# Parents- did you (or for future parents, do you plan to) teach your kids to punch a bully? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 3, 2012, 12:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-did-you-or-for-future-parents-do-you-plan-to-teach-your-kids-to-punch-a-bully/630283 "2012-08-03T12:31:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![gwendee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/35a633/32.png) [@gwendee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gwendee)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2012, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-did-you-or-for-future-parents-do-you-plan-to-teach-your-kids-to-punch-a-bully/630283/41 "2012-08-04T14:48:45Z")
In every school my son has attended punching anyone, regardless of who threw the first punch results in suspension or placement in an alternative program. A family friend who studies martial arts taught him how to block punches. He’s gotten through his freshman year of high school without having been bullied physically. ---
**Author:** ![MandaJo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@MandaJo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MandaJo)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2012, 2:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-did-you-or-for-future-parents-do-you-plan-to-teach-your-kids-to-punch-a-bully/630283/42 "2012-08-04T14:54:57Z")
> [@iiandyiiii](#): > > This was around 1990, but it was different for me. If someone picked on me, I gave them one verbal warning to stop. If they didn’t stop, I punched them. I only had to do it a few times- and I got in trouble for it once- but I gained a reputation as someone who would punch you if you mocked or picked on me. And I generally didn’t get picked on much after a few instances of fighting back. > [@msmith537](#): > > I can think of one thing that’s more fun. Picking on a kid you know won’t hit back. > [@Acid\_Lamp](#): > > Sorry, but this is completely untrue in my experience as well. Others have echoed the sentiment. Violence solved the issue for me, unfortunately it was way too late. I wish I had known it earlier, I would have had a much happier childhood. What age were you all? I teach in a high school, and the two kids that have had the biggest bullying problems in these last years were ones that could be provoked into blind, violent rage. One was a girl, the other was a boy. Both did have rage issues that veered into the “mentally ill” territory, perhaps making the meltdowns more than usually spectacular, but there was no doubt that the bullies enjoyed the “poking a bear with a stick” aspect of it. ---
**Author:** ![iiandyiiii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/iiandyiiii/32/7924_2.png) [@iiandyiiii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iiandyiiii)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2012, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-did-you-or-for-future-parents-do-you-plan-to-teach-your-kids-to-punch-a-bully/630283/43 "2012-08-04T15:01:36Z")
> [@MandaJo](#): > > What age were you all? I teach in a high school, and the two kids that have had the biggest bullying problems in these last years were ones that could be provoked into blind, violent rage. One was a girl, the other was a boy. Both did have rage issues that veered into the “mentally ill” territory, perhaps making the meltdowns more than usually spectacular, but there was no doubt that the bullies enjoyed the “poking a bear with a stick” aspect of it. Most of my “incidents” were in 6th and 7th grade. I think it is different in high school- especially for boys- because they’re strong enough to really hurt someone. Your two examples may be different, but every time I’ve seen a bully get hurt by one of his victims (a good punch to the nose, kick to the groin, etc.), even if the bully beats the kid up, the bully stopped bullying that particular kid afterwards. ---
**Author:** ![MandaJo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@MandaJo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MandaJo)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2012, 3:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-did-you-or-for-future-parents-do-you-plan-to-teach-your-kids-to-punch-a-bully/630283/44 "2012-08-04T15:15:12Z")
> [@iiandyiiii](#): > > Most of my “incidents” were in 6th and 7th grade. I think it is different in high school- especially for boys- because they’re strong enough to really hurt someone. Your two examples may be different, but every time I’ve seen a bully get hurt by one of his victims (a good punch to the nose, kick to the groin, etc.), even if the bully beats the kid up, the bully stopped bullying that particular kid afterwards. Another difference I can think of is that in the “provoke to rage” type pattern I have seen, it was usually done by a pack of kids–like 10 kids all throwing spit balls and sniggering at one kid for a whole class period, hoping she’ll snap. The chance of being the kid that actually gets hit is pretty low, and the payoff (from the bully’s point of view) is spectacular. ---
