# Our baby died yesterday (another long post) **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 22, 2006, 2:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/our-baby-died-yesterday-another-long-post/373713 "2006-09-22T14:18:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Hunter\_Hawk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/50afbb/32.png) [@Hunter\_Hawk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hunter_Hawk)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2006, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/our-baby-died-yesterday-another-long-post/373713/41 "2006-09-22T17:45:30Z")
I’m sorry for your loss, and hope that you and the rest of TokyoFamily are doing okay. ---
**Author:** ![Snowcarpet](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snowcarpet/32/257_2.png) [@Snowcarpet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snowcarpet)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2006, 5:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/our-baby-died-yesterday-another-long-post/373713/42 "2006-09-22T17:57:36Z")
“Now that he is gone, never hesitate to tell his story. He has left you behind with treasures to be shared. When you remember, your memories are sent far into the future, a sweet heitage for all those who will come after. And be assured that your story is being told, too, somewhere, to a rapt audience of all those who came before.” - Molly Fumia, from Safe Passage, Words to Help the Grieving Hold Fast and Let Go **TokoPlayer** , I’m so sorry. May you and your family find peace and comfort. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2006, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/our-baby-died-yesterday-another-long-post/373713/43 "2006-09-22T17:59:58Z")
My heart goes out to you (and you too, Shagnasty). May you find peace. ---
**Author:** ![Caprese](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a9a28c/32.png) [@Caprese](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Caprese)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2006, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/our-baby-died-yesterday-another-long-post/373713/44 "2006-09-22T18:41:38Z")
I am so very sorry for the loss of Ian. ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2006, 6:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/our-baby-died-yesterday-another-long-post/373713/45 "2006-09-22T18:42:23Z")
Thank you all so much. Words do no justice to the thanks our family has for those who cares about us in our moments of grief. It’s now after 3:30 am, an all-too-fast 49 hours since our son left us, and sleep is a stranger who will not visit tonight. I will need to get up within a few hours to bring TokyoWife and Ian home so I will try again for some rest. ---
**Author:** ![Penchan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/74df32/32.png) [@Penchan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Penchan)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2006, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/our-baby-died-yesterday-another-long-post/373713/46 "2006-09-22T18:45:45Z")
I’m so sorry for your loss. My condolences to **TokyoPlayer** and **Shagnasty**. There aren’t enough words to convey how much I wish I could give you both comfort after such a horrible loss. I’ll ask my grandma and grandpa to look after your little ones. My grandpa did always sing good lullabyes… ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2006, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/our-baby-died-yesterday-another-long-post/373713/47 "2006-09-22T19:18:53Z")
I cannot imagine what you must be going through. I’m so very sorry-know that you will be in my thoughts. ---
**Author:** ![Hanna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b3f665/32.png) [@Hanna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hanna)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2006, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/our-baby-died-yesterday-another-long-post/373713/48 "2006-09-22T19:19:38Z")
I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m crying too, now. ---
**Author:** ![Cub\_Mistress](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ea666f/32.png) [@Cub\_Mistress](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cub_Mistress)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2006, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/our-baby-died-yesterday-another-long-post/373713/49 "2006-09-22T19:31:21Z")
I’m so sorry for your loss, **Tokyo Player**. I also so sorry for your loss, **Shagnasty.** ---
**Author:** ![SnakesCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4af34b/32.png) [@SnakesCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SnakesCatLady)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2006, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/our-baby-died-yesterday-another-long-post/373713/50 "2006-09-22T19:48:59Z")
I am so sorry. Words just aren’t enough… ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2006, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/our-baby-died-yesterday-another-long-post/373713/51 "2006-09-22T19:50:08Z")
**Tokyo Player** , I followed your story with hope. I’m so upset that this is the outcome. I work with a woman who lost a baby 12 years ago, and though she is as recovered as she ever will be, she still keeps a picture of her lost baby on her desk. The pain will lessen, but you’ll never forget. I’m deeply sorry that this wasn’t the time for Ian. Though I’m just an anonymous name on a messageboard, please know that I will never forget him either. ---
**Author:** ![BiblioCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ed8c4c/32.png) [@BiblioCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BiblioCat)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2006, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/our-baby-died-yesterday-another-long-post/373713/52 "2006-09-22T20:24:49Z")
I’m so sorry for your loss. ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2006, 8:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/our-baby-died-yesterday-another-long-post/373713/53 "2006-09-22T20:29:38Z")
