# Parents, what's your immediate first reaction when your son/daughter gets a significant other? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 10, 2017, 4:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-whats-your-immediate-first-reaction-when-your-son-daughter-gets-a-significant-other/781835 "2017-03-10T04:24:24Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Velocity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/velocity/32/18006_2.png) [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2017, 4:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-whats-your-immediate-first-reaction-when-your-son-daughter-gets-a-significant-other/781835/1 "2017-03-10T04:24:24Z")
We have probably all encountered the jokes about fathers sitting on the porch with shotguns to ward off potential suitors or known anecdotally or from personal experience parents who disapprove of their kids’ relationship prospects, or of their son or daughter having a significant other at all. This seems to be pretty strong across many different cultures - that parents’ protective instincts, or other factors, make their immediate, first, split-second reaction to finding out that their teenaged or early-20s son or daughter is dating someone to be a \*\*negative \*\*“No, this is a bad thing” response. The protective instinct appears to be to ward off suitors and clamp down, “no dating.” And I wanted to ask Doper parents - when or if your teenaged or early-20s son or daughter is in a relationship, and you find out, what is going through your mind in that first second or few seconds? This is before you learn anything about who the boyfriend/girlfriend is, and what kind of person he or she is, or any other attributes about the S/O - race, background, religion, age, etc. ---
**Author:** ![rsat3acr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/a3d4f5/32.png) [@rsat3acr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rsat3acr)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2017, 4:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-whats-your-immediate-first-reaction-when-your-son-daughter-gets-a-significant-other/781835/2 "2017-03-10T04:27:05Z")
In our case we know who she is dating after a date or two, not really a SO. They become a SO slowly so no real reaction. We raised her well and trust her so if she is happy so are we. ---
**Author:** ![Fruitbat2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5e9695/32.png) [@Fruitbat2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fruitbat2)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2017, 4:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-whats-your-immediate-first-reaction-when-your-son-daughter-gets-a-significant-other/781835/3 "2017-03-10T04:34:25Z")
I didn’t vote because “neutral” wasn’t one of the choices. If I don’t know them yet then I haven’t had a chance to form an opinion of them. I kind of feel sorry for them when they have to come meet the parents, though. I mean, how nerve-wracking, right? ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2017, 5:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-whats-your-immediate-first-reaction-when-your-son-daughter-gets-a-significant-other/781835/4 "2017-03-10T05:11:51Z")
I don’t think the gender of the parent is as important as the gender of the kid. ---
**Author:** ![Enola\_Gay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/3ab097/32.png) [@Enola\_Gay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enola_Gay)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2017, 5:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-whats-your-immediate-first-reaction-when-your-son-daughter-gets-a-significant-other/781835/5 "2017-03-10T05:16:59Z")
We have 2 young teens, boy & girl, and both my husband and I LOVED when our kids got their first significant others. Starts early and innocent, but our 17 year old has a “serious” gf now. Makes me remember how exciting that type of thing was for me at that age and I am happy that my kids can enjoy the excitement of connecting romantically with another person. My husband feels exactly the same. ---
**Author:** ![Enola\_Gay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/3ab097/32.png) [@Enola\_Gay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enola_Gay)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2017, 5:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-whats-your-immediate-first-reaction-when-your-son-daughter-gets-a-significant-other/781835/6 "2017-03-10T05:18:59Z")
> [@panache45](#): > > I don’t think the gender of the parent is as important as the gender of the kid. I don’t think either should matter. ---
**Author:** ![UDS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ecae2f/32.png) [@UDS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UDS)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2017, 5:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-whats-your-immediate-first-reaction-when-your-son-daughter-gets-a-significant-other/781835/7 "2017-03-10T05:24:24Z")
> [@Enola\_Gay](#): > > I don’t think either should matter. Which is not the same things as saying that you don’t think either _does_ matter. ---
**Author:** ![Bad\_News\_Baboon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/5fc32e/32.png) [@Bad\_News\_Baboon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bad_News_Baboon)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2017, 5:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-whats-your-immediate-first-reaction-when-your-son-daughter-gets-a-significant-other/781835/8 "2017-03-10T05:40:59Z")
> [@panache45](#): > > I don’t think the gender of the parent is as important as the gender of the kid. It’s probably relating to jokes about how protective fathers can be. How many times have you seen “jokey” pics of dad’s threatening violence vs moms? Google “dad’s protecting daughter” and again with mom’s. The tone is a lot different. The overprotective dad joke might be funny to some, but often it’s creepy to me. ---
**Author:** ![Enola\_Gay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/3ab097/32.png) [@Enola\_Gay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enola_Gay)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2017, 6:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-whats-your-immediate-first-reaction-when-your-son-daughter-gets-a-significant-other/781835/9 "2017-03-10T06:07:05Z")
> [@UDS](#): > > Which is not the same things as saying that you don’t think either _does_ matter. Correct. I it hate that race, religion, gender, & sexual orientation matter, but I don’t think they should. > [@Bad\_News\_Baboon](#): > > The overprotective dad joke might be funny to some, but often it’s creepy to me. Unbelievably creepy! ---
