# Painfully unfunny stand-up comics
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/painfully-unfunny-stand-up-comics/339176
**Category:** Cafe Society
**Created:** [January 9, 2006, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/painfully-unfunny-stand-up-comics/339176 "2006-01-09T17:26:28Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@want2know](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/want2know)
#### Post date: [January 9, 2006, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/painfully-unfunny-stand-up-comics/339176/1 "2006-01-09T17:26:28Z")
After spending the past several months listening to XM 150 (the uncensored comedy channel), I’ve heard some very funny comics–and some that just plain suck. Years ago, I would have said that the late **George Miller** was the most painful to listen to. However, I have been recently exposed to one **Doug Stanhope**. I thought Miller’s bitterness was hard to take; this asshat sinks it to a new low! Is there _anyone_ who thinks this guy is actually _funny_ ?
Anyhoo, Dopers, which stand-ups make you cringe?
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### Author:  [@Dunderman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dunderman)
#### Post date: [January 9, 2006, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/painfully-unfunny-stand-up-comics/339176/2 "2006-01-09T17:33:45Z")
Not exactly stand-ups, but Bob Saget on _America’s Funniest Home Videos_ and Dave Foley on _Celebrity Poker Showdown_ always make me cringe, feel embarrassed and sympathetic for the poor saps who have to sit there and laugh. Even though Saget’s performance is clearly the worst of the two, Foley’s is more painful as he was actually funny in _Kids In The Hall_.
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### Author:  [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)
#### Post date: [January 9, 2006, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/painfully-unfunny-stand-up-comics/339176/3 "2006-01-09T17:34:02Z")
[An earlier thread on unfunny comics.](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=238864&highlight=unfunny)
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### Author:  [@Revtim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revtim)
#### Post date: [January 9, 2006, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/painfully-unfunny-stand-up-comics/339176/4 "2006-01-09T17:36:49Z")
I heard some Doug Stanhope on a free internet comedy channel, and found him surprisingly funny; I thought he was terrible on The Man Show. One line of his I’m waiting for the opportunity to use: “I was so constipated I had to ‘start myself’ with a butterknife like a bottle of ketchup!”.
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### Author:  [@Revtim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revtim)
#### Post date: [January 9, 2006, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/painfully-unfunny-stand-up-comics/339176/5 "2006-01-09T17:40:25Z")
> [@Priceguy](#):
>
> Not exactly stand-ups, but Bob Saget on _America’s Funniest Home Videos_ and Dave Foley on _Celebrity Poker Showdown_ always make me cringe, feel embarrassed and sympathetic for the poor saps who have to sit there and laugh. Even though Saget’s performance is clearly the worst of the two, Foley’s is more painful as he was actually funny in _Kids In The Hall_.
I hear Saget is actually funny when he does his standup (I haven’t heard it myself). But apparently he’s very, very blue, which is quite a shock for his “Full House” fans when they show up.
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### Author:  [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)
#### Post date: [January 9, 2006, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/painfully-unfunny-stand-up-comics/339176/6 "2006-01-09T18:05:08Z")
I hated Howie Mandell’s standup with a passion. The goofy grin, chuckle, and the stupid tricks he would milk for hours and hoooourssss…now I see that he’s shaved his head and is hosting some game show. I’ll be sure to avoid it.
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### Author:  [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)
#### Post date: [January 9, 2006, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/painfully-unfunny-stand-up-comics/339176/7 "2006-01-09T18:15:03Z")
i nominate george lopez, dat phan (the bag of ass lunch that won the first “last comic standing”) and dane cook.
that last one should piss people off, but it’s just not funny.
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### Author:  [@Draelin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Draelin)
#### Post date: [January 9, 2006, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/painfully-unfunny-stand-up-comics/339176/8 "2006-01-09T18:26:54Z")
> [@Revtim](#):
>
> I hear Saget is actually funny when he does his standup (I haven’t heard it myself). But apparently he’s very, very blue, which is quite a shock for his “Full House” fans when they show up.
Somewhere I have a tape of an HBO “Young Comedians” special that featured Saget before _Full House_ was inflicted on the masses. Not only was he downright _dirty_, he was absolutely hilarious. I cut him a lot of slack in later years for that.
