# Parents--Newbie needs help **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 20, 2008, 1:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-newbie-needs-help/468691 "2008-10-20T01:38:58Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 15\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![stargazer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eb8c5e/32.png) [@stargazer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stargazer)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2008, 6:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-newbie-needs-help/468691/21 "2008-10-20T18:04:56Z")
That’s a hard one! My little guy wanted to be held all the time, too – he even slept on my chest for the first few months. And he hated the swing. He would tolerate it for maybe 2 minutes before crying. It does get better, though, I promise! Eventually he was entertained enough by his play gym that I could get through most of a shower before he’d start crying, and then he liked the jumperoo, and then he could sit on his own and play. Now he’s walking and I can actually get stuff done! Have you tried different slings/carriers? I’m a big fan of the Moby Wrap – I took my son to work with me until he was almost 5 months old, and it was only possible because I wore him in the Moby almost all day. He was happy as a clam in there, all snuggled up against me. It even made it possible for me to go to the bathroom – it was tricky, but do-able. Same with eating, etc. They sell for about $35, which is a lot better than the more structured carriers! I have a spare I’d be happy to loan you if you want – pm me if you’re interested! I’m glad you got Happiest Baby – those techniques saved us until he was about 3-4 months old! If you can find a copy of the video for free (check your library or maybe your midwife/dr’s office or birth center), it’s worth watching – it is AMAZING to see those tiny babies quiet down when Dr. Karp does his thing! For another great supportive online place, with lots of advice, check out [askmoxie.org](http://www.askmoxie.org). Make sure to read the comments, too – there is lots of helpful stuff there! Also: why on earth has no one else in this thread demanded pictures? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![vix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/a88e4f/32.png) [@vix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vix)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2008, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-newbie-needs-help/468691/22 "2008-10-20T18:18:31Z")
You are not alone! I remember those early weeks as being some of the hardest of my life, what with the hormones and the uncertainty and the conflicting advice and the lack of sleep and on and on. Hang in there. It gets A LOT easier. ---
**Author:** ![Sarahfeena](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sarahfeena/32/519_2.png) [@Sarahfeena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sarahfeena)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2008, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-newbie-needs-help/468691/23 "2008-10-20T18:25:29Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > No way, not at 7 weeks. Even 12 weeks, I might agree with you, for short periods of time, but 7 weekers just aren’t able to manipulate or think ahead like that. He might be able to notice that when he cries, he gets picked up, but it’s a long walk from there to planning on crying in order to get picked up. Even [ping-pong playing pigeons](http://thesituationist.wordpress.com/2008/04/29/pigeon-ping-pong/) take longer than 7 weeks to train. > > That being said, I agree with \*\*Sarahfeena \*\*that the boy won’t break if he’s left alone to cry for a few minutes, but at this age it won’t teach him not to cry, it will just let his mother catch her breath and empty her bladder. And, of course, better he cry for whatever reason he’s crying than he cry because she’s hurt him out of exhaustion and frustration. > > But don’t turn it into a “he’s manipulating you” thing quite yet. They’re on the same team, they just haven’t quite figured out all the plays yet. I agree with this. I don’t think they are possibly developed enough to manipulate anyone at that age, and I think that they cry because they crave the contact, which is something that they really do need a lot of. The thing is, we all have needs, and his don’t necessarily outweigh yours every minute of the day. If you starve to death, you won’t be much good to him anyway! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Cliffy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/59ef9b/32.png) [@Cliffy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cliffy)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2008, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-newbie-needs-help/468691/24 "2008-10-20T18:27:49Z")
Another voice to offer empathy and tell you it gets better. I remember talking to my mom on the phone a day or so after we got back from the hospital and she said “Don’t worry, it gets better after a month or two.” And instead of being reassuring, all I could think was “HOW AM I GONNA LAST A FUCKING MONTH???” But you do last. And I also agree that if you really can’t take it, then put the kid down and walk away. You’ll feel guilty, but you shouldn’t. As long as you’re feeding him regularly, got him swaddled at a good temperature, and he’s not giving the “I’m in pain!” shriek, he can last just fine for a while even if he doesn’t like it. –Cliffy ---
