# Parents and enforcing teen celibacy **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [March 26, 2004, 4:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-and-enforcing-teen-celibacy/236505 "2004-03-26T04:35:30Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![askeptic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/eb9ed0/32.png) [@askeptic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/askeptic)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2004, 6:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-and-enforcing-teen-celibacy/236505/61 "2004-03-29T06:00:22Z")
> [@Ilsa\_Lund](#): > > Oh, Jesus. Ilsa, in case you ever wanted to know if I ever agree with you, this is it. This kid Vas obviously has not read M. Twain. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2004, 12:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-and-enforcing-teen-celibacy/236505/62 "2004-03-29T12:30:07Z")
There is a middle ground between locking your kid in a closet between the ages of 12 and 18 so they don’t have sex and saying to your 13 year old “honey, here is where we keep the condoms, go ahead and have as much sex in your bedroom as you want with as many partners as you like, just use a condom and hang a sock on the doorknob so your seven year old sister doesn’t walk in.” That is to try and explain to your kids that sex can really be A BIG DEAL. That sex for a young girl with a young boy is seldom all its cracked up to be, and you are better off waiting until both of you are physically, emotionally, and experience wise ready for it. (Thirteen year old boys can’t kiss, how are they expected to do adequate foreplay.) That sex almost always changes things between people, and not always for the best. That when you are a teenager and your hormones are making not getting a phone call on Saturday to go hang at the mall with your friends a HUGE FUCKING DEAL! … imagine what its going to be like when you decide you love the person you’ve been having sex with, but they think its casual…or vise versa. Or you are both madly in love, but one of you falls for someone else. That, regardless of what it feels like at fifteen, this is not the only person that will ever want to have sex with you and that there will be plenty of opportunities later. That, eventually, they will be to the point that they need to make the decision to have sex, but it would be your advice that they wait - and then wait a little more just to be sure. And that sex involves respect - respecting yourself and your partner - it may or may not require love, but without respect, its simply wrong to use another human being as your own means of gratification. That when they do decide to have sex, they do so responsibily. With a condom as well as an alternate form of birth control (pill, sponge) - because condoms do break and women do forget to take their pills. I really hope my kids (now 4 and 5) don’t save themselves for marriage. There is far too much fun to be had in college. But its college fun, not jr. high fun. Do I think they will wait until college? Probably not…but if I set the expectation at college, I might get them to jr. prom before I have to deal with sexually active teens. oh, vasyachkin, do yourself a favor. Print out that post everyone is giving you a hard time about. Stick it in an envelope and put in in your sock drawer to be opened on your 30th birthday (which is closer than you think, trust me). Either you will be rewarded for being so asute at 20, or you’ll have a really good laugh at yourself. (Or, another thought, your parents may, in fact, be the stupidest adults to walk the earth and require your constant guidance…). ---
**Author:** ![robertliguori](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/46a35a/32.png) [@robertliguori](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robertliguori)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2004, 1:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-and-enforcing-teen-celibacy/236505/63 "2004-03-29T13:35:24Z")
> [@Abbie Carmichael](#): > > **i am a college senior thaknk you. my parents take orders from me.** > > Then your parents are pitiful and have failed MISERABLY as parents. > > Where I’m from “my parents take orders from me” will get you jackslapped on the head. You must have had those newfangled parents that didn’t believe in spanking. No wonder they turned out such a little punk. Or maybe they did until he hit his growth spurt. That in fact would be one of the reasons that physical disclipline isn’t the best of ways to keep kids in line. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2004, 2:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-and-enforcing-teen-celibacy/236505/64 "2004-03-29T14:18:02Z")
> [@](#): > > Also, do you have anything we can tell the girls? [Peggy Sue Got Married] You know what a penis is, stay away from it! [/PSGM] ---
**Author:** ![vasyachkin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/c5a1d2/32.png) [@vasyachkin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vasyachkin)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2004, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-and-enforcing-teen-celibacy/236505/65 "2004-03-29T16:55:45Z")
yes i did have those newfangled parents that did not beat their kids. also 7 years of hardcore bodybuilding has paid off - being 70 pounds bigger than my father adds weight to anything i say. but if i didnt feel i was more intelligent than they are, i would never tell them what to do, thats the bottom line. as for the question whether i would enforce celibacy for my parents, hehe - just think about it. i said only a fucktard moron would enforce celibacy for their kids, why would i do it for my parents ? 🙂 what i make my parents do is for their own good ( unlike enforcing celibacy for kids ) like i make them eat healthy. but i am no tyrant, i dont make them eat nearly as healthy as i eat myself. ---