**Author:** ![Acid\_Lamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Acid\_Lamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acid_Lamp)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2012, 11:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-did-you-or-for-future-parents-do-you-plan-to-teach-your-kids-to-punch-a-bully/630283/45 "2012-08-05T11:38:06Z")
> [@MandaJo](#): > > What age were you all? I teach in a high school, and the two kids that have had the biggest bullying problems in these last years were ones that could be provoked into blind, violent rage. One was a girl, the other was a boy. Both did have rage issues that veered into the “mentally ill” territory, perhaps making the meltdowns more than usually spectacular, but there was no doubt that the bullies enjoyed the “poking a bear with a stick” aspect of it. Late 5th through 8th grade, so “middle school” years. I had delayed growth, so I was consistently, significantly, smaller and less developed physically than my peers; (though I’m a normal sized adult, I kept growing into my mid to late twenties). I was verbally and physically bullied for several years without any recourse, (teachers didn’t care, mom told me not to fight and ignore it) It left a significant mental scar that only now in my early thirties has begun to stretch and relax. Violence was the solution. I fought back a few times and it was all over. I wasn’t worth picking on any longer because _it isn’t any fun to pick on someone who will punch you in the face._ Today’s school environment is different. zer0-tolerance policies, anti-bullying campaigns, and better parental and teacher involvement have changed the nature of bullying and how it ought to be handled. Hence I would encourage my child to use those socially acceptable tools first before resorting to violence. Though should those fail, nobody should ever have to endure daily taunting, abuse and physical attacks. ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2012, 12:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-did-you-or-for-future-parents-do-you-plan-to-teach-your-kids-to-punch-a-bully/630283/46 "2012-08-05T12:38:06Z")
> [@MandaJo](#): > > What age were you all? From early grade school\* all through high school. \*At least; my memory of earlier times is too fuzzy to be sure one way or another. ---
**Author:** ![Maastricht](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e57/32.png) [@Maastricht](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maastricht)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2012, 8:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-did-you-or-for-future-parents-do-you-plan-to-teach-your-kids-to-punch-a-bully/630283/47 "2012-08-06T08:15:02Z")
All of you who teach your kids to stand up for yourself: I agree with you. I also want to point out that teaching them that goes straight up against the teachings of Jesus. So, if you disregard teaching “turning the other cheek” which the Bible says is a direct quote from Jesus himself… can you stop condemning gays based on some quote by Paul and an old Levite priest? > [@](#): > > 38 ¶ Ye have heard that it hath been said, An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth: > 39 But I say unto you, That ye resist not evil: **but whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also.** > 40 And if any man will sue thee at the law, and take away thy coat, let him have thy cloke also. > 41 And whosoever shall compel thee to go a mile, go with him twain. > 42 Give to him that asketh thee, and from him that would borrow of thee turn not thou away. > > —Matthew 5:38–5:42 KJV > In the Sermon on the Plain[1] in the Gospel of Luke, as part of his command to “love your enemies”, Jesus says: > 27 ¶ But I say unto you which hear, **Love your enemies, do good to them which hate you,** > 28 Bless them that curse you, and pray for them which despitefully use you. > 29 **And unto him that smiteth thee on the one cheek offer also the other** ; and him that taketh away thy cloke forbid not to take thy coat also. > 30 Give to every man that asketh of thee; and of him that taketh away thy goods ask them not again. > 31 And as ye would that men should do to you, do ye also to them likewise. > > —Luke 6:27–31 KJV > > This passage is viewed as commanding nonresistance, Christian pacifism or nonviolence on the part of the victim. ---
