# Original Joke Creation-Man Walks Into Bar Division **URL:** \ **Category:** The Game Room\ **Created:** [July 23, 2013, 3:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/original-joke-creation-man-walks-into-bar-division/664298 "2013-07-23T15:06:01Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2013, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/original-joke-creation-man-walks-into-bar-division/664298/21 "2013-07-23T17:37:21Z")
A masochist walks into a bar…deliberately. ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2013, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/original-joke-creation-man-walks-into-bar-division/664298/22 "2013-07-23T17:39:54Z")
A man walks into a bar and sets a 50-pound bag of horse manure on the counter. The bartender gives him a look. The man then orders 10 shots of whiskey with a tall glass of whole milk chaser. He does one shot and puts on a priest collar. Does another shot, and puts on a giant afro wig. Does another shot and puts on a yarmukle. He continues on with his shots, and after each one, puts on a clown nose, cowboy boots, lipstick, a catcher’s mitt, a giant cod piece, and knee pads. After the last shot, he stood up on his stool, dropped his pants, yelled “Long live the Queen!” and poured the milk over his head. The bartender has had enough. He says “Hey mack, what’s the big idea!?” The man says, “Quiet! I’m trying to write a joke here.” ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2013, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/original-joke-creation-man-walks-into-bar-division/664298/23 "2013-07-23T17:43:32Z")
A rottweiler walks into a bar and asks for a drink. Bartender asks for the money, and the rottweiler says, “Can’t this one be on the house?” “Why should it be?” Bartender asks. “Oh, it’s a tale full of woe and misery!” the rottweiler sobs. “I’ve spent the last four years working at a junk yard for a man who beats me, and the moment I escaped I got picked up by the dog catcher. He put me in a tiny cage, and I lay in my own filth until the man came and picked me up. He beat me till I was almost dead and left me to starve. Then…” the rottweiler trailed off. “Well?” “Well what?” “The rest of your tale?” The rottweiler looked behind him. “Oh, that–the vet cut it off when I was a puppy!” ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2013, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/original-joke-creation-man-walks-into-bar-division/664298/24 "2013-07-23T17:49:04Z")
A man walks into a bar, takes one look at all the rabbis, strings, horses, grasshoppers, naked ladies, subatomic particles, giraffes, celebrities and rottweilers, decides it’s too crowded and walks out again. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2013, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/original-joke-creation-man-walks-into-bar-division/664298/25 "2013-07-23T18:14:06Z")
> [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > A rottweiler walks into a bar and asks for a drink. Bartender asks for the money, and the rottweiler says, “Can’t this one be on the house?” > “Why should it be?” Bartender asks. > “Oh, it’s a tale full of woe and misery!” the rottweiler sobs. “I’ve spent the last four years working at a junk yard for a man who beats me, and the moment I escaped I got picked up by the dog catcher. He put me in a tiny cage, and I lay in my own filth until the man came and picked me up. He beat me till I was almost dead and left me to starve. Then…” the rottweiler trailed off. > “Well?” > “Well what?” > “The rest of your tale?” > The rottweiler looked behind him. “Oh, that–the vet cut it off when I was a puppy!” 8/10! ---
**Author:** ![Telperion](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/telperion/32/509_2.png) [@Telperion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telperion)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2013, 6:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/original-joke-creation-man-walks-into-bar-division/664298/26 "2013-07-23T18:42:51Z")
Creation-Man walks into a bar and says “Let there be whisky!”. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2013, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/original-joke-creation-man-walks-into-bar-division/664298/27 "2013-07-23T19:55:14Z")
> [@Telperion](#): > > Creation-Man walks into a bar and says “Let there be whisky!”. Between this one and the last one, we’ve got a perfect 10/10! ---
**Author:** ![Sicks\_Ate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Sicks\_Ate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sicks_Ate)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2013, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/original-joke-creation-man-walks-into-bar-division/664298/28 "2013-07-23T20:08:05Z")
Jesus and his disciples walk in to a bar during happy hour. “Shit, there’s Jesus again” says the bartender. “What’s wrong with that?” asks a patron. “Every time they show up, all they ever fucking order is one glass of water, one order of breadsticks, and a single order of calamari.” ---
**Author:** ![Gangster\_Octopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a8b319/32.png) [@Gangster\_Octopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gangster_Octopus)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2013, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/original-joke-creation-man-walks-into-bar-division/664298/29 "2013-07-23T20:10:30Z")
Descartes walks into a bar, bartender says, “Hey aren’t you…” Descartes interrupts, “I think so”. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2013, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/original-joke-creation-man-walks-into-bar-division/664298/30 "2013-07-23T20:14:25Z")
