# Parents: how do you handle the "gimmies"? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 8, 2008, 1:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-how-do-you-handle-the-gimmies/471752 "2008-11-08T01:07:50Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 14\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Scissorjack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c67d28/32.png) [@Scissorjack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scissorjack)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2008, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-how-do-you-handle-the-gimmies/471752/21 "2008-11-08T20:35:21Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > Mostly I just need something to shut her up in the moment, I guess. She’ll keep with the, “But I WANT this!” until I say something that sounds to her like she’s going to be appeased. That is not an effective technique. Kids learn to go with what works, and if you concede to her wheedling, even if only verbally, what she’s learning is that if she wheedles enough Mummy _will_ give in, if only to placate her. If you want to stop the wheedling, say no, give a reason she can understand, and then close the subject. She’ll abandon the wheedling once she finds it’s not getting her attention or results. ---
**Author:** ![Silver\_Tyger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/fbc32d/32.png) [@Silver\_Tyger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silver_Tyger)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2008, 8:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-how-do-you-handle-the-gimmies/471752/22 "2008-11-08T20:52:19Z")
> [@RancidYakButterTeaParty](#): > > I’m sure I come off sounding like a jerk of some sorts–but that is far from the truth. I have tons of fun shopping with my kids. We can have lots of fun because I don’t have to worry about them begging for everything they see. Christmas is a blast too, because they are genuinely thankful for the presents they get. You don’t sound like a jerk, you sound like a good parent. It’s important to learn that you can’t have everything you want. ---
**Author:** ![CrazyCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dfb087/32.png) [@CrazyCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrazyCatLady)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2008, 1:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-how-do-you-handle-the-gimmies/471752/23 "2008-11-09T01:25:40Z")
It seems to be normal for the age. Everything they see, it’s “I want that,” even if they don’t remember they wanted it 2 minutes later. Last year my niece was three, and her response to being asked what she wanted for Christmas was a sigh, a head tilt, and a wistful “_Every_thing.” I think part of it is that my sil’s standard response to the steady stream of I want is “Oh, you want everything.” Which, when you get right down to it, seems to be a pretty good way of handling it, at least for Sam. She doesn’t generally whine or fuss or keep hammering at it like some kids, just mentions it and then goes on. ---
**Author:** ![SCSimmons](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e495f1/32.png) [@SCSimmons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SCSimmons)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2008, 6:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-how-do-you-handle-the-gimmies/471752/24 "2008-11-09T06:20:44Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > Mostly I just need something to shut her up in the moment, I guess. She’ll keep with the, “But I WANT this!” until I say something that sounds to her like she’s going to be appeased. > > I especially like the wish list technique. This morning, I showed her how to dog-ear pages in her catalog, and told her we’d put those things on her wish list and then Santa would pick one or two. The catalog now looks like it’s been through a shredder, but she’s a happy little busy beaver! Yep, that’s worked for me in the past. When they asked for something (from an advertisement on TV or in the mail, whatever), I always told my boys that I’d put it on their birthday/Christmas list, whichever was coming up soonest. (It helps that both of them were born in the summer. 🙂 ) The fun part is when impatience rears its ugly head: “Oooh, shiny! Will you buy me X?” “I’ll put it on your birthday list.” [Whiny tone.]“But my birthday isn’t until _June_! I can’t wait 'til _June_!!” “OK, then I’ll take it _off_ your birthday list.” :eek: If you stick to your guns and never, ever buy them something that they whined for, but actually do pay attention to the requests and (on the specified ‘special day’) get them things they actually wanted, they very quickly learn how to get at least some of what they want, and you never have to hear that sound again. Give in even once to try to stop the whine faster, and you’re f\*cked. :smack: ---
**Author:** ![amarinth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3be4f8/32.png) [@amarinth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/amarinth)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2008, 7:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-how-do-you-handle-the-gimmies/471752/25 "2008-11-09T07:53:53Z")
Deleted ---
**Author:** ![Zulema](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/db5fbb/32.png) [@Zulema](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zulema)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2008, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-how-do-you-handle-the-gimmies/471752/26 "2008-11-09T18:18:31Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > Mostly I just need something to shut her up in the moment, I guess. She’ll keep with the, “But I WANT this!” until I say something that sounds to her like she’s going to be appeased. Throw the catalog away. If she asks about it just say that you don’t know where it went and get her interested in something else (maybe Santa needed it for his shopping). Never show her a catalog again, when she’s old enough to find one on her own she’s old enough to have one. On a side note; never say you can’t afford something or they might grow up to think that the only reason to not buy something is because they can’t afford it. Say things like “We wouldn’t use that much and it takes up so much room”, or “You already have something that will do the same thing.” ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2008, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-how-do-you-handle-the-gimmies/471752/27 "2008-11-09T18:28:59Z")
> [@Scissorjack](#): > > That is not an effective technique. Well, sure. That’s why I started the thread! In other news, she asked for a something (I’ve already forgotten what) this morning and I said no and she put on her wheedle face and took a deep breath and I very calmly said, “No, I’ve given you my answer and I’m done talking about it,” and then I walked away. She literally squeaked once in surprise and that was the end of it! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![MsWhatsit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb8c5e/32.png) [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2008, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-how-do-you-handle-the-gimmies/471752/28 "2008-11-09T18:38:22Z")
