# Parents of the 'Dope: Do You Decline a Wedding Invitation If It Specifies "No Kids"? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 12, 2015, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-of-the-dope-do-you-decline-a-wedding-invitation-if-it-specifies-no-kids/712477 "2015-02-12T15:33:20Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 8\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2015, 2:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-of-the-dope-do-you-decline-a-wedding-invitation-if-it-specifies-no-kids/712477/81 "2015-02-17T14:46:42Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > But that’s what I don’t get. How can a wedding be a party? You don’t have a party where everyone has to go sit in seats, be quiet, and watch something else happening. Are people actually combining the reception and the wedding, like dinner and a show where the wedding is the show? > > Even if it’s not about family, weddings are inherently formal. They only exist for formal reasons. Otherwise you’d just sign a document and go. It’s even in the terminology–it’s a wedding ceremony. > > It seems more like people think “formal” means “no kids,” not because they see the wedding as a party. A lot of people see the formal part as being about their own taste as much as the party part - such as writing their own vows, having the formal part at the reception venue rather than in a church, etc. Essentially, they see the event as focused on the couple, not the family. Now, I muself am of the generation and the view that a wedding is a celebration of family and community, not of individual taste. But clearly, for many people, the reverse is the case, and to them this reversal is a good thing. To my mind, this leads to all sorts of excesses - such as weddings being like a modern “potlatch”, in which the couple spends an enormous amount of money to demonstrate their taste - this is of course celebrated and encouraged by a whole wedding industry, and it fits with modern tastes in other ways, so no wonder it is gaining ground. The modern notion of excluding kids is simply part and parcel of that. If you are spending possibly hundreds of thousands on a demonstration of your individual taste, celebrating you, you do not want the risk of interruptions or disruptions from children. OTOH, if a wedding is a celebration of family and community, excluding children makes no sense. In my opinion, the two points of view simply cannot see eye to eye, because what they think a wedding is, is simply not compatible. There is of course no point in getting upset about it, though. ---
**Author:** ![astorian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ad7895/32.png) [@astorian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astorian)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2015, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-of-the-dope-do-you-decline-a-wedding-invitation-if-it-specifies-no-kids/712477/82 "2015-02-18T16:22:41Z")
> [@AdmiralQ](#): > > I despise kids with the power of a million burning suns, so if I were to decide to get married, it would most definitely be a no-kids affair. > > Certain weddings are simply places where kids don’t belong, along with any restaurant not named Chuck E. Cheese. > > This past summer I attended an outdoor wedding where, during the ceremony, someones little precious decided that they were bored and it would be fun to run back and forth along a half wall directly behind the bride and groom while they reciting their vows. This continued for a half minute or so until the embarrassed parent could corral their little semen stain and return to their seat. If I were the groom, I would have been mad at myself for not having a trained sniper on hand to take down little Billy before he got behind the pastor during his little show of athleticism. That does it- no blender for you. ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2015, 4:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-of-the-dope-do-you-decline-a-wedding-invitation-if-it-specifies-no-kids/712477/83 "2015-02-18T16:29:54Z")
A friend of mine is about to throw a giant party. Not a wedding, but here’s her sentiment on bringing children. > [@](#): > > I love kids! If you don’t mind your children being around adults who use alcohol and subtle, non-hostile profanity, by all means bring them along, they’ll have fun. ---
**Author:** ![ZipperJJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zipperjj/32/211_2.png) [@ZipperJJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZipperJJ)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2015, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-of-the-dope-do-you-decline-a-wedding-invitation-if-it-specifies-no-kids/712477/84 "2015-02-18T16:32:52Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > But that’s what I don’t get. How can a wedding be a party? You don’t have a party where everyone has to go sit in seats, be quiet, and watch something else happening. Are people actually combining the reception and the wedding, like dinner and a show where the wedding is the show? Wedding invitations are more about the reception. The church part can be almost incidental. I’ve been to several weddings where people weren’t even invited to the wedding part (no mention of it on the invite), only the reception. And weddings where I didn’t go to the wedding part, on my own accord. I think at my brother’s wedding only like half the people from the reception had been at the church. So when an invite says “no kids” it’s more about not wanting kids at your party, not so much about not wanting kids at your ceremony (where they would be bored anyway). ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2015, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-of-the-dope-do-you-decline-a-wedding-invitation-if-it-specifies-no-kids/712477/85 "2015-02-18T18:15:29Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > Or the venue is “adults only”. Or they can’t afford to include everyone. Gotta admit, a _venue_ that’s ‘adults only’ is a new one to me. Where are they holding this wedding, in a strip club? > [@](#): > > But hey, your loss. I’m sure they won’t miss you. :rolleyes: No, not my loss. My loss is when I do things I don’t want to do because of what someone else thinks I should do. And if I decide not to go for whatever reasons of my own, whether they miss me or not is immaterial. I’m not doing this to strike back at them; I’m doing this because that’s how I roll. > [@](#): > > I’ve been to both kinds of weddings. I’ve even attended weddings as a kid. Their wedding, their choice. Well, yeah - this has already been said, and agreed to. (If you look at the poll results, exactly zero Dopers have selected the ‘bring the kids anyway’ option.) Their party and they can throw it how they want to. And my choice of whether or not to attend, for whatever reasons strike my fancy. Sounds like we concur on this point, every which way. ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2015, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-of-the-dope-do-you-decline-a-wedding-invitation-if-it-specifies-no-kids/712477/86 "2015-02-18T18:27:19Z")
> [@Honey](#): > > Exactly. Kids do not belong at a function where a lot of alcohol is being served. My family is partial to booze, so this would mean excluding kids from pretty much all family occasions, including Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners. (But not opening the presents on Christmas morning.) > [@](#): > > People get drunk and loud. I can’t imagine what parent would want their kids to see that. We might be laughing a bit too loud, but that never hurt no one. ---
**Author:** ![BOOM](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/c4cdca/32.png) [@BOOM](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BOOM)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2015, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-of-the-dope-do-you-decline-a-wedding-invitation-if-it-specifies-no-kids/712477/87 "2015-02-18T19:25:42Z")
> [@](#): > > I love kids! If you don’t mind your children being around adults who use alcohol and subtle, non-hostile profanity, by all means bring them along, they’ll have fun. No, no, don’t do that! Wrap them up in cotton wool and spring profanity and alcohol on them when they’re 21. It’s not like the entirety of human history hasn’t already happened, US Prohibition aside, and kids made it through. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2015, 5:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-of-the-dope-do-you-decline-a-wedding-invitation-if-it-specifies-no-kids/712477/88 "2015-02-19T05:18:35Z")
> [@Honey](#): > > Exactly. Kids do not belong at a function where a lot of alcohol is being served. People get drunk and loud. I can’t imagine what parent would want their kids to see that. If that’s the case, then our family reunions would’ve been adults only. 😛 > [@RTFirefly](#): > > Gotta admit, a _venue_ that’s ‘adults only’ is a new one to me. Where are they holding this wedding, in a strip club?. Some country clubs have rules about open bars and the like, IIRC. Or some restaurants are considered “over 21” because they serve alcohol. My basic point it is, it doesn’t make them douchebags not to invite kids. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-of-the-dope-do-you-decline-a-wedding-invitation-if-it-specifies-no-kids/712477.md?page=4)