# Parents doing the kid's homework **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 10, 2010, 4:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-doing-the-kids-homework/560139 "2010-11-10T04:11:16Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2010, 1:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-doing-the-kids-homework/560139/41 "2010-11-11T01:54:26Z")
> [@Hilarity\_N.Suze](#): > > But really, if you don’t want a second-grader’s parents doing the homework, for the love of mike assign something second-graders can actually _do_. And make it reasonably educational. We hated the damn art projects our kids had to do in elementary school. Our eldest has no artistic ability in that sense to speak of, and it was always torture. (We don’t either, so we didn’t cheat.) I never saw the point, except to give kids who couldn’t write but could make dioramas a break. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2010, 2:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-doing-the-kids-homework/560139/42 "2010-11-11T02:03:29Z")
I don’t remember how old I was, but I remember once when I came home from shopping or something with my mother, and we saw that my dad had completed a project I was supposed to do (some kind of art project). I remember being SO UPSET. I had really been looking forward to it, and I wouldn’t have minded help, but he totally went ahead and did the whole thing. ☹ Mind you, I did have help with some kind of big projects – when I was a kid, my mother would sometimes type things for me, since we didn’t have a typewriter (let alone a computer!), or a neighbor once helped me make a diorama for a sixth grade history project. But the key word is _help_. (As far as talking to the teacher, I’d mind my own business. That’s really between her and the other parent.) ---
**Author:** ![lindsaybluth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/90db22/32.png) [@lindsaybluth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lindsaybluth)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2010, 2:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-doing-the-kids-homework/560139/43 "2010-11-11T02:21:27Z")
I will say that for some bizarre reason we actually got letter grades in art class in middle school. In gym class we’d get an O, S, or U (outstanding, satisfactory or unsatisfactory (which mean you failed)) but art you’d get a letter grade. So I begged my dad to “help” me make some art extra credit drawings. So yeah he basically did them all. I don’t regret it. Letter grades in art were bullshit.I don’t think I could get on the honor roll if I got a D (while still participating and doing all the work in class!) so I got a C+ I think every quarter. But like \*\*Hilarity \*\*said, some of the stuff they make kids do _requires_ parental involvement. Which, especially in middle school or above, is just plain ridiculous. ---
**Author:** ![Palo\_Verde](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/65b543/32.png) [@Palo\_Verde](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Palo_Verde)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2010, 3:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-doing-the-kids-homework/560139/44 "2010-11-11T03:01:31Z")
> [@Voyager](#): > > Yes! > 90% of writing is rewriting. Writing an essay from scratch for a kid is cheating. Pointing out problems with an essay and guiding a kid to fix them is not. I wonder if the OP considers the use of an editor by an established writer cheating also? No, but the point isn’t to teach the writer how to spell. The point of assigning an essay is not to get a brilliant essay from a child. It is to teach them how to write an essay! If the parent goes over it and over it with the child, the work is no longer the child’s! ---
**Author:** ![Omega\_Glory](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/7c8e57/32.png) [@Omega\_Glory](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omega_Glory)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2010, 4:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-doing-the-kids-homework/560139/45 "2010-11-11T04:22:44Z")
> [@Palo\_Verde](#): > > No, but the point isn’t to teach the writer how to spell. The point of assigning an essay is not to get a brilliant essay from a child. It is to teach them how to write an essay! If the parent goes over it and over it with the child, the work is no longer the child’s! What method is a teacher going to use, besides going over the child’s essay with them, and pointing out ways to improve it? Or, since there are so many children, going over all the essays, then addressing common pitfalls for the whole class? Isn’t this the same thing that the people in the thread who said they’d help out are doing? The child would go to school with a more polished product, and should also have picked up some more essay writing skills during the one on one tutoring session, right? ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2010, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-doing-the-kids-homework/560139/46 "2010-11-11T14:38:05Z")
My parents were ones, who when I asked how to spell something, handed me the dictionary. ---
**Author:** ![lindsaybluth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/90db22/32.png) [@lindsaybluth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lindsaybluth)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2010, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-doing-the-kids-homework/560139/47 "2010-11-11T14:39:15Z")
I’ll do you one better - mine would respond “Webster or Oxford”? 😛 ---
