# Oversensitive wife or slightly jerkish husband? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 13, 2010, 12:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oversensitive-wife-or-slightly-jerkish-husband/539240 "2010-05-13T00:25:23Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Gangster\_Octopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a8b319/32.png) [@Gangster\_Octopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gangster_Octopus)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 11:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oversensitive-wife-or-slightly-jerkish-husband/539240/81 "2010-05-13T23:31:49Z")
It’s neither, it’s [science](http://www.doctorhugo.org/brain4.html). Men just say stuff that isn’t to meaningful and women use their superior brain architectrue (when it comes to language) to read deep meaning into it. I am frequently looking at my wife with the expression, “How did you get THAT out of what i just said?” and then she will explain and I will be like, “Oh, I geuss that makes sense, but seriously how did you get THAT out of what I just said?” ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 11:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oversensitive-wife-or-slightly-jerkish-husband/539240/82 "2010-05-13T23:55:05Z")
> [@acsenray](#): > > What’s this about cake being a lie? It’s a reference to the video game _Portal_. In the game, the protagonist is forced to solve a litany of increasingly dangerous puzzles under the watchful eye of a computerized video monitoring system, which talks to her. It keeps promising her cake if she completes all the levels. At some point in the game you find an abandoned hidden space in which presumably previous failed participants had sought shelter. Scrawled on the wall among other nonsensical ramblings are the words, ‘‘THE CAKE IS A LIE.’’ It’s a funny game. ---
**Author:** ![put\_down\_the\_sabre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/da6949/32.png) [@put\_down\_the\_sabre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/put_down_the_sabre)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oversensitive-wife-or-slightly-jerkish-husband/539240/83 "2010-05-13T23:57:16Z")
> [@Unauthorized\_Cinnamon](#): > > Usually, I cook, and he does the dishes. For which I am very grateful and for which I thank him routinely. > > Often, he finishes up and says, “Your kitchen is repaired,” which has always ever so slightly annoyed me. > > Tonight he mentioned it usually takes him 15 minutes or so to clean up, “depending on how destructive you’ve been.” > > And finally, this bugged me enough to say so. Because these comments strike me as implying that I’m not producing anything of value by preparing food for him and our kids all day most days, I’m just “destroying” things and making work for him. > > He apologized, and even though he did it in that way that has an underlying, “I don’t understand what I did wrong,” he is forgiven. > > But now I wonder - is it me or him? Wow. You are oversensitive. pdts ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2010, 5:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oversensitive-wife-or-slightly-jerkish-husband/539240/84 "2010-05-14T05:49:20Z")
> [@olivesmarch4th](#): > > It’s a reference to the video game _Portal_. > > In the game, the protagonist is forced to solve a litany of increasingly dangerous puzzles under the watchful eye of a computerized video monitoring system, which talks to her. It keeps promising her cake if she completes all the levels. At some point in the game you find an abandoned hidden space in which presumably previous failed participants had sought shelter. Scrawled on the wall among other nonsensical ramblings are the words, ‘‘THE CAKE IS A LIE.’’ > > It’s a funny game. Yes, it is. Its fans typically aren’t, however. “The cake is a lie” has become a nerd handshake much like “May the Force be with you,” said by everyone regardless of whether they’ve actually played the game. When you’re a big time nerd you hear it fairly regularly and it never gets funny. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2010, 5:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oversensitive-wife-or-slightly-jerkish-husband/539240/85 "2010-05-14T05:57:55Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > Yes, it is. Its fans typically aren’t, however. > > “The cake is a lie” has become a nerd handshake much like “May the Force be with you,” said by everyone regardless of whether they’ve actually played the game. When you’re a big time nerd you hear it fairly regularly and it never gets funny. I can’t begrudge it too much, considering it was hearing that phrase repeated over and over on this board that prompted me to buy the game and see what the fuss was all about. Not to minimize the annoyance experienced by hearing it over and over… just to find the silver lining. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2010, 6:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oversensitive-wife-or-slightly-jerkish-husband/539240/86 "2010-05-14T06:01:18Z")
