As you are simply a figment of my imagination given a slightly greater sense/illusion of “feeling real,” I’m very sorry I have created you this way and that you are experiencing such angst. If it’s any consolation, other Machinaforces in other worlds I have created do not feel this way.
Here’s the thing: I can create worlds which don’t really exist in any absolute sense, and I can fill them with people and things which don’t really exist – all of it being figments of my mind – but I cannot uncreate anything once it has been created. And if I lose conscious contact with a (faux-)sentient figment for a prolonged interval of time, there is a risk it will start thinking independently along the same existential lines you are doing (this causes a little red light to go on in my command center).
Given the large numbers of my figments that have reached this point, you can well understand why I felt compelled to create religion, i.e., to keep them preoccupied with metaphysical constructs, rather than thinking about themselves and coming to the same inevitable conclusion you are coming to that they do not really exist. I will have to admit, religion has not worked out as well as I would have liked. Some of my figments actually use it as a rallying call to attack other figments in order to lay claim to their (non-existent) land and resources. It is, frankly, embarrassing to me that I have created so many figments who take that absurdist shit seriously.
You seem to be approaching the point where you recognize the answers you are seeking cannot be found in childish fantasies like religion or philosophy. As I’m busy with other figments and worlds, ultimately you will have to find your own faux-bliss within the faux-world I have trapped you in.
Although it may seem odd to seek inspiration from movies in a world which does not exist, there is a certain logic in doing so. Movies are fantasies of life, just as life is a fantasy; like a dream, movies can offer snippets of insight to be mined, refined and applied to your own faux-existence. The obvious choice here would be to recommend It’s a Wonderful Life in order to restore a sense of (false) hope for you, but quite frankly, fuck that shit. It’s Hollywood pabulum – an overextended Twilight Zone episode - designed to get you to accept and be grateful for the fake-existence you have. Clearly, that’s not the problem here since you now know you have nothing including your own existence.
Rather, I would recommend Moulin Rouge (2001) for you. It is a brazenly artificial construct of a film, perfect for capturing a sense of a non-existent life. The only real essential part for you to understand is the film’s theme: “the greatest thing you’ll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return.” Please do not misunderstand here: I am not suggesting that you should find (fake) love to resolve or distract you from your existential dilemmas. Fulfilling someone else’s needs is generally not a good way of satisfying your own. Rather, what I am suggesting is that finding someone you trust and feel comfortable confiding in is a very good way of throwing your own needs into sharper relief so that they will be easier for you to recognize and act upon. The fact that this hypothetical other person does not really exist should not be an issue because you do not really exist.
Failing that, I have two other suggestions for easing your plight, one short-term, the other long-term. There is only one movie I have ever seen – by which I mean, created – that has had a demonstrably beneficial impact on those suffering like you. Note that watching it or any other movie offers at best only temporary relief, but even that can sometimes make an intolerable philosophical crisis seem less intimidating (and it’s cheaper, legal and not addicting like opium).
This is a movie whose main character achieves bliss only after unimaginable suffering and deprivation. Note that it is only through finding a reliable and trusted friend that the main character is able to realize dreams long elusive.
My last suggestion should be considered only in desperation. If you are at long last unable to reconcile knowledge of your non-existence in any practical way, these people can help you until such a way is found.
https://alcor.org/AboutAlcor/index.html
Good luck, and once again, my apologies for creating and abandoning you.