# Original Limericks **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 10, 2001, 5:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/original-limericks/64963 "2001-05-10T05:02:36Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![TN\_hippie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/858c86/32.png) [@TN\_hippie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TN_hippie)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2001, 5:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/original-limericks/64963/1 "2001-05-10T05:02:36Z")
C’mon, gang, give it your best shot. No oldie moldies or something you just snatched from a toilet stall. Think for yourselves! It doesn’t have to be _good_ or anything. So give us the fruit of your brain, Be it profound or profane. No guy from Nantucket, Nor gal with a bucket: Just original, however inane. Limericks that my interest pique Are sexual, punful, or unique. For a glowing critique Add witty mystique But don’t try to rhyme words like _risque._ A lady complained of how often Men would hard-sell her into a boffin’ **:** “They talk big and tough And start out too rough But what hurts is how quickly they soften.” Peace, TN\*hippie ---
**Author:** ![Mercutio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/51bf81/32.png) [@Mercutio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mercutio)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2001, 6:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/original-limericks/64963/2 "2001-05-10T06:00:46Z")
A doper was up late Trying to figure the date His computer fell to bits Fell right through his mits And with that he sealed his fate. ---
**Author:** ![Dragwyr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dragwyr/32/2855_2.png) [@Dragwyr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dragwyr)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2001, 11:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/original-limericks/64963/3 "2001-05-10T11:54:30Z")
TN\*hippie, you make a good case For us to post limericks to this place. I’ll give it a go Just so I can show I can make one with the phrase, “All your base…” This thread won’t cause us to fuss Even if we decide we should cuss Unless I should haze with the following phrase: All your base are belong to us. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Angel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/d26b3c/32.png) [@Johnny\_Angel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Angel)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2001, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/original-limericks/64963/4 "2001-05-10T14:51:05Z")
I was once in a battle of wits with a friend of mine over the net. I won with this piece: There once was a fellow named Beasley Who’s dick was bedraggeled and measley He’d get so frustrated Every time he masturbated 'Cause he couldn’t get wood very eas’ly ---
**Author:** ![Spider\_Woman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cdc98d/32.png) [@Spider\_Woman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spider_Woman)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2001, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/original-limericks/64963/5 "2001-05-10T15:08:19Z")
Because onto [**chique** ’s thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=70486) I did click on the subject of the lowly [Wood Tick](http://www.ent.iastate.edu/ImageGallery/ticks/dvarm.html) My whole body now itches with tics and twitches. The thought of these beasts makes me frantic. Though you might say they’re cousins of mine—:eek:/ Eight legs are not always divine -----------------------///\ The repulsive features of these loathsome creatures send shivers up my spine. ---
**Author:** ![Chef\_Troy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/85f322/32.png) [@Chef\_Troy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chef_Troy)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2001, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/original-limericks/64963/6 "2001-05-10T15:34:08Z")
Your limericks all would be neater If you paid more attention to meter. Your poems need rhythm To go along with 'em If you do, then I swear to be sweeter. If we’re going to have a good time Then into this thread I must chime If lim’ricks you’d write Don’t stay up all night Going on and on and trampling all over the rhythm just to get to the rhyme. No hard feelings, I hope. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Angel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/d26b3c/32.png) [@Johnny\_Angel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Angel)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2001, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/original-limericks/64963/7 "2001-05-10T19:46:10Z")
Of limericks, Chief Troy reads the clean, Not the real ones, the dirty and mean, Where the rhyme is a crime, And the meter ain’t neater, And the rules-braking gets so obscene. I like my metrics just swell, But the limerick is meant to be hell On the nitpicker’s mind, But if you’re so inclined You might as well write villanelles. ---
**Author:** ![TN\_hippie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/858c86/32.png) [@TN\_hippie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TN_hippie)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2001, 8:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/original-limericks/64963/8 "2001-05-10T20:54:12Z")
I have to agree with Chef Troy. Bad rhythm can really annoy. I’ll take catchy meter O’er cute rhymes with _peter_, But I like puns that make me say “Oy!” ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Angel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/d26b3c/32.png) [@Johnny\_Angel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Angel)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2001, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/original-limericks/64963/9 "2001-05-10T21:38:27Z")
