# OTC paternity tests.
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/otc-paternity-tests/316654
**Category:** In My Humble Opinion
**Created:** [August 11, 2005, 11:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/otc-paternity-tests/316654 "2005-08-11T23:02:50Z")
**Posts on this page:** 16
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)
#### Post date: [August 11, 2005, 11:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/otc-paternity-tests/316654/1 "2005-08-11T23:02:50Z")
Inspired by this [thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=329792) in MPSIMS.
If it was available, and as accurate as the current OTC pregnancy tests, would you use it? Or even have it available as an option?
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### Author:  [@pinkfreud](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pinkfreud)
#### Post date: [August 11, 2005, 11:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/otc-paternity-tests/316654/2 "2005-08-11T23:22:01Z")
If I were a man, I would consider this kind of test to be the equivalent of hiring a private investigator to spy on my partner. IMHO, to do either of these things indicates a serious level of mistrust. I sure wouldn’t do it routinely.
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### Author:  [@Wile\_E](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wile_E)
#### Post date: [August 12, 2005, 12:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/otc-paternity-tests/316654/3 "2005-08-12T00:24:38Z")
That would put Maury Povich out of business.
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### Author:  [@pinkfreud](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pinkfreud)
#### Post date: [August 12, 2005, 12:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/otc-paternity-tests/316654/4 "2005-08-12T00:46:15Z")
> [@Wile E](#):
>
> That would put Maury Povich out of business.
LOL! One can only hope.
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### Author:  [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)
#### Post date: [August 12, 2005, 1:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/otc-paternity-tests/316654/5 "2005-08-12T01:50:57Z")
> [@pinkfreud](#):
>
> LOL! One can only hope.
Amen to that. 🙂
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### Author:  [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)
#### Post date: [August 12, 2005, 1:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/otc-paternity-tests/316654/6 "2005-08-12T01:52:11Z")
> [@pinkfreud](#):
>
> I sure wouldn’t do it routinely.
But you _would_ do it. 🙂
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### Author:  [@pinkfreud](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pinkfreud)
#### Post date: [August 12, 2005, 1:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/otc-paternity-tests/316654/7 "2005-08-12T01:54:09Z")
> [@QuickSilver](#):
>
> But you _would_ do it. 🙂
Only if I had a **very** good reason to believe that my mate had been unfaithful to me.
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### Author:  [@Typically\_Sunday](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typically_Sunday)
#### Post date: [August 12, 2005, 5:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/otc-paternity-tests/316654/8 "2005-08-12T05:43:34Z")
> [@pinkfreud](#):
>
> LOL! One can only hope.
Aww, give Maury a break. When he’s not doing, “I’m 100% sure you’re a cheating bastard” and “I have no idea who my baby daddy is. Seriously, NO CLUE” episodes, the show is acutally quite good.
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### Author:  [@butler1850](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/butler1850)
#### Post date: [August 12, 2005, 1:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/otc-paternity-tests/316654/9 "2005-08-12T13:42:11Z")
The only part of being unemployed that I miss is the Maury show.
Slut - “I’m not a slut!”
Targeted Slob - “You is a slut! I ain’t da daddy”
Maury - “The 9th Paternity test we’ve done shows…”
\
Maury - “You are NOT the father.”
TS - “YES!!! YOU WHORE! I told you I aint da daddy, you nothing but a HO!”
\
Priceless television. 15 minutes of this, and you realize that your life, even unemployed and watching this trash, is still better than the bums on that show!
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### Author:  [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)
#### Post date: [August 12, 2005, 2:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/otc-paternity-tests/316654/10 "2005-08-12T14:17:54Z")
Can I ask a serious question, **Quickie**?
You’re not…concerned, are you?
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### Author:  [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)
#### Post date: [August 12, 2005, 2:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/otc-paternity-tests/316654/11 "2005-08-12T14:54:52Z")
My daughter looks just like me and has every dominant trait that I have so I am not too worried about that one. OTOH, if I ever had a short son with a big penis, and was good at sports then I may have to head down to the drugstore.
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### Author:  [@irishgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/irishgirl)
#### Post date: [August 12, 2005, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/otc-paternity-tests/316654/12 "2005-08-12T16:12:27Z")
I think there may be a legitimate reason to do it if it was known your partner cheated, the relationship was on the rocks and if you don’t have a close relationship with the child.
I absolutely think that if the child is born, you have bonded as its father and the relationship with the child’s mother isn’t in jeopardy, taking this test could only be a very bad thing.
I’ve known some men who thought that finding out the truth would help them, only to realise that finding out the truth meant losing the children they loved. If a relationship with the child is something you want, no matter whether they’re your child, and you’re willing to support them financially…then no, don’t take a test.
Sometimes being a daddy is about more than genetics.
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### Author:  [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)
#### Post date: [August 12, 2005, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/otc-paternity-tests/316654/13 "2005-08-12T17:03:31Z")
I help people fill out their paperwork before paternity tests. Sometimes I feel like begging these families not to take the tests, or at least, giving serious thought to what will happen if the answer isn’t what they want it to be.
The tests work best if samples are obtained from the mother as well as the child and alleged father. What if mother’s not willing to go along?
Furthermore, the results aren’t going to do anyone any good in court unless you have plenty of proof that the samples really came from the actual participants.
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### Author:  [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)
#### Post date: [August 12, 2005, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/otc-paternity-tests/316654/14 "2005-08-12T17:42:11Z")
> [@Anaamika](#):
>
> Can I ask a serious question, **Quickie**?
>
> You’re not…concerned, are you?
Thanks for asking but no, not at all. 😃
My kids are totally mine to a fault.
I just picked up a random thread of thought and ran with it.
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### Author:  [@butler1850](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/butler1850)
#### Post date: [August 12, 2005, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/otc-paternity-tests/316654/15 "2005-08-12T18:20:50Z")
I had another thought… I’ve got a built in paternity test. My family has a distinctive genetic marking that is expressed in all of my Mother’s family. My aunts, uncles, and cousins all have the same mark. My nieces (sister’s kids) have it too.
What is it? A crooked set of “ring” toes. Apparently it’s called a “Curley toe deformity.” Discussed [here](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=273148&highlight=crooked+ring)
Though I had no question in my mind that the new Butlerette was my daughter even prior to her birth, I often joked (to the dismay of Mrs. Butler) that if it had straight toes, off to the genetics lab the tests would go! 😃
The 3rd picture I took of her was of her cute little crooked toes.
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### Author:  [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)
#### Post date: [August 12, 2005, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/otc-paternity-tests/316654/16 "2005-08-12T19:26:04Z")
Well, let’s see - I have had a vasectomy, and both my kids are adopted.
Don’t think I am gonna learn anything I don’t already know.
Regards,
Shodan