# Pardon me I think I need a Judge's ruling here. He said WHAT? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 16, 2007, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pardon-me-i-think-i-need-a-judges-ruling-here-he-said-what/412040 "2007-07-16T22:00:14Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Sticks\_and\_Scones](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sticks_and_scones/32/16951_2.png) [@Sticks\_and\_Scones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sticks_and_Scones)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2007, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pardon-me-i-think-i-need-a-judges-ruling-here-he-said-what/412040/1 "2007-07-16T22:00:14Z")
So, my boyfriend posts to a different message board. This is a public space and his screen name is pretty easy for me to figure out. I was reading through some of the posts on the board and I happened to come across two separate posts where he refers to me as his fiancee. What? That’s not a party that I’ve ever been invited to. Men and women of the Dope… Any thoughts on this, motivations, etc.?? :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Mindfield](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mindfield/32/19759_2.png) [@Mindfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mindfield)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2007, 10:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pardon-me-i-think-i-need-a-judges-ruling-here-he-said-what/412040/2 "2007-07-16T22:26:58Z")
Either, A) It’s not him, or B) There’s a shiny thing and a bit of ceremony in your immediate future. So, you’re either about to be surprised and happy (assuming this would be a good thing to you) or party to a Three’s Company episode. Without further evidence however I can’t make ruling[sup]\*[/sup]. [sub]\* I am not a judge, nor do I play one on TV. I just don’t look good in robes.[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Sticks\_and\_Scones](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sticks_and_scones/32/16951_2.png) [@Sticks\_and\_Scones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sticks_and_Scones)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2007, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pardon-me-i-think-i-need-a-judges-ruling-here-he-said-what/412040/3 "2007-07-16T22:35:19Z")
Here comes the judge… lol Nah, it was him. It was just kind of matter of fact stuff like my fiancee and I will be going to the movies tomorrow evening. ---
**Author:** ![Sunrazor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sunrazor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunrazor)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2007, 10:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pardon-me-i-think-i-need-a-judges-ruling-here-he-said-what/412040/4 "2007-07-16T22:36:43Z")
There may be a few more possibilities: Wishful thinking on his part. If he’s tried to bring up the subject and you weren’t receptive or encouraging, he may be just dreaming in the anonymity of a discussion board. Perhaps he believes you’re more than a girlfriend – much more – and wants to portray you as someone very important in his life, but he knows of only one word that describes you, imperfect and incorrect though it may be. Or, as \*\*Mindfield \*\* suggested, maybe the poster isn’t your boyfriend at all. ---
**Author:** ![Nikki\_Tikki\_Tavi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/3da27b/32.png) [@Nikki\_Tikki\_Tavi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nikki_Tikki_Tavi)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2007, 10:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pardon-me-i-think-i-need-a-judges-ruling-here-he-said-what/412040/5 "2007-07-16T22:40:21Z")
Do you live together? Have you been dating for a long time? Maybe he’s just trying to convery the seriousness of your relationship to the posters of that board in easy to understand terms. Does he know you read his posts? My honest advice? If he doesn’t know you’re reading his posts, it borders on snooping and no good can come of it. Either you’ve ruined a suprise for yourself or you’re going to be disappointed when the proposal doesn’t come. ---
**Author:** ![Sticks\_and\_Scones](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sticks_and_scones/32/16951_2.png) [@Sticks\_and\_Scones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sticks_and_Scones)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2007, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pardon-me-i-think-i-need-a-judges-ruling-here-he-said-what/412040/6 "2007-07-16T22:45:13Z")
No, we don’t live together, about an hours’ drive apart. We’ve been together about six months. Maybe it is snooping, but that wasn’t my original intent. It’s a political message board if you must know. Not just casual chatter. I don’t think he’s going to propose anytime soon, we’ve both got too much going on in our lives right now. That’s why I was looking for alternate reasons that someone might say that. ---
**Author:** ![Arnold\_Winkelried](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Arnold\_Winkelried](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arnold_Winkelried)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2007, 10:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pardon-me-i-think-i-need-a-judges-ruling-here-he-said-what/412040/7 "2007-07-16T22:46:03Z")
Maybe it really is him but he’s talking about some other girl. ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2007, 10:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pardon-me-i-think-i-need-a-judges-ruling-here-he-said-what/412040/8 "2007-07-16T22:47:39Z")
[QUOTE=Arnold Winkelried] Maybe it really is him but he’s talking about some other girl. [/QUOTE] That was my thought too. ---
**Author:** ![Sticks\_and\_Scones](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sticks_and_scones/32/16951_2.png) [@Sticks\_and\_Scones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sticks_and_Scones)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2007, 10:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pardon-me-i-think-i-need-a-judges-ruling-here-he-said-what/412040/9 "2007-07-16T22:48:47Z")
Erm, no. He specifically mentions a vacation that he and I will be taking together. Good thoughts, though. ---
