# Page O Flames needs volunteers. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 28, 2003, 4:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/page-o-flames-needs-volunteers/191369 "2003-07-28T04:12:26Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 19\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2003, 4:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/page-o-flames-needs-volunteers/191369/1 "2003-07-28T04:12:26Z")
I don’t read enough of the board to really catch all of the truly memorable stuff that belongs on the [Page O Flames](http://fathom.org/teemingmillions/flames.html), and while I do get intermittent submissions from a few people, I know that a lot of good stuff is being missed. So what I am suggesting/asking is for a small handful of volunteers to help add to the POF. It’s an incredibly simple process, all done through a web interface even simpler than replying to this thread. You don’t need any 733t 5k177z or anything. All you need to do is read the board a lot and keep your eyes open for stuff that is really worth keeping. When such things are found, you would add them to the POF. Anyone interested in the job? [btw, anyone who runs across anything really nifty is still encouraged to submit it to me at [opalcat@fathom.org](mailto:opalcat@fathom.org) … if you find a longer post that is just incredibly great, you can submit that to me for the [Classic Posts](http://tinyurl.com/i8q) page] ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2003, 4:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/page-o-flames-needs-volunteers/191369/2 "2003-07-28T04:33:31Z")
sign me up! i do tons already. ---
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2003, 4:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/page-o-flames-needs-volunteers/191369/3 "2003-07-28T04:49:37Z")
_claps on the shackles_ Ok! That’s one! Anyone else? MUAHAHAHAHA!!! ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2003, 5:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/page-o-flames-needs-volunteers/191369/4 "2003-07-28T05:10:18Z")
I’m in, if you don’t mind me adding “archivist” to my resume. 😉 It’s worrisome, how much I read this board. ---
**Author:** ![Rico](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rico/32/3582_2.png) [@Rico](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rico)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2003, 7:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/page-o-flames-needs-volunteers/191369/5 "2003-07-28T07:04:30Z")
We’ll be happy to help ya, Opal 🙂 Sign me and **cadolphin** up! ---
**Author:** ![SkyBum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e57/32.png) [@SkyBum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SkyBum)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2003, 9:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/page-o-flames-needs-volunteers/191369/6 "2003-07-28T09:54:28Z")
I’m not interested in the job but I just wanted to say that I just spent the better part of my afternoon reading your Page O’ Flames and really enjoyed it. Great page there, keep it up! ---
**Author:** ![dantheman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dantheman/32/9421_2.png) [@dantheman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dantheman)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2003, 11:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/page-o-flames-needs-volunteers/191369/7 "2003-07-28T11:55:00Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Rico \* > \*\*We’ll be happy to help ya, Opal 🙂 > > Sign me and **cadolphin** up! \*\* Hee, hee! Won’t **cadolphin** be surprised! ---
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2003, 3:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/page-o-flames-needs-volunteers/191369/8 "2003-07-28T15:06:10Z")
MUAHAHAHAHA!!! Now what sorts of backbreaking labor can I subject my new slaves to…? ---
**Author:** ![Lobsang](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobsang/32/4067_2.png) [@Lobsang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobsang)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2003, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/page-o-flames-needs-volunteers/191369/9 "2003-07-28T17:30:31Z")
I live here. But I am far too lazy to do any work! ---
**Author:** ![ccwaterback](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/df705f/32.png) [@ccwaterback](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ccwaterback)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2003, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/page-o-flames-needs-volunteers/191369/10 "2003-07-28T20:13:50Z")
You vulgar little maggot. Don’t you know that you are pathetic? You worthless bag of filth. I’ll bet you couldn’t pour piss out of a boot with the instructions on the heel. You are a canker. A sore that won’t go away. I would rather kiss a lawyer on the lips than be seen with you. You are a fiend and a sniveling, back-boneless coward, and you have bad breath. You are degenerate, noxious and depraved. I feel debased just for knowing you exist. I despise everything about you. You are a bloody nardless newbie twit protohominid chromosomally aberrant caricature of a coprophagic cloacal parasitic pond scum. And I wish you would go away. You’re a putrescent mass, a walking vomit. You are a spineless little worm deserving nothing but the profoundest contempt. You are a jerk, a cad, a weasel. Your life is a monument to stupidity. You are a stench, a revulsion, a putrefaction, a big suck on a sour lemon with a lime twist. You are a bleating foal, a curdled staggering mutant dwarf smeared richly with the effluvia and offal accompanying your alleged birth into this world. An insensate, blinking calf, meaningful to nobody, abandoned by the puke-drooling, giggling beasts who sired you and then killed themselves in regret for what they had done. I will never get over the embarrassment of belonging to the same species as you. You are a monster, an ogre, a malformation. I barf at the very thought of you. You have all the appeal of a paper cut. Lepers avoid you. You are vile, worthless, less than nothing. You are a weed, a fungus, a ferment, the dregs of this earth. And did I mention you smell? If you aren’t an idiot, you made a world-class effort at simulating one. Try to edit your writing of unnecessary material before attempting to impress us with your insight. The evidence that you are a nincompoop will still be available to readers, but they will be able to access it more rapidly. You snail-skulled little twit. Would that a hawk pick you up, drive its beak into your brain, and upon finding it rancid set you loose to fly briefly before spattering the ocean rocks with the frothy pink shame of your ignoble blood. May you choke on the queasy, convulsing nausea of your own trite, foolish beliefs. You are weary, stale, flat and unprofitable. You