# Parents - how much did having children change your life? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 18, 2012, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-how-much-did-having-children-change-your-life/628661 "2012-07-18T21:13:55Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![pravnik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8edcca/32.png) [@pravnik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pravnik)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2012, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-how-much-did-having-children-change-your-life/628661/41 "2012-07-19T20:03:19Z")
This thread is giving me a panic attack. ---
**Author:** ![Quercus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/7ab992/32.png) [@Quercus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quercus)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2012, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-how-much-did-having-children-change-your-life/628661/42 "2012-07-19T20:14:02Z")
> [@Enderw24](#): > > Honestly, if I could, I’d have voted 7.5. It’s “worse” than getting married but not quite so high as imprisonment. I was going to answer like this. But then this might be better: > [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > Maybe a better option would be: “Your leg falls off of you and turns into the world’s cutest and most irritating monkey.” I mean, I really find it hard to believe that people are seriously saying having a child is more life-changing than being imprisoned – kids is a huge drop in free time, but it’s not like you’re in lockdown 24-7 being humiliated and beaten by sadistic guards (no offense, Qagdop, etc.). Though losing a leg actually is starting to seem like a good equivalent: you can still work and go places, but it just takes a lot longer to go anywhere or do anything (and you have less energy and money when you do), and some of the things you used to do are right out now. > [@astorian](#): > > What I mean is, when you first get married, you’ll probably find that you and your spouse STILL socialize with the same people you socialized with before getting married. .. > But once you have kids, you’ll find that you just don’t have the time or energy to do a lot of those things any more. And worse yet, when you DO get a night off and try to hang out with old friends, you find that you no longer have much in common with people who don’t have kids. Though on the other hand all the parents in your neighborhood who used to politely chat with you while somehow always slightly looking past you, will now treat you as a full fellow human being, and other new parents will be your instant best friends (at least, as best friends as you can have when you don’t have time or energy to go anywhere…) ---
**Author:** ![Lissla\_Lissar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8491ac/32.png) [@Lissla\_Lissar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lissla_Lissar)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2012, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-how-much-did-having-children-change-your-life/628661/43 "2012-07-19T20:14:47Z")
10, but for me the changes from having one have been exacerbated by having the next three in quick succession, and right now I have frequent days of not recognising myself much. **Ludy** said it well. I know it eases off as they get bigger, and right now I’m in the Tunnel of Parenting, where you can’t see the light yet, because my kids are 4, 2, and the twins are just over 5 months. My oldest kid’s diabetes makes everything a lot more complicated, too, since he needs injection and insulin dosage adjustment and careful watching all the time. I love my kids, they’re wonderful, but there’s a lot of _just coping_ right now ---
**Author:** ![Lissla\_Lissar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8491ac/32.png) [@Lissla\_Lissar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lissla_Lissar)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2012, 8:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-how-much-did-having-children-change-your-life/628661/44 "2012-07-19T20:16:00Z")
It’s true, they are really really entertaining. It’s like living with a houseful of drunks. ---
**Author:** ![Yeticus\_Rex](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/a698b9/32.png) [@Yeticus\_Rex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yeticus_Rex)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2012, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-how-much-did-having-children-change-your-life/628661/45 "2012-07-19T20:30:06Z")
7.5 - Being on 18 year parole…although my youngest son has autism…depending on the future, it might be longer. ---
**Author:** ![Maeglin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8baadc/32.png) [@Maeglin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maeglin)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2012, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-how-much-did-having-children-change-your-life/628661/46 "2012-07-19T21:04:19Z")
> [@Quercus](#): > > I mean, I really find it hard to believe that people are seriously saying having a child is more life-changing than being imprisoned Most convicts, eventually, get out of jail. ---
**Author:** ![JohnT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnt/32/15048_2.png) [@JohnT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnT)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2012, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-how-much-did-having-children-change-your-life/628661/47 "2012-07-19T22:35:54Z")
In the regard that I always expected to have kids, I knew that they would “change” my life dramatically, and that this change was “forever”, I would say the sense of “change” really hasn’t been all that strong. I have the kid and the life that I thought I would have when I thought about the future at age 8… 18… 28… so, really, little is different from my expectations. My wife and I always were our own best friends, so our social life didn’t change all that much when Sophia was born. Caveat: Sophia was planned, there were no surprises (other than how beautiful she is), and she has been a funny, smart, wonderful little girl in exceptional health. ---
**Author:** ![snowthx](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snowthx/32/10660_2.png) [@snowthx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/snowthx)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2012, 10:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-how-much-did-having-children-change-your-life/628661/48 "2012-07-19T22:50:52Z")
> [@JohnT](#): > > In the regard that I always expected to have kids, I knew that they would “change” my life dramatically, and that this change was “forever”, I would say the sense of “change” really hasn’t been all that strong. I have the kid and the life that I thought I would have when I thought about the future at age 8… 18… 28… so, really, little is different from my expectations. I think this is a very good point, **JohnT**. I did not think about being a father when I was younger - it was not in my expectations or in my plans. I was never around babies when I was a kid, either. The first baby I held was my own. Naturally, the shock of the changes for someone like me were fairly dramatic, and I did not really know what I was getting into. I have two planned children now, BTW. I love them both of course and would kill or be killed for them, but knowing what to expect would have helped me greatly along the way. I wish they would have talked more about “parenting” in high-school, and not just _The Miracle of Life_. I agree, you are a parent _forever_. ---
**Author:** ![Horseface](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/4af34b/32.png) [@Horseface](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horseface)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2012, 11:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-how-much-did-having-children-change-your-life/628661/49 "2012-07-19T23:36:11Z")
It’s a solid 10. ---
