# Ordering for someone else **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 12, 2010, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ordering-for-someone-else/528772 "2010-02-12T20:34:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 15\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![rocking\_chair](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rocking_chair/32/2918_2.png) [@rocking\_chair](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rocking_chair)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2010, 12:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ordering-for-someone-else/528772/41 "2010-02-16T00:00:11Z")
he better know me very, very, well, because i’m a rather picky eater and an expensive dinner will go uneaten. ---
**Author:** ![RandMcnally](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b782af/32.png) [@RandMcnally](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RandMcnally)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2010, 12:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ordering-for-someone-else/528772/42 "2010-02-16T00:25:57Z")
> [@handsomeharry](#): > > Minor hijack: How does one refer to the females in the group? I don’t like to say ‘She’ll" have something, because my crew considers calling a female ‘she’ fightin’ words. What if there are more than one? Does one point? What is correct? Why is “she” fighting words? I have never heard that before. ---
**Author:** ![Scarlett67](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scarlett67/32/7387_2.png) [@Scarlett67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scarlett67)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2010, 1:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ordering-for-someone-else/528772/43 "2010-02-16T01:29:05Z")
> [@RandMcnally](#): > > Why is “she” fighting words? I have never heard that before. According to an old rule of etiquette, it’s rude to refer to a woman, especially your mother, and especially in the lady’s presence, as “she.” You are supposed to use her name. Ever hear the saying “‘She’ is the cat’s mother”? It was once a common rebuke to children for referring to their mother or other women as “she.” I imagine some older people may still use it. I know, it doesn’t make much sense to me either. But that’s why. ETA: [Here’s a link](http://schmeiser.typepad.com/the_rage_diaries/2005/01/whos_she_the_ca.html) that articulates it a little better. ---
**Author:** ![RandMcnally](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b782af/32.png) [@RandMcnally](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RandMcnally)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2010, 2:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ordering-for-someone-else/528772/44 "2010-02-16T02:01:04Z")
> [@Scarlett67](#): > > According to an old rule of etiquette, it’s rude to refer to a woman, especially your mother, and especially in the lady’s presence, as “she.” You are supposed to use her name. > > Ever hear the saying “‘She’ is the cat’s mother”? It was once a common rebuke to children for referring to their mother or other women as “she.” I imagine some older people may still use it. > > I know, it doesn’t make much sense to me either. But that’s why. > > ETA: [Here’s a link](http://schmeiser.typepad.com/the_rage_diaries/2005/01/whos_she_the_ca.html) that articulates it a little better. Well you learn something never everyday. ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2010, 9:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ordering-for-someone-else/528772/45 "2010-02-16T09:08:07Z")
> [@Girl\_From\_Mars](#): > > Yeah, it would piss me off, but I would probably not make a big deal about it at the time. OTOH, it would make me wonder how far this patronising attitude would extend to other things in life. > > I don’t quite get why it’s chivalrous off the bat. What exactly is it meant to protect me from, or how is it meant to assist me? I get some of the other posters mentioning that they don’t want to deal with a complex order, but that would be a fairly specific reason someone would ask you to do it. I don’t quite get why you’d assume this would be the case for all women. > > (Lucky I’m shacked up already huh! Tough date.) I guess that you didn’t get the Memo that all females are just incompetent about money, and that business transactions, even something like ordering something to eat, are just too much for our fragile little minds to cope with. It’s also a way for men to express power over the women they’re socializing with. The man is supposed to be more sophisticated and knowledgable about EVERYTHING, except those areas which are designated as Female, such as cleaning, childcare, and home cooking. So it’s OK for a woman to know how to make a meatloaf or a pot roast, but a Real Man knows how to order food at a restaurant much better than any silly woman. Plus, of course, it protects the woman from ordering a meal that is too expensive for her date’s wallet. ---
**Author:** ![HazelNutCoffee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ac91a4/32.png) [@HazelNutCoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HazelNutCoffee)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2010, 9:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ordering-for-someone-else/528772/46 "2010-02-16T09:15:45Z")
Huh. Usually I order for everyone at the table, because usually I’m the only person at the table that speaks the language. 😛 My boyfriend orders for me only when he knows what I’m going to order, or if we’re sharing a bunch of dishes. I can’t imagine him ordering for me in any other situation. ---
**Author:** ![One\_And\_Only\_Wanderers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/838e76/32.png) [@One\_And\_Only\_Wanderers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/One_And_Only_Wanderers)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2010, 9:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ordering-for-someone-else/528772/47 "2010-02-16T09:30:33Z")
My wife usually wants me to order for me. As other posters have said though, it’s not like I also choose what she is having, I have been informed by her beforehand what to order. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2010, 1:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ordering-for-someone-else/528772/48 "2010-02-16T13:47:04Z")
> [@Lynn\_Bodoni](#): > > Maybe she didn’t walk out, but she might have been seething inside about this, unless you had her permission to do something like this. Oh, totally, which is why I said that I try to get a read on a woman before I do this. As you’ve read in this thread, some women really like being taken care of, and I love it when I can make a woman feel pampered and loved. But I HATE trying to control women. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2010, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ordering-for-someone-else/528772/49 "2010-02-16T14:25:23Z")