**Author:** ![WordMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e8c25b/32.png) [@WordMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WordMan)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2010, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-doing-the-kids-homework/560139/48 "2010-11-11T15:40:02Z")
> [@Palo\_Verde](#): > > I believe it is my responsibility to provide my kids with what they need to do their homework: desk, light, paper, a dictionary, etc. They are responsible for the final product of the homework, I am not. They are asked to turn in the best they can do… not the best they can do with their parent’s help. I’ve had 4 kids at many different schools and they have all advised the parent to back off on helping kids with their assignments. **Palo Verde** - you see to be really focused on if, how and how much parents engage with their kids’ schooling. I remember you starting [this thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=583517)about how to motivate an unmotivated 13-year-old boy - when folks like me basically said “monitor them and talk through deadlines - teach them to manage their schedules and grind out the work” you basically came back with “that should not be my job - that’s the school’s.” To be clear: a parent doing a kid’s homework is NOT okay. Period, end of story. However there is a HUGE spectrum between “parent doesn’t engage at all” and “parent does their homework for them” - it feels like you don’t want to understand how maybe a different point on that spectrum may work out better for the kid in some circumstances. Are they the ones ultimately responsible, per your quote above? Yes - but do they need to be TAUGHT what it means to “have responsibility” - e.g., planning ahead, committing to deadlines, building in time to edit and rewrite - well, yeah, they do. Frankly, that’s more important than most of the actual topics they are doing the homework for, and I don’t see how just leaving that to the teacher makes sense, but clearly YMMV. My $.02, WordMan ---
**Author:** ![salinqmind](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3ec8ea/32.png) [@salinqmind](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/salinqmind)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2010, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-doing-the-kids-homework/560139/49 "2010-11-11T16:41:07Z")
I helped my daughter with her homework by checking it over for mistakes - I didn’t point out the mistakes, I would say ‘there are two arithmetic problems that are wrong on this page, you’d better double check your work’. I stopped being helpful with math homework around the fourth or fifth grade, need I say why?..The most excitement I have ever seen at a science fair - I mean crowds gathering around - was for a kid who had a gigantic magnet and a ton of paper clips and such. The kid whose parents made a model of the solar system for him was over there, clamoring to try out the magnet for himself. ---
**Author:** ![Palo\_Verde](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/65b543/32.png) [@Palo\_Verde](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Palo_Verde)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2010, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-doing-the-kids-homework/560139/50 "2010-11-11T16:43:03Z")
> [@WordMan](#): > > **Palo Verde** - you see to be really focused on if, how and how much parents engage with their kids’ schooling. I remember you starting [this thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=583517)about how to motivate an unmotivated 13-year-old boy - when folks like me basically said “monitor them and talk through deadlines - teach them to manage their schedules and grind out the work” you basically came back with “that should not be my job - that’s the school’s.” > > To be clear: a parent doing a kid’s homework is NOT okay. Period, end of story. However there is a HUGE spectrum between “parent doesn’t engage at all” and “parent does their homework for them” - it feels like you don’t want to understand how maybe a different point on that spectrum may work out better for the kid in some circumstances. > > Are they the ones ultimately responsible, per your quote above? Yes - but do they need to be TAUGHT what it means to “have responsibility” - e.g., planning ahead, committing to deadlines, building in time to edit and rewrite - well, yeah, they do. Frankly, that’s more important than most of the actual topics they are doing the homework for, and I don’t see how just leaving that to the teacher makes sense, but clearly YMMV. > > My $.02, > > WordMan Nah, I didn’t respond to most of those suggestions in the other thread because I already do them. When my 13 year old son comes home I ask him about his homework and make sure he does it. But I don’t do it for him. Some people suggested sitting with him and monitoring everything he does, but I don’t consider that ‘getting more involved’ but rather ‘taking over’ I never said I leave it all to the teacher, but I detest parents who hijack their kids’ lives. I’m not upset that my daughter didn’t win the silly essay contest. But I am upset that some parents are so concerned about their child winning that they take over the work for the child. If you are going over ever word of your child’s homework, then you need to back off. ---
**Author:** ![WordMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e8c25b/32.png) [@WordMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WordMan)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2010, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-doing-the-kids-homework/560139/51 "2010-11-11T17:18:00Z")
> [@Palo\_Verde](#): > > Nah, I didn’t respond to most of those suggestions in the other thread because I already do them. When my 13 year old son comes home I ask him about his homework and make sure he does it. But I don’t do it for him. Some people suggested sitting with him and monitoring everything he does, but I don’t consider that ‘getting more involved’ but rather ‘taking over’ > > I never said I leave it all to the teacher, but I detest parents who hijack their kids’ lives. I’m not upset that my daughter didn’t win the silly essay contest. But I am upset that some parents are so concerned about their child winning that they take over the work for the child. If you are going over ever word of your child’s homework, then you need to back off. Very different vs. the impression I got from your posts in these threads. This all seems reasonable. ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2010, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-doing-the-kids-homework/560139/52 "2010-11-11T17:44:53Z")