**Author:** ![garygnu](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/garygnu/32/2924_2.png) [@garygnu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/garygnu)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2007, 10:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pardon-me-i-think-i-need-a-judges-ruling-here-he-said-what/412040/10 "2007-07-16T22:53:03Z")
Perhaps he thinks (rightfully or not) that other posters there would think lesser of him if he referred to you as simply his girlfriend. It could hold connotations of imaturity or a fear of commitment. ---
**Author:** ![Push\_You\_Down](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/push_you_down/32/9095_2.png) [@Push\_You\_Down](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Push_You_Down)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2007, 11:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pardon-me-i-think-i-need-a-judges-ruling-here-he-said-what/412040/11 "2007-07-16T23:15:00Z")
He’s using shorthand. The girl I am currently seeing isn’t really my girlfriend, but in situations where saying “The girl I’m currently seeing that isn’t really my girlfriend” is a bit much… I’ll just say “girlfriend” And quit snooping. ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2007, 12:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pardon-me-i-think-i-need-a-judges-ruling-here-he-said-what/412040/12 "2007-07-17T00:08:08Z")
So now you are your own other woman. That’s kinky, in a self-reflexive sort of way. Why not just ask him about it? ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2007, 12:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pardon-me-i-think-i-need-a-judges-ruling-here-he-said-what/412040/13 "2007-07-17T00:20:08Z")
My guess: He thinks he’ll look more mature to the other members of the board if he has a “fiancee” rather than a “girlfriend.” ---
**Author:** ![FisherQueen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/58f4c7/32.png) [@FisherQueen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FisherQueen)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2007, 12:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pardon-me-i-think-i-need-a-judges-ruling-here-he-said-what/412040/14 "2007-07-17T00:20:16Z")
It’s a shorthand term, because ‘girlfriend’ feels too casual to him for the level your relationship is at, and ‘pre-fiancee’ is silly. He wants his forum readers to get that you’re a serious, long-term part of his life. It doesn’t necessarily mean that he’s going to be popping the question this week. You could ask him about it, you know. Communication is important in a marriage. ---
**Author:** ![DudleyGarrett](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d9b06d/32.png) [@DudleyGarrett](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DudleyGarrett)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2007, 12:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pardon-me-i-think-i-need-a-judges-ruling-here-he-said-what/412040/15 "2007-07-17T00:27:02Z")
What’s the difference to you? He’s not talking negatively about you. I’m assuming he’s never publicly introduced you as is fiancee. He’s talking politics with complete strangers and like another poster said, it probably makes him feel more mature. No big deal. ---
**Author:** ![Mama\_Tiger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/6de8d8/32.png) [@Mama\_Tiger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mama_Tiger)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2007, 12:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pardon-me-i-think-i-need-a-judges-ruling-here-he-said-what/412040/16 "2007-07-17T00:50:45Z")
Maybe he’s trying to fight off all the other women who lust after him on that other board by making them think he’s unavailable. Most likely he’s just trying to make your relationship sounds more serious than boyfriend/girlfriend, though. There’s nothing really between there and fiancee. _As **FisherQueen** just pointed out. Gah. Read the whole thread before writing your post, self!_ ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2007, 12:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pardon-me-i-think-i-need-a-judges-ruling-here-he-said-what/412040/17 "2007-07-17T00:58:44Z")
It wasn’t snooping? Bull…, oops can’t use that in this forum. ---
**Author:** ![Sticks\_and\_Scones](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sticks_and_scones/32/16951_2.png) [@Sticks\_and\_Scones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sticks_and_Scones)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2007, 1:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pardon-me-i-think-i-need-a-judges-ruling-here-he-said-what/412040/18 "2007-07-17T01:01:04Z")
I appreciate all of these opinions, thank you. Just what I was looking for. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2007, 1:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pardon-me-i-think-i-need-a-judges-ruling-here-he-said-what/412040/19 "2007-07-17T01:08:25Z")
I called my brother-in-law my brother-in-law long before he and my sister married. I didn’t think boyfriend carried the weight, especially since they had been living together for over a decade. Now that they’re married, I still call him my brother-in-law, but I’m not fudging the truth to do it. ---
**Author:** ![Q.E.D](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/51bf81/32.png) [@Q.E.D](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Q.E.D)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2007, 1:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pardon-me-i-think-i-need-a-judges-ruling-here-he-said-what/412040/20 "2007-07-17T01:11:11Z")
[QUOTE=Boyo Jim] It wasn’t snooping? Bull…, oops can’t use that in this forum. [/QUOTE] Bullshit. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pardon-me-i-think-i-need-a-judges-ruling-here-he-said-what/412040.md?page=2)