# pain of seeing an ex again **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 21, 2002, 5:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pain-of-seeing-an-ex-again/133186 "2002-10-21T05:00:01Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 14\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Adridne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ccd318/32.png) [@Adridne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Adridne)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2002, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pain-of-seeing-an-ex-again/133186/21 "2002-10-21T21:11:41Z")
Paper Bag by Fiona Apple. Blessings by Dar Williams. ---
**Author:** ![Angel\_of\_the\_Lord](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/angel_of_the_lord/32/2949_2.png) [@Angel\_of\_the\_Lord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Angel_of_the_Lord)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2002, 10:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pain-of-seeing-an-ex-again/133186/22 "2002-10-21T22:51:20Z")
1.) It fades slowly. I went through a pretty icky breakup at the beginning of this year, and things basically sucked for a while. Additionally, the ex-SO wanted to continue the friendship, which meant that I had to deal with him on a regular basis, hear about who he wanted to go out with. . .not fun. I went through cycles of “why was I going out with him anyway? this is so much better for me!” and “I want him BACK! ::crying::.” Fortunately, within a few months, I was basically resigned to the fact that the ending was for the best. I still get a little jolt of emotion sometimes–the cold weather, for instance, reminds me of him. But it’s more of a “hey, I remember XXX! That sure was fun when we were going out.” 2.) For me, getting out, meeting new friends, and generally keeping busy was the best way to go. It allowed me to realize that, hey, I wasn’t totally undesireable as a person–I wasn’t horrible, and people DID want to be friends with me. And they were cool people, too, and hanging out with them didn’t ALLOW me time to be sorry for myself. Also…through being more social, I allowed my friend from back home to drag me to a LARP this summer. There, I met someone else. Which, as you know, is another way to feel better, but I wouldn’t recommend doing so until you’re actually READY for a new relationship. 3.) Eminem helped out a lot. So did Linkin Park, Avail, and other loud, not necessarily good bands. I had to stay the hell away from Staind, though–that was “our” CD, in so much as we actually had a CD. Note this though–the music you use as getting-over-breakup music is quite possibly going to be music you’re not going to want to listen to for a while. Just to warn you–don’t pick a song that you do NOT want a negative association attatched to. ---
**Author:** ![jacksen9](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ce73a5/32.png) [@jacksen9](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jacksen9)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2002, 12:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pain-of-seeing-an-ex-again/133186/23 "2002-10-22T00:36:52Z")
Richard Pryor has a great line on this subject. “It’s like they get ‘beautifuller’, with some other mofo that looks good”. If you want a really good laugh rent _Live On SunSet Strip_ , Richard Pryor. He has some very funny insights on this subject. But yes, to answer your question, eventually you will think about them less and less. People say you shouldn’t rush into another relationship…I disagree. I would encourage you to get involved with someone asap. Not seriously involved. It is good to stay busy and explore other possibilities. Hang in there. ---
**Author:** ![PhilAlex](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/839c29/32.png) [@PhilAlex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PhilAlex)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2002, 3:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pain-of-seeing-an-ex-again/133186/24 "2002-10-22T03:11:03Z")
I met a girl, thru a “Friend” in college. Man, did I fall hard. Catch was, she was seeing someone else. I was “Told” that relationship was on the rocks. Anyhow… She was constantly “Rubbed” in my face as the one I couldn’t have. So, after about 4 or 5 “meetings”, I stopped asking, reacting or anything about her. Fast forward to last year. I see her at a wedding of a pal who “introduced” us. Didn’t talk to her, or her new fiance. Thing is, even tho I \>KNOW\< she’s 100% wrong, that first one hurts. Also: What really, really hurts is the way I was “played” by so-called friends. Anyhow. I’ve met lots of other nice ones since… and have my eyes on a cutie (not thru a friend) But yea. I hear everything that was said above. PS: Music: SUNDAYS - BLIND ---
**Author:** ![Nocturne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/9fc348/32.png) [@Nocturne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nocturne)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2002, 3:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pain-of-seeing-an-ex-again/133186/25 "2002-10-22T03:37:48Z")
Music: “I’ll Never Fall in Love Again”–I like Elvis Costello’s version. “Hallelujah”–Leonard Cohen “Motorcycle Driveby”–Third Eye Blind “Black Star”–Radiohead ---
**Author:** ![Medea\_s\_Child](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8baadc/32.png) [@Medea\_s\_Child](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Medea_s_Child)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2002, 4:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pain-of-seeing-an-ex-again/133186/26 "2002-10-22T04:16:25Z")
1. It fades. Some better than others. I have a break up that I test by going and reading our old e-mails. The happy ones, the sad ones, the lame ones. Its a neat test on good days. Inevitably, I’ll hit one that will make me suck my breath in like a gut punch and I’ll cry good for ten minutes or so. But every time I do it I get through more. And every time I do it I realise that I’ve thought of him less and less. There was a time when I couldn’t go a day. A week. A month. I’m a busy person, a busy life, and truly a wonderful being in and of myself. And I’m that every day. 1. You can be damn happy with yourself. Not in a “God, look what xxxx is missing Now!” way. But love yourself. Do things just for you. Take yourself on you dates randomly. (I like dropping by a bookstore and picking up some trashy sci-fi on impulse, or a new CD.) Get a life that is wholly yours and admirable by your own standards. Small amounts of avoidance and denial can help for a bit too. But know they are just a crutch, and the the day will come when you have to get rid of even the little crutches. 2. Eva Cassidy’s _Time After Time_. Its catharthic, and sometimes the purification of weeping is just sooo good. ---
