved.
>
> Obviously opinions vary on this. Obviously both you and the OP think the shirt is downright hilarious. And that’s your right. Like I said, I wouldn’t be offended or even really care if I saw someone wearing that. But the OP asked for opinions about his appearance and the way a person dresses is a part of that, so I think opinions about the shirt are fair game. Presumably the OP realizes that wearing a shirt with a slogan like that sends a certain message about his personality.
>
> I think shirts with references to your dick are really for the teenage/college set only (and kind of lame even then), but then I also think that a persons sex life is not really an appropriate topic for conversations with relative strangers. I know that opinion is not shared by everyone.
I dated a girl for several years and we lived together for two. In that time, she was asked _several_ times (by strangers or those that barely knew her) if she was with me “before my accident”. People _assumed_ that she would not have started dating me if I had been in a wheelchair. I even got the question a few times myself. “So you two were together before your accident, right?” No! Wtf?!
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### Author:  [@Capitaine\_Zombie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Capitaine_Zombie)
#### Post date: [September 25, 2011, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/opinions-2nd-try/596795/251 "2011-09-25T20:03:33Z")
> [@Argent\_Towers](#):
>
> Basically just that a guy’s personality seems to me to matter more to women than his looks. I guess some women care more about the looks, but probably not many. Unless a guy looks like Bobby Peru, he can be plenty attractive to many women if he’s got personal qualities that are appealing.
>
> I’m pretty sure I have clashed with you over our respective ideas about male/female attraction…I don’t want to debate it too much in this thread. And maybe _you_ specifically _really_ place a premium on a guy’s face, but it _seems_ to me that most women don’t. They may _say_ they do, but really it’s the more abstract qualities like confidence, power, social status, humor, knowing the right things to say, etc, that draw them in. Not to say that they can’t _appreciate_ a handsome guy, but it’s not the whole package to them.
The thing between personality and facial features is that they interact. Your focus on pseudo perfect proportions dont take that into account when it’s a major factor on how somone “looks”. Basically, keep the same features on a test subject (for a virtual experiment in your mind, that is) swap his personality with someone else, and he will/would look “different”.
And confidence will often trump good facial features for gals, in my experience at least (and therefore, in my opinion).
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### Author:  [@Argent\_Towers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Argent_Towers)
#### Post date: [September 25, 2011, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/opinions-2nd-try/596795/252 "2011-09-25T21:28:29Z")
> [@Capitaine\_Zombie](#):
>
> Your focus on pseudo perfect proportions dont take that into account when it’s a major factor on how somone “looks”.
…
[QUOTE=Argent Towers]
Based **only** on your face…
[/QUOTE]
[QUOTE=Argent Towers]
All of that is **separate** from your face, though. As I said, your face, **alone** ,
[/QUOTE]
[QUOTE=Argent Towers]
Jamie - **totally regardless of anything he has posted, any aspects of his personality, his wheelchair, or anything else about what kind of a man he is** - has a face with…
[/QUOTE]
[QUOTE=Argent Towers]
Basically just that a guy’s personality seems to me to matter **more** to women than his looks…really it’s the more abstract qualities like confidence, power, social status, humor, knowing the right things to say, etc…
[/QUOTE]
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### Author:  [@kushiel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kushiel)
#### Post date: [September 25, 2011, 11:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/opinions-2nd-try/596795/253 "2011-09-25T23:13:50Z")
> [@jamiemcgarry](#):
>
> ??How much cologne and aftershave?? Wha? I don"t get it. 😕 I _definitely_ don’t wear any cologne when I’m working out, if that’s what your getting at. Or was that meant as some gross stereotype of all bodybuilders?
>
> And the tan is meant to be seen _ **on stage** _, under the bright lights at the competition. I _fully agree_ that, in regular circumstances, the look is ridiculous and _anything_ but sexually attractive. I would never, _never_, ever go anywhere outside of a bodybuilding competition looking like that.
Ignorance fought on the tanning thing! I didn’t know it wasn’t a genuine Jersey Shore-esque thing.
It’s obvious from your posts that you spend a lot of time at gyms. Every gym rat I’ve seen (smelled?) was doused in scent. I’m not talking about while working out, I mean just as a part of their normal wear.
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### Author:  [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)
#### Post date: [September 25, 2011, 11:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/opinions-2nd-try/596795/254 "2011-09-25T23:28:57Z")
> [@kushiel](#):
>
> Ignorance fought on the tanning thing! I didn’t know it wasn’t a genuine Jersey Shore-esque thing.
>
> It’s obvious from your posts that you spend a lot of time at gyms. Every gym rat I’ve seen (smelled?) was doused in scent. I’m not talking about while working out, I mean just as a part of their normal wear.
Well I can’t comment on other gym-goers but I don’t use aftershave at all (I use an electric shaver) and when I _do_ where cologne, it is sparingly. I feel that is the best way to use cologne, as it mixes with one’s natural body chemistry and gives a nice, _non-offensive_ light fragrance. (John Varvatos is my fav)
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### Author:  [@Meyer6](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Meyer6)
#### Post date: [September 26, 2011, 1:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/opinions-2nd-try/596795/255 "2011-09-26T01:13:59Z")
> [@jamiemcgarry](#):
>
> I dated a girl for several years and we lived together for two. In that time, she was asked _several_ times (by strangers or those that barely knew her) if she was with me “before my accident”.
As I said in my post, I have no doubt that \*some \*people are rude enough to say things like that. But the majority of people probably couldn’t care less about the sex life of strangers. I doubt I’d even think about whether or not ‘it’ worked - unless of course I saw someone wearing that kind of t-shirt, in which case I am forced to think about a strangers penis.
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