**Author:** ![Hilarity\_N.Suze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hilarity_n.suze/32/6223_2.png) [@Hilarity\_N.Suze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hilarity_N.Suze)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2017, 8:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-whats-your-immediate-first-reaction-when-your-son-daughter-gets-a-significant-other/781835/10 "2017-03-10T08:28:22Z")
I have had varying reactions. She’s great; she’s a bitch; she’s dumb; she’s sweet; she’s perfect for him I couldn’t have picked a better SO myself. Etc. I love my DILs as long as they are not making my sons actively miserable. If my boys are happy, I’m happy. I think I would feel the same if I had daughters–it would totally depend on the person. And I think their father pretty much feels the same. ---
**Author:** ![Iggy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/iggy/32/3364_2.png) [@Iggy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Iggy)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2017, 8:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-whats-your-immediate-first-reaction-when-your-son-daughter-gets-a-significant-other/781835/11 "2017-03-10T08:36:45Z")
First thing that goes through my mind is this question: Is our daughter consistently taking her birth control? She can be a bit forgetful. It is enough of a concern that we have recently talked to her about having a Norplant style birth control and re- emphasized that birth control pills/Norplant do not prevent STDs. She has been raised well and has good judgement about who she might date. She will undoubtedly fall madly in love. And get her heart broken. Tough lessons that most of us go through at some point. But at her age it is not unreasonable to think she may be sexually active and she is too young to be a parent. ---
**Author:** ![kopek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kopek/32/337_2.png) [@kopek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kopek)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2017, 2:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-whats-your-immediate-first-reaction-when-your-son-daughter-gets-a-significant-other/781835/12 "2017-03-10T14:59:40Z")
None of my own but we helped raise a couple kids from our extended family; positive to neutral depending on a lot of variables. ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctor_jackson/32/32_2.png) [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2017, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-whats-your-immediate-first-reaction-when-your-son-daughter-gets-a-significant-other/781835/13 "2017-03-10T18:58:16Z")
> [@Fruitbat2](#): > > I didn’t vote because “neutral” wasn’t one of the choices. If I don’t know them yet then I haven’t had a chance to form an opinion of them. QFT. “I have a boyfriend/girlfriend” is neither good news nor bad, just news. And, FTR, I have male and female children. ---
**Author:** ![SmellMyWort](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ea5d25/32.png) [@SmellMyWort](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SmellMyWort)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2017, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-whats-your-immediate-first-reaction-when-your-son-daughter-gets-a-significant-other/781835/14 "2017-03-10T19:04:29Z")
I think it could go either way depending on the maturity level and personality of the kid. ---
**Author:** ![Bullitt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bullitt/32/5725_2.png) [@Bullitt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bullitt)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2017, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-whats-your-immediate-first-reaction-when-your-son-daughter-gets-a-significant-other/781835/15 "2017-03-10T19:18:42Z")
If my daughter was 17 and she said she found a guy who was 31, I’d be getting my shotgun. Seriously, it depends on age. What if my daughter were 11? ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2017, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-whats-your-immediate-first-reaction-when-your-son-daughter-gets-a-significant-other/781835/16 "2017-03-10T20:28:19Z")
Usually a bit of dread about meeting the person, but it’s their choice, not mine. For many years, I dreaded meeting my daughter’s latest thrill, as she invariably picked looks over substance. She’s twice divorced and I lost count of the beaus that she didn’t marry. Now she’s in her 40s and has decided to pay attention to her self worth and independence. It’s a relief. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2017, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-whats-your-immediate-first-reaction-when-your-son-daughter-gets-a-significant-other/781835/17 "2017-03-10T20:30:44Z")
> [@Enola\_Gay](#): > > Unbelievably creepy! Yup. I’ve got two daughters–four and eight–so I’ve got a few years before this becomes an issue. I didn’t vote, since I don’t know how I’ll react; I suspect it’ll depend a huge about on the boy or girl they bring home. Mostly I want to make sure my kids remain physically and emotionally healthy, and physically safe. Emotional danger is an unavoidable part of dating, I think; you don’t get the joy if you don’t open yourself to the pain. So yeah, if they bring home a meth-head who posts jokes about bitches, I’m not gonna be a happy dad. But if they bring home a sweet funny kid, I’ll be a little scared and a lot happy for them. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2017, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-whats-your-immediate-first-reaction-when-your-son-daughter-gets-a-significant-other/781835/18 "2017-03-10T21:00:55Z")
When you are the parent of a son, you worry about one dick. When you are the parent of a daughter, you worry about every other dick in the world. ---
**Author:** ![Hari\_Seldon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hari_seldon/32/5173_2.png) [@Hari\_Seldon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hari_Seldon)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2017, 11:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-whats-your-immediate-first-reaction-when-your-son-daughter-gets-a-significant-other/781835/19 "2017-03-10T23:33:53Z")
I have three children and I always trusted their instincts. All three are very happily married, so I think my trust was justified. ---
**Author:** ![drewder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/57b2e6/32.png) [@drewder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewder)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2017, 12:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-whats-your-immediate-first-reaction-when-your-son-daughter-gets-a-significant-other/781835/20 "2017-03-11T00:44:32Z")
My daughters are 6 and 4 and my son is 1 so I don’t think I’d be very happy. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-whats-your-immediate-first-reaction-when-your-son-daughter-gets-a-significant-other/781835.md?page=2)