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### Author:  [@The\_Blonde\_Bomber](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Blonde_Bomber)
#### Post date: [January 9, 2006, 6:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/painfully-unfunny-stand-up-comics/339176/9 "2006-01-09T18:42:26Z")
\*\*Bob Saget \*\* - I found him in the opposite way most have. I saw him do stand-up first and thought he was great. And I saw him on Full House and AFV and thought his personality just SUCKED. That smarmy smile, the droopy depressed eyes… everything about the guy annoyed me. Which was fascinating to me because I still enjoy his standup routine.
**Bobcat Goldthwait** (sp?) - anyway, I’d look this up, but it’s not worth my time. Never made me laugh once. His annoying delivery aside, I just don’t see the humor in a guy that acts like a drunken, strung-out weirdo that screams and spits into the mike. I never thought much of his material, but I’d be curious if it stood up with a normal delivery.
**Emo Philips** - Some funny lines, but watching him on stage is like watching one of Calvin’s famous snowmen melting to death. Slow and painful. Plus, the slow-motion delivery makes me think of listening to Larry Brown or Bob Woodward. Sloooooooooo Moooooooootion is not funny.
**Mo Rocca** - I don’t even know if he’s a comedian, since I’ve only seen him on VH1 with “comedian” after his name. But he sucks. Period.
**Tom Green** - I don’t get it, I don’t get it, I don’t get it… Maybe you just have to be 12 to appreciate 100% toilet humor.
**Every female stand-up comic.** They all seem like one or two trick ponies, and hearing angry relationship and sex jokes are not my cup of tea. I know I’m not their target audience, but it seems that there are very few successful female comics for a reason. I’ve often wondered why Seinfeld can make me laugh talking about a grocery cart wheel but no woman can. I saw Lily Tomlin on stage many years ago, and it was ok, but not slap-your-knee funny. I saw Steven Wright about the same time and I’m still quoting his lines. Many women I’ve spoken to feel the same way, although they do admit to relating to the material much better. But to me, funny is funny. I don’t have to be black to laugh at a black comic’s point of view. I wonder why it’s different for me? The only female comic I remotely enjoyed was **Roseanne Barr** , before she became famous.
**Robert Klein** - I throw him on the list only because of his “I can’t stop my leg” song and his singing in general. It was funny the first time 30 years ago. Let it go, man. His material is pretty good, but the songs put me over the edge.
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### Author:  [@Push\_You\_Down](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Push_You_Down)
#### Post date: [January 9, 2006, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/painfully-unfunny-stand-up-comics/339176/10 "2006-01-09T18:55:39Z")
I went to an open mic night a couple of nights ago… Now THERE were some unfunny standups.
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### Author:  [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)
#### Post date: [January 9, 2006, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/painfully-unfunny-stand-up-comics/339176/11 "2006-01-09T18:56:22Z")
I don’t even remember his name, but some poor bastard I saw doing stand-up in a now defunct sportsbar in Aliquippa, PA ca. 1995. He was a sweaty, awkward mess who couldn’t even get his audience to acknowledge that he was there! The people in that bar completely ignored the poor sod. They didn’t even boo or heckle him. I had a seat at the bar just a few feet from him, so I struck up a conversation with him and “talked him through” his 15 minutes. I guess I should say in his defense that while we were chatting he said some pretty funny things, but he had absolutely no talent for stand-up whatever.
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### Author:  [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)
#### Post date: [January 9, 2006, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/painfully-unfunny-stand-up-comics/339176/12 "2006-01-09T19:03:02Z")
Huh. I saw this thread, and I figured the first ten posts would consist of nothing but the name “Colin Quinn” over and over again.
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### Author:  [@D\_Odds](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/D_Odds)
#### Post date: [January 9, 2006, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/painfully-unfunny-stand-up-comics/339176/13 "2006-01-09T19:07:42Z")
**Miller** , I was surprised to see no mention of Carrot Top. Maybe he’s so bad he’s not even considered a comic.
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### Author:  [@yanceylebeef](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yanceylebeef)
#### Post date: [January 9, 2006, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/painfully-unfunny-stand-up-comics/339176/14 "2006-01-09T19:21:47Z")
I hesitate to mention him, because his act revolves around being the unfunniest comedian alive, but the comedic stylings of [Mr. Neil Hamburger](http://www.americasfunnyman.com/) are legendary.