**Author:** ![LadySybil](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c89c15/32.png) [@LadySybil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LadySybil)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2004, 11:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-and-enforcing-teen-celibacy/236505/66 "2004-03-29T23:48:47Z")
> [@](#): > > also 7 years of hardcore bodybuilding has paid off - being 70 pounds bigger than my father adds weight to anything i say. Is this how you’re going to treat your kids (if, God forbid, you ever further infect the gene pool) too? By threatening the crap out of them because you’re bigger than they are? I hope your inflatable doll comes with a special interactive voice chip, because I really don’t see this overswelled ego of yours winning you any dates with real women (or at least sober ones). ---
**Author:** ![vasyachkin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/c5a1d2/32.png) [@vasyachkin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vasyachkin)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2004, 7:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-and-enforcing-teen-celibacy/236505/67 "2004-03-30T07:37:25Z")
> [@LadySybil](#): > > Is this how you’re going to treat your kids (if, God forbid, you ever further infect the gene pool) too? By threatening the crap out of them because you’re bigger than they are? > > I hope your inflatable doll comes with a special interactive voice chip, because I really don’t see this overswelled ego of yours winning you any dates with real women (or at least sober ones). its not a matter of physical abuse, it is a psychological effect. you treat people differently based on the way they look, you can’t help it. i use this to my advantage. ---
**Author:** ![One\_And\_Only\_Wanderers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/838e76/32.png) [@One\_And\_Only\_Wanderers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/One_And_Only_Wanderers)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2004, 10:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-and-enforcing-teen-celibacy/236505/68 "2004-03-30T10:57:30Z")
> [@vasyachkin](#): > > what i make my parents do is for their own good ( unlike enforcing celibacy for kids ) like i make them eat healthy. but i am no tyrant, i dont make them eat nearly as healthy as i eat myself. I **Really** hope you’re trolling. I happen to be bigger than my dad. Im also better educated (thanks to him and my mum putting me through university). In no way does this mean i get to to make my parents do anything. I happen to respect them. They get to make their own choices as do I. I listen to advice from them (they have much greater life experience than me obviously). If the situation warrants, they would even take advice from me. But to even think of forcing them to do anything would freak me out. ---
**Author:** ![Unauthorized\_Cinnamon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/bc8723/32.png) [@Unauthorized\_Cinnamon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Unauthorized_Cinnamon)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2004, 2:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-and-enforcing-teen-celibacy/236505/69 "2004-03-30T14:22:13Z")
> [@Chotii](#): > > There doesn’t seem to be any price on it, for boys. 😕 But boys don’t have as much control, once a pregnancy starts. Let me preface this by saying that I’ve had “missed abortion” miscarriage and subsequently had a healthy baby. I know how traumatic and difficult pregnancy can be, and how challenging it is to be a mom. I’m also staunchly pro-choice. I’m not minimizing what a girl has to go through at all, nor am I advocating that the system change. Just pointing out a legitimate concern for boys who engage in sex. In our system, the girl will be the one who gets the choice. A boy who impregnates a girl leaves his fate in her hands, to an extent. If she decides to keep the baby, he is liable for child support, whereas a girl can choose to have an abortion, even if the would-be father objects. I’d say both sexes have a lot to consider before they go all the way - it definitely can mess up the rest of your life, regardless of your gender. I still don’t think parents using “Just say no” is a useful approach though. ---
**Author:** ![LadySybil](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c89c15/32.png) [@LadySybil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LadySybil)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2004, 12:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-and-enforcing-teen-celibacy/236505/70 "2004-03-31T00:21:42Z")
> [@vasyachkin](#): > > its not a matter of physical abuse, it is a psychological effect. you treat people differently based on the way they look, you can’t help it. i use this to my advantage. Did I say anything about physical abuse? No. I said threatening, which is mental/psychological abuse. Threatening may get you your way, but it does so in the same fashion as, say, screaming and crying and beating your fists on the floor. It works, but only so that the people around you can get some peace. Meaning, you get your way but it’s only temporary. Ever heard of respecting people instead of throwing your weight around? It’s easy, and so much more rewarding in the long run. Unlike you, \*\* Vasyachkin,\*\* I treat people differently based on how they act. For instance, if I find you to be acting like an immature, arrogant, blockheaded asshat, then I will treat you as such. Hypothetically speaking, of course. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![laigle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ce7236/32.png) [@laigle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/laigle)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2004, 1:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-and-enforcing-teen-celibacy/236505/71 "2004-03-31T01:07:24Z")
