# Paging John Coffee: We Need Karmic Cancer Redistribution Stat! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [December 13, 2007, 7:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/paging-john-coffee-we-need-karmic-cancer-redistribution-stat/429830 "2007-12-13T07:27:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![CarnalK](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnalk/32/486_2.png) [@CarnalK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CarnalK)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2007, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/paging-john-coffee-we-need-karmic-cancer-redistribution-stat/429830/61 "2007-12-15T19:30:08Z")
[QUOTE=kaylasdad99] . . . Gonna leave that one alone. Hinckley, by the way, people. _Hinckley_. With a “c” in it. [/QUOTE] Try telling that to Sampiro. He seems pretty convinced otherwise, judging from post 39. > [@Denis](#): > > Good point. Of course I think it’s a good point because I don’t believe Liberal is a stupid fundie. That’s the same reason I made the point. Why else? Liberal’s more crazy than stupid and “Fundie” is a bizarre accusation since Liberal seems more than happy to a drop parts of the bible that don’t fit with his vision of “god’s love”. But it looks like he’s done the mature thing and let it drop. I suppose we should too. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2007, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/paging-john-coffee-we-need-karmic-cancer-redistribution-stat/429830/62 "2007-12-15T19:34:21Z")
[QUOTE=CarnalK] Try telling that to Sampiro. He seems pretty convinced otherwise, judging from post 39. [/QUOTE] A misspelling on a message board…[My God… what have I done?](http://www.smh.com.au/ffximage/2007/07/27/kwaimain_070725023422612_wideweb__300x375,1.jpg) ---
**Author:** ![CarnalK](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnalk/32/486_2.png) [@CarnalK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CarnalK)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2007, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/paging-john-coffee-we-need-karmic-cancer-redistribution-stat/429830/63 "2007-12-15T19:36:26Z")
Missed the joke again, huh? For a “funny guy” you sure do that a lot. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2007, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/paging-john-coffee-we-need-karmic-cancer-redistribution-stat/429830/64 "2007-12-15T19:42:02Z")
**[STANDARD DISCLAIMER 1]The above reference to BRIDGE ON THE RIVER KWAI and the hyperlink is to a photograph of Sir Alec Guinness, deceased, remain the property of their respective owners and should not be intended as the expression of a gay rape fantasy on the expression of the Straight Dope Message Board, Chicago Reader, the late bisexual Sir Alex Guinness, or the estate of Pierre Boulle [though I still think Dr. Zaius was living on the down low].** \*\* [STANDARD DISCLAIMER 1.1]: The above reference does not in any way imply a gay rape fantasy of Dr. Zaius or any other orangutan, evolved or otherwise. This may or may not extend to other Maurice Evans characters.[/STANDARD]\*\* ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2007, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/paging-john-coffee-we-need-karmic-cancer-redistribution-stat/429830/65 "2007-12-15T19:42:50Z")
[QUOTE=CarnalK] Missed the joke again, huh? For a “funny guy” you sure do that a lot. [/QUOTE] That wasn’t a joke, that was you being a dick. This seems to be a regular source of confusion for you. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2007, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/paging-john-coffee-we-need-karmic-cancer-redistribution-stat/429830/66 "2007-12-15T19:47:07Z")
[QUOTE=CarnalK] Missed the joke again, huh? For a “funny guy” you sure do that a lot. [/QUOTE] Ah, sorry, I thought that was typing, not a joke. I didn’t realize the intrinsic jocular value of writing “post 39”. :rolleyes: You know, for a guy who likes to pop into my threads and say I write too much and make no sense, you seem to dedicate an inordinate amount of time to reading my writing. To paraphrase a famous question once asked by my kinsman, Joshua Josephson McGod, > [@](#): > > CarnalK, CarnalK, why trollest thou me? ---
**Author:** ![CarnalK](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnalk/32/486_2.png) [@CarnalK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CarnalK)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2007, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/paging-john-coffee-we-need-karmic-cancer-redistribution-stat/429830/67 "2007-12-15T20:13:57Z")
[QUOTE=Miller] That wasn’t a joke, that was you being a dick. This seems to be a regular source of confusion for you. [/QUOTE] I guess that’s an eye of the beholder type thing. Don’t really think you’re one to talk, though. You often come off as a sniping bitch yourself though usually siding with the Dope majority. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2007, 8:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/paging-john-coffee-we-need-karmic-cancer-redistribution-stat/429830/68 "2007-12-15T20:16:09Z")
