# Pan Fried Virus **URL:** \ **Category:** Factual Questions\ **Created:** [March 8, 2006, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pan-fried-virus/347539 "2006-03-08T14:52:13Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 15\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2006, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pan-fried-virus/347539/1 "2006-03-08T14:52:13Z")
Just getting over the flu. Told my boss it was Ebola so I could get a few days off work, but it’s really just the flu\*. I’m considering going back to work and inserting the occasional “tweet” in my speech while telling people it was bird flu. I’m impossible to work with. Anyway. In my feverish delerium I got to thinking about dope and, now that I can crawl to the computer I must ask: 1. Hot bath feel good when dealing with fever & ague: …a) is that a bad idea? …b) does it help in combatting the little viral bastards causing me so much grief? 2. What would a pint of virus look like if it were in a mason jar on the counter in my kitchen? Color, texture, smell, etc. 3. As they are mostly protein–is there any nutritional value to viruseseses? Am I getting _anything_ out of this ordeal? 4. How would viruseseses react if you had the above-referenced pint of pure, uncontaminated bug, and applied it to a hot iron frying skillet? - For the love of all that’s holy, please don’t come in here asking, "Are you sure it was Flu and … " My guts are fine, my head has imploded, I’ve got those “beaten all over with a stale bran muffin” blues and I’ve burned off 4 pounds of stubborn fat while supporting a most wonderful fever and muscle quakes. ---
**Author:** ![AHunter3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ahunter3/32/368_2.png) [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2006, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pan-fried-virus/347539/2 "2006-03-08T15:37:52Z")
> [@](#): > > 1. As they are mostly protein–is there any nutritional value to viruseseses? Am I getting anything out of this ordeal? They’re using your raw material to reproduce themselves, including hijacking your low-level transcriperase tools to do the replicating for them. Your protein is becoming new thems. ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2006, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pan-fried-virus/347539/3 "2006-03-08T18:45:06Z")
> [@AHunter3](#): > > They’re using your raw material to reproduce themselves, including hijacking your low-level transcriperase tools to do the replicating for them. Your protein is becoming new thems. Thinking about it that way just gives me the worst heebie-jeebies. Thanks. ---
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2006, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pan-fried-virus/347539/4 "2006-03-08T19:24:56Z")
If it makes you feel any better, remember that the “you” that the virus is stealing wasn’t really yours to begin with. It was that chicken that you ate and turned into yourself. ---
**Author:** ![anyrose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/54ee81/32.png) [@anyrose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/anyrose)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2006, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pan-fried-virus/347539/5 "2006-03-08T19:35:51Z")
I’ll take number two (because I have a fatigue induced imagination) Viruses are an unpleasant green in color, small spherical things with branches at the ends of which are little knobbies. Some of these knobbies have mandibles; it is with these that the viri feed on your healthy cells Viri have [Foglio Eyes](http://www.studiofoglio.com/art/originals/comics/whatsnew/dragon2/DragonWN.11.html) and nasty dispositions. ---
**Author:** ![LiveOnAPlane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/3d9bf3/32.png) [@LiveOnAPlane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LiveOnAPlane)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2006, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pan-fried-virus/347539/6 "2006-03-08T20:20:33Z")
> [@Zsofia](#): > > Thinking about it that way just gives me the worst heebie-jeebies. Thanks. Yeah, for some reason, the movie “The Thing” keeps popping into my head. Well, he better stay away from me; I have a loaded flamethrower and I ain’t afraid to use it! ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2006, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pan-fried-virus/347539/7 "2006-03-08T21:50:54Z")
> [@Smeghead](#): > > If it makes you feel any better, remember that the “you” that the virus is stealing wasn’t really yours to begin with. It was that chicken that you ate and turned into yourself. Well, _that’s_ only natural, right? I turn other things into me! Nothing turns _mes_ into _it_, if I can help it! ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2006, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pan-fried-virus/347539/8 "2006-03-08T21:57:53Z")