With iambs and dactyls I’m cozy, I know every gimmick in posey, But when I’m lim’ricking The rules take a licking And them what don’t like it can blows me. If meter’s your game, then doggone it, Skip lim’ricks and write us a sonnet, But these weren’t invented To be anal retented, Unless you’ve got bees in your bonnet. At least this is better than haiku Where it’s, `Five-seven-five, it’ll do!’ Oh, sure it’s got swing, But if scansion’s your thing Then it’s [my rime royal](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=19413) thread for you. ---
**Author:** ![TN\_hippie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/858c86/32.png) [@TN\_hippie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TN_hippie)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2001, 10:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/original-limericks/64963/10 "2001-05-10T22:43:14Z")
A gal whose love interest was rising Opined 'bout the beau she was prizing: “His drawl from the South Has affected his mouth, So he takes a long time oralizing!” ---
**Author:** ![TN\_hippie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/858c86/32.png) [@TN\_hippie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TN_hippie)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2001, 11:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/original-limericks/64963/11 "2001-05-10T23:20:29Z")
A lesbian couple felt ducky; Upon the state line they got plucky. Their lips met, you see, While in Tennessee And also the state of Kentucky. ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2001, 1:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/original-limericks/64963/12 "2001-05-11T01:05:24Z")
Lascivious conduct ensued Between a queer fellow named Jude, and Masai, Greeks, Papuans, Poles, Scots, Czechs, and Nauruans, As he liked international food. ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2001, 1:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/original-limericks/64963/13 "2001-05-11T01:09:28Z")
A strapping young lad named Horatio Was quite practiced at autofellatio, So he got a [dot.com](http://dot.com), Sold his own cd-rom, And through webcam presented a pay show. ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2001, 1:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/original-limericks/64963/14 "2001-05-11T01:18:06Z")
Fagbashing MP Pastor Stock Leads his party like it was his flock; But each night for a switch He’s Svend Robinson’s bitch, And these pics I’ve got are sure to shock. ---
**Author:** ![TN\_hippie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/858c86/32.png) [@TN\_hippie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TN_hippie)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2001, 2:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/original-limericks/64963/15 "2001-05-11T02:57:06Z")
A time-traveling jerk-off named Trent Was nulled by his self-loving bent: In an orgasmic twitch He hit the wrong switch And came at the same time he went. ---
**Author:** ![Oicu812](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/f475e1/32.png) [@Oicu812](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oicu812)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2001, 3:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/original-limericks/64963/16 "2001-05-11T03:11:49Z")
A preacher named Jim in Miami Was caught playing secretarial slammy He put his dong where it didn’t belong When he should have been home jammin’ Tammy ---
**Author:** ![TN\_hippie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/858c86/32.png) [@TN\_hippie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TN_hippie)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2001, 3:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/original-limericks/64963/17 "2001-05-11T03:35:38Z")
_(see “Weird…gross…nuts” posted by Sue D.)_ That fellow has incredible gall To write about sex with a dol. He did it to warp us And did it on porpoise, That lover of the merrytime ball. ---
**Author:** ![Monstre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e274bd/32.png) [@Monstre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monstre)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2001, 5:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/original-limericks/64963/18 "2001-05-11T05:56:12Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by TN_hippie \* > > \*\*He did it to warp us > And did it on porpoise, > \*\* **groan!** Nicely done… There was an ex-president Bill Who was constantly seeking a thrill He met a young intern His loins how they did burn And Monica then got her fill ---
**Author:** ![TN\_hippie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/858c86/32.png) [@TN\_hippie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TN_hippie)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2001, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/original-limericks/64963/19 "2001-05-11T22:28:57Z")
The hooker’s policy ne’er swerved; A visit cannot be reserved. So stand in the queue Till she gives the cue; The rule is: _first come, first served._ ---
**Author:** ![TN\_hippie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/858c86/32.png) [@TN\_hippie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TN_hippie)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2001, 10:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/original-limericks/64963/20 "2001-05-11T22:47:00Z")
You may think that it’s kind of dumb; That it should be: _first served, first come_. But she first turns the trickies That are known to be quickies, Thus the line moves faster, by gum! [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/original-limericks/64963.md?page=2)