God, so many posts about how evil and horrible and dirty sex is. And of course about how having sex means unavoidable conception. I think everyone should be required to have sex at least once during their teenage years. It would chill the teenagers the hell out so they might be semi-tolerable for a few hours, and it would remove the godawful stigma American society places on sex. It’s reached the point now where it isn’t even a problem of freakish religious fundamentalism any more. America is being turned into a disjointed social fabric based on the ideas of insane overprotective mothers that would make Pink Floyd wince. Sex isn’t a bad thing. Sex is a very, very good thing. And very special episodes of Blossom aside, if you take a few basic precautions the negative side effects are really very minimal. THAT is the lesson teenagers need to be learning: how to have sex responsibly, and how to make it a healthy and mutually satisfying part of their romantic relationships. ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2004, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-and-enforcing-teen-celibacy/236505/72 "2004-03-31T01:44:12Z")
> [@vasyachkin](#): > > its not a matter of physical abuse, it is a psychological effect. you treat people differently based on the way they look, you can’t help it. i use this to my advantage. Yeah? I usually treat muscle bound morons like muscle bound morons. I’m certainly not intimidated, nor do I “mind” them, just because they’re bigger than I am. You’re either on one LONG ass “whoosh campaign” or you’re so far removed from reality you’re really posting from Bellevue Mental Hospital. ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2004, 1:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-and-enforcing-teen-celibacy/236505/73 "2004-03-31T01:57:01Z")
> [@laigle](#): > > God, so many posts about how evil and horrible and dirty sex is. And of course about how having sex means unavoidable conception. Do please point out where either of the two things you claim has been said in a previous post. > [@](#): > > I think everyone should be required to have sex at least once during their teenage years. It would chill the teenagers the hell out so they might be semi-tolerable for a few hours, and it would remove the godawful stigma American society places on sex. First off, if you’re talking such extreme sexual frustration that a teen is in danger of DYING, or of being what did you say? intolerable?, then there’s this amazing thing called masturbation to alleviate and “chill them out”. Secondly, WHAT “godawful stigma America places on sex”? You obvioulsy haven’t seen our TV and movies, our books, our popular culture, which, for the most part, advocates “anything and everything as long as it feeels good baby”. > [@](#): > > It’s reached the point now where it isn’t even a problem of freakish religious fundamentalism any more. America is being turned into a disjointed social fabric based on the ideas of insane overprotective mothers that would make Pink Floyd wince. ??? Were you reading the same thread as the rest of us? And again, in reality, the OPPOSITE of what you call “the freakish religious fundamentalism etc” is true. It’s much MORE true that what we’ve got here is a hedonistic society, with emphasis on superficial qualities rather than real ones. > [@](#): > > Sex isn’t a bad thing. Sex is a very, very good thing. And very special episodes of Blossom aside, if you take a few basic precautions the negative side effects are really very minimal. THAT is the lesson teenagers need to be learning: how to have sex responsibly, and how to make it a healthy and mutually satisfying part of their romantic relationships. Where has anyone, anywhere in this thread said that sex is a bad thing? ---
**Author:** ![vasyachkin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/c5a1d2/32.png) [@vasyachkin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vasyachkin)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2004, 4:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-and-enforcing-teen-celibacy/236505/74 "2004-03-31T04:24:25Z")
> [@One And Only Wanderers](#): > > I **Really** hope you’re trolling. I happen to be bigger than my dad. Im also better educated (thanks to him and my mum putting me through university). i am not better educated than my parents, they both have PHDs. however 1) - i am smarter, and 2) - their knowledge is outdated. > [@](#): > > But to even think of forcing them to do anything would freak me out. that is because you are a product of our society which creates artificial standards and values. those are dumped into you and you swallow it all. you then take great pride in having swallowed every last bit. ---
