# Parenting advice/ Horror **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 12, 2014, 3:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parenting-advice-horror/688240 "2014-05-12T03:42:15Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Namkcalb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c89c15/32.png) [@Namkcalb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Namkcalb)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2014, 3:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parenting-advice-horror/688240/1 "2014-05-12T03:42:15Z")
What would you do in the following situation? I begin tucking him into bed and he tells me, “_Daddy check for monsters under my bed_.” I look underneath for his amusement and see him, another him, under the bed, staring back at me quivering and whispering, “_Daddy there’s somebody on my bed._” ---
**Author:** ![Inna\_Minnit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/5f8ce5/32.png) [@Inna\_Minnit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inna_Minnit)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2014, 4:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parenting-advice-horror/688240/2 "2014-05-12T04:12:20Z")
It’s more riveting than your other topic. ---
**Author:** ![Namkcalb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c89c15/32.png) [@Namkcalb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Namkcalb)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2014, 4:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parenting-advice-horror/688240/3 "2014-05-12T04:22:42Z")
> [@Inna\_Minnit](#): > > It’s more riveting than your other topic. [Which one?](https://www.google.com.au/search?q=Namkcalb+site:boards.straightdope.com) ---
**Author:** ![Mosier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ea924/32.png) [@Mosier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mosier)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2014, 4:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parenting-advice-horror/688240/4 "2014-05-12T04:46:47Z")
I’d pull out the whimpering kid and set them apart. Then I’d ask them each to write down the name of their favorite song, and stab the one who doesn’t write “everything is awesome” through its god-damned demon face. ---
**Author:** ![Inna\_Minnit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/5f8ce5/32.png) [@Inna\_Minnit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inna_Minnit)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2014, 4:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parenting-advice-horror/688240/5 "2014-05-12T04:49:48Z")
> [@Namkcalb](#): > > [Which one?](https://www.google.com.au/search?q=Namkcalb+site:boards.straightdope.com) All of them. But especially the big peen one. ---
**Author:** ![chappachula](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/d2c977/32.png) [@chappachula](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chappachula)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2014, 5:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parenting-advice-horror/688240/6 "2014-05-12T05:48:25Z")
then you tell the damn kids: “okay, both of you-quit playing games… Just because you’re twins doesn’t mean you can goof off…Go to sleep, tomorrow’s a school day.” ---
**Author:** ![CheshireKat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cheshirekat/32/1207_2.png) [@CheshireKat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CheshireKat)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2014, 12:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parenting-advice-horror/688240/7 "2014-05-12T12:51:10Z")
I would buy bunk beds and hand the wife’s honey-do list to the new one. ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2014, 1:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parenting-advice-horror/688240/8 "2014-05-12T13:05:38Z")
Quit drinking. ---
**Author:** ![Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b38774/32.png) [@Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Attack_from_the_3rd_dimension)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2014, 1:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parenting-advice-horror/688240/9 "2014-05-12T13:43:08Z")
I’d give him a stern talking to about citing his [sources](http://io9.com/two-sentence-horror-stories-are-actually-pretty-chillin-923728355) ---
**Author:** ![Dendarii\_Dame](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bbce88/32.png) [@Dendarii\_Dame](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dendarii_Dame)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2014, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parenting-advice-horror/688240/10 "2014-05-12T17:18:57Z")
Tell both of them, “You’re right.” ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2014, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parenting-advice-horror/688240/11 "2014-05-12T17:23:34Z")
I’d say to my pet wolf/dog/dragon hybrid, “There’s another one boy, go get him!” ---
**Author:** ![John\_DiFool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_difool/32/19543_2.png) [@John\_DiFool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_DiFool)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2014, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parenting-advice-horror/688240/12 "2014-05-12T17:31:38Z")
> [@Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](#): > > I’d give him a stern talking to about citing his [sources](http://io9.com/two-sentence-horror-stories-are-actually-pretty-chillin-923728355) I believe we did those for last Halloween, which is where I originally heard the one in the OP… ---
**Author:** ![Esox\_Lucius](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/848f3c/32.png) [@Esox\_Lucius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esox_Lucius)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2014, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parenting-advice-horror/688240/13 "2014-05-12T19:48:33Z")
I’d wonder why the boy in bed directed my attention to The Other underneath. If he’s the evil one, I wouldn’t think he’d want the real boy discovered. ---
