# Parents, do me a favor, quit raising your kids so damn picky! **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 15, 2010, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-do-me-a-favor-quit-raising-your-kids-so-damn-picky/550347 "2010-08-15T19:04:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Peremensoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ce7236/32.png) [@Peremensoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peremensoe)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2010, 10:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-do-me-a-favor-quit-raising-your-kids-so-damn-picky/550347/21 "2010-08-15T22:40:54Z")
> [@An\_Arky](#): > > People who aren’t parents of my kid, do me a favor, and STFU about my kid being a picky eater. I didn’t “raise him” that way, and I’m not going to subject him to abuse over fucking food. What do you mean by “abuse”? ---
**Author:** ![Rushgeekgirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rushgeekgirl/32/3715_2.png) [@Rushgeekgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rushgeekgirl)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2010, 10:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-do-me-a-favor-quit-raising-your-kids-so-damn-picky/550347/22 "2010-08-15T22:42:39Z")
> [@FloatyGimpy](#): > > > [@Rushgeekgirl](#): > > > > She certainly doesn’t get this from me or her daddy, and **we don’t encourage her silly little gagging displays.** I can only hope she’ll grow out of it like her big sister did. > > I spent many meals sitting at the table, gagging and getting yelled at. You have zero control over gagging. I can remember my stomach turning and gagging the food right back out, then being yelled at while I cried and tried to swallow it again. It wasn’t fun or silly. I hope you aren’t too hard on her about it. I understand actually gagging but this is fake. I know my child. But I am never hard on her just in case. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![An\_Arky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/87869e/32.png) [@An\_Arky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/An_Arky)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2010, 10:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-do-me-a-favor-quit-raising-your-kids-so-damn-picky/550347/23 "2010-08-15T22:43:03Z")
Nope. He’s picky, but what he does eat isn’t too bad. He likes fruit, cheese, nuts, pasta, rice, cheese pizza, etc. He just prefers bland food and won’t eat meat. Oddly enough, he’s our most well-behaved kid; it’s only that he’s a picky eater. Sorry to be snappy, it’s just that it’s not always deficient parenting that causes picky eating, and sure, I get frustrated over it, too. ---
**Author:** ![An\_Arky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/87869e/32.png) [@An\_Arky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/An_Arky)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2010, 10:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-do-me-a-favor-quit-raising-your-kids-so-damn-picky/550347/24 "2010-08-15T22:49:40Z")
> [@spark240](#): > > > [@An\_Arky](#): > > > > People who aren’t parents of my kid, do me a favor, and STFU about my kid being a picky eater. I didn’t “raise him” that way, and I’m not going to subject him to abuse over fucking food. > > What do you mean by “abuse”? Yelling at him, trying to force him to eat stuff, etc. IMHO, trying to force a picky eater to eat just further entrenches the behavior. ---
**Author:** ![Rushgeekgirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rushgeekgirl/32/3715_2.png) [@Rushgeekgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rushgeekgirl)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2010, 10:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-do-me-a-favor-quit-raising-your-kids-so-damn-picky/550347/25 "2010-08-15T22:52:45Z")
> [@norinew](#): > > > [@overlyverbose](#): > > > > That sounds really aggravating. We once had some people over for dinner and, after I made their kid several offers to make something other than what we were having (in her defense, I made Indian, but had made pasta and some chicken for her since her parents had warned us she was “a little picky and likes bland food”), she demanded to her parents leave and take her to McDonald’s. And you know what? They did! Maybe they just hated my food (though they both had seconds before they took off), but still… > > > > Anyway, I really don’t think that such picky eaters are terribly common, but dealing with them can be really annoying sometimes, especially when pickiness is combined with a lack of manners. > > That _is_ rude. My youngest daughter is a very picky eater, and you know what? When we go to someone’s house for dinner, and I know they’re likely to make ethnic foods, I pop a peanut butter sandwich (in a zip bag) and a small container of fruit in my purse. I always warn my hosts ahead of time that she’s a picky eater, but reiterate that I don’t want them to worry about it. My daughter then has to try a little of what is served, but if she doesn’t like it, I just put her sandwich and fruit on her plate. I certainly wouldn’t reward her pickiness by leaving a dinner party and taking her to McDonald’s! > > **Rushgeekgirl** , I may be mis-remembering something I read you post, but isn’t your daughter autistic? I’ve been told by many professionals that one of the major symptoms of autism is texture issue. One of my 10YO’s best friends is autistic. He will eat applesauce, but not whole apples. He will eat sharp cheddar cheese, which is “crumbly” but not