**Author:** ![angelicate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d6d6ee/32.png) [@angelicate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/angelicate)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2002, 10:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pain-of-seeing-an-ex-again/133186/27 "2002-10-22T10:02:41Z")
1.Will the hurt ever just stop? Eventually, yes. 2.Will certain things make it better/worse? The only thing that got me over the first guy I ever truely fell in love with was starting a new relationship with the guy that I’d eventually marry. I was still infatuated with the first guy when I started dating my husband, though, which almost ruined this relationship too, but eventually I worked that out, and now I’m happier than I ever was. I still talk to the first guy (He was my best friend), but no longer have the feelings of “what if?” that I used to have when I’d talk to him. 3.Any good music for this type of thing The Cure’s “Disintegration.” The whole album, not just that one song. ---
**Author:** ![Dragon\_Phoenix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bcef8e/32.png) [@Dragon\_Phoenix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dragon_Phoenix)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2002, 11:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pain-of-seeing-an-ex-again/133186/28 "2002-10-22T11:32:32Z")
Best… break-up song… ever… Cup of coffee - Garbage. Lyrics excerpt: \*You left behind some clothes My belly summersaults when I pick them off the floor My friends all say they’re worried I’m looking far too skinny I’ve stopped returning all their calls And no of course we can’t be friends Not while I’m still so obsessed I want to ask where I went wrong But don’t say anything at all - ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2002, 11:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pain-of-seeing-an-ex-again/133186/29 "2002-10-22T11:39:09Z")
## quote: _SHAKES_ ## Unfurtunately the pain never really goes away. **Phlosphr** said Now come on Shakes! Thats not the best advice. And its not exactly correct either… **re Phlosphr:** Upon review, as in the case of the OP yes you are right the pain does go away. I guess I was thinking about my case in particular where me and my ex-wife share a son. And that imho is a whole differnt ball game. Not to downplay **caffeine\_overdose’s** genuine pain. I guess basicaly all I have to say is; it sucks I know, but things will get better. ---
**Author:** ![Hello\_Again](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/85e7bf/32.png) [@Hello\_Again](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hello_Again)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2002, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pain-of-seeing-an-ex-again/133186/30 "2002-10-22T18:14:06Z")
I suggest reading or viewing “High Fidelity” by Nick Hornby (the movie stars Jon Cusak). Best. Breakup. Movie. Ever. personally I would stay faaar away from any sort of syrupy pop music with breaking up as its theme… “Do I listen to pop music because I’m miserable, or is it that I’m miserable because I listen to pop music?” ---
**Author:** ![dRoid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/54ee81/32.png) [@dRoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dRoid)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2002, 1:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pain-of-seeing-an-ex-again/133186/31 "2002-10-23T01:38:15Z")
I just prefer to begin a regular schedule of stalking when they break up with me. Once the police get involved, it’s usually enough to make me forget about the girl… ---
**Author:** ![caffeine\_overdose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/85e7bf/32.png) [@caffeine\_overdose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/caffeine_overdose)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2002, 3:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pain-of-seeing-an-ex-again/133186/32 "2002-10-23T03:30:29Z")
WOW. You guys kick ass. I thought I would get one, two posts max but I guess that everyone has gone through bad breakups and wants to help/tell about them. I feel kind of bad though because compared to some of the stories mine was a walk in the park. I think it only feels this bad because it is my first ‘real’ relationship. Some of those songs look pretty good and my Patsy Cline Mp3 is getting old. Thanks for the advice ---
**Author:** ![Meatros](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Meatros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Meatros)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2003, 1:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pain-of-seeing-an-ex-again/133186/33 "2003-01-14T01:38:24Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by dRoid \* > \*\*I just prefer to begin a regular schedule of stalking when they break up with me. > > Once the police get involved, it’s usually enough to make me forget about the girl… \*\* [http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?s=&threadid=156230](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?s=&threadid=156230) Wow, you have time to stalk ex-girlfriend and still be engaged to two women? Or did they _just_ find out about each other?:rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Meatros](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Meatros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Meatros)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2003, 1:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pain-of-seeing-an-ex-again/133186/34 "2003-01-14T01:41:13Z")
OMG-I’m a dumbass, _just how old is this thread?_ [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pain-of-seeing-an-ex-again/133186.md?page=1)