**Author:** ![CheshireKat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cheshirekat/32/1207_2.png) [@CheshireKat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CheshireKat)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2014, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parenting-advice-horror/688240/14 "2014-05-12T19:55:25Z")
So logically the real boy is the one on top, and The Other should be taken out with an axe. Unless The Other realized you would be logical and placed himself on top in order to induce you to get rid of the real one below. Follow? ---
**Author:** ![Sr\_Siete](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6de8d8/32.png) [@Sr\_Siete](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sr_Siete)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2014, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parenting-advice-horror/688240/15 "2014-05-12T20:03:54Z")
As any responsible parent, I would decide who my real son is by staging a knife fight. ---
**Author:** ![Grestarian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grestarian/32/3227_2.png) [@Grestarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grestarian)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2014, 10:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parenting-advice-horror/688240/16 "2014-05-12T22:13:43Z")
I would do a variant of the Red Dwarf test: Let both kids show me their best performance of their best talent. Kill the one who conforms to my kid’s self-image. In Red Dwarf, [mind you, I only happened to stumble across the end of this one episode] the main character was faced with the doppleganger dilemma so he had them both play the guitar. One delivered a smooth series of Hendricks and Zeppelin riffs that would put Ingwie Malmsteen to shame, and the other made horrible mistakes playing a simple three-chord arpegio. The main character then shot the awesome guitarist. When asked, “How’d you know he was the monster?” the main character explained, “You only THINK you play that great. Everyone else knows you suck!” Or I’d play the Star Trek TOS _Whom Gods Destroy_ game: Provide a prompt that requires a contextual response. Presumably, only my real kid will know the proper response. [COLOR=Black][This might be pretty tough with a kid young enough to be tucking into bed.][/COLOR] [COLOR=Black]Or, most simply, use the _Foster Mom_ ruse from T2: Ask about something with a key detail changed. “Did you brush your teeth? Kiss Mommy goodnight? Say goodnight to your sister and the cat?” The monster would affirm each point; my kid would know to correct my silliness (“DAD! Kris is my brother!”)[/COLOR] —G! Actually, I’d perform Inception tricks to force myself awake. I DON’T HAVE ANY KIDS! ---
**Author:** ![D.E.S.K.Top668](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/f07891/32.png) [@D.E.S.K.Top668](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/D.E.S.K.Top668)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2014, 1:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parenting-advice-horror/688240/17 "2014-05-13T01:22:25Z")
I’d kill the one under the bed. Anything that can survive the under-bed (dirty clothes, dirty dishes, “lost homework,” missing DVDs and books) of a teen girl is obviously NOT human. ---
**Author:** ![simster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/simster/32/1047_2.png) [@simster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/simster)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2014, 2:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parenting-advice-horror/688240/18 "2014-05-13T02:06:35Z")
> [@CheshireKat](#): > > So logically the real boy is the one on top, and The Other should be taken out with an axe. Unless The Other realized you would be logical and placed himself on top in order to induce you to get rid of the real one below. Follow? You’re trying to trick me into giving something away… won’t work. ---
**Author:** ![CheshireKat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cheshirekat/32/1207_2.png) [@CheshireKat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CheshireKat)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2014, 2:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parenting-advice-horror/688240/19 "2014-05-13T02:48:44Z")
> [@simster](#): > > You’re trying to trick me into giving something away… > > won’t work. Ah, but the expression on your face…your body language…your tone of voice - they have exposed your true nature. \ ---
**Author:** ![Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b38774/32.png) [@Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Attack_from_the_3rd_dimension)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2014, 3:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parenting-advice-horror/688240/20 "2014-05-13T03:17:02Z")
> [@Grestarian](#): > > I would do a variant of the Red Dwarf test: > Let both kids show me their best performance of their best talent. Kill the one who conforms to my kid’s self-image. > > In Red Dwarf, [mind you, I only happened to stumble across the end of this one episode] the main character was faced with the doppleganger dilemma so he had them both play the guitar. One delivered a smooth series of Hendricks and Zeppelin riffs that would put Ingwie Malmsteen to shame, and the other made horrible mistakes playing a simple three-chord arpegio. The main character then shot the awesome guitarist. When asked, “How’d you know he was the monster?” the main character explained, “You only THINK you play that great. Everyone else knows you suck!” > > Or I’d play the Star Trek TOS _Whom Gods Destroy_ game: Provide a prompt that requires a contextual response. Presumably, only my real kid will know the proper response. [COLOR=Black][This might be pretty tough with a kid young enough to be tucking into bed.][/COLOR] > > [COLOR=Black]Or, most simply, use the _Foster Mom_ ruse from T2: Ask about something with a key detail changed. “Did you brush your teeth? Kiss Mommy goodnight? Say goodnight to your sister and the cat?” The monster would affirm each point; my kid would know to correct my silliness (“DAD! Kris is my brother!”)[/COLOR] > > —G! > Actually, I’d perform Inception tricks to force myself awake. > I DON’T HAVE ANY KIDS! Does it bother you that you know 3 or 4 ways to tell evil doppelgangers from the real deal, apparently right off the top of your head? 'Cause that’s unusual in a parent. Not to say it’s not useful, just that it’s unusual. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parenting-advice-horror/688240.md?page=2)