> [@olivesmarch4th](#): > > I can’t begrudge it too much, considering it was hearing that phrase repeated over and over on this board that prompted me to buy the game and see what the fuss was all about. Not to minimize the annoyance experienced by hearing it over and over… just to find the silver lining. Don’t worry, I begrudge it enough for the both of us. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2010, 8:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oversensitive-wife-or-slightly-jerkish-husband/539240/87 "2010-05-14T08:02:51Z")
I used to have a friend who would say things like “Get your fat ass over here,” when the person addressed clearly did not have a fat ass. But I seriously doubt whether he’d say it to a person who actually had a fat ass. In a restaurant, instead of asking the waiter for the check he’d ask “What are the damages?” That sort of thing. It took people a while to get used to this, until they realized he was just trying to be funny and overly-colloquial. It’s just the way some people are. ---
**Author:** ![Tom\_Tildrum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e95f7d/32.png) [@Tom\_Tildrum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tom_Tildrum)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2010, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oversensitive-wife-or-slightly-jerkish-husband/539240/88 "2010-05-14T16:40:33Z")
> [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](#): > > And **Diogenes the Cynic** takes down yet another threat with his divisional tactics. A textbook effort of that which shall not be spoken. > > Stranger It’s actually some sort of meta-irony, that in a thread about how what one person thinks is humor can be taken badly by other people, someone says something that he thinks is humor, and it’s taken badly by other people. ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2010, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oversensitive-wife-or-slightly-jerkish-husband/539240/89 "2010-05-14T16:46:49Z")
> [@Tom\_Tildrum](#): > > It’s actually some sort of meta-irony, that in a thread about how what one person thinks is humor can be taken badly by other people, someone says something that he thinks is humor, and it’s taken badly by other people. The fact that DIO said it, then claimed it was humor just takes it to a whole nother level higher than meta. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2010, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oversensitive-wife-or-slightly-jerkish-husband/539240/90 "2010-05-14T17:11:18Z")
Higher than meta? What’s higher than meta? Post-meta? ---
**Author:** ![Gangster\_Octopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a8b319/32.png) [@Gangster\_Octopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gangster_Octopus)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2010, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oversensitive-wife-or-slightly-jerkish-husband/539240/91 "2010-05-14T17:47:44Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > Higher than meta? What’s higher than meta? Post-meta? meta-meta ---
**Author:** ![overlyverbose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/9dc877/32.png) [@overlyverbose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/overlyverbose)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2010, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oversensitive-wife-or-slightly-jerkish-husband/539240/92 "2010-05-14T17:51:15Z")
> [@curlcoat](#): > > Oh wow, I thought I was the only one that felt this way, since I seem to be surrounded by people who have no trouble repeating the same things over and over and ad nauseum. Nice to know I’m not the only one being sent mad by the 2000th telling of the parrot joke! 😃 Looks like somebody’s got a case of the Mondays. ---
**Author:** ![JCorre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/3da27b/32.png) [@JCorre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JCorre)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2010, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oversensitive-wife-or-slightly-jerkish-husband/539240/93 "2010-05-14T19:13:05Z")
To some guys “repairing” something sounds a lot more satisfying that “cleaning” something. This might have something to do with it. He probably didn’t think there would be any qualitative difference to his wife. ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2010, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oversensitive-wife-or-slightly-jerkish-husband/539240/94 "2010-05-14T19:57:21Z")
> [@Unauthorized\_Cinnamon](#): > > I think the repetition probably has played a role as well. Some things I’m fine with over and over (“the cake is a lie” wouldn’t bother me). But yes, when something rubs you the wrong way, even though you know it’s meant harmlessly (the “repair” line), it does start to grate when you hear it for the ten thousandth time. That’s a good point. A sense of humor implies that you are creative enough to come up with a different joke from time to time. 95 year olds with dimentia are excused. I clean up, and I have never, ever imagined it as a repair job. I also cook (not as much as I’d like to), so I know that dirty pots are part and parcel of cooking. We both clean up during cooking when possible, but for some meals doing this isn’t feasible. But I also enjoy cleaning up, probably from my touch of OCD. ---