> [@Smeghead](#): > > If it makes you feel any better, remember that the “you” that the virus is stealing wasn’t really yours to begin with. It was that chicken that you ate and turned into yourself. And so, we are all connected in The Great. Circle. Of Life. ---
**Author:** ![Blake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a9a28c/32.png) [@Blake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blake)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2006, 10:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pan-fried-virus/347539/9 "2006-03-08T22:37:58Z")
> [@Inigo Montoya](#): > > 1. What would a pint of virus look like if it were in a mason jar on the counter in my kitchen? Color, texture, smell, etc. Probably varies a bit with the virus, but essentially an off-white to brown [crystalline solid](http://www.che.utoledo.edu/nadarajah/webpicts/tob.gif). You would probably mistake it for raw sugar. > [@](#): > > 1. As they are mostly protein–is there any nutritional value to viruseseses? Am I getting _anything_ out of this ordeal? There is nutritional value in viruses provided you could harvest them form another host. When you are the host you lose on the deal big time. > [@](#): > > 1. How would viruseseses react if you had the above-referenced pint of pure, uncontaminated bug, and applied it to a hot iron frying skillet? I imagine it would be much the same as if you applied soy or whey protein supplement to a skillet. If you didn’t add any oil or water it would turn black and start to smoke eventually. If you added oil or water you would produce a kind of gravy. > [@anyrose](#): > > it is with these that the viri feed on your healthy cells Please, there is no such word as viri. One virus, two viruses. ---
**Author:** ![Nancarrow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c37758/32.png) [@Nancarrow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nancarrow)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2006, 12:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pan-fried-virus/347539/10 "2006-03-09T00:32:33Z")
> [@Inigo Montoya](#): > > 1. What would a pint of virus look like if it were in a mason jar on the counter in my kitchen? Color, texture, smell, etc. I haven’t a clue. But it does remind me of a long ago chemistry lesson in school, the teacher was explaining basic atomic structure to us and apologised for being unable to show us a ‘bottle of electrons’. Fun times. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2006, 11:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pan-fried-virus/347539/11 "2006-03-09T23:16:02Z")
> [@](#): > > Please, there is no such word as viri. One virus, two viruses. I’m aware of all the arguments that there is no such word, but there should be, on the grounds that the standard Englich plural “viruses” is ugly and cumbersome. ---
**Author:** ![Blake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a9a28c/32.png) [@Blake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blake)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2006, 11:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pan-fried-virus/347539/12 "2006-03-09T23:30:28Z")
> [@Chronos](#): > > I’m aware of all the arguments that there is no such word, but there should be, on the grounds that the standard Englich plural “viruses” is ugly and cumbersome. Do you also object to buses for the same reason? Women are like bi, there will be another one along in 15 minutes? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Sage\_Rat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sage_rat/32/399_2.png) [@Sage\_Rat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sage_Rat)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2006, 6:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pan-fried-virus/347539/13 "2006-03-10T06:54:46Z")
> [@Nancarrow](#): > > apologised for being unable to show us a ‘bottle of electrons’ Fluorescent lights? ---
**Author:** ![Colophon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f05b48/32.png) [@Colophon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colophon)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2006, 1:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pan-fried-virus/347539/14 "2006-03-10T13:11:59Z")
> [@Blake](#): > > Women are like bi Like, cool! Can I watch? ---
**Author:** ![Jonathan\_Chance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jonathan_chance/32/701_2.png) [@Jonathan\_Chance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jonathan_Chance)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2006, 1:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pan-fried-virus/347539/15 "2006-03-10T13:17:04Z")
> [@Smeghead](#): > > If it makes you feel any better, remember that the “you” that the virus is stealing wasn’t really yours to begin with. It was that chicken that you ate and turned into yourself. Allow me to quote Logan-5: “But it’s different this time because it’s ME!”