are grimy, squalid, nasty and profane. You are foul and disgusting. You’re a fool, an ignoramus. Monkeys look down on you. Even sheep won’t have sex with you. Your hand even refuses autoerotism. You are unreservedly pathetic, starved for attention, and lost in a land that reality forgot. And what meaning do you expect your delusional self-important statements of unknowing, inexperienced opinion to have with us? What fantasy do you hold that you would believe that your tiny-fisted tantrums would have more weight than that of a leprous desert rat, spinning rabidly in a circle, waiting for the bite of the snake? You are a waste of flesh. You have no rhythm. You are ridiculous and obnoxious. You are the moral equivalent of a leech. You are a living emptiness, a meaningless void. You are sour and senile. You are a disease, you puerile one-handed slack-jawed drooling meat slapper. On a good day you’re a half-wit. You remind me of drool. You are deficient in all that lends character. You have the personality of wallpaper. You are dank and filthy. You are asinine and benighted. You are the source of all unpleasantness. You spread misery and sorrow wherever you go. I cannot believe how incredibly stupid you are. I mean rock-hard stupid. Dehydrated-rock-hard stupid. Stupid so stupid that it goes way beyond the stupid we know into a whole different dimension of stupid. You are trans-stupid stupid. Meta-stupid. Stupid collapsed on itself so far that even the neutrons have collapsed. Stupid gotten so dense that no intellect can escape. Singularity stupid. Blazing hot mid-day sun on the warm side of Mercury stupid. You emit more stupid in one second than our entire galaxy emits in a year. Quasar stupid. Your writing has to be a troll. Nothing in our universe can really be this stupid. Perhaps this is some primordial fragment from the original big bang of stupid. Some pure essence of a stupid so uncontaminated by anything else as to be beyond the laws of physics that we know. I’m sorry. I can’t go on. This is an epiphany of stupid for me. After this, you may not hear from me again for a while. I don’t have enough strength left to deride your ignorant questions and half baked comments about unimportant trivia, or any of the rest of your drivel. The only thing worse than your logic is your manners. I have snipped away most of what you wrote, because, well… it didn’t really say anything. Your attempt at constructing a creative flame was pitiful. I mean, really, stringing together a bunch of insults among a load of babbling was hardly effective… Maybe later in life, after you have learned to read, write, spell, and count, you will have more success. True, these are rudimentary skills that many of us “normal” people take for granted that everyone has an easy time of mastering. But we sometimes forget that there are “challenged” persons in this world who find these things more difficult. If I had known, that this was your case then I would have never read your post. It just wouldn’t have been “right”. Sort of like parking in a handicapped space. I wish you the best of luck in the emotional, and social struggles that seem to be placing such a demand on you (like passing gas, for instance). In short, if I traded you for shit, I would lose the container I brought you in. Otherwise, have a good day. ---
**Author:** ![Lobsang](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobsang/32/4067_2.png) [@Lobsang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobsang)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2003, 8:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/page-o-flames-needs-volunteers/191369/11 "2003-07-28T20:22:00Z")
\ ---
**Author:** ![Dogzilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@Dogzilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dogzilla)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2003, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/page-o-flames-needs-volunteers/191369/12 "2003-07-28T20:24:02Z")
: whimper : ---
**Author:** ![Jaade](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/dfb087/32.png) [@Jaade](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jaade)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2003, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/page-o-flames-needs-volunteers/191369/13 "2003-07-28T21:04:30Z")
OpalCat…I spend far too much time in the Pit 🙂 I’d be happy to help you out. ---
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2003, 10:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/page-o-flames-needs-volunteers/191369/14 "2003-07-28T22:42:54Z")
Jaade: email me ([opalcat@fathom.org](mailto:opalcat@fathom.org)) or send me an IM. AIM = OpalCat, ICQ = 1742242, Yahoo = opalcat\_dot\_com MSN, = too pointless to use ---
**Author:** ![look\_ninjas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/b2d939/32.png) [@look\_ninjas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/look_ninjas)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2003, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/page-o-flames-needs-volunteers/191369/15 "2003-07-28T23:49:08Z")
“You have no rhythm” - Man, that’s cold! ---
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2003, 12:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/page-o-flames-needs-volunteers/191369/16 "2003-07-29T00:11:45Z")
There is a public-submission “Page O One Liners” there as well, for things like the above, that don’t need to be submitted to me, they can be directly added to the page by anyone 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2003, 12:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/page-o-flames-needs-volunteers/191369/17 "2003-07-29T00:26:06Z")
I’d love to help, although I AM trying very hard lately to cut back my time online. (Yes, it’s very hard to do…but plenty of library books are helping). ---
**Author:** ![Lobsang](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobsang/32/4067_2.png) [@Lobsang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobsang)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2003, 12:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/page-o-flames-needs-volunteers/191369/18 "2003-07-29T00:33:20Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Guinastasia \* > \*\*I’d love to help, although I AM trying very hard lately to cut back my time online. (Yes, it’s very hard to do…but plenty of library books are helping). \*\* You’d think the fact that 99.99% of the internet is boring shite would help but Noooooo_oooo_! We have to be adicted to the shite too! What would I be doing if the internet never existed? Something a hellova lot more interesting and constructive I bet. ---
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2003, 1:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/page-o-flames-needs-volunteers/191369/19 "2003-07-29T01:24:27Z")
I think I have enough people now to keep it lively