# Pardon, but could you please nuke this penis for me? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 16, 2006, 2:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pardon-but-could-you-please-nuke-this-penis-for-me/372916 "2006-09-16T02:19:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Queen\_Tonya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/4491bb/32.png) [@Queen\_Tonya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Queen_Tonya)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2006, 2:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pardon-but-could-you-please-nuke-this-penis-for-me/372916/1 "2006-09-16T02:19:44Z")
[Woman Guilty After Microwaving Fake Penis At Store](http://www.clickondetroit.com/news/9856578/detail.html)😕 So she needs to pass a drug test and asks her male buddy to donate some clean urine. Urine needs to be body temp to pass muster, hence the microwaving request. Okay, that part I get, but how a fake urine-filled penis would help _her_ to pass a drug test…yep, that’s where I get lost. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2006, 2:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pardon-but-could-you-please-nuke-this-penis-for-me/372916/2 "2006-09-16T02:30:40Z")
Why did they need to replace the microwave? ---
**Author:** ![myskepticsight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/cc9497/32.png) [@myskepticsight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/myskepticsight)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2006, 2:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pardon-but-could-you-please-nuke-this-penis-for-me/372916/3 "2006-09-16T02:51:21Z")
Cause it had pee in it. ---
**Author:** ![Queen\_Tonya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/4491bb/32.png) [@Queen\_Tonya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Queen_Tonya)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2006, 2:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pardon-but-could-you-please-nuke-this-penis-for-me/372916/4 "2006-09-16T02:56:14Z")
I’m still boggling over “Gosh, Bob, thanks for the clean pee, now what would be an unobtrusive and convienent way to smuggle it into my drug test…hmmm” Props to the clerk for looking out for, well the possibly newly castrated set I suppose. ---
**Author:** ![brendon\_small](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/brendon_small/32/17101_2.png) [@brendon\_small](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brendon_small)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2006, 7:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pardon-but-could-you-please-nuke-this-penis-for-me/372916/5 "2006-09-16T07:03:46Z")
Hmmm…I know this may sound a little crude (but where better than MPSIMS)… is it possible she was going to insert the fake penis filled with urine…ya know…in there :eek: …to carry it in. Maybe she practiced walking with it in, that way she could slip by undetected. I know when my gf had to take a drug test for her work, they sent her to the local hospital where she had to empty all pockets, lock her purse in a drawer, and other such stuff, then leave the cup-thing of urine on the toilet for them to pick up and move to wherever they test it. She was also not allowed to wash her hands…any clue why that is? …but I could see her using something penis-shaped to smuggle in clean urine. The lady in the article, I mean, not my gf… 😉 Brendon ---
**Author:** ![Antigen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/848f3c/32.png) [@Antigen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antigen)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2006, 7:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pardon-but-could-you-please-nuke-this-penis-for-me/372916/6 "2006-09-16T07:11:38Z")
See, I thought this thread would be about a bad breakup, and fantasy revenge on some jerk’s genitalia using nuclear weapons. Little bitty mushroom cloud billowing from some cheating bastard’s crotch… I mean, piping hot pee in a plastic penis is pretty neat too, as far as OPs go, but it’s got nothing on a mushroom-cloud crotch. ---
**Author:** ![if6was9](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/e47c2d/32.png) [@if6was9](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/if6was9)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2006, 9:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pardon-but-could-you-please-nuke-this-penis-for-me/372916/7 "2006-09-16T09:10:24Z")
Now wait! > [@](#): > > It turned out the object was fake, **the type used to beat a urine test.** :eek: There are readily available fake penises (peni?) strictly for the purpose of beating drug tests??? With our focus there (and other equally ridiculous places) how could the terrorists NOT have already won? Like shooting fish in a barrel… ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2006, 11:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pardon-but-could-you-please-nuke-this-penis-for-me/372916/8 "2006-09-16T11:29:23Z")
[QUOTE=if6was9] There are readily available fake penises (peni?) strictly for the purpose of beating drug tests??? [/QUOTE] You didn’t hear about Tom Sizemore trying (and failing) to use one? No shit. (And now they’re going to do a reality show about him, but that’s another thread.) ---
**Author:** ![Surly\_Chick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ec9cab/32.png) [@Surly\_Chick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Surly_Chick)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2006, 3:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pardon-but-could-you-please-nuke-this-penis-for-me/372916/9 "2006-09-16T15:07:52Z")
[QUOTE=twickster] You didn’t hear about Tom Sizemore trying (and failing) to use one? No shit. (And now they’re going to do a reality show about him, but that’s another thread.) [/QUOTE] I believe he also has his own porn site starring himself. :eek: I really enjoy his acting - the legitimate kind, that is. It’s a shame he went off the rails so badly. ---
**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2006, 11:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pardon-but-could-you-please-nuke-this-penis-for-me/372916/10 "2006-09-17T11:08:27Z")
[QUOTE=brendon\_small] She was also not allowed to wash her hands…any clue why that is? [/QUOTE] Yeah, I wonder about that too. ---
**Author:** ![drewbert](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drewbert/32/15890_2.png) [@drewbert](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewbert)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2006, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pardon-but-could-you-please-nuke-this-penis-for-me/372916/11 "2006-09-17T15:30:14Z")
[QUOTE=Antigen] See, I thought this thread would be about a bad breakup, and fantasy revenge on some jerk’s genitalia using nuclear weapons. Little bitty mushroom cloud billowing from some cheating bastard’s crotch… [/QUOTE] That’s OK. _I_ thought someone had come up with a new nickname for Kim Jung Il. ---
**Author:** ![dwyr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dwyr/32/363_2.png) [@dwyr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dwyr)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2006, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pardon-but-could-you-please-nuke-this-penis-for-me/372916/12 "2006-09-17T20:34:17Z")
[QUOTE=Rilchiam] Yeah, I wonder about that too. [/QUOTE] When drug screen specimens are taken at our workplace you can’t wash your hands simply because the sink has been removed from the restroom. This is to prevent people from watering down the specimen with warm water from the sink. The temperature check will catch it if they scoop up water from the toilet. ---
**Author:** ![Peter\_Morris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/peter_morris/32/359_2.png) [@Peter\_Morris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peter_Morris)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2006, 11:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pardon-but-could-you-please-nuke-this-penis-for-me/372916/13 "2006-09-17T23:14:07Z")
[QUOTE=if6was9] There are readily available fake penises (peni?) strictly for the purpose of beating drug tests???. [/QUOTE] Google **powdered urine** there’s a whole industry built arount beating drug tests. Of course, you would have to be crazy to trust these people. “Dear credit card company, I’d like to report a fraud. I bought a packet of powdered urine for $100 to beat the drugs test, and what I got turned out to be gatorade. Please investigate.”