# Parents, What Were You Unprepared For? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 26, 2011, 11:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-what-were-you-unprepared-for/576102 "2011-03-26T23:39:10Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![JohnT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnt/32/15048_2.png) [@JohnT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnT)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2011, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-what-were-you-unprepared-for/576102/41 "2011-03-29T15:42:03Z")
> [@Markxxx](#): > > I’m not a parent, so this goes out to all you folks with the wee little shavers > > Most people try to prepare themselves as best as they can for the job of rearing a little child. > > My question is for those who prepared themselves what’s the one thing or things you overlooked. Something that came as a total unexpected surprise to you, when you became a Mom or Dad? How awesome parenting was. I expected it to be a drudge - crying baby, tired/upset wife, no sleep. Instead it’s been the best experience of my life. ---
**Author:** ![lorene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/65b543/32.png) [@lorene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lorene)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2011, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-what-were-you-unprepared-for/576102/42 "2011-03-29T16:13:08Z")
> [@lacortadora](#): > > Well, my profile says brutally honest, so I will follow through on that now. I have two kids. They will be 15 and 11 soon. I would say that most parents (of more than one) claim to love their children “exactly the same” with the same intensity. I guess that’s what I was unprepared for. I don’t. I love them as much as one can love a child of their own…but I often have a favorite kid of the day, or week, or even month. I don’t announce it to them of course, these are just my thoughts. I have a stronger connection with my son, the oldest. They both have some crazy endearing qualities, they are very different…and they warm my heart all the time. But, I ask myself sometimes if liking my son more often than my daughter, may also mean that I love him more. I’m not sure…honesty, as you can see…is not always a pretty picture. I’ve felt this at times. I don’t know that it’s that uncommon, either. My kids are 2 extremely different kids, and while they are both flat-out wonderful and I love them dearly, I feel more connected with my daughter sometimes and more connected with my son at others. I was not prepared for the fear, either. There are books I cannot read and movies I cannot see and thoughts that pop into my head, unannounced and unwelcome. But I also wasn’t prepared for the fact that I can look at their faces (the pillow-y cheeks! The crazy-long eyelashes!) or their starfish hands or the vulnerable back of my son’s neck and feel this crazy, crazy, overwheming love and it’s the same feeling every day. That same magical tug. It never gets old. ---
**Author:** ![astorian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ad7895/32.png) [@astorian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astorian)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2011, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-what-were-you-unprepared-for/576102/43 "2011-03-29T16:18:07Z")
What surprised me was how quickly my wife and I found that we had almost nothing in common with old friends who DIDN’T have kids. We’d noticed in the past that, when old friends got married, we’d still see them and socialize with them, but once they had kids, they seemed to fall off the face of the Earth. We never understood why. Now we do. We don’t see old friends that often any more, and when we do, those old friends are probably bored with us, as our son is the main subject we talk about. ---
**Author:** ![PeskiPiksi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e495f1/32.png) [@PeskiPiksi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PeskiPiksi)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2011, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-what-were-you-unprepared-for/576102/44 "2011-03-29T16:56:39Z")
> [@lorene](#): > > There are books I cannot read and movies I cannot see and thoughts that pop into my head, unannounced and unwelcome. Oh, yes, this! Not that I’ve ever thought it was great, but now that I’m a Mom any scene in a movie or book that shows children suffering is absolutely unbearable to me. It’s like I can’t help but imagine my own kids in those situations and it’s almost physically painful. ---
**Author:** ![norinew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/eb9ed0/32.png) [@norinew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/norinew)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2011, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-what-were-you-unprepared-for/576102/45 "2011-03-29T17:12:53Z")
> [@PeskiPiksi](#): > > Oh, yes, this! Not that I’ve ever thought it was great, but now that I’m a Mom any scene in a movie or book that shows children suffering is absolutely unbearable to me. It’s like I can’t help but imagine my own kids in those situations and it’s almost physically painful. Yeah, me too. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![JohnT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnt/32/15048_2.png) [@JohnT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnT)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2011, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-what-were-you-unprepared-for/576102/46 "2011-03-29T17:23:45Z")
> [@PeskiPiksi](#): > > Oh, yes, this! Not that I’ve ever thought it was great, but now that I’m a Mom any scene in a movie or book that shows children suffering is absolutely unbearable to me. It’s like I can’t help but imagine my own kids in those situations and it’s almost physically painful. My wife saw AI: Artificial Intelligence… while pregnant. There’s a scene in the film that caused her to be so upset that, for the first time in her life, she walked out of the movie. She was SO not expecting to respond that way. ---
**Author:** ![shiftless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9c0ed/32.png) [@shiftless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shiftless)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2011, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-what-were-you-unprepared-for/576102/47 "2011-03-29T17:28:37Z")
> [@Shodan](#): > > The other thing I didn’t expect? That I would miss it when it stopped. Oh Shodan, you old softie. I couldn’t agree more. I was not prepared for it to go by so fast. One day I had a cute little gremlin in the house, next day a monster sized eating machine then, poof, he was gone, off to college. ---
