# Oral Sex Question - Is it Sex or a Form of Abstinence? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 29, 2004, 2:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oral-sex-question-is-it-sex-or-a-form-of-abstinence/277144 "2004-11-29T14:37:20Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 9\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Evil\_Captor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f17d59/32.png) [@Evil\_Captor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evil_Captor)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2004, 3:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oral-sex-question-is-it-sex-or-a-form-of-abstinence/277144/41 "2004-11-30T03:14:28Z")
If oral sex is a form of abstinence, it’s one of the few, if not the only, forms of abstinence a guy will pay hard cash to a prostitute to subject him to. ---
**Author:** ![AdmiralCrunch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/6f9a4e/32.png) [@AdmiralCrunch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AdmiralCrunch)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2004, 4:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oral-sex-question-is-it-sex-or-a-form-of-abstinence/277144/42 "2004-11-30T04:03:38Z")
18, M. My working definition of sex is: an act that, if performed by a virgin, would entail losing his or her virginity. I think it’s fairly reasonable to call a heterosexual male a virgin if he’s only had a couple BJs. With kids my age, oral sex isn’t nearly as big a deal as intercourse. It’s certainly advisable to tell your children to keep away from sexual activities and such until they’re ready, but most teens these days don’t consider it sex, IMHO. ---
**Author:** ![smartini](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/22d042/32.png) [@smartini](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smartini)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2004, 4:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oral-sex-question-is-it-sex-or-a-form-of-abstinence/277144/43 "2004-11-30T04:28:00Z")
> [@ZebraShaSha](#): > > 16, M, non-smoker > > Well, for me, as someone who is a virgin on all counts (my choice), it is most definitely sex for reasons of responsibility, intimacy, and sexual stimulation. A line must be drawn, however, in that sex, “actual sex”, is a whole lot worse on the scale of sexual endeavors for reasons of increased disease possibilities (AIDs, mostly) and chances of pregnancy - huge, huge, responsibilties that dwarf the responsibility required for oral sex. So, I’m a mixed bag. > > My friend, a 17 year old teenage non-smoker, who engages in oral sex rather casualy but with one partner so no real disease risk, considers it to be oral sex and NOT sex. Don’t ask me, she still claims to be a virgin. “Actual sex,” to her, is a Huge-Freaking-Deal. So we have “actual sex” virginity and a “sex” non-virginitiy. > > Mostly, from what I hear from other teenagers, it is No Big Deal. I personally consider it nothing major, just so the kids participating don’t act on hormones. No pregnancy, no big deal. Chance of disease, potentially life altering, huge deal - this is where you must be mature and responsible. > > Basically, just teach your offspring responsibility and paitence while allowing them to have you as a guide along the way. Millions upon millions of teenagers have acted on sexual impulses and millions and millions have made it to adulthood. If you are an open, honest, and well-reasoned parent all else will follow naturally. (Hopefully. Some cases are beyond comprehension, but we will assume that isn’t the case here) I’m 56, female, married. Yes, it is a very intimate sexual experience. I admire and second the above remarks. ---
**Author:** ![Shalmanese](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shalmanese](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shalmanese)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2004, 9:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oral-sex-question-is-it-sex-or-a-form-of-abstinence/277144/44 "2004-11-30T09:30:32Z")
It’s abstinence for you, sex for me :D. ---
**Author:** ![Tranquilis](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tranquilis/32/3639_2.png) [@Tranquilis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tranquilis)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2004, 2:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oral-sex-question-is-it-sex-or-a-form-of-abstinence/277144/45 "2004-12-02T02:10:10Z")
> [@VunderBob](#): > > Contact with another person’s naughty bits in any manner, for the purpose of getting jollies, is sex. This definition rules out medical exams and airport security gropings, but includes oral and manual. Correct. I’d go a bit further, though: _any_ activity intended to give one or more of the participants an orgasm qualifies as ‘sex,’ even if it isn’t successful. ---
**Author:** ![Indygrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/58f4c7/32.png) [@Indygrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Indygrrl)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2004, 3:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oral-sex-question-is-it-sex-or-a-form-of-abstinence/277144/46 "2004-12-02T03:41:49Z")
I think it’s definitely sex, and for me it’s more intimate than regular sex. I lost my virginity way before I ever gave a bj, and even though I was quite liberal in my single days, I reserve that treat for serious relationships. I have a 18-year-old virgin sister, and I would rather her just go for it than give bj’s. I don’t know why exactly, but I just would. I’ve advised her to wait for college for that stuff though. 😃 Hey, I did it, so can she. ---
**Author:** ![Sample\_the\_Dog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8797f3/32.png) [@Sample\_the\_Dog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sample_the_Dog)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2004, 4:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oral-sex-question-is-it-sex-or-a-form-of-abstinence/277144/47 "2004-12-02T04:02:28Z")
> [@AdmiralCrunch](#): > > I think it’s fairly reasonable to call a heterosexual male a virgin if he’s only had a couple BJs. To my generation, that thinking is just bizarre. I’m in the “if it involves genitalia and the possibility of orgasm and more than one person, it’s sex” crowd. But the consensus among the few college students I’ve talked to about this in the last decade seems to be that fellatio and cunnilingus aren’t sex. A couple of years ago, I had a little encounter with an 18yo (consentual, unpaid, and all that). Funny to think that I was having sex, and she wasn’t. PS to **Admiral** : Are you saying that it would be sex if the guy was queer? ---
**Author:** ![Ms2001](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ms2001/32/18463_2.png) [@Ms2001](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ms2001)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2004, 5:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oral-sex-question-is-it-sex-or-a-form-of-abstinence/277144/48 "2004-12-02T05:11:10Z")
22, male. I have a strict definition of sex: intercourse. Someone who only takes part in oral sex is not having sex, and someone who has never had intercourse is still a virgin. I don’t have a strict definition of abstinence, so I’m not sure whether oral sex is a form of it. I’m leaning towards no. “Abstinence” IMO suggests staying away from anything sexual, mainly because the people who are most vocal about abstinence tend to be opposed to everything else that’s sexual. ---
**Author:** ![PookahMacPhellimey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pookahmacphellimey/32/3175_2.png) [@PookahMacPhellimey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PookahMacPhellimey)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2004, 11:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oral-sex-question-is-it-sex-or-a-form-of-abstinence/277144/49 "2004-12-02T11:46:49Z")
Teach you’re kids to be at ease with their sexuality and to not do anything they’re not comfortable with under _any_ circumstances. Better than trying to define what counts and what doesn’t. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oral-sex-question-is-it-sex-or-a-form-of-abstinence/277144.md?page=2)