**Author:** ![NinetyWt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/cc9497/32.png) [@NinetyWt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NinetyWt)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2008, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-newbie-needs-help/468691/25 "2008-10-20T20:41:26Z")
> [@MsWhatsit](#): > > “crying my eyes out whenever you walk out of my sight” phase or the “throwing my food all over the floor phase” or the “hey, cool, what can I stick in the electrical outlet?” phase are all finite and will end. I’m happy to report that the “drive like a maniac and put hurt bumps all over the car” phase also eventually ends. **Hilarity** : it’s quite possible that your kid is just smarter than mine. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![howye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a9adbd/32.png) [@howye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/howye)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2008, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-newbie-needs-help/468691/26 "2008-10-20T21:02:46Z")
I will add in my sage advice, haven’t killed my two yet. Although as they get older, I think they like to hurt me. So for what its worth, and this is nothing that has not already been said: Babies cry. They cry when hungry. They cry when they are sleepy. They cry when they want a bath. They cry when you don’t put on Baby Einstein for one hundredth time today. Its their best mechanism to communicate. On occasion, I was the only one around and I did everything. Turns out they wanted Mom, not Dad. Nothing personal, but I was not what they were looking for in a baby holder just then. It gets better. Of course they find new and interesting ways to annoy/frustrate/bug you. Do NOT feel guilty for needing to take a break. It is ok to tell Dad that you are leaving him with the kid for awhile. Go see a movie, have dinner with a friend. Better yet, make them leave and you take a nap in peace and quiet. Do try to enjoy it when you can, babies have a tendency to grow up. ---
**Author:** ![mnemosyne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c4cdca/32.png) [@mnemosyne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mnemosyne)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2008, 11:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-newbie-needs-help/468691/27 "2008-10-20T23:29:45Z")
> [@Sarahfeena](#): > > He is the sweetest, happiest kid, and always was, but he would. not. sleep. He was still waking up twice a night to eat when he was 8 months old, and I was a wreck. Then, magically, one night he slept all the way through, and he pretty much has every night since then (he’s 18 months now). So hang in there…it WILL get better, I promise! Oh good, there’s hope for my upstairs neighbour! Their kid is in the 8-10 month range at the moment (I don’t quite remember when he was born!) and cries all. the.freaking. time. He’s crying right now. He cries all night. His dad crossed us in the street about 2 weeks ago and was worried that the kid was keeping us up at night and we said “no, we can barely hear it, as long as he’s healthy, it’s what babies do” but the fact is I am an insomniac and it IS keeping me awake at night. There’s nothing they can do till the baby grows out of it, but lately,it seems they get up every single time the baby cries, and I refuse to believe that he needs to be fed or changed every 45 minutes during the night. I hope the baby starts sleeping through the night soon! (btw the dad did say he was healthy, just not sleeping through the night) ---
**Author:** ![carlotta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/898d66/32.png) [@carlotta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carlotta)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2008, 12:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-newbie-needs-help/468691/28 "2008-10-21T00:03:18Z")
I’m with the wear-the-baby crowd. There are a billion different carriers out there and trying to sort through info on the internet while you are on your last nerve may be a little much. There are a lot of babywearing groups out there these days. Google on your city or your state and the word “babywearing” and see what comes up. Often these folks will have a library of carriers that you can try in real life as well as experienced folks who can show you how to use them, baby carriers can be a little complicated or intimidating sometimes. Also, meeting the babywearing people can be one of your sanity saving outings 🙂 When my oldest son was new I had a pretty standard babysling and I just stood in front of a mirror with him and it adjusting, moving baby around, moving fabric around for a long time. There was definitely a learning curve but once I got the hang of it, it made my life a lot easier. It also won’t kill the baby to cry for a few minutes. You might also like reading “Operating Instructions” by Anne Lamott, a journal of her colicky son’s first year of life. It careens between adoring, euphoric descriptions of epic cuteness and lines like “it was 3 am and once again he was raising his loathsome reptilian head out of the bassinet” Hang in there! They can seriously mess you up. I mean why is the baby in the song up in a friggin tree waiting for boughs to break and cradles to fall, baby and all? ---
**Author:** ![fisha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/da6949/32.png) [@fisha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fisha)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2008, 12:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-newbie-needs-help/468691/29 "2008-10-21T00:34:21Z")
I have 5 children, and it seemed to me that until they were about 3 months old, _they_ didn’t know what they wanted. There was no “reading their signals,” because _they_ had no idea. After about the three month mark though, it became much easier. I always felt bad for women that took a three month maternity leave. Just about the time their baby had developed enough to communicate their wants and needs and get into a reasonable schedule, they left to go back to work. If those first three months were the only experience you had of staying home with your children, I can see why it would get a bad rep. ---
