# Outcast Dopers And What Do We Do About It? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 26, 2002, 8:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/outcast-dopers-and-what-do-we-do-about-it/120900 "2002-07-26T08:20:41Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![OldBroad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ed655f/32.png) [@OldBroad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OldBroad)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2002, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/outcast-dopers-and-what-do-we-do-about-it/120900/21 "2002-07-27T15:16:44Z")
My ambition is to be an eccentric old lady. The “old” part is coming along quite nicely, but I can’t seem to move from merely slightly weird. Maybe I’m just not old enough yet. Maybe being eccentric is more of an art form that I’m just not yet fully committed to mastering. Frequent long distance moves have pretty much cured me of pack rat tendencies except for the family history stuff. I, too, can see myself in a one-room apartment. Very sparsely furnished but with a good computer and all my genealogy stuff. I’ll live on McDonald’s, cheerios and microwave meals. I’ll stay in except for trips for groceries; and research, and communicate mostly online. My kids will feel sorry for me and will fear that the same fate awaits them but will mostly leave me alone - partly out of fear of that fate. I won’t be able to afford meds, so my bipolar will lead me to wild fits of starting ambitious projects that will clutter my apartment but never be completed - alternating with bouts of complete dispair, one of which, will eventually lead to my demise and someone having to make sense of what the hell I are all these half-baked projects. If I can eventually accomplish true eccentricity, I will have left a legacy of colorful stories to be passed down to succeeding generations - a kind of immortality, I guess. What more can one ask? ---
**Author:** ![Briny\_Deep](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/briny_deep/32/17188_2.png) [@Briny\_Deep](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Briny_Deep)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2002, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/outcast-dopers-and-what-do-we-do-about-it/120900/22 "2002-07-27T15:45:45Z")
I always knew I would wind up alone. I only started becoming bitter about it when I realized I’d never be able to sit on my front porch with a shotgun across my lap, yelling “YOU KIDS! GET OFF MY PROPERTY! I KNOW YOUR PARENTS’ NAMES!” because I will never own property. ☹ I’ll die in a residence hotel downtown, and they’ll find my body when I fail to pay the weekly rent. ---
**Author:** ![Purd\_Werfect](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e47c2d/32.png) [@Purd\_Werfect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Purd_Werfect)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2002, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/outcast-dopers-and-what-do-we-do-about-it/120900/23 "2002-07-27T15:54:12Z")
I had no idea that this was that common. I’m fairly certain that I’ll end up alone as well. I usually don’t see this as bad, as long as I can die prior to senility or other seriously debilitating afflictions. I don’t want to end up in a position where others have to take care of me. ---
**Author:** ![WV\_Woman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e95f7d/32.png) [@WV\_Woman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WV_Woman)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2002, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/outcast-dopers-and-what-do-we-do-about-it/120900/24 "2002-07-27T15:55:42Z")
I have a cousin (who I’ve never met) who hasn’t left the house in about 35 years. Then my uncle married a woman who is such a packrat that, when they go out to dinner, she takes home the styrofoam take-home trays, rinses them out and keeps them. ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2002, 9:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/outcast-dopers-and-what-do-we-do-about-it/120900/25 "2002-07-27T21:44:17Z")
OKay, so we’ve got about 15 of us who’re going to be Crazy Old Folks[sup]TM[/sup]. What do we do about it? I **don’t** want to be a COF! But damn it, I can’t see any way out of it. Suggestions from the gallery? ---
**Author:** ![FisherQueen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/58f4c7/32.png) [@FisherQueen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FisherQueen)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2002, 9:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/outcast-dopers-and-what-do-we-do-about-it/120900/26 "2002-07-27T21:49:54Z")
I have one sister, and although I love her dearly, we don’t often talk or spend a lot of time together. I don’t think we’ll have one of those Family Disputes, but I don’t see us spending a lot of time together, either. I don’t have a lot of friends, just acquaintances and SCA comrades. The only reason I talk to people is my job. I must be a real deviant, because I am only able to be attracted to a kind of person so very rare that I haven’t met one in years. So I probably won’t get married. (Oh, my perversion is that I like smart single men.) When I retire, I’ll probably be pretty lonely. Sometimes I’m pretty lonely now. ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2002, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/outcast-dopers-and-what-do-we-do-about-it/120900/27 "2002-07-27T22:30:05Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by FisherQueen \* > \*\*I have one sister, and although I love her dearly, we don’t often talk or spend a lot of time together. I don’t think we’ll have one of those Family Disputes, but I don’t see us spending a lot of time together, either. > > I don’t have a lot of friends, just acquaintances and SCA comrades. > > The only reason I talk to people is my job. > > I must be a real deviant, because I am only able to be attracted to a kind of person so very rare that I haven’t met one in years. So I probably won’t get married. (Oh, my perversion is that I like smart single men.) > > When I retire, I’ll probably be pretty lonely. > > Sometimes I’m pretty lonely now. \*\* So **Fisher** how YOU doin’? 😉 (Hey, I’m smart [mostly smart assed, I’ll admit] and single! I’m also a loner! We could be alone together!) ---