> [@spark240](#): > > … Kindergarteners don’t need to be doing anything with computers. Sixth-graders don’t need to be doing anything with computers. There’s so much else to learn first, basic stuff! People need their own mental tools before they can do anything important with electronic tools. I heartily disagree with this post. First and most important, the two can be taught concurrently (computer games e.g. the post above that mentioned teaching typing by making it a car race game) and in fact it seems better that they should be hand-in-hand instead of one waiting for the other. Second, kids need to learn typing - including and especially touch-typing - and all the basics of software use. By sixth grade, a kid ought be able to type out, proofread, and print out a grade-appropriate S.A. (love that!) ideally without doing the two-finger hunt-and-peck method. By the time they hit college, anyone today still doing hunt-and-peck typing is going to be at a massive disadvantage in most (though not all) professions. Of course, they will be if they can’t spell on their own, too. ---
**Author:** ![Peremensoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ce7236/32.png) [@Peremensoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peremensoe)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2010, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-doing-the-kids-homework/560139/53 "2010-11-11T18:10:54Z")
Typing and software are tiny little subjects, purely technical, easily and properly learned when the real need arises. Too many schools today substitute the teaching of these minor technical skills for the serious brain work which the technical skills should be serving. We are producing now kids who can type and use software, but can’t research, think critically, and compose. That sixth-grade essay may look professional, but its content will probably be garbage. ---
**Author:** ![Velma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/85e7bf/32.png) [@Velma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velma)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2010, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-doing-the-kids-homework/560139/54 "2010-11-11T19:08:02Z")
> [@purplehorseshoe](#): > > I heartily disagree with this post. First and most important, the two can be taught concurrently (computer games e.g. the post above that mentioned teaching typing by making it a car race game) and in fact it seems better that they should be hand-in-hand instead of one waiting for the other. Second, kids need to learn typing - including and especially touch-typing - and all the basics of software use. By sixth grade, a kid ought be able to type out, proofread, and print out a grade-appropriate S.A. (love that!) ideally without doing the two-finger hunt-and-peck method. > > By the time they hit college, anyone today still doing hunt-and-peck typing is going to be at a massive disadvantage in most (though not all) professions. > > Of course, they will be if they can’t spell on their own, too. I agree. Our kids’ school introduces basic computer and media skills as soon as they start school. It is age appropriate, and often the computer skills reinforce lessons they are learning in class (my son is learning to use basic internet search skills to find out about a mammal, for example), but electronic learning is here to stay, and kids who are adept at things like typing and internet research are going to have a much easier time later on. My sister just got her masters to be a children’s librarian (now it’s called media specialist or something like that) and is working in an elementary school. She spends a lot of time teaching internet research and various media skills, and a good deal of her education towards this degree was spent on learning how to teach kids these skills. Any kid who doesn’t start this before 6th grade is going to be at a disadvantage. Too much of our daily lives and jobs are now electronically integrated and kids need to be comfortable on a computer at an early age. ---
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2010, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-doing-the-kids-homework/560139/55 "2010-11-11T19:08:09Z")
> [@spark240](#): > > Too many schools today substitute the teaching of these minor technical skills for the serious brain work which the technical skills should be serving. Cite? Do you have a kid currently in school? I’d say they aren’t good at teaching critical thinking skills like they should be, but it isn’t because they are teaching computer programs. In my experience, computers are used to complete other types of assignments, and the kids learn computer use fluidly alongside all their other subjects. ---
**Author:** ![zoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zoid/32/336_2.png) [@zoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zoid)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2010, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-doing-the-kids-homework/560139/56 "2010-11-11T19:38:18Z")
> [@OpalCat](#): > > Cite? Do you have a kid currently in school? I’d say they aren’t good at teaching critical thinking skills like they should be, but it isn’t because they are teaching computer programs. In my experience, computers are used to complete other types of assignments, and the kids learn computer use fluidly alongside all their other subjects. Not only that but when my kids does a science experiment she can plot the data on the computer in seconds and say, “Yep that’s what we expected” or “WOW - that doesn’t look right, we should look closer at that” instead of spending an hour or so plotting data by hand all the time thinking about how BORING science is. Short attention span you say? Yep! She’s 10. 10 year olds are like that sometimes. ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2010, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-doing-the-kids-homework/560139/57 "2010-11-11T20:59:23Z")
