# Parents Upset: School Did Not Notify Them Their Daughter Was Not Graduating **URL:** \ **Category:** Great Debates\ **Created:** [July 2, 2018, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-upset-school-did-not-notify-them-their-daughter-was-not-graduating/817176 "2018-07-02T18:10:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![Serenata67](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/serenata67/32/10646_2.png) [@Serenata67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Serenata67)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2018, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-upset-school-did-not-notify-them-their-daughter-was-not-graduating/817176/101 "2018-07-05T16:58:12Z")
It seems to me like another example of the parents blaming the school for their kid’s shortcomings. Another example of the “My kid failed” versus “You failed my kid” mentality. That’s the biggest reason why I didn’t go into education. I would have enjoyed actually teaching. Not dealing with parents. ---
**Author:** ![JRDelirious](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jrdelirious/32/9531_2.png) [@JRDelirious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JRDelirious)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2018, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-upset-school-did-not-notify-them-their-daughter-was-not-graduating/817176/102 "2018-07-05T17:14:07Z")
> [@DSeid](#): > > Why would it possibly not be allowable to state what the law is? I believe (IANAL) it would be allowable under FERPA to say “we cannot provide any information about any over-18 student one way or another without their prior direct written consent” , but OTOH “we cannot answer because this student has invoked her FERPA rights and specifically requested so” could be argued to be revealing something’s not right. ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2018, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-upset-school-did-not-notify-them-their-daughter-was-not-graduating/817176/103 "2018-07-05T18:18:15Z")
> [@steronz](#): > > As a parent, seeing an “N/A” on the website would make me think there was a data or systems issue. It wouldn’t have occurred to me that my kid had specifically asked that that grade, and only that grade, be kept from me. Ergo, I would have emailed the school just like the parents in question did, and I sure would have appreciated a response, even if it were just “the data/system is correct, talk to you daughter.” Or whatever response they felt they could give within the confines of the law. > > As someone else said upthread, ghosting them doesn’t seem like best practice. I don’t know if it rises to the level of unethical, but I would certainly be upset with the school. I’d be more upset with my daughter, but the school wouldn’t escape my ire. > > eta: And the article linked in the OP that encourages the school to skirt the law, that’s an idiotic idea. Who would write that? Yeah. After her 18th birthday **all** of her grades should have said “unavailable” with a one sentence explanation that students over 18 need to give their written consent to have parents continue to view their grades. If it’s a privacy issue, all the grades should be concealed, not just the bad one. And “N/A” is a terrible way to put it. They also should’ve answered the email with that same explanation. ---
**Author:** ![doreen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/858c86/32.png) [@doreen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/doreen)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2018, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-upset-school-did-not-notify-them-their-daughter-was-not-graduating/817176/104 "2018-07-05T18:44:09Z")
> [@DSeid](#): > > Why would it possibly not be allowable to state what the law is? I’m sure it’s allowable - I think the the problem with is with the bolded part : “we are unable to provide the grades to parents of adult students (18)\*\* who have chosen to keep this information confidential.” \*\*. I don’t see any reason why they couldn’t have answered in a generic way that doesn’t even confirm that the person in question is currently a student. They didn’t even have to mention consent in the answer - they could simply have said “We are legally prohibited from disclosing information to anyone other than your daughter as she is over 18” I’m with **spifflog** about the lack of response. It’s inconceivable that the school would have simply hung up on the parents without a word if they had asked for the information in a phone call.They might have stopped answering the calls if the parents were psycho-calling to the point where staff recognized the phone number, but in my experience that takes more than two calls. On some level, I understand why people treat emails and voice mails differently than phone calls (because the other person is actually on the line with a phone call) but on another level, I don’t - It’s not significantly more time-consuming to answer an email than it is to have a phone conversation, and unanswered emails are likely to result in a phone call at some point. There’s definitely a bigger problem that the English grade, though. It just hit me today that although the school wouldn’t disclose the grade because the student didn’t give permission, they apparently had no problem telling the columnist that the student often didn’t show up although they encouraged her to attend class and take tests. The spokeperson also told the columnist that the student was told that she could walk at graduation and no one other than she and her family would know that she didn’t receive a diploma. It seems that she must have agreed to allow the spokesperson to disclose this information to the columnist. Which to me suggests that she is not happy that her parents went to the media about this. ---