**Author:** ![gracer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8e7dd6/32.png) [@gracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gracer)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2012, 10:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-did-you-or-for-future-parents-do-you-plan-to-teach-your-kids-to-punch-a-bully/630283/48 "2012-08-06T10:00:40Z")
I would teach (and those were the rules for the kids I worked with) that there are many, many ways to resolve situations before violence. Always speak to an adult (because nowadays it really does work, if we heard of bullying the bullies would rue the day). If there is a situation that can only be dealt with violently, then go ahead but be prepared to deal with the consequences. When you get in a fight there are always consequences, and once punches have been thrown they are yours to deal with, no matter how provoked. This is simply the way it works in the real world. There is no point as a parent going to the principle and complaining that it’s not fair etc etc. The bully’s parents are doing the same thing, what’s the principle to do? The school has a system for dealing with fighting, and with all the whining parents do about how angelic their child is that system is never going to work. By all means punch someone if there is no other way out, but you need to know that our society does not condone fighting. As you get older consequences just get worse. Eventually it won’t be suspension, it will be the police. So no hiding behind mum and dad, no fun outings when you get suspended: you deal with the consequences. ---
**Author:** ![HoneyBadgerDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/honeybadgerdc/32/1033_2.png) [@HoneyBadgerDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HoneyBadgerDC)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2012, 10:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-did-you-or-for-future-parents-do-you-plan-to-teach-your-kids-to-punch-a-bully/630283/49 "2012-08-06T10:15:22Z")
I got different types of advice from my mother and father. I never was bullied myself but was taught to stand up to bullying wether or not I knew the person being bullied. I was always the kid known as toughest kid in school or class whatever. My mother taught us to try accepting the bully and making friends if it didn’t work they still had to be stopped. Very seldom was physical force needed to stop a bully, confrontation was usually enough. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2012, 10:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-did-you-or-for-future-parents-do-you-plan-to-teach-your-kids-to-punch-a-bully/630283/50 "2012-08-06T10:25:33Z")
> [@Acid\_Lamp](#): > > I would suggest that they stick up for themselves verbally and tell the teacher or other administration person first. If that doesn’t rectify the issue then I would have a chat with the teacher, admin and hopefully the other kid’s parents. If it persists, then by all means knock his block off and AcidDad will back back you up to the hilt and take you out for ice cream later. Sometimes fighting is the only option, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t teach our children to try to handle problems in a mature manner first. Everyone will have to take some ribbing in life, and you have to develop a certain amount of tolerance. Likewise, as adults, fighting isn’t really a good way to solve your problems. Demonstrating to your children that there are other methods to try first is helping them to form a healthy way of dealing with issues. Right. As other posters have said, I taught my kids many strategies for dealing with bullying/teasing…but yes, a punch to the throat was one of them. There’s a several step process, beginning with asking the person to stop (and naming the specific behavior you want them to stop), gliding through “ask an adult to help mediate” (which we all know is fargin’ stupid and counterproductive, but it is some small defense in the event of a lawsuit) and touching on “warn them that if the behavior is not stopped, they will be punched in the throat,” before finally landing at punching them in the throat. As it turned out for my son, he never got the opportunity to punch anyone in the throat, because he wasn’t classically bullied. When he was assaulted at school, it was from out of the blue; a total stranger who just popped him in the face before melting back into the crowd. It was a real WTF moment for the security guard who witnessed the whole thing, and the only conclusion school officials could reach was that it was a random, racially motivated thing. (My son was one of two white kids in an otherwise “minority” school.) Remains to be seen whether my daughter will need to punch anyone in the throat. She’s entering 2nd grade, and the Mean Girl thing is still winding up, so things may get ugly down the road. I hope not. (Actually, more than anything, I hope she doesn’t turn out to be one of the Mean Girls. I have no idea how I’d handle it if my kid turned out to BE the bully!) ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2012, 10:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-did-you-or-for-future-parents-do-you-plan-to-teach-your-kids-to-punch-a-bully/630283/51 "2012-08-06T10:35:34Z")
Fifty responses and not one mention of teaching kids to make a shiv? ---
**Author:** ![Maastricht](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e57/32.png) [@Maastricht](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maastricht)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2012, 10:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-did-you-or-for-future-parents-do-you-plan-to-teach-your-kids-to-punch-a-bully/630283/52 "2012-08-06T10:47:09Z")
What’s a shiv? ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2012, 11:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-did-you-or-for-future-parents-do-you-plan-to-teach-your-kids-to-punch-a-bully/630283/53 "2012-08-06T11:20:05Z")