**Author:** ![dwyr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dwyr/32/363_2.png) [@dwyr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dwyr)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2002, 11:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/outcast-dopers-and-what-do-we-do-about-it/120900/28 "2002-07-27T23:02:01Z")
I already have three cats. Clearly I am doomed. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Brutus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/91b2a8/32.png) [@Brutus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brutus)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2002, 11:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/outcast-dopers-and-what-do-we-do-about-it/120900/29 "2002-07-27T23:43:33Z")
People underestimate the value of being a COF-in-training. People tend to leave you alone (assuming you have the proper scowl on your face at all times), plenty of time to read, plenty of time to go to the range (I am very disappointed that our two TN COF are not armed to the teeth. What sort of Southerners are you?), etc. Look at the bright side of being a COF! After all, the alternative is to [shudder] _socialize_. ---
**Author:** ![Osip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/4491bb/32.png) [@Osip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Osip)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2002, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/outcast-dopers-and-what-do-we-do-about-it/120900/30 "2002-07-27T23:57:33Z")
Wow, a whole thread of future potential shut ins and they are all SDopers. Just some thoughts before I add my 2 cents. **Skerri** > [@](#): > > And, at this point, I would rather sit at home and hang out in my room rather than go out. The only thing that keeps me from turning into a gun-hoarding maniac is the fact that I don’t like guns. (Whew! One redeeming factor.) I do not horde guns, because at some times I do not trust myself. I get depressed and I do not want to have such a temptation in a moment of weakness. I find the humor of it since I am a crask shot when I was around handguns. **Eve** > [@](#): > > Can’t you see me, leaning out the attic window, shouting, “GITT—OFF—MAH-PROPE’TY! DAMMMNNN YEWWWW!” I can see it, I am positive you can pull it off with the flair and grace few people can. I just hope your content alone, your a fantastic interesting lady. **ShibbOleth** Who the hell are you? Angel to save us future recluse?(damn what is the plural?) Reclusi? Patron saint of the lonely? Maybe this was meant to clue us in: > [@](#): > > Gallatin is also home of an intergalactic portal which can only be reached via anonymous late model sedans parked next door to Tuckerfan’s trailer. Anyway good call on the Tuckerfan / Hillbillyqueen location match. all I have to say now is **Save us Shibboleth your our only hope!!** **Lsura** I am glad to see optimism that you might break out of it by contact with people in grad school. **belladonna** you said: > [@](#): > > I’m curious as to what flavor of insanity you plan on exhibiting. Will you wear only white and cover your windows in tinfoil? Will you use a straw to manually vaccuum your carpet? Will you collect tons and tons of books and boxes and use them to play “forts” all day? I still have not moved the 5 thousand books out of my living room. it is only one more step to building a fort. **Fisherqueen** I joined up with the local chapter of SCA light fighter practice, just so I would have to force myself to get out of the house at least once a week. I can also relate to loads of things you have mentioned. ---
**Author:** ![belladonna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/9fc29f/32.png) [@belladonna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/belladonna)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2002, 12:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/outcast-dopers-and-what-do-we-do-about-it/120900/31 "2002-07-28T00:04:21Z")
> [@](#): > > _originally posted by Osip_ > I still have not moved the 5 thousand books out of my living room. it is only one more step to building a fort. Well? What are you waiting for? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![TVGuy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/82dd89/32.png) [@TVGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TVGuy)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2002, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/outcast-dopers-and-what-do-we-do-about-it/120900/32 "2002-07-28T00:13:02Z")
Let’s see - would just living alone as a perverted lonley old man be reclusion or just sad and pathetic. I think I may be headed for that outcome - I wonder just when you cross the threshold between “sad and pathetic” and “nutso recluse” Might it be when I start parking the motorcycle in the living room and using it as a chair? hmmmm. Gives one pause, yes it does. ---
**Author:** ![Kat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b19c9b/32.png) [@Kat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kat)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2002, 12:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/outcast-dopers-and-what-do-we-do-about-it/120900/33 "2002-07-28T00:27:26Z")
I’m another one of those. I’ll have to move before I can become Crazy Cat Lady, though, because my condo association only allows one cat or dog per unit. ---
