# Parents, was it harder to go from 0 to 1 child or 1 to 2? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 21, 2020, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-was-it-harder-to-go-from-0-to-1-child-or-1-to-2/928550 "2020-12-21T17:28:25Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![StGermain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stgermain/32/2868_2.png) [@StGermain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StGermain)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2020, 5:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-was-it-harder-to-go-from-0-to-1-child-or-1-to-2/928550/41 "2020-12-22T05:15:51Z")
My mother went from 1 to 2 to 4 in under 3 years. She always said it was the happiest time of her life. I’m thinking it was the '50’s, and her doctor was giving her the good stuff. I was number 5, after a 2nd set of twins died prematurely. Altogether she had 7 in 6 years (counting the twins that died). StG ---
**Author:** ![China\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/779978/32.png) [@China\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/China_Guy)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2020, 6:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-was-it-harder-to-go-from-0-to-1-child-or-1-to-2/928550/42 "2020-12-22T06:54:44Z")
0 to 1 was toughest. And I had twins for #2 & #3, and one that went straight into the NICU, and a lifetime of special needs. ---
**Author:** ![DemonTree](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/demontree/32/8646_2.png) [@DemonTree](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DemonTree)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2020, 8:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-was-it-harder-to-go-from-0-to-1-child-or-1-to-2/928550/43 "2020-12-22T08:13:51Z")
> [@Andy\_L](#): > > Basketball - you can defend against the opposing team by having each one of your team guard one of the other team - or you can assign each of your team to a certain zone of the court. With two parents and three kids, you can’t have one-on-one coverage, so you have to go to “zone defense” (one parent keeping track of whichever kids are in the kitchen and one keeping track of whichever ones are up to mischief elsewhere, for example). Ah, I understand. Thanks for the explanation. > [@Aspidistra](#): > > The big surprise going from 1 to 2 (IME) was “ZOMG … I remember babies being _hard_ . Babies are so easy! They just lie there and you do things with them when they need it! Now toddlers OTOH…” > > In other words, my workload had been ramping up infinitesimally over the previous 2 1/4 years and I never realised it until I had a new comparison point That’s not reassuring, we’re going to have a toddler either way! > [@StGermain](#): > > My mother went from 1 to 2 to 4 in under 3 years. She always said it was the happiest time of her life. I’m thinking it was the '50’s, and her doctor was giving her the good stuff. I was number 5, after a 2nd set of twins died prematurely. Altogether she had 7 in 6 years (counting the twins that died). Wow, it must have been completely exhausting. Maybe it seemed easy compared to having 5 teenagers at once, though! 😮 ---
**Author:** ![DemonTree](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/demontree/32/8646_2.png) [@DemonTree](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DemonTree)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2020, 8:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-was-it-harder-to-go-from-0-to-1-child-or-1-to-2/928550/44 "2020-12-22T08:16:16Z")
> [@Dinsdale](#): > > Ya want a challenge, be like a guy in my office and go from 0 to 3. Triplets outta the gate. That poor schmuck’s life is over. While we were in the maternity ward they brought in a woman who’d had triplets. She’d just had a caesarean and she screamed in pain all night. I don’t understand why they didn’t give her better painkillers, it was horrific. ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2020, 8:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-was-it-harder-to-go-from-0-to-1-child-or-1-to-2/928550/45 "2020-12-22T08:29:31Z")
Going from one to two was very hard for us, but I suspect this was particular to our experience. Our first kid was a very easy baby, good-natured and low-maintenance (for babies, anyway). Our second kid was the opposite, not just because she was much more clingy and demanding of emotional attention, but because she also had some physical conditions (primarily acid reflux) that required constant monitoring. In later years, though, I suspect that having two will be easier than one. With two, they can play with and entertain each other. With one, you’re their sole source of socialization. Right now, as I browse the Dope, my two kids (10 and almost 7) are downstairs happily playing “20 Questions” with Alexa, not caring at all that I’m doing something else. If I had an only child and I asked her to entertain herself with an electronic toy to give me a bit of peace, I’d feel a little guilty. ---
**Author:** ![Melbourne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b5e925/32.png) [@Melbourne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Melbourne)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2020, 8:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-was-it-harder-to-go-from-0-to-1-child-or-1-to-2/928550/46 "2020-12-22T08:42:26Z")
> [@DemonTree](#): > > . I don’t understand why they didn’t give her better painkillers, it was horrific. Two reasons spring to mind: she’s been an addict, and has reduced sensitivity to pain killers: or someone is stealing her drugs. Both have happened to people I know. ---
