# Pardon My Zinger- your favorite Simpsons one-liners **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [August 30, 2002, 2:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pardon-my-zinger-your-favorite-simpsons-one-liners/126294 "2002-08-30T14:20:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![elf6c](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/c57346/32.png) [@elf6c](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elf6c)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2002, 2:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pardon-my-zinger-your-favorite-simpsons-one-liners/126294/1 "2002-08-30T14:20:00Z")
Ah the random one-liners thrown off during a episode. Often, they have **nothing** to do with the plot, just a great line they had to fit in. My favorite: Homer [turning back to the television]: “Ah the Luftwaffe, the Washington Generals of the History Channel”. 😃 What’s yours? ---
**Author:** ![gex\_gex](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/94ad74/32.png) [@gex\_gex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gex_gex)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2002, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pardon-my-zinger-your-favorite-simpsons-one-liners/126294/2 "2002-08-30T15:34:06Z")
He’s gone mad with power, like that Albert Schweitzer guy! ---
**Author:** ![Jorel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f19dbf/32.png) [@Jorel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jorel)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2002, 3:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pardon-my-zinger-your-favorite-simpsons-one-liners/126294/3 "2002-08-30T15:56:00Z")
Grandpa: “I’m gonna smooch her like a mule eatin’ an apple” for some reason this cracks me up. ---
**Author:** ![Mullinator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c2a13f/32.png) [@Mullinator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mullinator)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2002, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pardon-my-zinger-your-favorite-simpsons-one-liners/126294/4 "2002-08-30T16:27:37Z")
Homer, regarding Jesus wearing sandals: “Well, maybe if he had better arch support they wouldn’t have caught him.” ---
**Author:** ![pldennison](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/9fc29f/32.png) [@pldennison](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pldennison)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2002, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pardon-my-zinger-your-favorite-simpsons-one-liners/126294/5 "2002-08-30T17:35:22Z")
“Hitler, North Dakota?” ---
**Author:** ![photopat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e95f7d/32.png) [@photopat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/photopat)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2002, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pardon-my-zinger-your-favorite-simpsons-one-liners/126294/6 "2002-08-30T17:39:23Z")
Homer, at the door, wearing a grocery bag: “I have misplaced my pants.” ---
**Author:** ![crazyfox](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9d8465/32.png) [@crazyfox](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/crazyfox)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2002, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pardon-my-zinger-your-favorite-simpsons-one-liners/126294/7 "2002-08-30T17:45:01Z")
After Moe puts a giant rufinol into a cart of beer to tranquilize the destructive and bothersome Homer the Giant, and then drag him into the hills. theres still some of the spiked beer left… Moe: "Ok see you all later, I’m goin to the Barn Dance. ---
**Author:** ![cmburns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/4491bb/32.png) [@cmburns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmburns)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2002, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pardon-my-zinger-your-favorite-simpsons-one-liners/126294/8 "2002-08-30T18:47:06Z")
My favorites are the ones that have become inside jokes with my friends and coworkers who are also Simpson’s fans. These are some that we liberally sprinkle through conversation. At a restaurant, when the food is not up to par: “Tastes like burning.” When caused any physical or mental pain: “Right in the glavin.” When in trouble of any sort: “Save me, Jebus!” When something fortunate happens: “Everything’s coming up Milhouse!” When someone you’re playing golf with hits a terrible shot: "I recommend ‘Feathertouch’; you have selected ‘Powerdrive’ " When thirsty: “Homer no think beer well without” There’s way too many to list them all. There’s nothing like a good Simpson’s quote to brighten the day. ---
**Author:** ![Mojo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Mojo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mojo)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2002, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pardon-my-zinger-your-favorite-simpsons-one-liners/126294/9 "2002-08-30T19:25:04Z")
I call the big one “Bitey”. ---