**Author:** ![Heckity](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a5b964/32.png) [@Heckity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Heckity)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2011, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-what-were-you-unprepared-for/576102/48 "2011-03-29T17:39:27Z")
I was unprepared for what boors some other parents can be. On this board I doubt that I’d find many parents with completely different values or child-rearing methods. IRL there are some total asses out there. I’d certainly read some awful news stories about poor parenting, but I was ill-prepared for the so-called loving parents who rip their kids to shreds over sports in particular. Screaming at a 7 year-old that they’re losers for missing a shot is simply horrible and watching their little faces crumble breaks my heart. It was through kids’ sports that I first realized some people never grow up - they only get taller. ---
**Author:** ![salinqmind](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3ec8ea/32.png) [@salinqmind](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/salinqmind)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2011, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-what-were-you-unprepared-for/576102/49 "2011-03-29T18:11:36Z")
The fear. THE FEAR. I know it’s just me, my personal cross to bear, but I have always been a worrywort and looked on the dark side of things - just so I can, you know, be prepared. The fear never leaves. When they learn to drive and take off in your car, you wait for the phone to ring. When they’re away at college, you wonder WTH is going on up there and why don’t they call. (I did get a call late one night - “Hi, Mom, I’m in a car, we’re just getting into Philadelphia for a rowing event, call you again when we get home, bye!” :eek:). And the funny thing is, no matter how swell the kid turns out, you always wait for something, because things are TOO good.☹ The reverse side of this coin is, I never expected to so ferociously LOVE so much, so hard. It is forever and unlike anything else. Go to a park, see mothers sitting on a bench chatting while their kids play, and you will see their eyes scanning the horizon, looking for approaching danger, like lionesses with cubs. Your child is a part of you, no matter how old. The highs are the highest, the lows know no depths. Oh, and the days may be looong when they’re young. You’ll spend many, many tiresome days, tired and wishing they would get more self-sufficient, wishing summer was over and school was starting, wishing you could just go somewhere and do something without being tethered. And then, the years go by in a flash! Days crawl, years fly. ---
**Author:** ![BrotherCadfael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@BrotherCadfael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrotherCadfael)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2011, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-what-were-you-unprepared-for/576102/50 "2011-03-29T18:33:30Z")
> [@shiftless](#): > > I was not prepared for it to go by so fast. One day I had a cute little gremlin in the house, next day a monster sized eating machine then, poof, he was gone, off to college. Yeah, where did 23 years go? It was just last week they were babies… ---
**Author:** ![overlyverbose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/9dc877/32.png) [@overlyverbose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/overlyverbose)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2011, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-what-were-you-unprepared-for/576102/51 "2011-03-29T18:41:52Z")
> [@lacortadora](#): > > Well, my profile says brutally honest, so I will follow through on that now. I have two kids. They will be 15 and 11 soon. I would say that most parents (of more than one) claim to love their children “exactly the same” with the same intensity. I guess that’s what I was unprepared for. I don’t. I love them as much as one can love a child of their own…but I often have a favorite kid of the day, or week, or even month. I don’t announce it to them of course, these are just my thoughts. I have a stronger connection with my son, the oldest. They both have some crazy endearing qualities, they are very different…and they warm my heart all the time. But, I ask myself sometimes if liking my son more often than my daughter, may also mean that I love him more. I’m not sure…honesty, as you can see…is not always a pretty picture. I know exactly what you mean - and I feel so guilty about it sometimes. But my son is so complicated, dammit, and so volatile sometimes because of his age. My daughter is all sweetness and light most of the time and loves me unconditionally and is never mad at me for more than 15 seconds. Of course, she’s 16 months, so she’s got plenty of time to catch up. Part of my problem is compounded by all the difficulties at birth with my son. In contrast, having my daughter was a breeze. I was talking about this to someone once - a parent educator for Parents as Teachers - and she told me that it’s completely normal to feel that way. She confided that her first was such a shock she resented her just a little for a long time, even after she had the second. I don’t resent my son anymore, but my feelings for him are far more complex than they are for my daughter for a variety of reasons. Normal doesn’t equal okay, but at least I know I’m not alone. And I hope it all comes out in the wash later. ---
**Author:** ![JohnT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnt/32/15048_2.png) [@JohnT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnT)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2011, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-what-were-you-unprepared-for/576102/52 "2011-03-29T18:45:54Z")
Not to sound overly modest or anything, but I also am surprised as to how good a Dad I am. ---