**Author:** ![Osip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/4491bb/32.png) [@Osip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Osip)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2002, 12:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/outcast-dopers-and-what-do-we-do-about-it/120900/34 "2002-07-28T00:41:19Z")
I do not have a great number of friends. The ones I do have are fantastic. I went with quality over quantity it seems. I find it difficult to get out of the house and run errands unless it is absolutely necessary unless I am starving I do not go to the grocery store, I rarely shop, and not a social butterfly. I was not always this way, but due to poor judgment and bad luck I have become more reserved and less open with people. Mayakovsky nailed it when he wrote “I love” found here [http://mayakovsky.com/maya/ilove-en.htm](http://mayakovsky.com/maya/ilove-en.htm) I have everything I need and most of the things I want. No debts and this lifestyle affords me to horde about 30% of my pay into savings. My life is good, much better than most. yet, somehow lacking. I have no one to share everything inside with. Not that I have never had the chance. I have been fortunate in life to have met 7 different women with whom it could have worked out. Seven different women whom for some reason I felt more alive, on another level. Taste has taste, color has color. We would think the same thing at the same time and be doubly alive. Yet, each of these friends moved on. Over time we are in touch less and less, How can I compete with geography? Things near require more attention than a distant friend and so, we drift on to being fond memories. I was fond of laughing at this absurdity joking that lady luck was a jealous bitch. My downfall, came when an 8th moved back. Everything was going well (in my eyes) until the fateful day she said “I do not love you anymore” This is what sent me on such a similar spiral as you all. (or I imagine there is a connection) The other day, someone asked what would be the worse way to die. I thought and realized Dying alone, where no one wept or gave a damn would be the worse way to go. If you have not figured it out, I have been thinking of this topic a great deal. I have a friend Kerry, whom is such a person as the previous 7, and is a fantastic friend, I offered to let her move in since she was currently living back at home. She has already stated a long while a go, she did not want to date. Which if fine, I am more addicted to the friendship than the realities of a relationship but bring about. I do well in friendships, I can screw up a relationship in a heartbeat. Yet, somehow for some reason she has changed her mind, I have not been able to get thru with her on the phone, but her stereo is here, so who knows, maybe she did get the job she interviewed for in Tampa and is to busy to return messages. I am crawling back into society against my better judgment. In the end, the mystery is not how we died, it’s the way we live. The courage we have at birth becomes hoarded, shriveled, blown away. Year after year we become more alone. Yet, I know there are people out there I can live with that makes life exciting and vibrant. I have decided not to resign myself to living a life I might regret when it is all said and done. I just have no idea where to start and what to do. ---
**Author:** ![Gopher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a183cd/32.png) [@Gopher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gopher)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2002, 9:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/outcast-dopers-and-what-do-we-do-about-it/120900/35 "2002-07-28T09:17:42Z")
> [@](#): > > In the end, the mystery is not how we died, it’s the way we live. The courage we have at birth becomes hoarded, shriveled, blown away. Year after year we become more alone. Yet, I know there are people out there I can live with that makes life exciting and vibrant. I have decided not to resign myself to living a life I might regret when it is all said and done. I just have no idea where to start and what to do. Wow, that made me shiver for some reason, **Osip** I’m years and years away from possibly being a COF but now this thread has got me worrying if I become one. Eeep, no one should resign themselves to being alone. So all you potential COF dopers, go and find cool people to be with! ---
**Author:** ![Ice\_Wolf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/dfb087/32.png) [@Ice\_Wolf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ice_Wolf)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2002, 10:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/outcast-dopers-and-what-do-we-do-about-it/120900/36 "2002-07-28T10:04:26Z")
That is _way_ easier said than done, **Gopher**. I’m one who’s burnt a lot of bridges, and spends a lot of time looking back at my mistakes, my lost opportunities, through the light of those flames. Introspection can drive ya crazy when you’re lonely. I expect to die alone. Mercifully, I do not see myself as being a woman in a house with a million cats (shudder), as I don’t really have enough of an unscarred heart left to share my life with one pet, let along a stereotypical multitude. I hope only that any of the diseases and infirmities which took away my near ancestors visit themselves upon me before I’m completely helpless, or that I die suddenly of something else. I’ll just be that crazy old Aunt that no one’s really related to by blood, I guess … Jeez, this thread is depressing! Go back to discussing the latest soft drink flavours, or something! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Osip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/4491bb/32.png) [@Osip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Osip)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2002, 2:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/outcast-dopers-and-what-do-we-do-about-it/120900/37 "2002-07-28T14:20:46Z")