**Author:** ![Scruloose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e68b1a/32.png) [@Scruloose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scruloose)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2002, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pardon-my-zinger-your-favorite-simpsons-one-liners/126294/10 "2002-08-30T19:53:54Z")
Homer Simpson is the funniest man alive. Well, you know what I mean… [Homer] “I’m not normally a religious man, but if you’re up there, save me, Superman!” “I saw this in a movie about a bus that had to SPEED around a city, keeping its SPEED over fifty, and if its SPEED dropped, it would explode. I think it was called, The Bus That Couldn’t Slow Down.” Marge: Homer, the plant called. They said if you don’t show up tomorrow don’t bother showing up on Monday. Homer: Woo-hoo! Four-day weekend! “He didn’t give you gay did he?” “I wanna set the record straight, I thought the cop was a prostitute” “Purple’s a fruit” “Pffft, English. Who needs that. I’m never going to England” “Snakes. Natures quitters” [/Homer] ---
**Author:** ![Big\_G](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a88e4f/32.png) [@Big\_G](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Big_G)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2002, 9:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pardon-my-zinger-your-favorite-simpsons-one-liners/126294/11 "2002-08-30T21:03:03Z")
I’ve always been fond of two from Bart: (To Homer): You folded faster than Superman on washday. (Also to Homer): You shouldn’t streotype, that’s what they do over in Russia. I’m sure I didn’t get that last one verbatim. Please correct it if you know it. -G ---
**Author:** ![interface2x](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c0e974/32.png) [@interface2x](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/interface2x)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2002, 5:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pardon-my-zinger-your-favorite-simpsons-one-liners/126294/12 "2002-08-31T05:04:45Z")
Homer: When I’m holding a gun, I feel an incredible surge of power - like God must feel when _he’s_ holding a gun. ---
**Author:** ![Raygun99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Raygun99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Raygun99)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2002, 5:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pardon-my-zinger-your-favorite-simpsons-one-liners/126294/13 "2002-08-31T05:13:37Z")
Aww, stupid babies need the **most** attention! ---
**Author:** ![China\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/779978/32.png) [@China\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/China_Guy)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2002, 6:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pardon-my-zinger-your-favorite-simpsons-one-liners/126294/14 "2002-08-31T06:34:58Z")
Barney: I’m with you Homer. Fight the power. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2002, 12:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pardon-my-zinger-your-favorite-simpsons-one-liners/126294/15 "2002-08-31T12:49:16Z")
My favorite, from Cecil Twerwilliger: You know, you’re right. If anyone asks, I’ll lie. I’ve used it about a million times. ---
**Author:** ![SolGrundy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bbce88/32.png) [@SolGrundy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SolGrundy)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2002, 1:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pardon-my-zinger-your-favorite-simpsons-one-liners/126294/16 "2002-08-31T13:08:15Z")
“Now normally, the birth of Siamese twins is a joyous occassion.” “The kids from Shelbyville are always eating candy! They love the sweet taste!” ---
**Author:** ![Scruloose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e68b1a/32.png) [@Scruloose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scruloose)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2002, 1:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pardon-my-zinger-your-favorite-simpsons-one-liners/126294/17 "2002-08-31T13:27:48Z")
Milhouse: “So this is what it feels like when doves cry.” ---
**Author:** ![Scruloose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e68b1a/32.png) [@Scruloose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scruloose)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2002, 1:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pardon-my-zinger-your-favorite-simpsons-one-liners/126294/18 "2002-08-31T13:36:37Z")
Milhouse: “So this is what it feels like when doves cry.” ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2002, 1:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pardon-my-zinger-your-favorite-simpsons-one-liners/126294/19 "2002-08-31T13:55:49Z")
Stacey Lavelle, inventor of Malibu Stacey: “My company forced me out in 1974. They said my way of thinking wasn’t cost-effective. Well, that and I was funneling profits to the Viet Cong.” Casual treason. I love it. ---
**Author:** ![DoctorJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctorj/32/2904_2.png) [@DoctorJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DoctorJ)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2002, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pardon-my-zinger-your-favorite-simpsons-one-liners/126294/20 "2002-08-31T15:41:34Z")
“If I wanted smoke blown up my ass, I’d be at home with a pack of cigarettes and a short length of hose.” I find several occasions a week to use that one. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pardon-my-zinger-your-favorite-simpsons-one-liners/126294.md?page=2)