# Oversensitive wife or slightly jerkish husband? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 13, 2010, 12:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oversensitive-wife-or-slightly-jerkish-husband/539240 "2010-05-13T00:25:23Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Superhal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Superhal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superhal)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 3:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oversensitive-wife-or-slightly-jerkish-husband/539240/21 "2010-05-13T03:31:16Z")
You’re oversensitive. Every 28 days, my jokes are suddenly infuriating to my wife. ---
**Author:** ![Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/13edae/32.png) [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stranger_On_A_Train)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 4:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oversensitive-wife-or-slightly-jerkish-husband/539240/22 "2010-05-13T04:00:47Z")
How do people survive decades of marriage without having a sarcastic sense of humor about each other? Seriously, I had to walk on eggshells around my ex-wife, because any slightly off-level comment would send her into paroxysms of anger; it was a relief when she started sleeping with other people and we could dispense with the facade that we could be tolerably polite to one another. If someone made a comment about how I’d “wrecked” the kitchen, I’d respond by saying something like, “Wait until I cook boeuf à la bourguignonne with gougère and miguelitos avec la réduction de la pomme; you’ll have to renovate the whole fucking east wing!” and if I got anything less than a sly come-hither look I’d be out of there like a shot. Maybe that’s why I’m single; too high of expectations. Ah well, the Bushnell’s Black Label always laughs at my obscure references. Stranger ---
**Author:** ![Eyebrows\_0f\_Doom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eyebrows_0f_doom/32/3119_2.png) [@Eyebrows\_0f\_Doom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eyebrows_0f_Doom)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 4:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oversensitive-wife-or-slightly-jerkish-husband/539240/23 "2010-05-13T04:44:27Z")
You’re being oversensitive. He’s joking. ---
**Author:** ![Spud](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spud/32/347_2.png) [@Spud](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spud)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 4:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oversensitive-wife-or-slightly-jerkish-husband/539240/24 "2010-05-13T04:48:04Z")
> [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](#): > > How do people survive decades of marriage without having a sarcastic sense of humor about each other? > Maybe that’s why I’m single; too high of expectations. Ah well, the Bushnell’s Black Label always laughs at my obscure references. > > Stranger Sometimes it still works for those of us who have still managed to hang on for all these years. Tonight I introduced my wife to the term “Cankles” as in what… are you going to club me with your Cankles? Of course my wife is gorgeous and has beautifully defined legs, but I just couldn’t resist. Her reaction (after my daughter told her what it was) was to grab at my stomach which set the dog off on an “I’m not sure what to do… they are both above me in the pack but they aren’t supposed to fight.” response. So, IMHO… you over reacted. My wife may correct me later. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 4:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oversensitive-wife-or-slightly-jerkish-husband/539240/25 "2010-05-13T04:59:40Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > You can’t joke about their faces or their bodies in any way, especially if there’s any possibility for an interpretation that you’re saying there’s something imperfect about them. That’s not true. > [@](#): > > Also, fart jokes. They never think farts are funny, no matter how great of one you just ripped. That’s not true, either. I think farts are hysterical. ---
**Author:** ![Not\_a\_Platypus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/d26b3c/32.png) [@Not\_a\_Platypus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Not_a_Platypus)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 5:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oversensitive-wife-or-slightly-jerkish-husband/539240/26 "2010-05-13T05:05:10Z")
I think you overreacted, but it happens to the best of us. Similar things happen in my relationship and then we get over it. I try not to be sensitive and I tell myself I’m not being rational at all but sometimes he’ll say something and it just hits me wrong and really bothers me. ---
**Author:** ![Zoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/a4c791/32.png) [@Zoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zoe)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 5:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oversensitive-wife-or-slightly-jerkish-husband/539240/27 "2010-05-13T05:06:51Z")
Just because he’s joking doesn’t mean she’s oversensitive. If it annoyed her, she should tell him nicely. It seems that she did and it worked out. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 5:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oversensitive-wife-or-slightly-jerkish-husband/539240/28 "2010-05-13T05:17:54Z")