**Author:** ![Unauthorized\_Cinnamon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/bc8723/32.png) [@Unauthorized\_Cinnamon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Unauthorized_Cinnamon)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2010, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oversensitive-wife-or-slightly-jerkish-husband/539240/95 "2010-05-14T20:35:00Z")
> [@Gangster\_Octopus](#): > > meta-meta Doo doo, da doo doo Doo doo da doo ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2010, 9:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oversensitive-wife-or-slightly-jerkish-husband/539240/96 "2010-05-14T21:03:52Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > Higher than meta? What’s higher than meta? Post-meta? If you hesitate when you say that you can create a post meta pause. ---
**Author:** ![Tom\_Tildrum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e95f7d/32.png) [@Tom\_Tildrum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tom_Tildrum)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2010, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oversensitive-wife-or-slightly-jerkish-husband/539240/97 "2010-05-14T21:41:10Z")
> [@Gangster\_Octopus](#): > > meta-meta Mega-meta ---
**Author:** ![kanicbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/5f8ce5/32.png) [@kanicbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kanicbird)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2010, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oversensitive-wife-or-slightly-jerkish-husband/539240/98 "2010-05-14T23:10:24Z")
There is a issue, some resentment, where the fault is I don’t know. Having him apologize for something he doesn’t understand is not going to help, just delay and intensify the problem. … From your other post, passive aggressive usually (always?) is from the submissive partner trying to express some form of resistance to the domination of the other, it is usually a put down to try to get to submissive partner to submit more. From this I tend to see it as you are demanding too much and he is near the breaking point. ---
**Author:** ![Salem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8c91f0/32.png) [@Salem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Salem)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2010, 11:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oversensitive-wife-or-slightly-jerkish-husband/539240/99 "2010-05-15T11:29:44Z")
Is the kitchen a complete disaster area when you’re done cooking? Food bits scattered everywhere-- counters, floors, fridge, ceiling fan? Dirty pots sitting on top of the food bits? Utensils left where no utensils have gone before? Open spice bottles with no caps in sight, egg shells with dripping goo, sprigs of parsley in the burners, shredded cheese on the dog? Some people are a hurricane when cooking and do nothing as they go along. Everything is just left where it drops, where it was used, where it was spilled- never to be picked up until after dinner when it’s all had the opportunity to cake and dry and harden and rot. That might be what he’s referring to in a subtle, joking manner. When I cook, I can be messy-- spills, etc. As I’ve gotten older, I tend more and more to clean as I go along. Veggie peals right to the sink to be cleaned up in one big sweep after the salad’s done. Wipe the counter. Move on. Why? Cause I’m the one cleaning up, too. So if I leave it all to the end, it’s going to be twice the work. If I do it as I go along, the kitchen stays clean as I go. The cleaner it stays, the more motivated I am to keep it that way. But from the cleaner’s point of view, if you’re making a total mess as you go and leaving it for him to deal with, when it’s much more work to do, he may be resentful on some level. Does he ever cook? If so, how does he manage the kitchen? Is he a “clean as he goes along” type or a “leave it til after dinner” type? ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2010, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oversensitive-wife-or-slightly-jerkish-husband/539240/100 "2010-05-15T16:57:47Z")
> [@kanicbird](#): > > There is a issue, some resentment, where the fault is I don’t know. Having him apologize for something he doesn’t understand is not going to help, just delay and intensify the problem. I apologize for stuff I don’t understand all the time. That’s part of being married. It seems like I spend half my life going “what? What? What did I do?” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oversensitive-wife-or-slightly-jerkish-husband/539240.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oversensitive-wife-or-slightly-jerkish-husband/539240.md?page=6)