**Gopher** **Icewolf** Nailed it. > [@](#): > > That is way easier said than done, Gopher. I’m one who’s burnt a lot of bridges, and spends a lot of time looking back at my mistakes, my lost opportunities, through the light of those flames. Introspection can drive ya crazy when you’re lonely. Here is an example. The numbers are of course rough guesses. Say in the course of time you meet 100 people, by the time you weed out the issue laden psychotics, the self centered flakes, the materialistic grubbers, and the people with to nothing in common. Your down to maybe 3. Of those, two will be married or in a relationship. The last one (in my case, YMMV) The last will end up moving away within a year. I fluctuate from Desire to rejoin society to a cold dread that to try is just going to produce the same results. Insanity after all, is doing the same thing over and over expecting different results. Maybe, you have to be a bit insane to be “normal” human to function in society. I am currently in a rejoin society phase. I do not meet many people outside of work. what to do? Those are some damn ugly odds, and I question my resolve. Well, I start by going outside of the home and doing things I enjoy doing, this should bring me into contact with people whom I will have more in common with than the typical bar scene. I need to continue to be happy with me alone, No one will want to invest time with someone with a troubled mind and insecurities. I realize these past posts look to be depressing in nature. Which, is not how I am. The fact of meeting people I like and get along with is not as easy as I believed once in my younger years. Does not mean I should give up. After all, Nothing worth while comes easy. ---
**Author:** ![Lsura](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7993a0/32.png) [@Lsura](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lsura)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2002, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/outcast-dopers-and-what-do-we-do-about-it/120900/38 "2002-07-28T15:16:18Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Osip \* > \*\* > I fluctuate from Desire to rejoin society to a cold dread that to try is just going to produce the same results. Insanity after all, is doing the same thing over and over expecting different results. Maybe, you have to be a bit insane to be “normal” human to function in society. > I realize these past posts look to be depressing in nature. Which, is not how I am. > \*\* I don’t think your posts look depressing - rather, introspective, with a good idea of where your struggle is. I don’t know about the rest of the people in this thread, but I blocked myself off for years, and as a result, they and I quit trying to get close. I have people (not many) I refer to as friends, but the truth is, few of them really know me, and I don’t know that I really know them. Maybe they believe that I do know them…I don’t know. I’ve allowed myself to drift away from people after all the moves. I don’t know _why_ I do this though. I do know that I built some pretty serious protective walls though, and though they’ve started to chip the last few years, I can’t settle into my old patterns, or they’ll just get thicker, until I die a lonely old woman (no cats…I’m allergic to cat saliva) in an aparment full of crap. Or not full of crap because I’ve moved every one to two years. ---
**Author:** ![Neidhart](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Neidhart](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Neidhart)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2002, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/outcast-dopers-and-what-do-we-do-about-it/120900/39 "2002-07-28T15:28:49Z")
With me, it’s more that every time I start associating with someone, after a few months to a year they simply break off contact: never respond to emails or to messages on their machine. Or they move to a distant city. I haven’t said or done anything which would possibly make these people angry, they just seem to lose interest. Once would be a coincidence, but when it happens again and again I have to assume it’s because of my inherent boringness and lack of charisma. ---
**Author:** ![Osip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/4491bb/32.png) [@Osip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Osip)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2002, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/outcast-dopers-and-what-do-we-do-about-it/120900/40 "2002-07-28T16:11:06Z")
**Lsura** Yes, Big protective walls slowly chipping away. I have a great deal of trusting people. Hell, I will lend out my car, and things, but, free reign of my emotions? HA! It is to damn painful to give people free reign with my emotions right from the get go. Building such trust is a long process. I unlike you have Dug in to my geographical location. I did the moving things for quite some time myself. Here at least I can build a history and have some stability to work from. I am not sure how well I would function packing up and moving somewhere where I know few people. I am glad it comes across as "introspective, with a good idea of where your struggle is. " the great quest is when finally figureing out the problem doing something about it. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/outcast-dopers-and-what-do-we-do-about-it/120900.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/outcast-dopers-and-what-do-we-do-about-it/120900.md?page=3)