No words of love are ever spoken in vain, and no act of love is ever lost. May God grant you the peace to remember your son forever in love. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/cab0a1/32.png) [@Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Man_With_a_Cat)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2006, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/our-baby-died-yesterday-another-long-post/373713/54 "2006-09-22T20:36:06Z")
There really are no adaquate words. My heart reaches out to you and your family today. ---
**Author:** ![picunurse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7bcc69/32.png) [@picunurse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/picunurse)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2006, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/our-baby-died-yesterday-another-long-post/373713/55 "2006-09-22T20:42:50Z")
I know no words to comfort you, but, please accept my inadequate condolence. I know, from losing my own child, that the hole never heals, but it does finally fill with memories that buffer the pain. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2006, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/our-baby-died-yesterday-another-long-post/373713/56 "2006-09-22T20:46:30Z")
Words fail to adequately capture the pain in my own soul at what you have just gone through. Know that around the world there are your virtual friends who cry over your loss who wish we could do something for you directly, more concrete than type words on a keypad and hit submit. Until we can all teleport, my friend, words will have to suffice. If I may suggest a very good book on Grieiving ( something that I collect.) [Grieving: a beginner’s guide by Jerusha Hull McCormack](http://www.amazon.com/Grieving-Beginners-Jerusha-Hull-McCormack/dp/1557254931/sr=8-1/qid=1158956705/ref=sr_1_1/102-4888956-7892928?ie=UTF8&s=books) It is written by lady ministry, but is not preachy at all. ( I don’t like bible-thumping, YAY GOD!! WOOOOO! books at all.) it is suitable for anyone. It is one of the most open books on grieving written by someone who has walked that dark, scary path. I cannot recommend it any higher. Allow me, if you will, to write out the first page of chapter one: > [@](#): > > If this is the first encounter you have had with death, you have entered one of the most intese periods of your life. It may also become the most important, in the sense that it will define the person you will become for the rest of your life. > > In encountering death, you are now at the very center of human experience. You are in the presence of the Sacred. Do not let anyone minimize its importance or make you feel that greiving is anything other than absorbing, life-changing experience. > > Others may not necessarily understand this. To them, you are simply someone in ‘grief’. They will talk of grief solemly, as if it were a single thing, which it is not. Grief is an overwhelming experience. It is like acute pain, in the way it can swalllow up your entire consciousness. Like acute pain, it can involve a period of shock, or numbness. But when that wears off, one may feel anything from relief, to anger, to fear. > > Grief is not one emotion and no one emotion is appropriate for grieving. People react to loss in different ways at different times and in different situations. ---
**Author:** ![robardin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/43a26b/32.png) [@robardin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robardin)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2006, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/our-baby-died-yesterday-another-long-post/373713/57 "2006-09-22T21:05:48Z")
People are asking why I am tearing up at my desk in the office. I will not say. I once read [a poem by Charles Lamb](http://www.bartleby.com/101/579.html) about a child dying at birth that moved me so much I saved it to my Palm Pilot. But knowing it happened to someone I know, even if only “virtually”, is infinitely more sad. I am so sorry… > [@](#): > > Rites, which custom does impose, > Silver bells and baby clothes; > Coral redder than those lips, > Which pale death did late eclipse; > Music framed for infants’ glee, > Whistle never tuned for thee; > Though thou want’st not, thou shalt have them, > Loving hearts were they which gave them. > > Let not one be missing; nurse, > See them laid upon the hearse > Of infant slain by doom perverse. > Why should kings and nobles have > Pictured trophies to their grave; > And we, churls, to thee deny > Thy pretty toys with thee to lie, > A more harmless vanity? ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2006, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/our-baby-died-yesterday-another-long-post/373713/58 "2006-09-22T21:50:13Z")
_Some have a lifetime, Some just a day. Love isn’t something you measure that way… …It’s only the time between hello and goodbye._ The above are partial lyrics from a song in a movie I once saw. I don’t know why they stuck with me, but there it is. As others have said, your little Ian had all the love that’s possible, and passed surrounded by that love. I choked up reading your OP, and still have tears flowing. I’ll pray that you and **TW** continue to have peace and healing. ---
**Author:** ![katie1341](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/91b2a8/32.png) [@katie1341](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/katie1341)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2006, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/our-baby-died-yesterday-another-long-post/373713/59 "2006-09-22T21:53:35Z")
I don’t know what to say, except that I have followed the threads about your baby and I am so, so sorry. ---
**Author:** ![susan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/susan/32/17537_2.png) [@susan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/susan)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2006, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/our-baby-died-yesterday-another-long-post/373713/60 "2006-09-22T21:54:47Z")
I am very sorry. My thoughts are with you and your family. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/our-baby-died-yesterday-another-long-post/373713.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/our-baby-died-yesterday-another-long-post/373713.md?page=4)