**Author:** ![Aspidistra](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aspidistra/32/3894_2.png) [@Aspidistra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aspidistra)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2020, 8:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-was-it-harder-to-go-from-0-to-1-child-or-1-to-2/928550/47 "2020-12-22T08:44:16Z")
> [@DemonTree](#): > > That’s not reassuring, we’re going to have a toddler either way! Reassuring? In a parenting thread?? OK, _here’s_ reassuring… Just after Number Two daughter came along, we were at an event with our minister and his wife, and their four kids … about 13 to early 20s at the time. And the minister’s wife mused “you know, I think the hardest part of parenting is really the teenage years” AAAAAARGH!! Do not say this to parents of toddlers! (the reassuring part is that I now have teenagers myself, and I think she was wrong) ---
**Author:** ![DorkVader](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/73ab20/32.png) [@DorkVader](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DorkVader)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2020, 8:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-was-it-harder-to-go-from-0-to-1-child-or-1-to-2/928550/48 "2020-12-22T08:52:47Z")
0 to 1 was hard. But 3 to 4 was hardest since I was 39 when the last boy was born. If I had to do ot over, I wouldn’t space them out so much. Terrible twos ain’t terrible, terrible teens ain’t terrible. It’s when they’re smartassed little tween shits that’s hardest ---
**Author:** ![DemonTree](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/demontree/32/8646_2.png) [@DemonTree](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DemonTree)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2020, 9:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-was-it-harder-to-go-from-0-to-1-child-or-1-to-2/928550/49 "2020-12-22T09:02:08Z")
> [@Melbourne](#): > > Two reasons spring to mind: she’s been an addict, and has reduced sensitivity to pain killers: or someone is stealing her drugs. Both have happened to people I know. The midwives seemingly weren’t allowed to give anything stronger than ibuprofen, and it was ages before they could get a doctor to see her (maybe Covid contributed to that). But even then he kept saying it was gas and whatever he gave her obviously wasn’t effective. So what if it’s gas causing the pain, why leave someone to suffer? ---
**Author:** ![DemonTree](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/demontree/32/8646_2.png) [@DemonTree](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DemonTree)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2020, 9:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-was-it-harder-to-go-from-0-to-1-child-or-1-to-2/928550/50 "2020-12-22T09:06:06Z")
> [@Aspidistra](#): > > Reassuring? In a parenting thread?? > > OK, _here’s_ reassuring… > > Just after Number Two daughter came along, we were at an event with our minister and his wife, and their four kids … about 13 to early 20s at the time. And the minister’s wife mused “you know, I think the hardest part of parenting is really the teenage years” > > AAAAAARGH!! Do not say this to parents of toddlers! > > (the reassuring part is that I now have teenagers myself, and I think she was wrong) I guess it depends on the kids. I’ve been told that every stage is hard, just in different ways. But I dunno, the one we’re in right now is pretty fun. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Dead\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9fc29f/32.png) [@Dead\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dead_Cat)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2020, 9:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-was-it-harder-to-go-from-0-to-1-child-or-1-to-2/928550/51 "2020-12-22T09:35:50Z")
Yeah, our firstborn, while no angel, has (so far, at least) been pretty good. Mostly slept well as a baby, not ill very often, generally happy etc. One of our biggest fears for number 2 was that they would be the opposite. Luckily, he seems much the same in general demeanour, sleeping, etc. ---
**Author:** ![Melbourne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b5e925/32.png) [@Melbourne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Melbourne)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2020, 9:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-was-it-harder-to-go-from-0-to-1-child-or-1-to-2/928550/52 "2020-12-22T09:52:19Z")
> [@DemonTree](#): > > But even then he kept saying it was gas and whatever he gave her obviously wasn’t effective. So what if it’s gas causing the pain, why leave someone to suffer? I agree that leaving a patient in pain is not normally good medical practice, and is sometimes due to lack of education and personal opinion. I observe that most people with post-operative gas distension just get better – chewing gum helps – and that some of the interventions take time to have effect. An opioid would be contra-indicated, since it leads to reduced bowel action (anesthetic was probably a contributing cause of the problem). Not a doctor – the other reasons were from people I knew. ---
**Author:** ![nightshadea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/7ba0ec/32.png) [@nightshadea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nightshadea)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2020, 10:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-was-it-harder-to-go-from-0-to-1-child-or-1-to-2/928550/53 "2020-12-22T10:05:16Z")
> [@DorkVader](#): > > Terrible twos ain’t terrible, terrible teens ain’t terrible. It’s when they’re smartassed little tween shits that’s hardest yeah, I get along with kids from age 0 to 8 and 12 on up it’s that middle 3 years that’s rough … ---
