# Paging fatherjohn ... Paging fatherjohn ... "What would Jesus drive?" **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [November 18, 2002, 3:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/paging-fatherjohn-paging-fatherjohn-what-would-jesus-drive/137253 "2002-11-18T03:15:26Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![UncleBeer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/977dab/32.png) [@UncleBeer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleBeer)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2002, 3:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/paging-fatherjohn-paging-fatherjohn-what-would-jesus-drive/137253/21 "2002-11-18T15:06:06Z")
What would Jesus drive? The [_Christler Jehovan_](http://lordco.virtualave.net/enter/jvan), of course. Water transportation (in case it’s too far for Him to walk) might include something from the line of fine [_Christ Craft_](http://lordco.virtualave.net/enter/ccraft) boats. ---
**Author:** ![3waygeek](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/3/e95f7d/32.png) [@3waygeek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/3waygeek)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2002, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/paging-fatherjohn-paging-fatherjohn-what-would-jesus-drive/137253/22 "2002-11-18T16:31:34Z")
But why would He need a boat, since he can walk on water? Unless, of course, the holes in His feet haven’t healed. ---
**Author:** ![UrbanChic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/9dc877/32.png) [@UrbanChic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UrbanChic)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2002, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/paging-fatherjohn-paging-fatherjohn-what-would-jesus-drive/137253/23 "2002-11-18T16:53:55Z")
Sam wasn’t in _Dogma_. Have I been whoosed? I think Jesus would drive an _obnoxious_ SUV just to piss everyone off…like an H2…or an Escalade…or even an Excursion. And, no, obnoxious SUV is not an oxymoron. ---
**Author:** ![Siege](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dbc845/32.png) [@Siege](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siege)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2002, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/paging-fatherjohn-paging-fatherjohn-what-would-jesus-drive/137253/24 "2002-11-18T17:00:49Z")
No, but Chris Rock was Rufus the 13th apostle who maintained throughout the movie that Jesus was black. By the way, if “obnoxious SUV” isn’t an oxymoron, how about redundant? 😉 Hey! Put those rocks down! Some of my best friends drive SUVs. Trackers, but SUVs. CJ Who realizes that ducking and running for the hills won’t work when you’re taking on SUV drivers. ---
**Author:** ![UrbanChic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/9dc877/32.png) [@UrbanChic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UrbanChic)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2002, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/paging-fatherjohn-paging-fatherjohn-what-would-jesus-drive/137253/25 "2002-11-18T17:07:17Z")
Funny, redundant’s what I meant. I drive an SUV and although I’m obnoxious, my vehicle isn’t. > [@](#): > > Who realizes that ducking and running for the hills won’t work when you’re taking on SUV drivers. Well, it might if they’re driving one of those pansy SUVs…like a CRV, a RAV4 or a Samurai. ---
**Author:** ![Coldfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2002, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/paging-fatherjohn-paging-fatherjohn-what-would-jesus-drive/137253/26 "2002-11-18T17:55:47Z")
Hey! My girlfriend drives a RAV4, and I like it! Therefore, it doesn’t qualify as an SUV to begin with. Hell, it’s got 4 cylinders - it’s obviously not in the same tree-burning league as the other monsters that dwarf it. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![UrbanChic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/9dc877/32.png) [@UrbanChic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UrbanChic)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2002, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/paging-fatherjohn-paging-fatherjohn-what-would-jesus-drive/137253/27 "2002-11-18T18:08:39Z")
One doesn’t so much as drive a RAV4 (and their ilk) as one prays for a steep decline or stiff tailwind… ---
**Author:** ![Coldfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2002, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/paging-fatherjohn-paging-fatherjohn-what-would-jesus-drive/137253/28 "2002-11-18T18:30:36Z")
Feh. You’re talking to the owner of a Peugeot with 75 prancing thoroughbreds under the hood. This kind of car teaches you that driving fast mostly means never to brake, and taking curves professionally. Why, just last Friday, I had the speedometer reach 190 km/h on a slight decline! Next time, I’ll remove the wipers and the antenna, to get past that magic 200 km/h barrier. Fucking spoiled 400 BHP V8-sissies. ---
**Author:** ![jesuslynch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e99b99/32.png) [@jesuslynch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jesuslynch)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2002, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/paging-fatherjohn-paging-fatherjohn-what-would-jesus-drive/137253/29 "2002-11-18T18:38:10Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by 3waygeek \* > \*\*But why would He need a boat, since he can walk on water? … \*\* Cause he forgot where the rocks are. ---
**Author:** ![UrbanChic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/9dc877/32.png) [@UrbanChic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UrbanChic)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2002, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/paging-fatherjohn-paging-fatherjohn-what-would-jesus-drive/137253/30 "2002-11-18T18:46:43Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Coldfire \* > Feh. You’re talking to the owner of a Peugeot with **75 prancing thoroughbreds** under the hood. This kind of car teaches you that driving fast mostly means never to brake, and taking curves professionally. Why, just last Friday, I had the speedometer reach 190 km/h on a slight decline! Next time, I’ll remove the wipers and the antenna, to get past that magic 200 km/h barrier. > > **Fucking spoiled 400 BHP V8-sissies.