# Paging John Coffee: We Need Karmic Cancer Redistribution Stat! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [December 13, 2007, 7:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/paging-john-coffee-we-need-karmic-cancer-redistribution-stat/429830 "2007-12-13T07:27:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2007, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/paging-john-coffee-we-need-karmic-cancer-redistribution-stat/429830/41 "2007-12-14T19:04:42Z")
PS- He shot Ronald Reagan to impress Jodie Foster, with whom he was psychotically obsessed. You’ve accused me of being psychotic and of obsessing over Jodie Foster- hence the irony. Twenty years later he was allowed home visits, eventually unsupervised. They were ended a few years ago when he smuggled back numerous contraband materials: pictures and articles on Jodie Foster, because he was still obsessed with her. I don’t know why he swallowed the fly, I guess he’ll die. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2007, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/paging-john-coffee-we-need-karmic-cancer-redistribution-stat/429830/42 "2007-12-14T19:11:04Z")
eta: Unless by “I sometimes mix it up with the guy who shot Reagan” you’re referring to urban sense of [mix it up](http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=mix+it+up), meaning “I occasionally give booty calls to John Hinkley when he’s at his folks and then we go clubbing followed by a 4 am trip to IHOP”, in which case, my bad, and good on you for bringing comfort to a shut in. I mistakenly read it as “mix _him_ up” since that’s grammatical etiquette for referring to people, the use of ‘it’ invariably inviting comparison to “It puts the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again” from a movie starring… her. When will her evil end? ---
**Author:** ![CarnalK](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnalk/32/486_2.png) [@CarnalK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CarnalK)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2007, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/paging-john-coffee-we-need-karmic-cancer-redistribution-stat/429830/43 "2007-12-14T19:12:22Z")
OK. You win the thread. ---
**Author:** ![Denis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/5e9695/32.png) [@Denis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Denis)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2007, 7:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/paging-john-coffee-we-need-karmic-cancer-redistribution-stat/429830/44 "2007-12-14T19:33:28Z")
> [@CarnalK](#): > > OK. You win the thread. Well yes. Yes he does. Quite handily in fact. ---
**Author:** ![CarnalK](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnalk/32/486_2.png) [@CarnalK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CarnalK)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2007, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/paging-john-coffee-we-need-karmic-cancer-redistribution-stat/429830/45 "2007-12-14T19:36:09Z")
[QUOTE=Denis] Well yes. Yes he does. Quite handily in fact. [/QUOTE] Though he did call Liberal a stupid fundamentalist. We should really wait to see if that’s settled. ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2007, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/paging-john-coffee-we-need-karmic-cancer-redistribution-stat/429830/46 "2007-12-14T19:37:37Z")
[QUOTE=Sampiro] PS- He shot Ronald Reagan to impress Jodie Foster, with whom he was psychotically obsessed. [/QUOTE] Fortunately he wasn’t a very good shot. The round that hit Reagan richocheted off the limo. ---
**Author:** ![bobkitty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/c67d28/32.png) [@bobkitty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bobkitty)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2007, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/paging-john-coffee-we-need-karmic-cancer-redistribution-stat/429830/47 "2007-12-14T19:47:08Z")
[QUOTE=FriarTed] Is it okay that this is one of the few times I skimmed through a Sampiro opus to actually get to the point? 😃 [/QUOTE] I completely skipped the second post and skimmed the majority of the rest of it, because I personally think that the Tudor/Jodie Foster/other weird asides really take away from what is, in effect, a pretty horrific (yet typical) story. But that’s just MHO. It’s not that I like everything succinct, it’s just that when I’m getting drawn into a story about The Little Man Getting Fucked I prefer to not be riding an emotional yo-yo. “Now I’m pissed! Now I’m getting a bizarre history lesson! Now I’m pissed again! Now I’m supposed to care that Jodie Foster is a lesbian.. huh. Never mind..” Some random thoughts.. - IME and IMO, Rick is screwed. Those folks encouraging him to pursue legal options have likely never been through the hell that is an unlawful termination suit (worse: an UTS in Georgia), which in all probability would net Rick’s family a pittance and Rick himself nothing but annoyance. I can also tell you how bringing the media in would play out: the terminally ill worker who was already being cautioned about his time off vs. one of the few remaining facilities that cares for people with disabilities.. in the end, the majority of people genuinely don’t care about the _workers_ at these places- they care about the level of care for the residents. They will happily sacrifice every single worker as long as the clients are being well cared for, because there’s a never-ending supply of people who would take up the job. Plus Kevin and Mina just have to trot out the “He threatened our lives- we definitely made the right decision here” and suddenly public sympathy swings to their side. - Rick was the victim of Kevin, of Mina, and of a system that is simply not designed to care