**Author:** ![DemonTree](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/demontree/32/8646_2.png) [@DemonTree](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DemonTree)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2020, 10:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-was-it-harder-to-go-from-0-to-1-child-or-1-to-2/928550/54 "2020-12-22T10:10:19Z")
> [@Melbourne](#): > > I agree that leaving a patient in pain is not normally good medical practice, and is sometimes due to lack of education and personal opinion. I observe that most people with post-operative gas distension just get better – chewing gum helps – and that some of the interventions take time to have effect. > > An opioid would be contra-indicated, since it leads to reduced bowel action (anesthetic was probably a contributing cause of the problem). Not a doctor – the other reasons were from people I knew. Oh right. Is this normal after abdominal surgery then? I’ll be pretty nervous if I have to have any if so. Is there anything doctors can do? ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2020, 11:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-was-it-harder-to-go-from-0-to-1-child-or-1-to-2/928550/55 "2020-12-22T11:51:34Z")
Id say 0 to 1 as it was a major life change. Plus with 2 kids close in age we can be less of an “entertainer” and just have to provide a venue for them to entertain themselves. > [@Dinsdale](#): > > Ya want a challenge, be like a guy in my office and go from 0 to 3. Triplets outta the gate. That poor schmuck’s life is over. It’s like pulling off a band aid…by tying it to the back of a race car. ---
**Author:** ![Andy\_L](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c67d28/32.png) [@Andy\_L](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Andy_L)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2020, 11:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-was-it-harder-to-go-from-0-to-1-child-or-1-to-2/928550/56 "2020-12-22T11:55:25Z")
A high school friend of mine had three under three (not triplets, just three very close together). ---
**Author:** ![pullin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c57346/32.png) [@pullin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pullin)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2020, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-was-it-harder-to-go-from-0-to-1-child-or-1-to-2/928550/57 "2020-12-22T15:29:19Z")
The first kid uses up all your time, energy and money. The rest are free. Edit: not sure why this appeared as a reply to @Apidistra. Sorry ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2020, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-was-it-harder-to-go-from-0-to-1-child-or-1-to-2/928550/58 "2020-12-22T15:31:18Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > It’s like pulling off a band aid…by tying it to the back of a race car. 🤣 Thanks man, needed something to make me smile! ---
**Author:** ![Hari\_Seldon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hari_seldon/32/5173_2.png) [@Hari\_Seldon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hari_Seldon)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2020, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-was-it-harder-to-go-from-0-to-1-child-or-1-to-2/928550/59 "2020-12-22T17:37:12Z")
0 to 1 was a complete change of lifestyle. 1 to 2 was hard for a different reason. We were overseas (Switzerland) with a completely different lifestyle and expectations. For example, the nurses in the hospital (where my wife spent 7 days) were absolutely obsessed with the idea that the baby’s skin make no contact with the mother’s. Even during nursing, only the baby’s lips were permitted to contact the mother’s nipple. And they weighed the baby before and after and if they decided that he hadn’t gotten enough milk, they would supplement it. As you might imagine, this interfered with her establishing breast feeding. Once she left the hospital everything was a breeze. He came along only 17 months after his sister. Number 3 (six and a half years later) was a breeze. We were back in familiar surroundings with neighbors happy to take in the two older ones when we went to the hospital and the two older ones were delighted to help with the newborn. ---
**Author:** ![mtnmatt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a3d4f5/32.png) [@mtnmatt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mtnmatt)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2020, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-was-it-harder-to-go-from-0-to-1-child-or-1-to-2/928550/60 "2020-12-22T17:54:36Z")
As many have said, the lifestyle change from 0 kids to one (or more) is pretty dramatic, but even with one, you ease into it. I remember thinking the first few days how heavy my newborn was, at 8-9 lbs, when you’re holding them for long stretches. A few months later, they are 3-4x heavier and you don’t even notice. When the next ones came, it wasn’t much of a change, and as many have pointed out, having more means that they can entertain themselves at some level. My two daughters are 3 years apart and best friends - it was sort of heartbreaking to hear my middle daughter, still at home due to a host of “challenges” worry her little sister would forget about her when she went off to college this fall. One thing I didn’t anticipate about having a 3rd was how the world is set up in many ways for groups of 4 - hotel rooms, sports tickets, etc. really don’t favor a fifth in your party. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-was-it-harder-to-go-from-0-to-1-child-or-1-to-2/928550.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-was-it-harder-to-go-from-0-to-1-child-or-1-to-2/928550.md?page=4)