**Author:** ![Bricker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@Bricker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bricker)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2018, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-upset-school-did-not-notify-them-their-daughter-was-not-graduating/817176/105 "2018-07-05T18:52:16Z")
> [@elfkin477](#): > > Yeah. After her 18th birthday **all** of her grades should have said “unavailable” with a one sentence explanation that students over 18 need to give their written consent to have parents continue to view their grades. If it’s a privacy issue, all the grades should be concealed, not just the bad one. And “N/A” is a terrible way to put it. > > They also should’ve answered the email with that same explanation. My understanding is that the student specifically advised the school that her parents were permitted to see all grades except English. (I’m somewhat local to Arlington and was told this by a parent who belongs to the Yorktown PTA, though, so it may well be a misunderstanding on that person’s part.) ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2018, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-upset-school-did-not-notify-them-their-daughter-was-not-graduating/817176/106 "2018-07-05T19:40:20Z")
I am baffled why they’re angry with the school. Ask her yourself. If she won’t tell you, well, _that’s_ your issue, and has nothing to do with the school or it’s application of protocols, in my opinion. Involving the school will only bring you up against the VERY same issue; she’s an adult now and doesn’t have to tell you. It’s still their issue with her, to my eyes. ---
**Author:** ![Buck\_Godot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/buck_godot/32/6573_2.png) [@Buck\_Godot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Buck_Godot)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2018, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-upset-school-did-not-notify-them-their-daughter-was-not-graduating/817176/107 "2018-07-05T21:12:37Z")
> [@Bricker](#): > > The Washington Post article linked above expresses the belief that the school should have figured out a way to defeat the law: > > I have no idea what the Post’s reaction might be if the school had responded, “We can’t tell you a thing, but nudge nudge wink wink don’t invite relatives to graduation, unless it’s a Classy English invitation that needs improvement, if you know what I mean,” and the student had sued for damages under FERPA, but I can easily imagine an article that criticizes the school for violating the spirit, and possibly the letter, of the law. Slight nitpick, it was a column in the Washington post, not an article. If the Student had sued, the Posts response would have been to write a factual article about it without comment. As to what Jay Mathews response would have been, that might be a more relevant question. Its a small thing but it gives the impression, mistakenly on your part I hope, that the news arm of the Washington Post had drawn this opinionated conclusion. Which irks me the same way that political ads that say “Obama administration is hopelessly corrupt -Washington Post” as if it were factual reporting when in fact it appeared in an OP-ed by George Will that was published in the post. ---
**Author:** ![Bricker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@Bricker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bricker)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2018, 10:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-upset-school-did-not-notify-them-their-daughter-was-not-graduating/817176/108 "2018-07-05T22:40:46Z")
> [@Buck\_Godot](#): > > Slight nitpick, it was a column in the Washington post, not an article. If the Student had sued, the Posts response would have been to write a factual article about it without comment. As to what Jay Mathews response would have been, that might be a more relevant question. > > Its a small thing but it gives the impression, mistakenly on your part I hope, that the news arm of the Washington Post had drawn this opinionated conclusion. Which irks me the same way that political ads that say “Obama administration is hopelessly corrupt -Washington Post” as if it were factual reporting when in fact it appeared in an OP-ed by George Will that was published in the post. Very valid point – thanks for the correction. ---
**Author:** ![DSeid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dseid/32/20194_2.png) [@DSeid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DSeid)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2018, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-upset-school-did-not-notify-them-their-daughter-was-not-graduating/817176/109 "2018-07-06T19:03:23Z")
> [@doreen](#): > > I’m sure it’s allowable - I think the the problem with is with the bolded part : “we are unable to provide the grades to parents of adult students (18)\*\* who have chosen to keep this information confidential.” \*\*. I don’t see any reason why they couldn’t have answered in a generic way that doesn’t even confirm that the person in question is currently a student. They didn’t even have to mention consent in the answer - they could simply have said “We are legally prohibited from disclosing information to anyone other than your daughter as she is over 18” … If that is the letter of the law. If permission is assumed for a High School student over 18 barring opt out or revocation of that permission then saying such is not accurate. But whatever the law is stating it was the appropriate response. Is it standard that all High School grades of all students 18 and over are not visible to parents without a signed student permission on record? ---