about its workers. **But** he was a bit on the naive side to think that a government-supported agency would go out of its way to accomodate him, and he was STUPID AS HELL to trust anyone in a position of power who says “I promise I won’t tell anyone about our conversation…” - Mandatory training is just that- and I can tell you, as someone in the thick of it as well, that every single MH/MR facility in the state of Georgia is utterly, completely freaking the hell out about the changes in Medicaid, JCHO standards, and ORS regulations. Trainings may be available every month, or (like at my facility) they may only come along once/twice a year, and the folks who don’t have the training aren’t allowed to perform certain jobs or (more importantly) be counted on the list of people whose work is reimbursed to the facility by Medicaid. Yes, Rick got hosed, and the reasoning for his firing was beyond unreasonable, but it may indeed have nudged a normally sympathetic person (Mina) over to “yeah, it’s time..” territory. - I have.. little sympathy for anyone who works 60-70 hours a week. If they’re salary, it means they’re handing over those hours for free- WHY do that?? And in a situation like Rick’s I would wonder why he’s not taking advantage of those 10-20 hours a week to spend time with his family (or, if finances are so tight and/or he _has_ to work to retain motivation, get a part-time job). If they’re hourly, they’re getting paid time and a half for those hours- which will put them squarely on the radar of anyone in charge of budgeting for the organization, and put that person first in line at the chopping block when belts need to be tightened. - (this is more against Kevin/Mina) I hate, hate, hate, hate folks who use their sick time to take care of their kids. PTO, okay. Vacation time, okay. Comp time, okay. Sick time? No. Because then it leads to the draconian BULLSHIT of “If you’re out sick, even for a day, you must absolutely bring in a note from the doctor written in triplicate” that most organizations have gone to. Well. I guess I’ll be keeping an eye on the local news. ---
**Author:** ![Denis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/5e9695/32.png) [@Denis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Denis)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2007, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/paging-john-coffee-we-need-karmic-cancer-redistribution-stat/429830/48 "2007-12-14T20:15:04Z")
> [@CarnalK](#): > > Though he did call Liberal a stupid fundamentalist. We should really wait to see if that’s settled. Good point. Of course I think it’s a good point because I don’t believe Liberal is a stupid fundie. ---
**Author:** ![E-Sabbath](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e19adc/32.png) [@E-Sabbath](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/E-Sabbath)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2007, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/paging-john-coffee-we-need-karmic-cancer-redistribution-stat/429830/49 "2007-12-14T20:26:48Z")
[QUOTE=Lute Skywatcher] Fortunately he wasn’t a very good shot. The round that hit Reagan richocheted off the limo. [/QUOTE] Double fortunately on that. He used explosive bullets. No shit. If they’d gone off, we’d be short a President. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2007, 9:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/paging-john-coffee-we-need-karmic-cancer-redistribution-stat/429830/50 "2007-12-14T21:15:54Z")
[QUOTE=E-Sabbath] Double fortunately on that. He used explosive bullets. No shit. If they’d gone off, we’d be short a President. [/QUOTE] . . . Gonna leave that one alone. Hinckley, by the way, people. _Hinckley_. With a “c” in it. ---
**Author:** ![Knowed\_Out](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/knowed_out/32/7380_2.png) [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2007, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/paging-john-coffee-we-need-karmic-cancer-redistribution-stat/429830/51 "2007-12-14T22:00:31Z")
Gay rape fantasies involving psycho assassins in 72 pt font do not a SFW post make. ps: was she really pregnant for 14 months? ---
**Author:** ![Richard\_Parker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/35a633/32.png) [@Richard\_Parker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Richard_Parker)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2007, 10:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/paging-john-coffee-we-need-karmic-cancer-redistribution-stat/429830/52 "2007-12-14T22:07:16Z")
Would this thread make sense if I actually took the time to read it? ---
**Author:** ![EddyTeddyFreddy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eddyteddyfreddy/32/18796_2.png) [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2007, 10:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/paging-john-coffee-we-need-karmic-cancer-redistribution-stat/429830/53 "2007-12-14T22:09:20Z")
[QUOTE=Richard Parker] Would this thread make sense if I actually took the time to read it? [/QUOTE] Depends on what you’re smoking. ---
**Author:** ![Denis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/5e9695/32.png) [@Denis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Denis)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2007, 10:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/paging-john-coffee-we-need-karmic-cancer-redistribution-stat/429830/54 "2007-12-14T22:09:21Z")
No. ---
