# Oversensitive wife or slightly jerkish husband? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 13, 2010, 12:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oversensitive-wife-or-slightly-jerkish-husband/539240 "2010-05-13T00:25:23Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oversensitive-wife-or-slightly-jerkish-husband/539240/61 "2010-05-13T17:52:38Z")
I do whine occasionally when he leaves a big mess in the kitchen to clean up. He claims he doesn’t have time to do it while he’s cooking, but I cook often too, though not as often as him, and I nearly always have time. When things are simmering, instead of running off to your computer, you could spend a minute cleaning up? But it’s a tiny aggravation and I hardly notice it most days. Oh, and fart jokes are totally not funny unless I made them. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oversensitive-wife-or-slightly-jerkish-husband/539240/62 "2010-05-13T17:53:31Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > If I meant the opposite, that would be ironic, not tongue in cheek. Wouldn’t that be sarcastic and couldn’t it still be tongue-in-cheek? ---
**Author:** ![outlierrn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/outlierrn/32/3005_2.png) [@outlierrn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/outlierrn)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oversensitive-wife-or-slightly-jerkish-husband/539240/63 "2010-05-13T17:55:57Z")
Has this been bugging you for 16 years and you just now brought it up? Then he’s entitled to say ‘what’d I do wrong?’ Is this a new thing that you dealt with promtly? Then meh. I had a friend who’s spouse would come home and ask her what she’s done today in a very causal way until one day, after years, she went off on him because she’s always heard it as what did you accomplish today. He was apologetic, but said ‘I really wish you’d told me that 8 years ago.’ ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oversensitive-wife-or-slightly-jerkish-husband/539240/64 "2010-05-13T18:02:16Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > Wouldn’t that be sarcastic and couldn’t it still be tongue-in-cheek? Sarcasm can often be expressed ironically, but id doesn’t have to. Sarcasm is basically any use of humor or mockery to belittle or wound. It can be ironic (“oh, you’re sooooooo smart”) or it can be direct (“you look like a monkey and you small like one too”). “Tongue-in-cheek” just means something that is not meant to be taken seriously and can also be expressed either directly or ironically, but it isn’t really sarcastic in that it generally doesn’t carry a nuance of being cutting or mean, and doesn’t have to be directed at another person. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oversensitive-wife-or-slightly-jerkish-husband/539240/65 "2010-05-13T18:15:14Z")
What’s this about cake being a lie? ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oversensitive-wife-or-slightly-jerkish-husband/539240/66 "2010-05-13T18:16:47Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > Sarcasm is basically any use of humor or mockery to belittle or wound. That isn’t sarcasm… > [@Dio](#): > > It can be ironic (“oh, you’re sooooooo smart”) Kay, that’s sarcasm. > [@Dio](#): > > or it can be direct (“you look like a monkey and you smell like one too”) That isn’t sarcasm… that’s hyperbole. > [@Dio](#): > > “Tongue-in-cheek” just means something that is not meant to be taken seriously and can also be expressed either directly or ironically, but it isn’t really sarcastic in that it generally doesn’t carry a nuance of being cutting or mean, and doesn’t have to be directed at another person. Again, sarcasm doesn’t have anything to do with being cutting or mean. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oversensitive-wife-or-slightly-jerkish-husband/539240/67 "2010-05-13T18:24:17Z")
Yes it does. That is the [dictionary definition](http://www.google.com/search?q=define%3A+sarcasm&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8&aq=t&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&client=firefox-a). ---
**Author:** ![lezlers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/258eb7/32.png) [@lezlers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lezlers)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oversensitive-wife-or-slightly-jerkish-husband/539240/68 "2010-05-13T18:26:58Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > I do whine occasionally when he leaves a big mess in the kitchen to clean up. He claims he doesn’t have time to do it while he’s cooking, but I cook often too, though not as often as him, and I nearly always have time. When things are simmering, instead of running off to your computer, you could spend a minute cleaning up? But it’s a tiny aggravation and I hardly notice it most days. > > Oh, and fart jokes are totally not funny unless I made them. My ex was terrible about this. We would alternate, one of us would cook the other would clean. I am a “clean as you go” cook. My ex? Not so much. Without fail, every time it was the ex’s turn to cook, the kitchen looked like a frickin’ bomb went off. It was ridiculous. I would be in there for a solid hour cleaning up _every time_. I don’t think I could’ve made such a mess if I _tried_. Was a bit of an uneven split, which eventually started to breed resentment. Eventually I just insisted on cooking all the time. My current boyfriend cleans up despite who cooks, because he is a neat freak. Works out great. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oversensitive-wife-or-slightly-jerkish-husband/539240/69 "2010-05-13T18:30:44Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > Yes it does. That is the [dictionary definition](http://www.google.com/search?q=define%3A+sarcasm&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8&aq=t&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&client=firefox-a). Hm. Well, either way, you can mean the opposite of what you say and be tongue in cheek. “Sure, and I love Phantom Menace. :p” The opposite of what I mean and tongue in cheek. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oversensitive-wife-or-slightly-jerkish-husband/539240/70 "2010-05-13T18:34:13Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > Hm. > > Well, either way, you can mean the opposite of what you say and be tongue in cheek. > > “Sure, and I love Phantom Menace. :p” > > The opposite of what I mean and tongue in cheek. Yes, but you can also be tongue in cheek _without_ being either ironic or sarcastic. If I look outside and see that it’s raining hard, and I say, “I think I’m going to need to take the boat to work today,” I’m being tongue in cheek, but I’m not saying the opposite of what I mean, and I’m not being sarcastic. