# Oxymorons
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oxymorons/13994
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
**Created:** [February 16, 2000, 10:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oxymorons/13994 "2000-02-16T22:06:00Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 2
### Author:  [@Redwing](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Redwing)
#### Post date: [February 17, 2000, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oxymorons/13994/21 "2000-02-17T17:41:00Z")
Corporate Helpdesk
Corporate Benefits
Process Management
Network Operations
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Letting my inner child run loose and break things.
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### Author:  [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)
#### Post date: [February 17, 2000, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oxymorons/13994/22 "2000-02-17T17:54:00Z")
Compassionate conservatism
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=MqpN=
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### Author:  [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)
#### Post date: [February 17, 2000, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oxymorons/13994/23 "2000-02-17T19:02:00Z")
Republican Party.
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### Author:  [@the\_Scarlet\_Pimpernel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/the_Scarlet_Pimpernel)
#### Post date: [February 17, 2000, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oxymorons/13994/24 "2000-02-17T19:07:00Z")
Sophomore.
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Ass-Toaster Extraordinaire, SDMBSRC
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### Author:  [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)
#### Post date: [February 17, 2000, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oxymorons/13994/25 "2000-02-17T21:25:00Z")
German Humor
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### Author:  [@dougie\_monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dougie_monty)
#### Post date: [February 17, 2000, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oxymorons/13994/26 "2000-02-17T21:38:00Z")
To Shirley Ujest:
I used to work with a carpenter who was from Kiel, Germany. He once told me that the Russians invented the toilet seat–but it was the Germans who got the idea to put a toilet seat in it. 😃
Another time, we were at a donut shop getting donuts and coffee–and I spilled a cup. He called that a “counter-fit.”
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### Author:  [@dougie\_monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dougie_monty)
#### Post date: [February 17, 2000, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oxymorons/13994/27 "2000-02-17T21:40:00Z")
:o :o :o :o Put a HOLE in it!!! :o :o :o :o Put a HOLE in it!!! :o :o :o :o
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### Author:  [@Shayna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shayna)
#### Post date: [February 18, 2000, 3:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oxymorons/13994/28 "2000-02-18T03:43:00Z")
Alone Together
Black Light
Definite Maybe
Down Escalator
Even Odds
Exact Estimate
Genuine Imitation
Hell’s Angels
Holy War
Half Naked
Ill Health
Non-dairy Creamer
Old News
Plastic Silverware
Unbiased Opinion
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“How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world.” - Anne Frank
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### Author:  [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)
#### Post date: [February 18, 2000, 8:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oxymorons/13994/29 "2000-02-18T08:55:00Z")
Free will
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### Author:  [@Patty\_O\_Furniture](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Patty_O_Furniture)
#### Post date: [February 18, 2000, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oxymorons/13994/30 "2000-02-18T23:57:00Z")
silent alarm
wireless cable
mandatory options
death benefits
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### Author:  [@Alan\_Smithee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alan_Smithee)
#### Post date: [February 19, 2000, 6:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oxymorons/13994/31 "2000-02-19T06:36:00Z")
My favorite is from the TV show _Night Court_. The gang is eating together in the cafeteria and Bull (the dumber than dirt bailiff) is doing the crossword. “Does anyone know an eight letter word for two words that don’t go together?” he asks.
“Oxymoron.”
“If you don’t know the answer, Harry, just say so. You don’t have to call people names.”
“No, no, Bull, an oxymoron is two words that don’t go together, like ‘fast stop’ or ‘random order.’”
“Oh. I understand.”
“Good example!”
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### Author:  [@xekul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xekul)
#### Post date: [February 19, 2000, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oxymorons/13994/32 "2000-02-19T17:41:00Z")
> [@](#):
>
> Originally posted by RealityChuck:
> \*\*Sorry, but “jumbo shrimp” is not an oxymoron.
> There’s nothing self-contradictory about large seafood.
>
> \*\*
Jumbo shrimp works as an oxymoron with the colloquial use of ``shrimp’’ to refer to a small person…
* * *
``Beware of elaborate telescopic meat; it will find its way back to the forest.’’
– William S. Burroughs, Tom Waits
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### Author:  [@dmr436](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dmr436)
#### Post date: [February 19, 2000, 11:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oxymorons/13994/33 "2000-02-19T23:52:00Z")
civil war
inside out
forest lawn
I don’t think I saw those here.
🙂
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### Author:  [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)
#### Post date: [February 20, 2000, 1:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oxymorons/13994/34 "2000-02-20T13:58:00Z")
Recorded live
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### Author:  [@the\_Scarlet\_Pimpernel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/the_Scarlet_Pimpernel)
#### Post date: [February 20, 2000, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oxymorons/13994/35 "2000-02-20T17:22:00Z")
non-fat buttermilk
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### Author:  [@Namkcalb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Namkcalb)
#### Post date: [August 17, 2014, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oxymorons/13994/36 "2014-08-17T22:04:16Z")
Consistently unreliable
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### Author:  [@Bill\_Door](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bill_Door)
#### Post date: [August 17, 2014, 10:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oxymorons/13994/37 "2014-08-17T22:11:15Z")
Anarchist organization
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### Author:  [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)
#### Post date: [August 17, 2014, 10:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oxymorons/13994/38 "2014-08-17T22:22:31Z")
Hot-water heater
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### Author:  [@fighting\_ignorant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fighting_ignorant)
#### Post date: [August 17, 2014, 10:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oxymorons/13994/39 "2014-08-17T22:36:24Z")
Lovely zombie
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### Author:  [@Namkcalb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Namkcalb)
#### Post date: [August 17, 2014, 10:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oxymorons/13994/40 "2014-08-17T22:57:29Z")
> [@fighting\_ignorant](#):
>
> Lovely zombie
Well, the loveliest thing about Zombies is that they are\* still animated\*
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