A Transformer turns into a bar… ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Bravo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_bravo/32/493_2.png) [@Johnny\_Bravo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Bravo)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2013, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/original-joke-creation-man-walks-into-bar-division/664298/31 "2013-07-23T20:23:32Z")
A guy in a gorilla costume walks into a bar. Bartender says, “Why the Kong face?” ---
**Author:** ![Wargamer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/df705f/32.png) [@Wargamer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wargamer)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2013, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/original-joke-creation-man-walks-into-bar-division/664298/32 "2013-07-23T20:49:24Z")
A police officer walks into a bar. The bartender says, ‘What’ll it be?’ The officer responds, ‘I’ll ask the questions here.’ ---
**Author:** ![Gangster\_Octopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a8b319/32.png) [@Gangster\_Octopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gangster_Octopus)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2013, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/original-joke-creation-man-walks-into-bar-division/664298/33 "2013-07-23T20:56:16Z")
Socrates walks into a bar. The bartender asks, “What’ll you have?” Socrates, “Ouzo.” Bartender" What kind?" Socrates, “Sans Rival.” bartender “How much?” Socrates, “Two fingers.” Bartender, “What kind of glass?” Socrates, “A tumbler is fine.” Bartender, “Ice?” Socrates, “Yes, please.” Bartender, “How many cubes?” Socrates, “Three.” Bartender, “Would you like it at the bar or a table?” Socrates, “Oh for goodness sake! Just give me the drink!.” ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Borgia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/larry_borgia/32/156_2.png) [@Larry\_Borgia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Borgia)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2013, 3:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/original-joke-creation-man-walks-into-bar-division/664298/34 "2013-07-24T03:14:53Z")
A shark walks into a bar and says “What can I get for a fin?” a very old memory storage device walks into a bar and says “Hey can anybody spot me a drink? I’m down to my last two bits.” Amy Pond walks into a really swank bar in a rundown neighborhood and says “It’s nicer on the inside than on the outside.” ---
**Author:** ![Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/intergalactic_gladiator/32/112_2.png) [@Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Intergalactic_Gladiator)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2013, 4:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/original-joke-creation-man-walks-into-bar-division/664298/35 "2013-07-24T04:24:33Z")
A squid walks into a bar and asks if he can sit at a booth. “Sorry,” replies the bartender. “All the booths are octopied.” ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2013, 10:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/original-joke-creation-man-walks-into-bar-division/664298/36 "2013-07-24T10:42:55Z")
A music theorist walks into a bar and says “I’ll have a gin and dominant please”. The bartender says “What’s a ‘gin and dominant’?” “It’s like a gin and tonic but you add a whole fifth.” ---
**Author:** ![Fear\_Itself](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fear_itself/32/19637_2.png) [@Fear\_Itself](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fear_Itself)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2013, 10:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/original-joke-creation-man-walks-into-bar-division/664298/37 "2013-07-24T10:59:51Z")
> [@Gangster\_Octopus](#): > > Descartes walks into a bar, bartender says, “Hey aren’t you…” > Descartes interrupts, “I think so”. Schrödinger walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Can I get you a drink?” “Yes and no” says Schrödinger. ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2013, 11:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/original-joke-creation-man-walks-into-bar-division/664298/38 "2013-07-24T11:08:55Z")
A grammatical pedant walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Can I get you a drink?” The pedant says, “I certainly hope that you _can_ get me a drink; otherwise, you would be fairly ineffective as a bartender.” The bartender punches him in the face. ---
**Author:** ![njtt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ecd19e/32.png) [@njtt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/njtt)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2013, 11:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/original-joke-creation-man-walks-into-bar-division/664298/39 "2013-07-24T11:17:56Z")
> [@Johnny\_Bravo](#): > > A guy in a gorilla costume walks into a bar. Bartender says, “Why the Kong face?” A guy in a gorilla costume walks into a bar. Nobody notices, because they are watching the basketball. ---
**Author:** ![njtt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ecd19e/32.png) [@njtt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/njtt)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2013, 11:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/original-joke-creation-man-walks-into-bar-division/664298/40 "2013-07-24T11:28:17Z")
Heisenberg walks into a bar, points to a spot on the counter in front of him, and says, in a rather rude, peremptory way, “I want you to make me a screwdriver and serve it to me right here.” The bartender says “Certainly sir, but who knows when it will be ready.” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/original-joke-creation-man-walks-into-bar-division/664298.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/original-joke-creation-man-walks-into-bar-division/664298.md?page=3)