**Author:** ![vasyachkin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/c5a1d2/32.png) [@vasyachkin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vasyachkin)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2004, 4:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-and-enforcing-teen-celibacy/236505/75 "2004-03-31T04:47:56Z")
> [@CanvasShoes](#): > > Yeah? I usually treat muscle bound morons like muscle bound morons. I’m certainly not intimidated, nor do I “mind” them, just because they’re bigger than I am. > > You’re either on one LONG ass “whoosh campaign” or you’re so far removed from reality you’re really posting from Bellevue Mental Hospital. thanx for the entertainment. i think we’ve been through the whole “muscle bound morons” thing before so i won’t bother explaining again. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2004, 5:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-and-enforcing-teen-celibacy/236505/76 "2004-03-31T05:30:22Z")
> [@Gadfly](#): > > Abstinence in teenage years != being really responsible. > Abstinence in teenage years != having a plan for the future. > Abstinence in teenage years = having a hell of a lot of willpower. Ha! Take it from me, it doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with willpower. ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2004, 6:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-and-enforcing-teen-celibacy/236505/77 "2004-03-31T06:12:41Z")
> [@vasyachkin](#): > > thanx for the entertainment. i think we’ve been through the whole “muscle bound morons” thing before so i won’t bother explaining again. As he clumsily misses the point. You attempted to claim by your statement here: “its not a matter of physical abuse, it is a psychological effect. you treat people differently based on the way they look, you can’t help it. i use this to my advantage.” That your size somehow commanded respect simply due to the way you look. This is a beyond idiotic belief and statement to make. Obviously we don’t know your parents, so they may very well be swayed by your size. Don’t make the mistake of thinking that others have the same weakness. In this world, one superficial attribute means absolutely nothing. Therefore, with real people, it would get you no “advantage” (your words) at all. Personally I think muscles on a man are great, regarding attractiveness. Period. If he’s got nothing beyond that? Pffft, he’s a big zerio. Especially accompanied by the lack of common sense and of life in general that you display through your posts? Most other people would very WELL be able to “help it” concerning how they treated you. You are here, and you would be in real life be treated based on who you ARE, not on how big your biceps are. ---
**Author:** ![vasyachkin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/c5a1d2/32.png) [@vasyachkin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vasyachkin)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2004, 6:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-and-enforcing-teen-celibacy/236505/78 "2004-03-31T06:29:03Z")
> [@CanvasShoes](#): > > You are here, and you would be in real life be treated based on who you ARE, not on how big your biceps are. WRONG. the difference is like night and day. i know cuz i have been on both sides. ---
**Author:** ![One\_And\_Only\_Wanderers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/838e76/32.png) [@One\_And\_Only\_Wanderers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/One_And_Only_Wanderers)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2004, 7:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-and-enforcing-teen-celibacy/236505/79 "2004-03-31T07:45:12Z")
> [@vasyachkin](#): > > i am not better educated than my parents, they both have PHDs. however 1) - i am smarter, and 2) - their knowledge is outdated. > > that is because you are a product of our society which creates artificial standards and values. those are dumped into you and you swallow it all. you then take great pride in having swallowed every last bit. Well in my society adults don’t tell each other what to do outside of the workplace, advice is often given, but it’s up to each adult to make their own minds up what to do. If respecting your parents is an artificial value, how come it’s been a central facet of nearly every civilization I can think of? you could call damn near anything an artificial standard by that logic, including the search for the body beautiful (which seems to be your ONLY area of expertise.) Whatsa matter? steroids gone to your head? ---
**Author:** ![LadySybil](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c89c15/32.png) [@LadySybil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LadySybil)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2004, 11:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-and-enforcing-teen-celibacy/236505/80 "2004-03-31T11:39:57Z")
> [@vasyachkin](#): > > i am not better educated than my parents, they both have PHDs. however 1) - i am smarter, and 2) - their knowledge is outdated. Oh, for the love of Og. Granted, PHDs do not always equal common sense, but you don’t even seem to have common sense. Common sense tells us it is better to treat people with respect and decorum, rather than “I’m bigger and stronger and therefore more intelligent than you, so do what I say or else.” > [@](#): > > WRONG. the difference is like night and day. i know cuz i have been on both sides. Bullshit. If you had been on both sides as you say, you would’ve learned not to judge people based on looks alone. Why repeat the mistakes of people who had judged you? There just aren’t enough :rolleyes:s I could put in this post to show my exasperation. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-and-enforcing-teen-celibacy/236505.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-and-enforcing-teen-celibacy/236505.md?page=5)