**Author:** ![Ulfreida](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ulfreida/32/8014_2.png) [@Ulfreida](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ulfreida)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2012, 11:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-how-much-did-having-children-change-your-life/628661/50 "2012-07-19T23:41:56Z")
Truth is, there is really nothing comparable. ---
**Author:** ![rivulus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/839c29/32.png) [@rivulus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rivulus)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2012, 2:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-how-much-did-having-children-change-your-life/628661/51 "2012-07-20T02:40:55Z")
> [@Ulfreida](#): > > Something most of the posters here have apparently not experienced yet: children grow up and go away. Even before they go away, they become so independent that the early childhood years when your life was not your own seems like a strange dream. > > You come out of it changed (wiser, more wizened) but recognizably the person you were. Dear, god, I hope so. My partner and I have a deal where we each get to go do something that’s just for ourselves. She plays softball in the summer and volunteers for stuff. For me, I decided to… well, I dunno. I have no idea what I like to do any more! I am so busy trying to figure out what the kids need, or what my job needs, or what the house needs cleaned, etc., etc. that I honestly can’t remember what I need. The other day, I had a free evening, my partner was going to put the kids to bed, and I literally couldn’t think of one thing I wanted to do. So I just stayed home, poked around listlessly on Facebook, and went to bed early. Last week I had an inspiration – checked a novel out of the library and went to spend some quality time reading while nibbling on an almond torte in a nifty little tea and coffee shop. Back in the day, I would have loved that. Now… eh, I was getting sleepy and packed it in early. Who am I anymore??? (Will I ever feel rested again???) ---
**Author:** ![pravnik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8edcca/32.png) [@pravnik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pravnik)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2012, 3:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-how-much-did-having-children-change-your-life/628661/52 "2012-07-20T03:46:31Z")
> [@pravnik](#): > > This thread is giving me a panic attack. Hyperventilating. ---
**Author:** ![Maeglin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8baadc/32.png) [@Maeglin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maeglin)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2012, 3:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-how-much-did-having-children-change-your-life/628661/53 "2012-07-20T03:50:18Z")
> [@pravnik](#): > > Hyperventilating. Some mescaline might help with that. ---
**Author:** ![pravnik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8edcca/32.png) [@pravnik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pravnik)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2012, 4:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-how-much-did-having-children-change-your-life/628661/54 "2012-07-20T04:35:04Z")
Oh, fuck it. [I’m having a baby](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=659171) ---
**Author:** ![florez](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/b9e5f3/32.png) [@florez](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/florez)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2012, 4:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-how-much-did-having-children-change-your-life/628661/55 "2012-07-20T04:42:08Z")
I cannot imagine my life without this child of mine, and we have all sorts of changes still going on after 30 years in each others lives, but it totally enriched me as a human being to become a parent, and I have worked hard on the project of being a “good mom”. However, I would not recommend parenthood for everyone, because as I see it, the change is 100%. It completely changed me and worked me over-sometimes in great and beautiful ways and sometimes in stressed out and ridden with angst ways. ---
**Author:** ![suranyi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e36b37/32.png) [@suranyi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/suranyi)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2012, 6:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-how-much-did-having-children-change-your-life/628661/56 "2012-07-20T06:16:15Z")
> [@pravnik](#): > > Oh, fuck it. > > [I’m having a baby](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=659171) Congratulations! Don’t let this thread scare you. Yes, the life changes are enormous, but the rewards are incalculable. ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2012, 6:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-how-much-did-having-children-change-your-life/628661/57 "2012-07-20T06:26:58Z")
> [@Ellen\_Cherry](#): > > We need some cooling of the jets here, please. There’s no call for insults. Tryin’ to be funny, but it didn’t come off that way. See sig. Peace and Love! ---
**Author:** ![Caffeine.addict](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f475e1/32.png) [@Caffeine.addict](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Caffeine.addict)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2012, 2:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-how-much-did-having-children-change-your-life/628661/58 "2012-07-20T14:26:45Z")
Its a pretty radical change but a good one. Before we had the baby, my wife and I would go out on Friday night and do stuff. We rarely stayed in. We’d sleep in on the weekends. We don’t do these things anymore, or rather they are fairly rare. Overall, I’m happy. I love my son, and he is at the age where he can communicate his wants and most of his needs. He also sleeps through the night which take away the exhausted feeling that I had the first few months. ---
**Author:** ![perfectparanoia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a5b964/32.png) [@perfectparanoia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/perfectparanoia)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2012, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-how-much-did-having-children-change-your-life/628661/59 "2012-07-20T14:41:20Z")
> [@grude](#): > > I have come to the conclusion that the childless cannot understand being a parent, you can’t. You think you can, but vicerally you don’t. Agreed. Everyone who has kids said this to me and I just thought they were condescending assholes. Turns out they were right. Definitely a 10 in terms of change. But it’s not a bad thing. Most of the changes are good ones. I never thought that I could derive so much joy from another human being. Or so much stress. Or so much personal pleasure in their successes. Or so much pain in their failures. I have spent my whole life in a mission to learn. Whether it be facts or a new skill. All the education I have ever had does not compare to the level of learning I do everyday as a parent. It is a true challenge and one that I relish. ---
**Author:** ![kob09](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ebca7d/32.png) [@kob09](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kob09)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2012, 7:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-how-much-did-having-children-change-your-life/628661/60 "2012-07-28T07:30:13Z")
For me it certainly changed the perspective on a long term… thinking in generations since… [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-how-much-did-having-children-change-your-life/628661.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-how-much-did-having-children-change-your-life/628661.md?page=4)