I haven’t laughed that hard at a show since, well, ever, I think.
Bad phrasing, bad jokes, horrible uncomfotable silences, it’s brillliant.
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### Author:  [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)
#### Post date: [January 9, 2006, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/painfully-unfunny-stand-up-comics/339176/15 "2006-01-09T19:30:10Z")
Who’s the chick comic who delivers _every goddam punchline real fast under her breath_ right after the setup, as if she thinks she’s capable of subliminal voice projection? Like this: _“I went to a new nail salon…I think they really did a good jobifyoulikeiguanatalons…”_
OTOH, I kinda miss George Miller.
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### Author:  [@Hostile\_Dialect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hostile_Dialect)
#### Post date: [January 9, 2006, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/painfully-unfunny-stand-up-comics/339176/16 "2006-01-09T19:36:50Z")
I think Dane Cook is hilarious, same for George Lopez. I haven’t listened to either in a while, but last time I did I held them in high regard.
I do agree that Dat Phan is pretty unfunny. I also second the vote for Tom Green.
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### Author:  [@drm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drm)
#### Post date: [January 9, 2006, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/painfully-unfunny-stand-up-comics/339176/17 "2006-01-09T19:39:50Z")
> [@The Blonde Bomber](#):
>
> **Every female stand-up comic**
I want to disagree to be politically correct but I actually agree with you. I know there’s one I find really funny but I can’t remember her name.
Regarding **Bob Saget** , his was by far the dirtiest version of the joke in The Aristocrats - and believe me, that is quite an accomplishment.
I’ll see Emo Philips and Tom Green but raise you a Dave Coulier.
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### Author:  [@Don\_Draper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_Draper)
#### Post date: [January 9, 2006, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/painfully-unfunny-stand-up-comics/339176/18 "2006-01-09T19:44:26Z")
> [@Miller](#):
>
> Huh. I saw this thread, and I figured the first ten posts would consist of nothing but the name “Colin Quinn” over and over again.
Who was the guy that Colin Quinn replaced as “anchor” of SNL News Update? The guy who said there was a conspiracy to get rid of him because of all the O.J. Simpson jokes he made? That skinny guy with the BIG ears? Yeah, that guy. Boy was he ever unfunny. Not funny doing standup, not funny on SNL - either in skits or as “anchor” of news update. No dude, there was no conspiracy by O.J. Simpson’s pals to get rid of you - the brass at NBC just saw that you were clearly remarkably stand-out UNfunny in the most unfunny period of SNL’s history.
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### Author:  [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)
#### Post date: [January 9, 2006, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/painfully-unfunny-stand-up-comics/339176/19 "2006-01-09T19:53:00Z")
> [@Art Vandelay](#):
>
> Who was the guy that Colin Quinn replaced as “anchor” of SNL News Update? The guy who said there was a conspiracy to get rid of him because of all the O.J. Simpson jokes he made? That skinny guy with the BIG ears? Yeah, that guy. Boy was he ever unfunny. Not funny doing standup, not funny on SNL - either in skits or as “anchor” of news update. No dude, there was no conspiracy by O.J. Simpson’s pals to get rid of you - the brass at NBC just saw that you were clearly remarkably stand-out UNfunny in the most unfunny period of SNL’s history.
Norm McDonald. Actually, he was pretty funny early in his career. I don’t know what happened.
Colin Quinn wasn’t mentioned earlier in this thread because the subject of this thread is _comedians_, not walking, talking festering sores on the ass of comedy.
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### Author:  [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)
#### Post date: [January 9, 2006, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/painfully-unfunny-stand-up-comics/339176/20 "2006-01-09T19:56:19Z")
> [@Mr. Blue Sky](#):
>
> Colin Quinn wasn’t mentioned earlier in this thread because the subject of this thread is _comedians_, not walking, talking festering sores on the ass of comedy.
So, Carrot-Top is out too?
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