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oversensitive-wife-or-slightly-jerkish-husband/539240/71 "2010-05-13T18:38:03Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > Yes, but you can also be tongue in cheek _without_ being either ironic or sarcastic. > > If I look outside and see that it’s raining hard, and I say, “I think I’m going to need to take the boat to work today,” I’m being tongue in cheek, but I’m not saying the opposite of what I mean, and I’m not being sarcastic. Aha! The point is it’s possible to pretend that you’re constantly being tongue in cheek and thus interpret everything you say as its opposite. ---
**Author:** ![Jamaika\_a\_jamaikaiake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/7993a0/32.png) [@Jamaika\_a\_jamaikaiake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jamaika_a_jamaikaiake)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oversensitive-wife-or-slightly-jerkish-husband/539240/72 "2010-05-13T19:27:11Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > Yes, the reality is that no women are ever sensitive about their looks and they all think fart jokes are hilarious. Good Lord, what the fuck? I am not saying that you made up your wife or that there isn’t an epidemic body image problem in the US! What I said was that what **your** wife does is not what **all** wives do. That’s it. When you say “wives do X” instead of “my wife does X,” (especially when my wife doesn’t do X) it just sounds foolish and sheltered. I’m also not making a value judgment either, about our respective spouses, I’m just saying that different people are different, and that your personal experience with gender roles isn’t a complete description of the state of gender in the US. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oversensitive-wife-or-slightly-jerkish-husband/539240/73 "2010-05-13T19:31:14Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > Aha! The point is it’s possible to pretend that you’re constantly being tongue in cheek and thus interpret everything you say as its opposite. Not necessarily opposite, just not seriously. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oversensitive-wife-or-slightly-jerkish-husband/539240/74 "2010-05-13T20:05:22Z")
> [@Jamaika\_a\_jamaikaiake](#): > > Good Lord, what the fuck? I am not saying that you made up your wife or that there isn’t an epidemic body image problem in the US! What I said was that what **your** wife does is not what **all** wives do. That’s it. When you say “wives do X” instead of “my wife does X,” (especially when my wife doesn’t do X) it just sounds foolish and sheltered. I’m also not making a value judgment either, about our respective spouses, I’m just saying that different people are different, and that your personal experience with gender roles isn’t a complete description of the state of gender in the US. Chillax, brah. I seriously doubt that **Dio** genuinely believes that his wife is representative of every woman that exists. ---
**Author:** ![Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/13edae/32.png) [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stranger_On_A_Train)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oversensitive-wife-or-slightly-jerkish-husband/539240/75 "2010-05-13T20:13:06Z")
And **Diogenes the Cynic** takes down yet another threat with his divisional tactics. A textbook effort of that which shall not be spoken. Stranger ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 8:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oversensitive-wife-or-slightly-jerkish-husband/539240/76 "2010-05-13T20:22:44Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > Chillax, brah. I seriously doubt that **Dio** genuinely believes that his wife is representative of every woman that exists. You are one funny guy. Cheers. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 10:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oversensitive-wife-or-slightly-jerkish-husband/539240/77 "2010-05-13T22:19:45Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > Fuck that. It’s his job to clean. That’s the deal. Why should she do his job for him? She also has nothing to feel guilty about. > > It’s like you want her to do all the work on ingratiating herself and being a doormat. Fuck that noise. Oddly enough, I kinda like the guy I live with who cleans the kitchen, and I like to make his job easier when it costs me very little to do so, and makes me feel good to boot. I’m such a doormat like that. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 10:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oversensitive-wife-or-slightly-jerkish-husband/539240/78 "2010-05-13T22:26:00Z")
This was an episode of _I Dream of Jeannie_. Dr. Bellows wanted to make sure that Maj. Healey and Maj. Nelson would be compatible as companions in space travel, so he made them live together. They had this deal in which they took turns cooking dinner and cleaning up. But when Roger made his specialty, tuna casserole (which Tony hated!), Tony went into the kitchen and found an unholy mess for him to clean up. I forgot how it ended, but it probably had something to do with the sexy chick in a harem costume. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 10:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oversensitive-wife-or-slightly-jerkish-husband/539240/79 "2010-05-13T22:29:43Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > You are one funny guy. Cheers. I’ll pretend you aren’t being tongue-in-cheek, ironic or sarcastic. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/74df32/32.png) [@The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Devil_s_Grandmother)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oversensitive-wife-or-slightly-jerkish-husband/539240/80 "2010-05-13T23:05:34Z")
> [@acsenray](#): > > What’s this about cake being a lie? Something like “jam yesterday, jam tomorrow, but never jam today”, I think. The Urban Dictonary has an entry, [Urban Dictionary: the cake is a lie](http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=the+cake+is+a+lie) My favorite fart joke is “did somebody step on a duck?” whereas The Devil’s Grandfather prefers to blame the barking spiders. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oversensitive-wife-or-slightly-jerkish-husband/539240.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oversensitive-wife-or-slightly-jerkish-husband/539240.md?page=5)