Yes, but I do it with style. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2007, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/paging-john-coffee-we-need-karmic-cancer-redistribution-stat/429830/69 "2007-12-15T20:48:40Z")
[QUOTE=CarnalK] I guess that’s an eye of the beholder type thing. [/QUOTE] The “joke” again was: > [@](#): > > Try telling that to Sampiro. He seems pretty convinced otherwise, judging from post 39. Dude- give it up. That’s not a _joke_. A joke, for future reference, is - a humorous anecdote or remark intended to provoke laughter; “he told a very funny joke”; “he knows a million gags”; “thanks for the laugh”; "he … - jest: activity characterized by good humor - antic: a ludicrous or grotesque act done for fun and amusement - a triviality not to be taken seriously; “I regarded his campaign for mayor as a joke” There are other meanings but they are no more relevant. Many words have different meanings; for example, the word _troll_ can mean - To drag a baited line behind a slow moving boat. - the Scandanavian term for elf, sometimes described as being hairy and ugly, although they are able to change their shape into anything they please. - a race of giants appearing in various Northern mythologies. - a user of a newsgroup, forum or message board that posts messages with the intent of inciting an argument or flame-war. Speech is a funny thing, how the same word can completely alter the meaning of a statement. Example: I am a gay man and consequently enjoy fucking assholes. CarnalK is a fucking asshole, but I don’t enjoy him at all. In fact, I think the world would generally be a teensy bit better place if he left. This is caused by the difference of adjective and verb, though that doesn’t have to be the case. I mention this because I think a misconception of word usage is causing you major problems in the way you live your life and define yourself: all the people who look at you and say “What a dick”- hon, they’re not paying you a compliment or even speaking anatomically. Sampiro out. ---
**Author:** ![CarnalK](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnalk/32/486_2.png) [@CarnalK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CarnalK)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2007, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/paging-john-coffee-we-need-karmic-cancer-redistribution-stat/429830/70 "2007-12-15T22:16:43Z")
Now I think I finally get it. You don’t like me. Thanks for laboriously spelling it out. Verbosity is the soul of wit, after all. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2007, 11:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/paging-john-coffee-we-need-karmic-cancer-redistribution-stat/429830/71 "2007-12-15T23:18:11Z")
Let’s see if I can summarise **Sampiro’s Post** : Rick got brain cancer from his evil homophobic Boss Jodie Foster who was pregnant by King Henry the 8th for 14 months. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2007, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/paging-john-coffee-we-need-karmic-cancer-redistribution-stat/429830/72 "2007-12-15T23:56:56Z")
Close enough. ---
**Author:** ![eleanorigby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@eleanorigby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eleanorigby)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2007, 12:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/paging-john-coffee-we-need-karmic-cancer-redistribution-stat/429830/73 "2007-12-16T00:01:49Z")
All this thread needs is for Jodie Foster to announce that she will play Mary Tudor in an upcoming film and I’ll have died and gone to heaven… without being gay OR having brain cancer! (brain cancer reference not intended to snark on poor Richard). ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2007, 12:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/paging-john-coffee-we-need-karmic-cancer-redistribution-stat/429830/74 "2007-12-16T00:43:31Z")
[QUOTE=CarnalK] Verbosity is the soul of wit, after all. [/QUOTE] Eh, it beats snark. But then so does masturbating in your own feces (but then, as with the identity of John Hin **c** kley, I’m sure you already know that). ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2007, 12:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/paging-john-coffee-we-need-karmic-cancer-redistribution-stat/429830/75 "2007-12-16T00:46:47Z")