American cheese, which is “slimy”. He cannot stand to wear certain fabrics. Etc. And believe me, his mother is _not_ the type to just spoil him and give into random demands. These are very real issues for him. > > As to the OP, if you keep track of which kids are so picky, next time those kids are invited over to play, you could ask their parents to please send a nutritious snack for them, as they don’t seem to care for any of the things you have to offer. She has scored as borderline so far because it’s so complicated with her language delay, but yes mostly it’s a texture thing. She loves applesauce but not apples too! What I do is, I offer everything. I have her try things and she’ll often discover something that looks funny actually tastes pretty darn good. Just yesterday she tried squash casserole after doing the gagging thing. Maybe her gagging thing isn’t the gagging thing people are talking about here. She looks at something, sticks her tongue out and makes a gagging noise before she ever tastes something. If she doesn’t like the taste or texture she’ll just spit it out and tell me in spectacularly exaggerated tone, “It’s so disgusting!” I don’t encourage it but I do have to hold back a smile. I’m glad to have her say anything in a complete sentence! But the gagging I don’t encourage. I do not have good eating habits. I am afraid I may be doing something wrong. My whole family is overweight so I’m scared to death I’ll pass on our issues. I try so hard not to make eating a big deal in front of her. If she doesn’t like it, I’m cool with it, but just one bite is all I ask. That’s all it takes for me to know I don’t like something too. ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2010, 10:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-do-me-a-favor-quit-raising-your-kids-so-damn-picky/550347/26 "2010-08-15T22:57:38Z")
When I was a kid, my mother forced me to eat raw onions and garlic, because she was determined that I would not be a picky eater. I knew that raw onions and garlic always made my stomach hurt afterwards, and I’d usually end up with diarrhea. We usually had salad with our evening meals, and I wasn’t allowed to pick off those onion slices. Nope, I had to eat them. It turns out that I have IBS, and that raw onions and garlic are some of my triggers. Thanks, Mama. I’m pretty sure that qualifies as child abuse. ---
**Author:** ![Peremensoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ce7236/32.png) [@Peremensoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peremensoe)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2010, 11:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-do-me-a-favor-quit-raising-your-kids-so-damn-picky/550347/27 "2010-08-15T23:09:19Z")
> [@An\_Arky](#): > > > [@spark240](#): > > > > What do you mean by “abuse”? > > Yelling at him, trying to force him to eat stuff, etc. IMHO, trying to force a picky eater to eat just further entrenches the behavior. Ah, okay. I agree. I never yell at mine or force food on them. If they refuse to eat even a bite of what’s available… well, so be it. I don’t make a big deal of it. That horse is going to a lot more interested in drinking the _second_ time he goes by the water hole. ---
**Author:** ![MsWhatsit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb8c5e/32.png) [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2010, 11:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-do-me-a-favor-quit-raising-your-kids-so-damn-picky/550347/28 "2010-08-15T23:18:11Z")
As is common in these threads, people are conflating two separate issues. One is the issue of being a picky eater. In and of itself, there is nothing rude or obnoxious about being a picky eater. The other is the issue of being a rude houseguest. Leaving to go to McDonald’s when you are at a friend’s house and they are serving dinner is rude. The appropriate response, when you are at a dinner party or other gathering where food is being served, and you do not care for the food being served, is to simply quietly not eat it. (And hopefully the hosts/hostesses also behave appropriately and don’t try to force the food on you, either.) The sooner picky eaters learn this, the better. Nobody ever starved to death from skipping one meal. ---
**Author:** ![drachillix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/48db29/32.png) [@drachillix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drachillix)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2010, 11:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-do-me-a-favor-quit-raising-your-kids-so-damn-picky/550347/29 "2010-08-15T23:38:43Z")
> [@MsWhatsit](#): > > The other is the issue of being a rude houseguest. Leaving to go to McDonald’s when you are at a friend’s house and they are serving dinner is rude. The appropriate response, when you are at a dinner party or other gathering where food is being served, and you do not care for the food being served, is to simply quietly not eat it. …and expect not to be invited over again… I like to cook and take alot of pride in what I create. If I spent 4 hours constructing an epic meal not even bacon salt can improve and you won’t even try it, your S.O. better be my best friend or screwing me on the side to get another invite. I also tend to ask if I am planning on such a dinner event if there are any particular likes/dislikes/dietary restrictions/etc. I once made a special plate of portabello and garlic ravioli for a vegetarian who I knew was coming and prepared for, her husband hated me by the end of the night because she just kept gushing how awesome it was and seemed to want to chat me up the rest of the night. ---