**Author:** ![doreen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/858c86/32.png) [@doreen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/doreen)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2018, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-upset-school-did-not-notify-them-their-daughter-was-not-graduating/817176/110 "2018-07-06T19:37:54Z")
> [@DSeid](#): > > If that is the letter of the law. If permission is assumed for a High School student over 18 barring opt out or revocation of that permission then saying such is not accurate. But whatever the law is stating it was the appropriate response. > > Is it standard that all High School grades of all students 18 and over are not visible to parents without a signed student permission on record? There are some exceptions ( like for students who meet IRS definition of dependent-which I suspect would require the school to have a copy of the parental tax return) but in general, written consent is required. It’s not a case where consent is assumed unless the student opts out. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk ---
**Author:** ![Saint\_Cad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/saint_cad/32/18907_2.png) [@Saint\_Cad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Saint_Cad)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2018, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-upset-school-did-not-notify-them-their-daughter-was-not-graduating/817176/111 "2018-07-06T19:41:46Z")
> [@MandaJo](#): > > I really, really wish school districts would publish some sort of document setting out exactly what changes when a student turns 18 FTR this is required when a student has an IEP (But in Colorado the age of educational majority is 21 not 18) ---
**Author:** ![Saint\_Cad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/saint_cad/32/18907_2.png) [@Saint\_Cad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Saint_Cad)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2018, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-upset-school-did-not-notify-them-their-daughter-was-not-graduating/817176/112 "2018-07-06T19:53:10Z")
> [@Bricker](#): > > And what does the school say when they follow your advice, and then the kid sues them for violating FERPA? The daughter’s argument writes itself: I wanted my grade to be confidential **and I wanted my request to be confidential** , both rights I am entitled to under FERPA. Wait, are we sure the REQUEST itself is confidential? And even if it is, how is “I cannot disclose that information. You’ll need to speak to your daughter.” a FERPA violation? ---
**Author:** ![DSeid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dseid/32/20194_2.png) [@DSeid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DSeid)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2018, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-upset-school-did-not-notify-them-their-daughter-was-not-graduating/817176/113 "2018-07-06T20:38:03Z")
> [@doreen](#): > > There are some exceptions ( like for students who meet IRS definition of dependent-which I suspect would require the school to have a copy of the parental tax return) but in general, written consent is required. It’s not a case where consent is assumed unless the student opts out. … In which case the student’s request for information to be withheld is immaterial. It is withheld unless written consent is obtained. (Funny though, I’m on my fourth High Schooler and I’ve never heard of any family having an issue in High School or needing to get the student to sign a form for parents to maintain access to grades. Needing to get the forms signed for college sure.) ---
**Author:** ![doreen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/858c86/32.png) [@doreen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/doreen)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2018, 9:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-upset-school-did-not-notify-them-their-daughter-was-not-graduating/817176/114 "2018-07-06T21:09:00Z")
I don’t remember hearing anyone mention a problem either - but because the school cut-off here is December 31, roughly half should turn 18 after graduation. I suspect of the remaining half , most either show the parents the grades voluntarily or sign the consent when the parents ask them to - and people wouldn’t necessarily mention those situations to others. I personally wouldn’t have told anybody even if my 18 year old kid had outright refused to allow me to know her grades. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk ---
**Author:** ![nelliebly](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nelliebly/32/5422_2.png) [@nelliebly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nelliebly)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2018, 12:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-upset-school-did-not-notify-them-their-daughter-was-not-graduating/817176/115 "2018-07-07T00:01:53Z")
> [@Saint\_Cad](#): > > FTR this is required when a student has an IEP (But in Colorado the age of educational majority is 21 not 18) As far as an IEP goes, federal law states the school must notify parents of the transfer of parental rights to the student not less than one year BEFORE the student turns 18. This is included in the IEP, itself. The age of majority in Virginia is 18. The student in the OP was a transfer student on an IEP. This means that the notification had to have been done by her former high school, Washington-Lee. Her parents had to attend that IEP meeting and sign off on the IEP, which is gone over point by point at the meeting. They were also given copies. Parents also must be notified by letter when the child turns 18 that those rights are being transferred to the student. Again, federal law. So the parents in the OP would have been notified this would happen twice, once one year before the student turned 18, and again when she turned 18. I called the secretary at the HS where I taught and asked what would happen if a student blocked parents from seeing a grade and parents then inquired. Our school software can’t block one grade: had ALL the OP student’s grades been blocked, the parents would have suspected what was going on sooner. I wonder if this shouldn’t be an all-or-nothing policy in all schools. Secretary said whether it was a counselor, a teacher, or herself, the case would have been referred to an administrator to answer parents. YMMV. ---