**Author:** ![Ludy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Ludy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludy)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2011, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-what-were-you-unprepared-for/576102/53 "2011-03-29T19:09:56Z")
This is a specific example of something I really needed, but didn’t expect. I have a 20 month old daughter and I am 5 months along in pregnancy #2. My hormones lately have been crazy and I was having a really bad day yesterday. After work we had all gone to the store for something and the toddler was running around the store, not listening, not staying with us, and generally being, well a toddler. Husband was being less than helpful as well. When we got home I just needed to decompress. I sat on the couch and turned on the TV. Kiddo climbed onto the couch stared climbing all over me and accidentally head-butted me in the face. This was the last straw for the day. I just covered my eyes and stared to cry. She gave me this confused look, pulled my hands away from my eyes put her hands on my cheeks and gave me the biggest hug her little arms could give. She wouldn’t let go. She kept pulling back to look at me, and if I was still crying, back to the hug. Just the look on her face when she realized that Mom was sad, and the hug to make it better just seemed too old for her. In my mind she is still a baby, but she is growing up and understanding more each day. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2011, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-what-were-you-unprepared-for/576102/54 "2011-03-29T19:12:31Z")
> [@maggenpye](#): > > The fun. Yeah, this was my answer, too. I love being around kids with their weird minds and crazy emotions and sense of fun, so I figured I’d enjoy being a dad. Now there’s a kid with a weird mind and crazy emotions and a sense of fun that I love more than anything I ever imagined before, and it’s so ridiculously fun I can hardly stand it. Not always, sure. Sometimes she’s refusing to let me finish brushing her teeth, rolling around on the floor screaming instead, and I’m sitting on the toilet practicing my slow deep breathing techniques and waiting until she stops screaming to see if we can get back into the routine. But even then she’ll get distracted by something and start whispering, “Big star, big star, little star–daddy mouse, I see a big star!” and instead of breathing deep to keep from flying off the handle, I’m breathing deep to keep from cracking up. ---
**Author:** ![PeskiPiksi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e495f1/32.png) [@PeskiPiksi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PeskiPiksi)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2011, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-what-were-you-unprepared-for/576102/55 "2011-03-29T19:20:07Z")
Sometimes it’s even when they’re being naughty that you can’t help loving them and trying hard not to laugh. The other day dear daughter freaked out because baby brother ate what she thought was one of her chicken nuggets. We sent her to her room until she could calm herself down, and the tragic, strangled cries of “MY CHICKEN!!” were so pathetic and over-dramatic we couldn’t help but crack up. Maybe you had to be there. ---
**Author:** ![Ann\_Onimous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ea5d25/32.png) [@Ann\_Onimous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ann_Onimous)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2011, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-what-were-you-unprepared-for/576102/56 "2011-03-29T19:39:09Z")
I was not prepared to hear that our son was a delayed learner or that our daughter had type 1 diabetes. The diabetes was more of a shock than the learning disability, because we saw that one coming: the diabetes kind of blindsided us. Frankly, it scared the crap out of me. Still does at times. ---
**Author:** ![maggenpye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ecc23a/32.png) [@maggenpye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/maggenpye)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2011, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-what-were-you-unprepared-for/576102/57 "2011-03-29T20:18:55Z")
> [@PeskiPiksi](#): > > Sometimes it’s even when they’re being naughty that you can’t help loving them and trying hard not to laugh. The other day dear daughter freaked out because baby brother ate what she thought was one of her chicken nuggets. We sent her to her room until she could calm herself down, and the tragic, strangled cries of “MY CHICKEN!!” were so pathetic and over-dramatic we couldn’t help but crack up. > > Maybe you had to be there. I get that. I’ve found that if I sing REM’s _It’s the end of the world as we know it - and I feel fine_ often enough, it helps suppress the laughter. Because laughing at the hysteria does not help her get over it. And neither does calling her My little drama llama rama lama ding dong. YMMV. ---
**Author:** ![Renee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/renee/32/287_2.png) [@Renee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Renee)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2011, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-what-were-you-unprepared-for/576102/58 "2011-03-29T21:04:16Z")
> [@PeskiPiksi](#): > > Sometimes it’s even when they’re being naughty that you can’t help loving them and trying hard not to laugh. The other day dear daughter freaked out because baby brother ate what she thought was one of her chicken nuggets. We sent her to her room until she could calm herself down, and the tragic, strangled cries of “MY CHICKEN!!” were so pathetic and over-dramatic we couldn’t help but crack up. > > Maybe you had to be there. You didn’t have to be there. That’s hilarious. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![salinqmind](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3ec8ea/32.png) [@salinqmind](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/salinqmind)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2011, 10:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-what-were-you-unprepared-for/576102/59 "2011-03-29T22:12:22Z")
That IS hilarious! “WHO in this house drew on the wall with a crayon??” (sob) “I DID. I DID. I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” (sob. sob. sob.) “I think I’m gonna go stand in the corner and think about it” (sob.) And that little peanut did, all on her own. And she had NEVER been sent to “stand in the corner and think about it” in her life! Must have seen it on TV. We were flabbergasted. After a minute or two, the sobs stopped, and we forgave her and she said she’d never draw with a crayon on the wall again. ---
**Author:** ![Renee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/renee/32/287_2.png) [@Renee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Renee)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2011, 11:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-what-were-you-unprepared-for/576102/60 "2011-03-29T23:27:30Z")
That, too, is hilarious. Makes me want to have children, so I can giggle at their theatrics. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-what-were-you-unprepared-for/576102.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-what-were-you-unprepared-for/576102.md?page=4)