> [@Maastricht](#): > > What’s a shiv? [An improvised knife made by prisoners.](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shiv_%28weapon%29) ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2012, 12:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-did-you-or-for-future-parents-do-you-plan-to-teach-your-kids-to-punch-a-bully/630283/54 "2012-08-06T12:12:59Z")
> [@Maastricht](#): > > What’s a shiv? An attempt at humor which fails when someone doesn’t recognize the term.😃 ---
**Author:** ![China\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/779978/32.png) [@China\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/China_Guy)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2012, 2:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-did-you-or-for-future-parents-do-you-plan-to-teach-your-kids-to-punch-a-bully/630283/55 "2012-08-07T02:58:55Z")
Sheesh, I’m of the age when shop class in high school was for making improvised weapons to bluster about at football games. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2012, 3:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-did-you-or-for-future-parents-do-you-plan-to-teach-your-kids-to-punch-a-bully/630283/56 "2012-08-07T03:06:37Z")
> [@Der\_Trihs](#): > > [An improvised knife made by prisoners.](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shiv_%28weapon%29) Done time? ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2012, 3:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-did-you-or-for-future-parents-do-you-plan-to-teach-your-kids-to-punch-a-bully/630283/57 "2012-08-07T03:24:17Z")
> [@China\_Guy](#): > > Sheesh, I’m of the age when shop class in high school was for making improvised weapons to bluster about at football games. Wooderson? ---
**Author:** ![Pyper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Pyper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pyper)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2012, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-did-you-or-for-future-parents-do-you-plan-to-teach-your-kids-to-punch-a-bully/630283/58 "2012-08-07T16:23:08Z")
> [@Maastricht](#): > > All of you who teach your kids to stand up for yourself: I agree with you. I also want to point out that teaching them that goes straight up against the teachings of Jesus. > So, if you disregard teaching “turning the other cheek” which the Bible says is a direct quote from Jesus himself… can you stop condemning gays based on some quote by Paul and an old Levite priest? Yeah, and what happened to him, huh? 😛 But seriously, who are you addressing this to? I don’t see a lot of gay-hate being thrown around in this thread. ---
**Author:** ![papergirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/aca169/32.png) [@papergirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/papergirl)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2012, 10:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-did-you-or-for-future-parents-do-you-plan-to-teach-your-kids-to-punch-a-bully/630283/59 "2012-08-07T22:38:24Z")
My daughter (going into 6th grade) gets bullied at school. Last year was better than the year prior to that, but one boy in particular kept threatening to beat her up. She was scared of him, and kept coming up with what-ifs…what if I ignore him and he gets worse? what if he pushes me? what if the teacher isn’t there? what if he really does punch me like he punched another kid? Finally I sat her down and told her, look–you’re a purple belt and you go to tkd six times a week. You’ve practiced blocks and kicks and punches and falls thousands of times. You spar ever single week, and you can take a hard punch. Does he do any of that? He does NOT. If he manages to hit you–I doubt that he WILL, but if he does–then you have my permission to beat his ass in front of everyone. Do it, make it count, and make him rue the day he ever decided to pick on that pretty little slip of a girl in class. If she gets expelled, I’ll homeschool her or take her to the next town. Sometimes bullies have to be faced down, unfortunately. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2012, 11:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-did-you-or-for-future-parents-do-you-plan-to-teach-your-kids-to-punch-a-bully/630283/60 "2012-08-08T11:46:32Z")
> [@papergirl](#): > > If she gets expelled, I’ll homeschool her or take her to the next town. Sometimes bullies have to be faced down, unfortunately. Extra points if you move on to the next town on horseback.🆒 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-did-you-or-for-future-parents-do-you-plan-to-teach-your-kids-to-punch-a-bully/630283.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-did-you-or-for-future-parents-do-you-plan-to-teach-your-kids-to-punch-a-bully/630283.md?page=4)