# Overheard in public
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/overheard-in-public/682918
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
**Created:** [March 5, 2014, 8:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/overheard-in-public/682918 "2014-03-05T08:30:50Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)
#### Post date: [March 5, 2014, 8:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/overheard-in-public/682918/1 "2014-03-05T08:30:50Z")
On the commute home by train last night, I overheard a lovely little snippet of conversation that was almost good enough to make into a three-panel web comic.
It took place between a young male (maybe 17) - a bit of a motormouth, who sat down next to a probably slightly younger female - obviously already acquainted, but I got the impression she would rather have been left alone to read her book.
\*\*Male: \*\*(blah. blah. blah, Me, Me, Me)… but I’m not really a judgemental person. I’m not quick to judge at all…
**Female:** Oh, I am, I…
\*\*Male: \*\*(Interrupting) Oh, I know _you_ are.
ETA: This thread is for everyone to contribute snippets of interesting, amusing or bewildering conversation overheard in public…
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### Author:  [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)
#### Post date: [March 5, 2014, 8:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/overheard-in-public/682918/2 "2014-03-05T08:43:46Z")
I’ve mentioned this in another thread. Two women in line behind me in the supermarket checkout. One says to the other:
“Isn’t it a coincidence, our Lord Jesus was born right on Christmas day.”
Someone should tell her that he wasn’t.
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### Author:  [@Jeff\_Lichtman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jeff_Lichtman)
#### Post date: [March 5, 2014, 9:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/overheard-in-public/682918/3 "2014-03-05T09:18:35Z")
I’ve posted this on SDMB before, but it’s so good I’ll do it again. Years ago I took a cross-country train trip. While riding in the club car I saw a tough-looking guy drinking a beer across the aisle from me. His son, who appeared to be around four years old, was with him.
I overheard the following exchange:
Kid: Daddy, hide it!
Guy: What?
Kid: Daddy, put that away!
Guy: What are you talking about?
Kid: But Daddy, the cop will get you!
Guy: I’m not driving. There’s no cop. Now be quiet!
Kid: Daddy?
Guy: What?
Kid: Is the cop going to put you in jail?
Guy: I told you there’s no cop. How can you remember that? You were only two years old.
Kid: Daddy?
Guy: What?
Kid: Are you going to throw the cop in the water?
Guy: There’s no cop! Now be quiet!
Kid: Daddy, why did you throw the cop in the water?
Guy: Well, the cop made Daddy mad, so Daddy picked him up and threw him in the river.
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### Author:  [@Smapti](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smapti)
#### Post date: [March 5, 2014, 10:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/overheard-in-public/682918/4 "2014-03-05T10:02:24Z")
A few random snippets of conversations I’ve overheard at the grocery store;
“Don’t they have any _non_-Illuminati yogurt?”
“Fishsticks? I was KIDNAPPED and I ate fishsticks!”
“Kosher salt? Naw. That’s just Jew salt. Ain’t no different.”
“You’re lucky you’re my cousin and I love you.”
“Yeah, well you’re lucky my boyfriend loves you and is your boyfriend also.”
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### Author:  [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)
#### Post date: [March 5, 2014, 12:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/overheard-in-public/682918/5 "2014-03-05T12:59:18Z")
In the supermarket, just this lunchtime:
“All mushrooms are poisonous to some extent. I’m just saying. I know people buy these and eat them, but I’m playing safe. They might be a little bit poisonous.”
Perfectly ordinary white mushrooms. WTF?
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### Author:  [@Crotalus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crotalus)
#### Post date: [March 5, 2014, 1:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/overheard-in-public/682918/6 "2014-03-05T13:09:06Z")
Overheard in a restaurant in Kentucky: “He was my cousin. I married his uncle so I became his aunt.”
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### Author:  [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)
#### Post date: [March 5, 2014, 1:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/overheard-in-public/682918/7 "2014-03-05T13:29:14Z")
Girl 1: I like these toasters!
Girl 2: Yes, although the red one wouldn’t go with my kitchen. I like the black one.
Girl 1: (sotto voce) Racist
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### Author:  [@Soylent\_Juicy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Soylent_Juicy)
#### Post date: [March 5, 2014, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/overheard-in-public/682918/8 "2014-03-05T14:51:08Z")
Two crackheads arguing in the alley behind my apartment.
Female: “I love you!”
Male: “Oh yeah? Well then who did you suck off last?”
Female: “I told you about that! He gave me crack then MADE me suck him off!”