> [@billfish678](#): > > Lets try a flip scenario. > > Poor husband has to do something hard, dirty, and nasty. Like work in the crawl space or attic or sumptin. > > You go to clean the clothes that are dirty and damaged. You comment “geez, what did you do to these clothes?”, knowing full well what he was doing in them and why. > > What should his mental reaction be? > > 1. fuck you bitch, that was hard work. > > 2. yeah, they probably are a mess, ha ha > > 3. hi Opal > > Don’t look to be offended if it wasnt meant that way IMO. **Unauthorized Cinnamon** , I think this is a great flip scenario. By all means, if it bothers you, bring it up. You’re entitled to your feelings. But I can’t be with a woman who can’t take my joking. ---
**Author:** ![curlcoat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ea5d25/32.png) [@curlcoat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/curlcoat)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 6:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oversensitive-wife-or-slightly-jerkish-husband/539240/29 "2010-05-13T06:40:33Z")
> [@Unauthorized\_Cinnamon](#): > > But now I wonder - is it me or him? Does he cook at all, other than boiling water? In our house, the hubby cooks and I clean up and most every time it amazes me the mess he can make. I’ve given up saying anything because I’ve come to assume that one cannot cook well without leaving spots of ingredients all over the place. So it may be that he doesn’t understand that one cannot cook without making a mess (I am assuming that to be true…:D) ---
**Author:** ![Unauthorized\_Cinnamon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/bc8723/32.png) [@Unauthorized\_Cinnamon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Unauthorized_Cinnamon)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 11:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oversensitive-wife-or-slightly-jerkish-husband/539240/30 "2010-05-13T11:31:13Z")
He usually doesn’t cook, plus, the children tend not to hang onto his ankles while he’s trying to get stuff done. So he may indeed not understand how things can get so messy and why I can’t clean up as I go (it will often be a span of several hours from the time I start prepping dinner until it’s done, due to interruptions). We do joke with each other a lot. We talk smack when we play games. One day I looked at my rigorously thorough To Do list and he’d added “Invade Poland.” Usually we take things in the spirit they’re meant. I probably reacted badly in this case because I already feel such stress about getting dinner on the table. I appreciate everyone’s input. I think it’s a good insight that in a relationship, one can hurt someone’s feelings without being intentionally jerkish. ---
**Author:** ![Machine\_Elf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/82dd89/32.png) [@Machine\_Elf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machine_Elf)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 12:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oversensitive-wife-or-slightly-jerkish-husband/539240/31 "2010-05-13T12:38:24Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > That’s not true, either. I think farts are hysterical. Will you marry me? ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 12:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oversensitive-wife-or-slightly-jerkish-husband/539240/32 "2010-05-13T12:42:31Z")
> [@Joe Frickin Friday](#): > > Will you marry me? I get first dibs. ---
**Author:** ![Perciful](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/b38774/32.png) [@Perciful](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Perciful)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 12:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oversensitive-wife-or-slightly-jerkish-husband/539240/33 "2010-05-13T12:45:57Z")
I think he was just kidding. I have been baking all week and I am amazed at how far flour will travel. I am a massy cook but I know this and I live alone so I have to clean up after myself. ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 1:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oversensitive-wife-or-slightly-jerkish-husband/539240/34 "2010-05-13T13:24:41Z")
I think it comes down to being bothered, not by the remark itself, but the fact that it’s repetitive. I once dated a wonderful girl who would ALWAYS exclaim “Our chariot has arrived” every time the elevator in either of our apartment buildings opened. It was humourous the first time: not so much the 500th time. Anyone who repeats themselves like this just bugs the fuck out of me. So, maybe that’s it? ---