[QUOTE=eleanorigby] (brain cancer reference not intended to snark on _ **poor Richard** _). [/QUOTE] {emphasis mine} Oh wonderful, now you’ve added Ben Franklin, which of course brings in 1776 tunes. “For it’s high high high diddle/and God bless a man with brain cancer/and Mary Tudor’s kid! Hi hi hi hi-i-i-i-i- through chemotherapy…” You’ve ruined my perfectly good rape fantasy about Alec Guinness’s Christmas cancer with your irrelevant allusions. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2007, 12:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/paging-john-coffee-we-need-karmic-cancer-redistribution-stat/429830/76 "2007-12-16T00:55:40Z")
[QUOTE=eleanorigby] All this thread needs is for Jodie Foster to announce that she will play Mary Tudor in an upcoming film… [/QUOTE] PS- I can totally [see her](http://msnbcmedia2.msn.com/j/msnbc/Components/Photos/070911/070911_jodie_foster_vsm_1p.widec.jpg) in [the role](http://www.traditioninaction.org/SOD/SODimages3/108_marytudorage28.jpg) though. (Of course, Jodie could play Miss Jane Pittman, Nancy Reagan, and Valerie Bertinelli in the same film and be convincing as each.) To date the best Bloody Mary has been Daphne Slater in _Elizabeth R_ hands down- captured the intelligence, the horror, and the real pathos of the character. ---
**Author:** ![eleanorigby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@eleanorigby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eleanorigby)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2007, 1:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/paging-john-coffee-we-need-karmic-cancer-redistribution-stat/429830/77 "2007-12-16T01:20:09Z")
Are you ok, **Sampiro**? Not that I didn’t follow you to the Almanac and all…plus, I’ve seen that musical. I’m not sure what scares me more: your flights of ideas or my keeping up with them! I could see Jodie doing the whole Lady Jane Grey, think ( or could when she was younger). Hell she could play Mary Tudor AND Ben Franklin in the same scene and carry it off… But she’d be brilliant as Squeeky Fromm. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2007, 1:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/paging-john-coffee-we-need-karmic-cancer-redistribution-stat/429830/78 "2007-12-16T01:41:18Z")
[QUOTE=eleanorigby] But she’d be brilliant as Squeeky Fromm. [/QUOTE] I doubt she’d do a musical of _Assassins_ though, not unless they scrapped Squeaky’s duet. ---
**Author:** ![CarnalK](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnalk/32/486_2.png) [@CarnalK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CarnalK)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2007, 2:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/paging-john-coffee-we-need-karmic-cancer-redistribution-stat/429830/79 "2007-12-16T02:15:21Z")
[QUOTE=Sampiro] Eh, it beats snark. But then so does masturbating in your own feces (but then, as with the identity of John Hin **c** kley, I’m sure you already know that). [/QUOTE] Quite honestly, injecting that Jodie Foster bit and then a maxi length post about a completely unrelated Mary Tudor story as “part 2” feels every bit as obnoxious as snark to me. “I’m such a great writer that I can put miles of unrelated bullshit in the middle and everyone will still be highly entertained!”. The reality is, and this is not meant as an olive branch so don’t bother slapping it away, you actually can put on an entertaining read. Your lengthy asides can sometimes be fun but not when they are self-indulgent crap completely unrelated to the point of your story. Why don’t you send your long languishing novel to a professional independent editor for comments, as often suggested in those “wanna be a writer” type threads around here. I can’t imagine him being much kinder than me. ---
**Author:** ![Mighty\_Girl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7bcc69/32.png) [@Mighty\_Girl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mighty_Girl)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2007, 3:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/paging-john-coffee-we-need-karmic-cancer-redistribution-stat/429830/80 "2007-12-16T03:45:17Z")
Some of us like it. If you don’t just don’t read it. It’s really \*that \*simple. You don’t need to torture yourself to protect us from Sampiro, it’s mighty selfless of you, but there’s really no need. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/paging-john-coffee-we-need-karmic-cancer-redistribution-stat/429830.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/paging-john-coffee-we-need-karmic-cancer-redistribution-stat/429830.md?page=5)