# Overcoming negativity **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 10, 2012, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/overcoming-negativity/643615 "2012-12-10T16:51:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2012, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/overcoming-negativity/643615/41 "2012-12-11T20:17:39Z")
> [@Maeglin](#): > > The author, David Foster Wallace, knew what he was talking about and hanged himself a few years ago when his endogenous depression resisted all treatment. Eek. ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2012, 4:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/overcoming-negativity/643615/42 "2012-12-19T04:00:51Z")
Update…I’m having a pretty good week not being negative. It hasn’t been a traumatic, exciting, or challenging time, however, so perhaps I’m not being tested deeply. It’s somewhat easier to stay focused on the [pot roast](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=15783022&postcount=31). Not so easy to always have something constructive to think about. Christmas is consumerism, drink and sugar to me. Friends are few and far away, and I don’t like to reach out except to seek attention (not good). The shadowy place I don’t go in times like this: the necessity of confronting fear and failure, so as to grow, without having the option of drowning in misery when they come. Failure is real to me, often too horribly real to see the lessons I might draw from it. There’s no detachment. And I’m not at the time of life where I can avoid it any longer. One thing that keeps us negative is that positivity often feels so _fake_. It’s insubstantial. Most people live shallow day-to-day lives and that’s what they _need_ from one another - safe superficial ritual. _Or am I being negative again?_ My upbringing was one of strongly positive _and_ negative role models. What I took from that was that you have to reconcile them for yourself, and that there’s no asking for help. You have to take help where you can find it, and always be looking for it, but never ask. _Or am I being negative **again?** _ ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2012, 3:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/overcoming-negativity/643615/43 "2012-12-19T15:56:45Z")
Look for a PM from me as soon as I have time. ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2012, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/overcoming-negativity/643615/44 "2012-12-19T20:36:11Z")
Thanks. I look forward. ---
**Author:** ![xnylder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/bbce88/32.png) [@xnylder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xnylder)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2012, 10:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/overcoming-negativity/643615/45 "2012-12-19T22:11:35Z")
> [@Beware\_of\_Doug](#): > > One thing that keeps us negative is that positivity often feels so _fake_. It’s insubstantial. Most people live shallow day-to-day lives and that’s what they _need_ from one another - safe superficial ritual. _Or am I being negative again?_ What if the negativity is fake and the positivity is real? Consider some possibilities: “My life is terrible” vs “My life is OK” “I’m a horrible person” vs “I haven’t done anything that horrible” “I can’t do anything right” vs “There’s some little things I can do right, and others I could learn to do” “I have no future” vs “I can make choices about my future” “Everybody hates me” vs “Most people don’t know me enough to have formed an opinion about me” Which possibilities are more likely to be true? ---
**Author:** ![SerafinaPekala](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecae2f/32.png) [@SerafinaPekala](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SerafinaPekala)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2012, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/overcoming-negativity/643615/46 "2012-12-19T22:41:47Z")
I dont buy into the Pollyanna BS. Whats wrong with being “snarky” or “ironic”? Unless this truly distresses you, embrace your pessimism and hang out with other kindred souls. So-called Positive People are really so annoying - I think they are in total denial anyway. ---
**Author:** ![SerafinaPekala](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecae2f/32.png) [@SerafinaPekala](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SerafinaPekala)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2012, 10:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/overcoming-negativity/643615/47 "2012-12-19T22:43:40Z")
> [@Beware\_of\_Doug](#): > > One thing that keeps us negative is that positivity often feels so _fake_. It’s insubstantial. Most people live shallow day-to-day lives and that’s what they _need_ from one another - safe superficial ritual. Exactly. ---
**Author:** ![damagedgoods](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ecd19e/32.png) [@damagedgoods](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/damagedgoods)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2012, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/overcoming-negativity/643615/48 "2012-12-19T23:25:10Z")
Wow. Doug! I seriously gotta thank you! EVERYBODY tell’s me all the time how negative I am,& I gotta alway’s throw something back (likeIfeel I have to) cuz Ifeel somehow (ashamed?)like I gotta x’plain myself for some reason.Now after reading your post,I Damaged Good’s(my user name say’s it all too)will start to Embrace my negativity and maybe it’ll kind of work out.😃 ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2012, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/overcoming-negativity/643615/49 "2012-12-19T23:25:25Z")
It is possible to be neutral. To let everything, especially pain, wash over you and leave no mark. Sometimes I can do it. I can’t say that I like when I’m so detached, but it is a lot better than dropping into the abyss. It is also a hard thing to do. But it is a strategy that gets you to another day. ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2012, 12:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/overcoming-negativity/643615/50 "2012-12-20T00:19:41Z")
> [@xnylder](#): > > What if the negativity is fake and the positivity is real? > > Consider some possibilities: > > “My life is terrible” vs “My life is OK” > “I’m a horrible person” vs “I haven’t done anything that horrible” > “I can’t do anything right” vs “There’s some little things I can do right, and others I could learn to do” > “I have no future” vs “I can make choices about my future” > “Everybody hates me” vs “Most people don’t know me enough to have formed an opinion about me” > > Which possibilities are more likely to be true? The latter, of course. But your negatives are strawmen compared to mine. Mine are pseudo-logical, full of yes-buts and qualifications. Here’s a thought - up in yesterday’s post, I got into a slide as soon as I started getting _purposeful_ with my thinking - trying to do a job and looking for jobs that weren’t getting done. All of a sudden there were a bunch. What might that imply? ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2012, 12:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/overcoming-negativity/643615/51 "2012-12-20T00:21:37Z")
> [@xnylder](#): > > What if the negativity is fake and the positivity is real? > > Consider some possibilities: > > “My life is terrible” vs “My life is OK” > “I’m a horrible person” vs “I haven’t done anything that horrible” > “I can’t do anything right” vs “There’s some little things I can do right, and others I could learn to do” > “I have no future” vs “I can make choices about my future” > “Everybody hates me” vs “Most people don’t know me enough to have formed an opinion about me” > > Which possibilities are more likely to be true? The latter, of course. But your negatives are strawmen compared to mine. (This is true of a lot of self-help essays about negativity. It clues me in that the writer hasn’t faced the problem personally.) Mine are pseudo-logical, full of yes-buts and qualifications. They’re insidious. They use my brainpower almost subconsciously. Here’s a thought - up in yesterday’s post, I got into a slide as soon as I started getting _purposeful_ with my thinking - trying to do a job and looking for jobs that weren’t getting done. All of a sudden there were a bunch. What might that imply? ---
**Author:** ![Red\_Wiggler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/red_wiggler/32/13190_2.png) [@Red\_Wiggler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Red_Wiggler)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2012, 12:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/overcoming-negativity/643615/52 "2012-12-20T00:48:11Z")
Negative Nates can really be soul-draining. There’s a lot of interesting stuff to talk about, lots of it positive and/or funny. ---
**Author:** ![SerafinaPekala](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecae2f/32.png) [@SerafinaPekala](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SerafinaPekala)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2012, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/overcoming-negativity/643615/53 "2012-12-20T01:02:27Z")
> [@Beware\_of\_Doug](#): > > Here’s a thought - up in yesterday’s post, I got into a slide as soon as I started getting _purposeful_ with my thinking - trying to do a job and looking for jobs that weren’t getting done. All of a sudden there were a bunch. What might that imply? Magical thinking? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/overcoming-negativity/643615.md?page=2)