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### Author:  [@SeaDragonTattoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SeaDragonTattoo)
#### Post date: [March 5, 2014, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/overheard-in-public/682918/9 "2014-03-05T15:11:31Z")
Two guys talking on the train, one asks the other how it’s going since his female roommate moved out. Roommate-less guy says, “I miss her. It used to smell nice, like that stuff, you know, potpourri - and kitchen cooking. Now it just smells like old socks.”
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### Author:  [@Macca26](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Macca26)
#### Post date: [March 5, 2014, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/overheard-in-public/682918/10 "2014-03-05T16:17:22Z")
My favorite one has always been while on the train. Ahead of me a middle aged guy was mumbling to another guy about something or other until, with a sigh he leans back and says loud enough to hear, “I need more tables in my life.”
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### Author:  [@Furious\_Marmot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Furious_Marmot)
#### Post date: [March 5, 2014, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/overheard-in-public/682918/11 "2014-03-05T16:30:26Z")
Overheard in a nice restaurant, a few years ago, when the economy was going downhill fast. During one of those brief lulls in the background noise we heard, clear as a bell, a plaintive voice say:
“I don’t want to lose my junk-ass job!”
We still use that one when talking about work stuff.
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### Author:  [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)
#### Post date: [March 5, 2014, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/overheard-in-public/682918/12 "2014-03-05T16:35:42Z")
“…and by the time you’re done with that, your arm is sore and your ass is sore!”
Heard wafting out of the mechanics’ building at my last job.
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### Author:  [@drastic\_quench](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drastic_quench)
#### Post date: [March 5, 2014, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/overheard-in-public/682918/13 "2014-03-05T16:37:56Z")
I supply these more than I overhear them.
My wife and I were buying a coffee table at Target years back:
“Do you like this one?”
“It’s fine.”
“What about this other one though?”
“That’s fine too. It’d work.”
“But do you REALLY LIKE this one? I want you to be excited about it”
“Look, I don’t need to take a cold shower over it, but YES, it is the best one, can we go now?”
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### Author:  [@kferr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kferr)
#### Post date: [March 5, 2014, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/overheard-in-public/682918/14 "2014-03-05T16:59:46Z")
A friend of mine overheard these words of wisdom on a mountain bike trail in Colorado years ago:
Mountain Biker 1 - “Dude, I think I got too much air on that last jump!”
Mountain Biker 2 - “You can’t get hurt while you’re in the air.”
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### Author:  [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)
#### Post date: [March 5, 2014, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/overheard-in-public/682918/15 "2014-03-05T17:08:03Z")
Once I was in Target and overheard two young teenage girls in the clothing section:
“What do you think about this top?”
“Um, I don’t think you’re really popular enough to wear that.”
A little part of me died.
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### Author:  [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)
#### Post date: [March 5, 2014, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/overheard-in-public/682918/16 "2014-03-05T17:09:02Z")
At the Shakespeare Festival: “This is stupid! Nobody is going to believe that chick is a dude. Look at the tits on that Fuck-Animal!”
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### Author:  [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)
#### Post date: [March 5, 2014, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/overheard-in-public/682918/17 "2014-03-05T17:22:57Z")
> [@Jeff\_Lichtman](#):
>
> Guy: Well, the cop made Daddy mad, so Daddy picked him up and threw him in the river.
And he was back out of prison in less than 2 years? Wow.
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### Author:  [@The\_Butterfly\_s\_Ghost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Butterfly_s_Ghost)
#### Post date: [March 5, 2014, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/overheard-in-public/682918/18 "2014-03-05T17:43:51Z")
I’m sure I’ve posted it before but it’s still my favourite.
I was out running and two guys on rollerblades overtook me, one on either side. I heard on of them say “…well it was a BIG suitcase and I don’t know how long rigor mortis…” aaaand they were gone. :eek:
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### Author:  [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)
#### Post date: [March 5, 2014, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/overheard-in-public/682918/19 "2014-03-05T18:15:03Z")
> [@drastic\_quench](#):
>
> “ **Look, I don’t need to take a cold shower over it** , but YES, it is the best one, can we go now?”
That explains your username.
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### Author:  [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)
#### Post date: [March 5, 2014, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/overheard-in-public/682918/20 "2014-03-05T19:16:04Z")
This happened many years ago, but it stuck with me. Two teenage guys overheard at the pastry counter of a supermarket, one of them contemplating a sign.
**TG1:** What’s a ‘baker’s dozen’?
**TG2:** Twelve, _stupid_!
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