**Author:** ![eleanorigby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@eleanorigby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eleanorigby)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2007, 10:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/paging-john-coffee-we-need-karmic-cancer-redistribution-stat/429830/55 "2007-12-14T22:14:04Z")
[QUOTE=Richard Parker] Would this thread make sense if I actually took the time to read it? [/QUOTE] Parts of it would. Some of it, well, no. **Sampiro’s** contribution does make sense, it’s just not real linear. Other posters… not so much. So, if Mary Tudor wasn’t preggers, was it water weight? A growth? An incubus? succubus?–always got those two confused (I’m no fan of hers). Did you know that Elizabeth I is buried ON TOP of her sis, Mary Tudor in Westminster Abbey? Tis true per my guide when I was there a few years back. In the words of that lovely volunteer (of which Britain abounds, but I digress), “Lizzie wanted to make sure Mary wasn’t rising from that grave!” That guide was the also the one who told me that Camilla had the “face of a horse” (this was back when Diana and Charles were still married and alive and all that–in fact, I think the news had broken recently that Charles wanted to be Camilla’s tampon. Ah, the British royalty–vagina obsessed throughout the centuries… ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2007, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/paging-john-coffee-we-need-karmic-cancer-redistribution-stat/429830/56 "2007-12-14T23:49:32Z")
[QUOTE=Knowed Out] Gay rape fantasies involving psycho assassins in 72 pt font do not a SFW post make. [/quote] 😕 Which post was that? > [@Knowed Out](#): > > ps: was she really pregnant for 14 months? AIUI, she wasn’t really pregnant for even one month. The way **Sampiro** wrote it, I was inclined to think her marriage was never even consummated. It sounded like the queen was growing a tumor for up to fourteen months. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2007, 12:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/paging-john-coffee-we-need-karmic-cancer-redistribution-stat/429830/57 "2007-12-15T00:48:48Z")
[QUOTE=kaylasdad99] 😕 Which post was that? [/QUOTE] Not sure of that myself, but if Gloria says I wrote it I must have. She brought me that ham sandwich before leaving Levi Pants. [QUOTE=kaylasdad99] It sounded like the queen was growing a tumor for up to fourteen months. [/QUOTE] Yep. She had at least two “false pregnancies” (of of them _possibly_ a real pregnancy that ended in miscarriage], but by the time of the second one her courtiers knew it was absolutely impossible: she and Felipe had not slept together in months [as evidenced by the fact he was in Spain and she was in England and he didn’t have a penis that would reach across France and the Netherlands and the Channel all the way into Hampton Court (it in fact left off at Cornwall), but it was a good idea to humor her. They were quite surprised when she did begin showing signs of pregnancy- her period stopped, her abdomen began swelling, she began having major back pains, etc., but it was clear to her doctors what it was- even then abdominal tumors were identifiable. Mary of course would not hear of it- it was a baby, and the reason she never went into labor was because she’d angered God by being too lenient with Protestants, and this began a round of persecutions and burnings that earned her the name Bloody Mary. Eventually she accepted what it was though she never acknowledged it. Courtiers were advised never to inquire about or mention her majesty’s “pregnancy”, and she did not mention it again either. The last months of her reign were spent dying in pain, alone, knowing she was hated, her writings indicating a strong sense and reflection of “_Eloi Eloi lama sabachthani_” as she accepted her mortality, her failure of a marriage (she was 11 years older than her husband, who was a syphiletic horndog with many bastards and a dead wife by the time he met her) and the fact that when she died the crown would pass to the half-sister she hated above all else, who was attractive, young enough to bear a dozen sons, and loved by the same people who hated her. Hence, the perfect analogy of a bitter self-pitying evil queen, albeit one I feel great pity for, unlike Kevin. Perotine Massey is the name of the woman gave birth while in the flames and whose child was thrown back into them still alive. I suspect but can’t prove that the idea for Jiffy Pop popcorn was born at the same time. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2007, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/paging-john-coffee-we-need-karmic-cancer-redistribution-stat/429830/58 "2007-12-15T02:11:30Z")
You’re _so_ going to hell for that footnote, **Sampiro**. 'Course, I’m still laughing about it, so how about whichever one of us kicks first saves a seat for the other? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Knowed\_Out](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/knowed_out/32/7380_2.png) [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2007, 12:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/paging-john-coffee-we-need-karmic-cancer-redistribution-stat/429830/59 "2007-12-15T12:37:01Z")
[QUOTE=kaylasdad99] 😕 Which post was that? [/QUOTE] Well OK, got me there. Now that I’m looking at this from the safety of home, I see that it’s not a rape fantasy, but a torrid love triangle. It’s still NSFW. I only looked at it for 0.000005 seconds before paging it down, lest any superiors at my workplace walk by and wonder why **THAT CUNT JOHN HINKLEY** is on my project header. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2007, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/paging-john-coffee-we-need-karmic-cancer-redistribution-stat/429830/60 "2007-12-15T18:03:20Z")
Word. It’s **HINCKLEY**. I’d fire someone who had **JOHN HINKLEY** on his screen. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/paging-john-coffee-we-need-karmic-cancer-redistribution-stat/429830.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/paging-john-coffee-we-need-karmic-cancer-redistribution-stat/429830.md?page=4)