** lol! ---
**Author:** ![t-keela](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a3d4f5/32.png) [@t-keela](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/t-keela)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2002, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/paging-fatherjohn-paging-fatherjohn-what-would-jesus-drive/137253/31 "2002-11-18T18:54:32Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Coldfire \* > \*\*Feh. You’re talking to the owner of a Peugeot with 75 prancing thoroughbreds under the hood. This kind of car teaches you that driving fast mostly means never to brake, and taking curves professionally. Why, just last Friday, I had the speedometer reach 190 km/h on a slight decline! Next time, I’ll remove the wipers and the antenna, to get past that magic 200 km/h barrier. > > Fucking spoiled 400 BHP V8-sissies. \*\* I’m not up on my metric and too lazy to look…:rolleyes: How fast is that in MPH? ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2002, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/paging-fatherjohn-paging-fatherjohn-what-would-jesus-drive/137253/32 "2002-11-18T19:06:52Z")
Divide by eight, multiply by five. 125mph. ---
**Author:** ![Weirddave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/919ad9/32.png) [@Weirddave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Weirddave)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2002, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/paging-fatherjohn-paging-fatherjohn-what-would-jesus-drive/137253/33 "2002-11-18T20:04:58Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Coldfire \* > \*\*Feh. You’re talking to the owner of a Peugeot with 75 prancing thoroughbreds under the hood. This kind of car teaches you that driving fast mostly means never to brake, and taking curves professionally. Why, just last Friday, I had the speedometer reach 190 km/h on a slight decline! Next time, I’ll remove the wipers and the antenna, to get past that magic 200 km/h barrier. > > Fucking spoiled 400 BHP V8-sissies. \*\* Thus speaks the voice of jealousy, my friends. ---
**Author:** ![t-keela](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a3d4f5/32.png) [@t-keela](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/t-keela)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2002, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/paging-fatherjohn-paging-fatherjohn-what-would-jesus-drive/137253/34 "2002-11-18T20:45:08Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by kaylasdad99 \* > \*\*Divide by eight, multiply by five. 125mph. \*\* So, it’s 5/8th’s of 200, hmm? or .625…thanks.🙂 and I guess 125 is allright, since you included some turns! It won’t outrun the law in these parts though…got some damned long straightaways 'round here. Y’all know what I’m talkin about. What/where’s the longest straight run, w/out any stops or turns? (This might need a new thread) ---
**Author:** ![Coldfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2002, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/paging-fatherjohn-paging-fatherjohn-what-would-jesus-drive/137253/35 "2002-11-18T21:00:59Z")
Oh no, this was without turns. Downhill for like 8 kilometers, or 4.97 miles. 😉 And **weirddave**? Don’t you drive European cars? 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![t-keela](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a3d4f5/32.png) [@t-keela](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/t-keela)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2002, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/paging-fatherjohn-paging-fatherjohn-what-would-jesus-drive/137253/36 "2002-11-18T21:10:23Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by kaylasdad99 \* > \*\*Divide by eight, multiply by five. 125mph. \*\* Allright now!!! wait a minute… is it divided by 8 and multiplied times 5 or NOT?? “Oh no, this was without turns. Downhill for like 8 kilometers, or 4.97 miles.” Must be the new math…😕 ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2002, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/paging-fatherjohn-paging-fatherjohn-what-would-jesus-drive/137253/37 "2002-11-18T21:17:28Z")
Gottwagon? ---
**Author:** ![Coldfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2002, 9:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/paging-fatherjohn-paging-fatherjohn-what-would-jesus-drive/137253/38 "2002-11-18T21:24:29Z")
Ack! 12.87 miles. Multiply by 1.609, not divide. :smack: ---
**Author:** ![Polycarp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/82dd89/32.png) [@Polycarp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polycarp)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2002, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/paging-fatherjohn-paging-fatherjohn-what-would-jesus-drive/137253/39 "2002-11-18T21:27:31Z")
I’ve never understood why people have problems with the metric system. A millimeter is the closest I can hold thumb and forefinger together without having them touch. A centimeter is about the length of a given knuckle. Two decimeters is – well, maybe we better skip that one! 😉 A meter is a “giant step” stride. A kilometer is how far you can walk before you get tired. ---
**Author:** ![t-keela](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a3d4f5/32.png) [@t-keela](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/t-keela)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2002, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/paging-fatherjohn-paging-fatherjohn-what-would-jesus-drive/137253/40 "2002-11-18T21:28:41Z")
Now I’m really confused…8/8=1\*5= 5 miles I give up… [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/paging-fatherjohn-paging-fatherjohn-what-would-jesus-drive/137253.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/paging-fatherjohn-paging-fatherjohn-what-would-jesus-drive/137253.md?page=3)