**Author:** ![tumbleddown](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e9bcb4/32.png) [@tumbleddown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tumbleddown)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2010, 12:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-do-me-a-favor-quit-raising-your-kids-so-damn-picky/550347/30 "2010-08-16T00:33:56Z")
> [@lindsaybluth](#): > > But if you ever make it to Pittsburgh, I’ll be happy to provide the place’s name! 🙂 _looks outside window_ Yep, Pittsburgh. Spill the name! > [@MsWhatsit](#): > > The other is the issue of being a rude houseguest. Leaving to go to McDonald’s when you are at a friend’s house and they are serving dinner is rude. Well, I’m not sure about this. Not eating and stopping for something that you like on the way home is not rude, so long as you don’t make a big scene about it. Leaving early in order to take a miserable and fussing child home is not rude. So the rudeness here is only because they made it clear that they were leaving in order to get their child – who was clearly hungry – something that the child would eat. And I’m not sure that attending to the needs of their child – and relieving the other guests of the misery of a grumbling child – is really so rude. ---
**Author:** ![MOIDALIZE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e274bd/32.png) [@MOIDALIZE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MOIDALIZE)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2010, 1:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-do-me-a-favor-quit-raising-your-kids-so-damn-picky/550347/31 "2010-08-16T01:17:36Z")
I recall a snow day when I was in 5th grade, when my stepmother got my Indian friend’s mother to watch me on short notice. My friend usually ate the school lunch at school, but his family ate strictly vegetarian at home because his mother didn’t eat meat. At lunch she served tomato soup and a plain cheese sandwich. I was initially thinking “WTF?!” when she served lunch, because it seemed like I ate some kind of meat at every meal, and I couldn’t believe that I wasn’t getting a salami sandwich or something. But I kept my thoughts to myself and ate my lunch. She never asked what I wanted, she just made it. I give her credit for choosing something bland and filling, because I had been at their home when she was preparing some Indian dish, and it always smelled to me like she was making eye of newt (I like Indian food now). But it never even _occurred_ to me that I could request something for lunch other than what was being prepared. ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2010, 1:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-do-me-a-favor-quit-raising-your-kids-so-damn-picky/550347/32 "2010-08-16T01:59:26Z")
I think, though, that there comes a point that you need to teach your kids “adults learn how to eat a reasonable amount of what is offered to them.” Eating is a big social ritual, and being an extremely picky eater (as opposed to someone with one or two foods they don’t eat) is going to limit your ability to date, travel, and even do business. Learning to tolerate non-preferred foods is as important as learning to talk in an inside voice, learning to participate in an adult conversation, learning to sit still, etc. I believed food aversion has been linked to anxiety disorders, and in many cases they are treatable. When they are treatable, I think parents should go through whatever effort it takes to make sure food aversion doesn’t limit their child in the future. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2010, 2:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-do-me-a-favor-quit-raising-your-kids-so-damn-picky/550347/33 "2010-08-16T02:07:29Z")
> [@drachillix](#): > > > [@MsWhatsit](#): > > > > The other is the issue of being a rude houseguest. Leaving to go to McDonald’s when you are at a friend’s house and they are serving dinner is rude. The appropriate response, when you are at a dinner party or other gathering where food is being served, and you do not care for the food being served, is to simply quietly not eat it. > > …and expect not to be invited over again… > > I like to cook and take alot of pride in what I create. If I spent 4 hours constructing an epic meal not even bacon salt can improve and you won’t even try it, your S.O. better be my best friend or screwing me on the side to get another invite. I also tend to ask if I am planning on such a dinner event if there are any particular likes/dislikes/dietary restrictions/etc. I once made a special plate of portabello and garlic ravioli for a vegetarian who I knew was coming and prepared for, her husband hated me by the end of the night because she just kept gushing how awesome it was and seemed to want to chat me up the rest of the night. I’m sure they won’t mind. ---
**Author:** ![Drain\_Bead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e47774/32.png) [@Drain\_Bead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drain_Bead)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2010, 2:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-do-me-a-favor-quit-raising-your-kids-so-damn-picky/550347/34 "2010-08-16T02:19:50Z")
My kid is 18.5 months old. If it doesn’t a) have cheese in it, or b) exist on a plate that isn’t hers, she will not eat it. That’s a bit of a lie. She’ll also eat yogurt. God, I hope she outgrows this. I’m a total foodie, so it’s really frustrating to deal with the toddler pickiness. What’s funny is that she’ll eat damn near anything off of our plates. Except most vegetables–about the only thing I’ve seen her voluntarily eat are broccoli, cauliflower, and spinach, and then only covered in some sort of sauce. ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2010, 2:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-do-me-a-favor-quit-raising-your-kids-so-damn-picky/550347/35 "2010-08-16T02:21:47Z")