**Author:** ![corkboard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e9bcb4/32.png) [@corkboard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/corkboard)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 1:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oversensitive-wife-or-slightly-jerkish-husband/539240/35 "2010-05-13T13:43:50Z")
Since you asked, you’re being oversensitive. Let’s face it- sometimes, after cooking a meal, the kitchen is a mess- “broken”, if you will. This state of the kitchen has nothing whatsoever to do with the quality of the meal, your ability to prepare it, or his appreciation for you doing so. It’s just part of the package- you can’t make an omelette without breaking a few eggs, as they say. So when the dishes were washed, the kitchen was “repaired”. Doesn’t mean you did anything wrong in the dinner preparation, or that he didn’t appreciate your efforts. It’s just the way it is. Is your dissatisfaction based on the word “repaired”? Would it bother you less if he said “your kitchen is back to the way it was before you started cooking”? The former is just a shorthand for the latter. ---
**Author:** ![badbadrubberpiggy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/57b2e6/32.png) [@badbadrubberpiggy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/badbadrubberpiggy)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 2:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oversensitive-wife-or-slightly-jerkish-husband/539240/36 "2010-05-13T14:01:00Z")
> [@Leaffan](#): > > I think it comes down to being bothered, not by the remark itself, but the fact that it’s repetitive. > > I once dated a wonderful girl who would ALWAYS exclaim “Our chariot has arrived” every time the elevator in either of our apartment buildings opened. It was humourous the first time: not so much the 500th time. Anyone who repeats themselves like this just bugs the fuck out of me. > > So, maybe that’s it? This is what I was thinking. Jokes tend to lose their funniness and sometimes start to simply get annoying when you hear them over and over again. ---
**Author:** ![MsWhatsit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb8c5e/32.png) [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 2:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oversensitive-wife-or-slightly-jerkish-husband/539240/37 "2010-05-13T14:04:48Z")
> [@Leaffan](#): > > I think it comes down to being bothered, not by the remark itself, but the fact that it’s repetitive. > > I once dated a wonderful girl who would ALWAYS exclaim “Our chariot has arrived” every time the elevator in either of our apartment buildings opened. It was humourous the first time: not so much the 500th time. Anyone who repeats themselves like this just bugs the fuck out of me. > > So, maybe that’s it? Yeah, seriously. I had a college friend who liked to make jokes about the fact that I grew up in a rural part of the country, i.e. about how my family must be a bunch of hicks and we must drive pickup trucks around, etc. My friend is fairly witty and so this was funny the first, I don’t know, 20-30 times or so. After that, it got reallllly old. ---
**Author:** ![Chessic\_Sense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7c8e57/32.png) [@Chessic\_Sense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chessic_Sense)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 2:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oversensitive-wife-or-slightly-jerkish-husband/539240/38 "2010-05-13T14:13:36Z")
But _some_ jokes can be funny no matter how many times they’re repeated. For instance, I was hanging out with this Moldovan in Europe last year. I kept saying that she was only traveling because there are 8 Moldovans in the world, but the country was only big enough for 3 at a time, and it wasn’t her turn to be home yet. She kept asking if I, the American, would protect her with my gun if we got into danger. It never got old. That really doesn’t relate to anything. I just thought I’d share my cutesy story. ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 2:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oversensitive-wife-or-slightly-jerkish-husband/539240/39 "2010-05-13T14:14:57Z")
> [@corkboard](#): > > Since you asked, you’re being oversensitive. > > Let’s face it- sometimes, after cooking a meal, the kitchen is a mess- “broken”, if you will. This state of the kitchen has nothing whatsoever to do with the quality of the meal, your ability to prepare it, or his appreciation for you doing so. It’s just part of the package- you can’t make an omelette without breaking a few eggs, as they say. > > So when the dishes were washed, the kitchen was “repaired”. Doesn’t mean you did anything wrong in the dinner preparation, or that he didn’t appreciate your efforts. It’s just the way it is. > > Is your dissatisfaction based on the word “repaired”? Would it bother you less if he said “your kitchen is back to the way it was before you started cooking”? The former is just a shorthand for the latter. Repaired and restored are not the same thing. Repaired implies it was broken (and perhaps misused). Restored implies returned to a beginning state for whatever reason. Was it the world’s dopiest comment? Of course not. But I can see how it could twinge, especially after a long, hard day. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oversensitive-wife-or-slightly-jerkish-husband/539240/40 "2010-05-13T14:16:51Z")
You think that’s bad? I dated a geek who thought it was funny to constantly remind me that the cake is a lie. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oversensitive-wife-or-slightly-jerkish-husband/539240.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oversensitive-wife-or-slightly-jerkish-husband/539240.md?page=3)