Perhaps that's because your field is one of the most informal of work settings. The people who work at various medical offices call me by title and last name, the people at the cable company, credit card company, bank , insurance company etc address me by title and last name. People from various organizations who want to give a presentation at my agency or who are interested in getting a contract to provide services to my agency address me by title and last name. People from other government agencies who are calling me for any reason address me by title and last name. Now, most of this doesn't go on forever. The doctor who I've been seeing for 20 years calls me by first name , as does some of his staff- but not the receptionist who got hired last month. People who end up providing services to my agency end up on a first name basis if I work closely with them. But the cable company , insurance company, bank - I don't ever develop a relationship of any kind with those people. Every time I call or go in, I'm dealing with a different person and they always address me by title and last name. I'm trying very hard to think of anyone I've had a business relationship with who called me by my first name almost immediately- and the only one I can come up with is a restaurant where I booked a party. Which is not a surprise, because restaurants are very generally informal.
As far as my children addressing adults, if they knew the adult they addressed them as the adult wished to be addressed - that meant Mr or Mrs Lastname for some (usually our elderly neighbors and some of their friends' parents) and first names for others ( our friends and some of their friends' parents). Aunt or uncle for actual aunts and uncles - but no fake aunts and uncles and no cousins being called aunt or uncle just because of an age difference. If a cousin objected to being addressed by his or her first name, well, Cousin can be a title , too. I had a bunch of cousins who used to get confused about how they were related to people- they were taught to call one great-aunt "Grandma Firstname" ( but the others were Aunt Firstname) and to call some cousins "Aunt" or "Uncle" but not others.
I’m in an only-slightly-less-stuffy corner of international relations.
I use titles and last names in the colder recesses of official corrospondance. I’d use it in things like performance reviews, official write-ups of an incident, or letters of recommendation. I’ll use them when reaching out to a complete stranger outside of the organization in an official context. Sometimes I’ll use them when reaching out internally to a complete stranger if I’m asking for something purely transactional. For job-search related corrospondance, I’ll use first and last name in greetings, but will use a title and last name if I need to refer to an individual in the body of a job-search letter for some reason.
But actually speaking a title? That would be extremely rare. A handful of senior executives have organizational titles that get used with their last name (“President Jones”). People from outside organizations would get introduced with titles. Other than that, unless it’s something like a discipline hearing where people are purposefully trying to create distance, I can’t picture when I’ve seen it done internally. It’d be pretty strange to most people, I think. The most formal my workplace gets on a working level is referring to people as their full name, which is pretty common.
Where are these parents who teach their children to call unrelated adults by honorific/last name?
Because I’m middle-aged and not once — and I’m not exaggerating, I mean literally not once — has that happened to me. Everybody’s children all call me by my first name. If I’m lucky they put a “Miss” in front of it. But never by my last name. And they don’t ask. They just do.
How are you meeting these children? How are they learning your name?
13 post-resurrection replies and no one has made a zombie joke yet?
Peremensoe - I can’t speak for lalaith, but children I’ve been around usually know my first name because they hear other adults using it.
I don’t have kids, but my brother’s comment on this one when I asked him about it seemed reasonable: “We taught the kids to go with Mr./Ms./Mrs. Last Name until whoever it is they’re addressing tells them otherwise because generally speaking in life you’re a lot less likely to get in trouble with an excess of formality than an excess of informality. When they’re grown, automatically using a formal address will be a habit for them - and you’re a lot less likely to run across someone who gets huffy if you’re over-formal than under-formal.”
This is also the way he and I were taught as kids (and under that exact same rationale). I still occasionally automatically use “sir” or “ma’am” at the office - even to peers.
Friends of the family are uncle [insert first name here] or auntie [insert first name here].
Less intimate friends are Mr. or Mrs. [insert first name here]
Teachers and other authority figures are Mr. or Mrs. [insert last name here.
Here’s one.
The rules are set in stone. You are a grown-up and a lady. Therefore, my children are presented to you (Ms. lalaith, this is my daughter Shodan-ette, and my son Shodan Jr. Shodan Jr. and Shodan-ette, this is Ms. lalaith). To which each will respond "How do you do, Ms. lalaith " and shake your hand if you offer it. Thereafter they will continue to address you as Ms. lalaith until you tell them differently.
Formal manners are a powerful and effective tool, not least because they are no longer considered the default. The number of people who are weirded out by it is, IME, hugely outnumbered by those who find it charming. And it makes people feel gracious to say “Oh please call me lalith” and that is a good way to start off an acquaintance.
Regards,
Shodan
Whatever the adults tell us they want to be called.
I mean, not any more, she’s a junior in college, but back when she was, she did.
Couldn’t agree more. But I’m old-fashioned that way.