> [@Girl\_From\_Mars](#): > > I don’t quite get why you’d assume this would be the case for all women. I don’t get why you assume that I assume that. I specifically said that I do it once in a great while and I try to get a read on a woman before I do it. When in doubt, I let a woman order for herself. And it’s not about being paternalistic, or controlling, or abusive. Some women enjoy it when a man leads. ---
**Author:** ![handsomeharry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9c0ed/32.png) [@handsomeharry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handsomeharry)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2010, 5:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ordering-for-someone-else/528772/50 "2010-03-04T05:53:03Z")
> [@RandMcnally](#): > > Why is “she” fighting words? I have never heard that before. Sorry for the delay, I just found the thread again. I can’t say why ‘she’ is such a sore spot, but, just don’t do it! The first time I heard it, my brother, referring to my mother in the third person to my uncle, said, “…bllah, blah, she said so.” pointing at my mother. My uncle gave him the stare of death, and said “Your mother’s not a she. (Pointing to his convenient female dog) \*That’s \*a she.” I thought that mindset was exclusive to my uncle, but, since I got the heads up, I kept my ears open, and found it wasn’t a good thing. With \*my \*people, at least. Best wishes, hh ---
**Author:** ![Jamaika\_a\_jamaikaiake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/7993a0/32.png) [@Jamaika\_a\_jamaikaiake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jamaika_a_jamaikaiake)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2010, 6:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ordering-for-someone-else/528772/51 "2010-03-04T06:39:51Z")
> [@handsomeharry](#): > > Sorry for the delay, I just found the thread again. > > I can’t say why ‘she’ is such a sore spot, but, just don’t do it! > > The first time I heard it, my brother, referring to my mother in the third person to my uncle, said, “…bllah, blah, she said so.” pointing at my mother. > My uncle gave him the stare of death, and said “Your mother’s not a she. (Pointing to his convenient female dog) \*That’s \*a she.” I thought that mindset was exclusive to my uncle, but, since I got the heads up, I kept my ears open, and found it wasn’t a good thing. With \*my \*people, at least. > > Best wishes, > hh So, how is this supposed to work, anyway? If I tell a story involving me and my wife, I’m supposed to say “ **Liberty3701** and I were at the river and **Liberty3701** says to me that **Liberty3701** doesn’t like **Liberty3701** ’s new professor at **Liberty3701** ’s school?” That seems damn awkward. Can I not use any pronouns with any females? Is there a different pronoun we can use? ---
**Author:** ![bengangmo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/50afbb/32.png) [@bengangmo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bengangmo)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2010, 6:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ordering-for-someone-else/528772/52 "2010-03-04T06:45:18Z")
This depends - if its a Chinese restaurant my wife will normally order for us in Chinese (funny that - I don’t speak the language) But if we are ordering totally from the menu, and the order can be made in English, I will (mostly) order for the whole table (provided I can remember everything), while indicating to the waiter who is getting what. My wife (seems to) prefer me to order - it falls into the same sort of vein as taking care of here or psudo cooking I guess. ---
**Author:** ![Sigmagirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c89c15/32.png) [@Sigmagirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sigmagirl)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2010, 2:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ordering-for-someone-else/528772/53 "2010-03-04T14:56:17Z")
It’s “_The lady_ will have the coquille St. Jacques.” My husband knows very well that if I go to wash my hands before the menus come, he should order me a Diet Coke. I will do the same for him; though he sometimes orders an iced tea or a lemonade, I will not be censured for my choice. ---
**Author:** ![lindsaybluth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/90db22/32.png) [@lindsaybluth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lindsaybluth)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2010, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ordering-for-someone-else/528772/54 "2010-03-04T21:21:14Z")
> [@MitzeKatze](#): > > I don’t know if this counts as an obvious scenario or not, but my husband often orders for me and did when we were dating as well, however it fell/falls into three categories for us: (1) I had already told him what I wanted or (2) he knew what I wanted or it was a specific meal that we had gone to that particular restaurant to eat or (3) It is my favorite meal from that restaurant and I always order the exact same thing (which happens a lot). My mom often encourages my dad to let her order for him. My dad has this utterly awful knack for choosing the worst item on the menu; he’s always disappointed and ends up liking what my mom orders for herself much more. So a few years ago, she started strongly encouraging him to let her order for him. He often relents, and is always hugely satisfied with his meal. FTR, she doesn’t order the same thing for both of them, she’s just better at menu decoding than he is. > [@Mr.Excellent](#): > > I’ve done this when introducing a date to new food - for example, when we went out for Ethiopian. But it’s never been unilateral - I’d say something like, “hey, why don’t we get platter X?”, and if my date agreed, I’d order that. Yeah, I do that for friends and the SO. SO still hasn’t tried sushi, so whenever we do, it’ll be like that. But like in the movies? That can’t possibly still happen. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/74df32/32.png) [@The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Devil_s_Grandmother)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2010, 10:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ordering-for-someone-else/528772/55 "2010-03-04T22:50:31Z")
> [@Lynn\_Bodoni](#): > > Plus, of course, it protects the woman from ordering a meal that is too expensive for her date’s wallet. When I was learning about dating back in the 1980s, the rule was “Ladies order from the middle of the menu”. I actually knew a woman who would order the most expensive meal on the menu, \*whether or not \*it was something she liked. I always thought that was an assholish thing to do. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ordering-for-someone-else/528772.md?page=2)