**Author:** ![Lissla\_Lissar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8491ac/32.png) [@Lissla\_Lissar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lissla_Lissar)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2008, 2:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-newbie-needs-help/468691/30 "2008-10-21T02:52:02Z")
Ooh! Ooh! I read _Operating Instructions_ over and over during my son’s first month! It’s (Paraphrased), "I would watch him drift blissfully into sleep, my little golden angel, and then think, twenty minutes later, “Oh, God, he’s raising his loathsome reptilian head again.” Fantastic book. Sigh. My theoretically-Ferberized child has woken up and been crying for fifteen minutes. Argh. ---
**Author:** ![Cattitude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e19b73/32.png) [@Cattitude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cattitude)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2008, 3:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-newbie-needs-help/468691/31 "2008-10-21T03:50:05Z")
> [@stargazer](#): > > Also: why on earth has no one else in this thread demanded pictures? 😉 Let’s see if this works. [ImageShack - Best place for all of your image hosting and image sharing needs](http://img129.imageshack.us/img129/3334/1000422ok9.jpg) And I have a Mei tai carrier, it’s great when we are out but kind of hot/uncomfortable in the house. Is a Moby really much better? Thanks for all the advice stargazer and everyone else. There’s hope and I’m not a horrible mother! ---
**Author:** ![NinetyWt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/cc9497/32.png) [@NinetyWt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NinetyWt)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2008, 4:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-newbie-needs-help/468691/32 "2008-10-21T04:22:19Z")
Aww, what a fine little fellow! So robust and bright-eyed. No wonder he’s king of the house. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2008, 9:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-newbie-needs-help/468691/33 "2008-10-21T09:37:45Z")
> [@Zsofia](#): > > My niece, who my mother and I kept when she was a little baby, cried and cried and CRIED and cried if you weren’t holding her. It turned out she had terrible, never-ending colic. My niece (1mo tomorrow) has two main reasons for crying: she’s hungry (loud crying) or she’s colicky. When she’s colicky, she’s a lot more comfortable on her tummy, either on top of someone or on another surface. She’s already at the start of what I call the “lighthouse baby” stage: she can hold up her head, although not all the way, when on her tummy, so she likes that position when she’s not colicky too because she has a better view. It took SiL and Bro over two months to accept that The Nephew would survive being put on his tummy. It’s been a lot faster with number two, yay! (I was a tummy sleeper too, as was my other brother) ---
**Author:** ![pseudotriton\_ruber\_ruber](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a9a28c/32.png) [@pseudotriton\_ruber\_ruber](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pseudotriton_ruber_ruber)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2008, 9:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-newbie-needs-help/468691/34 "2008-10-21T09:58:09Z")
Snuglis are life-savers. Yours, if not his.😛 And it builds strong back muscles. Try a chest-holder, too, and a bouncy chair. A Johnny-Jump-up also worked, though I wonder if that wasn’t a little later. (I’m going back twenty years here.) Also I found that if I had to take a bathroom break, talking helped. Me, not her. “Darling, Dad’s right over here. I’m sorry you feel you have to scream just now, but I’ll be right back in a minute or two. Meantime, scream if you like, but we both know that you’ll be fine while I use the toilet…” Does you good, if not him. ---
**Author:** ![stargazer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eb8c5e/32.png) [@stargazer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stargazer)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2008, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-newbie-needs-help/468691/35 "2008-10-21T18:26:37Z")
> [@Cattitude](#): > > Let’s see if this works. [ImageShack - Best place for all of your image hosting and image sharing needs](http://img129.imageshack.us/img129/3334/1000422ok9.jpg) > And I have a Mei tai carrier, it’s great when we are out but kind of hot/uncomfortable in the house. Is a Moby really much better? > > Thanks for all the advice stargazer and everyone else. There’s hope and I’m not a horrible mother! What a cutie! He looks older than 7 weeks in that picture – much more alert! I have that same Boppy cover. 🙂 YOU ARE NOT A HORRIBLE MOTHER! You’re feeding him and loving him and changing him and (I presume) not beating him (tempting though it may be at times). You’re doing great! I don’t know how different a Moby would be from a Mei Tai – the Moby is the only one I ever tried. The Moby usually wasn’t hot - it’s made from cotton and is only one layer of fabric, so it’s pretty comfortable. Of course, it did help that I did most of my babywearing from September-January, so I didn’t mind the nice warm little body! We definitely wore him in the house – maybe it helped our heating bills… 😉 If you do get a Moby, be aware that it will take a few times wearing it before it feels right – you’ll have to learn just how tight you like it, and where your baby fits best on your body, and putting it on is a little… involved. But once you’ve done it a couple of times, it gets easier. I used to put mine on before we’d go out, and just pop him in it when we got wherever we were going. Anyway - if there’s a way you could try one on and see how you like it, that would be best. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-newbie-needs-help/468691.md?page=1)