> [@Palo\_Verde](#): > > No, but the point isn’t to teach the writer how to spell. The point of assigning an essay is not to get a brilliant essay from a child. It is to teach them how to write an essay! If the parent goes over it and over it with the child, the work is no longer the child’s! One of the recommendation in our district for differentiated instruction is to give a spelling test at the beginning of the week, and excuse the kids who get all the answers right from having to make up sentences with the words and the other crap used to drill the correct spelling into their brains. Use of a spell checker is like giving a little spelling test with each writing assignment. Do you think that a marked up essay returned a week later is going to help the kid learn to write better than more detailed feedback from a parent given right away? In high school my kids had to do drafts of papers - I suspect 3rd graders don’t. They get the paper with lots of red back and toss it without ever making the fixes. Does that really help them to write better? I’m not talking theoretically here - this method has worked really well for our kids, who are both out of college and who both write very well. ---
**Author:** ![hdc\_bst](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/9f8e36/32.png) [@hdc\_bst](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hdc_bst)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2010, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-doing-the-kids-homework/560139/58 "2010-11-11T21:21:01Z")
> [@spark240](#): > > Typing and software are tiny little subjects, purely technical, easily and properly learned when the real need arises. Too many schools today substitute the teaching of these minor technical skills for the serious brain work which the technical skills should be serving. We are producing now kids who can type and use software, but can’t research, think critically, and compose. That sixth-grade essay may look professional, but its content will probably be garbage. I’ve gotta agree with **OpalCat** and others here. You’re coming off as a bit of a Luddite. Typing and software use are easily learned subjects that shouldn’t require a huge block of instruction. So is handwriting. Why not teach students to take advantage of the wonders of the modern era. By using a word processor for their essay, not only will it look professional, but the student can go through more review/revise cycles because of the ease of editing their original version. They can spend more time thinking critically and focusing on composition. Similarly for math (uhoh, out come the long knives), a calculator, Excel spreadsheet, or more advanced program can allow the student to spend more time on formulating the problem and understanding the operations that must be performed than hand-calculating said operations. This, of course, assumes that they’ve already learned how to perform calculations by hand. ---
**Author:** ![Cyberhwk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7993a0/32.png) [@Cyberhwk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cyberhwk)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2010, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-doing-the-kids-homework/560139/59 "2010-11-11T22:28:25Z")
> [@lindsaybluth](#): > > These kids will get it in the end. Had a girl in my class who cheated with reckless abandon. She’d be sly about it - can you help me with this? - then copy down exactly what you had. She did this for years until she was punished by an AP teacher in high school. I wonder what happened to her in college. I had a World Geography teacher that flat baited people. A few started cheating. Then they cheated blatantly and had text books open on the floor copying down answers. I mean, how could you POSSIBLY miss this. This went on ALL SEMESTER. Then the final came around, everyone got their cheating methods ready, and he went around and flunked every one of them. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![shiftless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9c0ed/32.png) [@shiftless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shiftless)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2010, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-doing-the-kids-homework/560139/60 "2010-11-12T16:26:48Z")
> [@Zsofia](#): > > When I was a kid and I’d ask my mom how to spell a word, she’d say “D-I-C-T-I-O-N-A-R-Y”. My mom too. So I just spelled the words any way I could think of and took the bad grades that came with it. If she thought it wasn’t worth her time to help me out then it wasn’t worth my time either. She never did explain how I was supposed to look up a word in the dictionary if I didn’t know how to spell it first and to this day I have never figured that out. There is a very fine line between “helping” a person and doing a person’s work for them. When my son was in 5th and 6th grades I saw many science projects that were clearly done by parents (or maybe teams from NASA.) It made his ribbons all the more sweet. For the most part though, what other kids and their parents were doing had no effect on him. School isn’t (or shouldn’t be) about grades, it is about learning. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-doing-the-kids-homework/560139.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-doing-the-kids-homework/560139.md?page=4)