# Parents who try to control their kids' lives **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [August 30, 2004, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-who-try-to-control-their-kids-lives/262237 "2004-08-30T14:51:58Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2004, 2:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-who-try-to-control-their-kids-lives/262237/81 "2004-09-02T02:08:15Z")
> [@](#): > > Who are you to say it’s wrong? Who are you to judge someone else’s culture? The above, **Maureen** , is often called moral relativism. There are some things that are just plain WRONG, culture or no culture. (And I’m not referring to this specific belief, just about religion and culture in general). Murder is wrong. Rape is wrong. Even if it were a part of someone’s culture. Hell, female genital mutiliation is part of some cultures! **catsix** and I don’t often see eye to eye, but I’m with her one-hundred and ten percent on this one. I don’t think she needs to get help. Obviously, she’s found the best solution to dealing with her family. Just because someone is family doesn’t mean that we have to love, or tolerate them. And I say this as someone with terrific parents. Some people don’t DESERVE their children’s respect. ---
**Author:** ![catsix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e19b73/32.png) [@catsix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/catsix)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2004, 2:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-who-try-to-control-their-kids-lives/262237/82 "2004-09-02T02:09:09Z")
> [@](#): > > **Maureen** said: > You’ve demanded the reasoning behind the actions of a parent involving themselves in a child’s life. I didn’t demand the reasoning for anything. I said that this kind of overinvolvement in an **adult’s** life by their parent is a really fucking nasty thing for a parent to do, and that mommy should butt the hell out. It doesn’t matter one whit to me what her reasons for making herself an unwanted buttinski are, she is still wrong. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2004, 2:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-who-try-to-control-their-kids-lives/262237/83 "2004-09-02T02:21:26Z")
And if anything, if that’s her reasoning, her actions are only going to make things worse. For example, let’s say, I come from parents who are extremely devout, strict, traditional Catholics. The old-school, pre-Vatican II, no meat on Fridays, Mass in Latin, Catholics. They raise me to be one, and it is extremely important to them that I also follow in their ways and raise my children as Catholics. Well, then I meet and fall in love with -gasp!-a _Protestant_!!! And my mother treats him like shit, screams and makes scenes in public. All because she’s truly, deeply worried and upset that my children will not be raised as good Roman Catholics. Do you know what my response would be? “See ya later mom!” All that would accomplish is me completely rejecting that background. Because when someone starts demanding I do something, I have a contrary streak that makes me want to do the exact opposite. Same with this woman. All she may end up doing is pushing her son away even further. Her concerns may be real, but she’s screwing the pooch if she thinks this is an appropriate way to voice her concerns. ---
**Author:** ![CrazyCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dfb087/32.png) [@CrazyCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrazyCatLady)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2004, 3:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-who-try-to-control-their-kids-lives/262237/84 "2004-09-02T03:01:50Z")
[QUOTE=Maureen] Would that that were the case, **CCL**. That’s not what I’m reading at all. More of a case of “This is my life, these are my choices, deal with it or stay out of my life.” Due to the fact that these two posters were both subjected by over the top obsessive parents, and they are not listening to any other points of view. [quote] Well, on my monitor, it looks like they’re trying to clarify and explain their posts, and you’re sitting there shrieking about how they’re not listening. Frankly, I think neither side is truly hearing the other, and you’re all just talking past each other. Nobody is saying this lady doesn’t have the right to see the girl as a threat to her family and culture. She can be as threatened as she wants. But if she wants to keep a good relationship with her son, she needs to find some way of being at least somewhat civil about the situation. The reality is, when you put your grown children in the position of having to choose between you and someone or something very important to them, you’re quite likely to lose. That’s what the OP was saying, that the woman in the referenced thread is running the risk of losing her son forever by forcing him to choose. > [@](#): > > It is unrealistic to expect a parent to blithely give up being a parent to their child, including giving advice, solicited or not, and ignore any choices they feel their child is making that may harm them. But, since you seem to believe it’s a peice of cake, please tell me; how did you do it? I’d like some insight, because I still call my stepdaughters up every couple weeks and ask how they’re doing, how their jobs are going, etc. They’re 22 & 20. And if they’re having problems, I try to help them with