> [@Unintentionally\_Blank](#): > > Well, it’s pretty rude when you have a houseguest and you rattle off half a dozen things for lunch and can’t get a single hit. That would be where I’d go “Well…I guess you go hungry”, and feed the ones who aren’t so picky. But then, I’m mean. ---
**Author:** ![lindsaybluth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/90db22/32.png) [@lindsaybluth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lindsaybluth)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2010, 2:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-do-me-a-favor-quit-raising-your-kids-so-damn-picky/550347/36 "2010-08-16T02:45:16Z")
> [@tumbleddown](#): > > > [@lindsaybluth](#): > > > > But if you ever make it to Pittsburgh, I’ll be happy to provide the place’s name! 🙂 > > _looks outside window_ Yep, Pittsburgh. Spill the name! Woohoo! **Pangea** , it’s off of Walnut in Shadyside. My brother informed me it was a hot soup - I remember it being cold, but I have a terrible memory. I do remember it was delicious. They have [half of appetizers and draft beers, $5 martinis and $5 wine](http://www.post-gazette.com/pg/10224/1079288-46.stm) from 5-7 every night, so perhaps the soup will qualify as an appetizer? The scallop appetizer was very good. You could easily make a meal out of two appetizers. Best of all, the place is never crowded (we were there at 730 on a Saturday night) because it’s down a few steps in the lower level/basement. ---
**Author:** ![In\_Winnipeg](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/a8b319/32.png) [@In\_Winnipeg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/In_Winnipeg)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2010, 2:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-do-me-a-favor-quit-raising-your-kids-so-damn-picky/550347/37 "2010-08-16T02:46:32Z")
I don’t get it. When I was a kid, there was none of this pickey eating crap. You ate everything on your plate, even the stuff you didn’t like. Sure, you may have been given a smaller portion of the stuff you hated, but you were expected to eat some of it, anyway. Reason was you never knew what someone may cook if they asked you to stay to dinner, and you didn’t want to look ungracious. Go figure. ---
**Author:** ![Rushgeekgirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rushgeekgirl/32/3715_2.png) [@Rushgeekgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rushgeekgirl)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2010, 2:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-do-me-a-favor-quit-raising-your-kids-so-damn-picky/550347/38 "2010-08-16T02:56:26Z")
> [@In\_Winnipeg](#): > > I don’t get it. When I was a kid, there was none of this pickey eating crap. You ate everything on your plate, even the stuff you didn’t like. Sure, you may have been given a smaller portion of the stuff you hated, but you were expected to eat some of it, anyway. > > Reason was you never knew what someone may cook if they asked you to stay to dinner, and you didn’t want to look ungracious. Go figure. How far back was that? ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2010, 2:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-do-me-a-favor-quit-raising-your-kids-so-damn-picky/550347/39 "2010-08-16T02:56:39Z")
What, you think I _raised_ my kids to be picky eaters? You think I encouraged my daughter to hide scrambled eggs in her cheek and keep them there for a half-hour after breakfast until she finally sneezed on the way to the sitter and blew eggs all over my windshield? You think I chuckled about how adorable my son was when he went around the neighborhood on Halloween and told every house that he didn’t like freakin’ CHOCOLATE? (He’s 24 now and he still doesn’t eat chocolate, by the way.) For that matter, you think I liked being told I couldn’t leave the table until I ate my (whatever) and sitting there until it was time for bed, because I absolutely couldn’t tolerate even taking a bite of (whatever)? ---
**Author:** ![Caricci](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/85f322/32.png) [@Caricci](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Caricci)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2010, 3:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-do-me-a-favor-quit-raising-your-kids-so-damn-picky/550347/40 "2010-08-16T03:06:14Z")
My husband’s brother’s kids have been made picky by their parents. They are both picky themselves and have never encouraged them to try anything other than chicken nuggets and ketchup. They use like three bottles of ketchup a week! The girl will also eat pasta with sauce and the boy will eat pasta plain and there are a few school lunches they’ll eat. That’s it. My son is the only other grandchild and he will try everything and his grandparents, who spend much more time with the other two, just love to take him to restaurants and see what he’ll order. This whole chicken nugget thing is very frustrating for them. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-do-me-a-favor-quit-raising-your-kids-so-damn-picky/550347.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-do-me-a-favor-quit-raising-your-kids-so-damn-picky/550347.md?page=3)