> [@Unauthorized\_Cinnamon](#): > > As for the remaining begging, due to friends having things or the semi-commercials on Disney Channel or whatnot, I just tell her, “We’ll put it on your list.” Without constant reminding, she forgets what she was asking for anyway, and the list answer keeps her content until that happens. And I do try to remember to put things on the list. This is what I do. So instead of getting nonstop begging for this, that, and the other thing, I get, “Mommy, Mommy, can I have that?” I say, “We’ll put it on your wishlist.” They say, “YAY! It’s going on our wishlist!” and then quickly forget about it. It is pretty low-hassle. And like **Unauthorized Cinnamon** , I do put a lot of it on their Christmas lists, although I exercise editorial discretion, of course. ---
**Author:** ![Scissorjack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c67d28/32.png) [@Scissorjack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scissorjack)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2008, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-how-do-you-handle-the-gimmies/471752/29 "2008-11-09T19:49:14Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > Well, sure. That’s why I started the thread! > > In other news, she asked for a something (I’ve already forgotten what) this morning and I said no and she put on her wheedle face and took a deep breath and I very calmly said, “No, I’ve given you my answer and I’m done talking about it,” and then I walked away. She literally squeaked once in surprise and that was the end of it! 😃 {Steeples fingers} Ex-cellent! ---
**Author:** ![Ruken](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f475e1/32.png) [@Ruken](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ruken)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2008, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-how-do-you-handle-the-gimmies/471752/30 "2008-11-09T20:26:47Z")
My parents did the catalog thing with us, back when some of the big department stores still had massive holiday catalogs (does anyone still do that?). I don’t see much harm in it. Sure, when we were younger I think we probably circled everything that looked remotely interesting. Although that makes the circling somewhat useless, it’s still fun to look at toys, isn’t it? Hell, I still like to look at grown-up toys, even if I’m not going to buy any for myself. It was well understood that we weren’t going to get all (or necessarily any) of the toys we circled. It just helped my parents figure out what the sibs and I were interested in. Again, it’s still fun to look and imagine. I wouldn’t take that way from the kid. ---
**Author:** ![Alessan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alessan/32/465_2.png) [@Alessan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alessan)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2008, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-how-do-you-handle-the-gimmies/471752/31 "2008-11-09T20:51:01Z")
At age three, not only is “because I said so” a legitimate reason, it is perhaps the \*only \*legitimate reason. It’s certainly the only reason they need. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2008, 10:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-how-do-you-handle-the-gimmies/471752/32 "2008-11-09T22:21:18Z")
> [@Scissorjack](#): > > {Steeples fingers} Ex-cellent! We’ve done it about 6 more times today. It’s frakkin’ wonderful. I didn’t realize how much I was encouraging the persistent whining until I made this my new mantra: “I’ve answered your question and I’m done talking about it.” Woo-hoo! ---
**Author:** ![Rick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/9f8e36/32.png) [@Rick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rick)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2008, 2:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-how-do-you-handle-the-gimmies/471752/33 "2008-11-10T02:22:53Z")
> [@RancidYakButterTeaParty](#): > > I usually avoid the Christmas catalogs completely–but kids still have a major wants list once they hit the elementary. > > My kids have been taught from day one that they will not receive an inordinate amount of presents from me. I buy them each 2-3 things that they like, and that’s it. They get so much from the rest of the family–that it seems wasteful to pile on even more. They have learned to be grateful for what they get. If they aren’t, I have taken their gifts right back. This doesn’t have to happen very often before they get the idea. > > Having my children learn the lesson of being grateful and not greedy is way more important to me than their immediate happiness. > > When I take my children with me to the store, they know not to ask for anything. We aren’t there to shop for just anything–we have specific items to get, and that’s it. They still ask from time to time, and the answer is always a simple “no”. > > I never, ever buy them something extra at the store when they are with me (I do however bring them goodies from time to time when I’ve been to the store without them). > > As soon as you do this once, they are going to expect it to happen every time. When it doesn’t, then of course they are going to be upset about it. I cringe every time I see a parent who gives in to the child who is throwing a fit in the store so they don’t have to deal with the screaming and crying. > > As with everything in parenting–consistency is the key. I have kids ages 9, 7, and 4–and I can honestly say that none of them have thrown a fit in the store since my son (the oldest) did when he was around 2.5. I decided right then and there that it wasn’t going to happen again. > > I’m sure I come off sounding like a jerk of some sorts–but that is far from the truth. I have tons of fun shopping with my kids. We can have lots of fun because I don’t have to worry about them begging for everything they see. Christmas is a blast too, because they are genuinely thankful for the presents they get. I raised both of my kids in a similar manner. I would upon occasion buy them something they saw at the store, but they were not allowed to throw a tantrum if they did not get it. Each of my kids threw exactly one tantrum. As soon as they started, I took them outside, and buckled them into their car seat where I ignored them until they stopped crying and carrying on. Then I asked them if they were ready to go back inside and act like a gentleman/lady when they said yes, back inside we went. They never threw a second tantrum. 😃 The only standing exception to the nothing but what is on the list was if they wanted a book. They always got any book they wanted. ---
**Author:** ![MadPansy64](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/dc4da7/32.png) [@MadPansy64](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MadPansy64)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2008, 2:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-how-do-you-handle-the-gimmies/471752/34 "2008-11-10T02:53:51Z")
> [@Rick](#): > > I raised both of my kids in a similar manner. > I would upon occasion buy them something they saw at the store, but they were not allowed to throw a tantrum if they did not get it. Each of my kids threw exactly one tantrum. As soon as they started, I took them outside, and buckled them into their car seat where I ignored them until they stopped crying and carrying on. Then I asked them if they were ready to go back inside and act like a gentleman/lady when they said yes, back inside we went. > They never threw a second tantrum. 😃 > The only standing exception to the nothing but what is on the list was if they wanted a book. They always got any book they wanted. Are you me? All eight of The Kids ™ now have the same policy with the GrandKids. I think I must have done something right! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-how-do-you-handle-the-gimmies/471752.md?page=1)