**Author:** ![Tempe\_Jeff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tempe_jeff/32/7328_2.png) [@Tempe\_Jeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tempe_Jeff)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2018, 4:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-upset-school-did-not-notify-them-their-daughter-was-not-graduating/817176/116 "2018-07-07T04:45:28Z")
Amazing, all the angst about this. Their Daughter could have had multiple under-age abortions during High School without the Parents being notified by anyone; yet, this causes a hissy-fit? After she’s 18? ---
**Author:** ![DavidwithanR](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/3bc359/32.png) [@DavidwithanR](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DavidwithanR)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2018, 6:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-upset-school-did-not-notify-them-their-daughter-was-not-graduating/817176/117 "2018-07-07T06:36:15Z")
> [@DSeid](#): > > Why would it possibly not be allowable to state what the law is? In terms of possibilities? Because the student genuinely fears for their safety if their parents find out that the student has had the gall to request that the school withhold any information at all. Parenting by fear means students are justifiably forced to hide the truth at the first opportunity they get to do so. And it’s important for their safety that the actual fact they are hiding the truth, is also hidden. ---
**Author:** ![nelliebly](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nelliebly/32/5422_2.png) [@nelliebly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nelliebly)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2018, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-upset-school-did-not-notify-them-their-daughter-was-not-graduating/817176/120 "2018-07-07T17:35:26Z")
> [@Tempe\_Jeff](#): > > Amazing, all the angst about this. Their Daughter could have had multiple under-age abortions during High School without the Parents being notified by anyone; yet, this causes a hissy-fit? After she’s 18? I wouldn’t be surprised if the student didn’t use this red herring in arguing with her folks. “Sure, I blocked you from seeing my grade and then lied about it! But hey, I could have legally had multiple sex partners and several abortions! I mean, it’s not like graduating high school is important, right?” ---
**Author:** ![SOJA](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e274bd/32.png) [@SOJA](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SOJA)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2018, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-upset-school-did-not-notify-them-their-daughter-was-not-graduating/817176/121 "2018-07-07T17:53:28Z")
When I was in high school, or even middle school for that matter, the district sent out report cards every 12 weeks, I think. I forget what our terms were called, but the year was split into two equal length periods and there was a flutter of reporting in between and after finals. I’d ask my folks but I haven’t spoken to them in over two years so, take my post with a grain of salt in terms of this being normal. ---
**Author:** ![JohnT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnt/32/15048_2.png) [@JohnT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnT)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2018, 3:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-upset-school-did-not-notify-them-their-daughter-was-not-graduating/817176/122 "2018-07-09T03:26:21Z")
> [@JohnT](#): > > One thing I missed - was this a public school, or private? And would it matter? > > My kid turns 18 the month after she starts her senior year and, thanks to this discussion I fired off an email to the VP asking them what their policy was re: students attaining adulthood (it’s also a private school, hence the above question). Thanks, **Bricker**. As a quick follow-up, I wrote the following to the VP at my daughters Catholic HS: > [@](#): > > I just read the article cited below and realized Sophia will turn 18 rather early in her senior year. > > Does \*\*\*\* have written policies which touch on the issue of a student attaining legal adulthood while attending school and how this affects parental notification of grades, health/disciplinary issues, and more? Would Sophia, if she were inclined, be able to block our access of information regarding her schooling? > > Thank you, I received this response this morning: > [@](#): > > We do not presently speak to this in our handbook, so your point is well taken. We will look to incorporate something. It will be interesting to see how… or if… they address this. Again, thanks for bringing this up, **Bricker**. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-upset-school-did-not-notify-them-their-daughter-was-not-graduating/817176.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-upset-school-did-not-notify-them-their-daughter-was-not-graduating/817176.md?page=7)