those problems. They certainly don’t always take advice, but I sure as hell don’t wait for them to ask for it. So, if you have some way to stop, by all means, let me know. Again, you’re just not fucking listening, because you’re too damn busy flying off the handle about nobody is listening to your point. Nobody is saying you should stop caring about your child, or worrying about him, or giving him advice. What I _am_ saying is that you have to learn to make the shift to caring and worrying and giving advice in the same way you would to any other adult you care about. Nobody ever said it was easy to stand back and let your kid possibly fall on his face. It’s probably the hardest thing a parent can ever do. But you know what? Nothing about being a good parent is easy. It ain’t a job for wimps, which is one of many reasons I have no interest in taking it on. You know what else? The hardest things for us to do are often the most important things for us to do. It’s easy to bluster and bullshit and make excuses for ourselves. It’s goddamn hard to look someone in the eye and say, “I was a complete asshole, what I did was inexcusable, and I’m sorry,” but taking responsibility for our actions is vital to our growth as human beings. It’s often easy to lie and difficult to tell the truth about things we’re not happy about, but being honest with people is vital to our characters and our relationships. What’s easy isn’t always what’s good. It’s a cliche, but it’s also reality. > [@](#): > > It has nothing do do with “having a vote” as to who this woman’s son is marrying. I have been trying to explain, it goes much deeper than that. Whether the OP or **catsix** want to acknowledge it. Again, we’re looking at two seperate issues here. You’re talking about whether the mom in question has a right to be worried and upset that her son is, in effect, choosing to leave the culture he grew up in. And yes, that issue has nothing to do with having a vote on who he marries. That issue is about her perfectly valid feelings. It is also not the issue the OP and others are trying to discuss. The issue they are trying to discuss is a)his right as an adult to choose to leave the culture and b) the _actions_ his mother’s wholly understandable feelings have prompted. The issue, as laid out in the OP, is that he is a grown man and the decision to stay in the culture or to leave it is his, and his alone. Attempts at bullying or coercion on his mother’s part are attempts to usurp his right to make that decision, and they are completely inappropriate. ---
**Author:** ![anu-la1979](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/47e85d/32.png) [@anu-la1979](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/anu-la1979)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2004, 3:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-who-try-to-control-their-kids-lives/262237/85 "2004-09-02T03:20:43Z")
Not that it has really come up but I wonder how many people would actually be sympathetic to my & Elenia’s parents were they to insist upon the two of us marrying within caste. Because the concept of enforcing caste strictures seems to be met with shock, awe and disgust (and rightly so, I’m right there behind all of you that feel that way and for the record, so is my family) by almost everyone I meet. Would people on this board be arguing for the continuation of the caste system? ---
**Author:** ![GaWd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/f08c70/32.png) [@GaWd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GaWd)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2004, 3:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-who-try-to-control-their-kids-lives/262237/86 "2004-09-02T03:47:27Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > The above, **Maureen** , is often called moral relativism. This is most definitely NOT a case of moral relativism. This is the case of two young adults who have massive authority problems when it concerns parents and parenting. Sam ---
**Author:** ![OleOneEye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/f14d63/32.png) [@OleOneEye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OleOneEye)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2004, 4:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-who-try-to-control-their-kids-lives/262237/87 "2004-09-02T04:27:31Z")
> [@GaWd](#): > > This is most definitely NOT a case of moral relativism. This is the case of two young adults who have massive authority problems when it concerns parents and parenting. Do you believe that parents have authority over their adult children? ---
**Author:** ![GaWd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/f08c70/32.png) [@GaWd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GaWd)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2004, 4:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-who-try-to-control-their-kids-lives/262237/88 "2004-09-02T04:29:24Z")
> [@OleOneEye](#): > > Do you believe that parents have authority over their adult children? Do you see anywhere where I espouse the idea that they do? ---
**Author:** ![OleOneEye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/f14d63/32.png) [@OleOneEye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OleOneEye)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2004, 4:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-who-try-to-control-their-kids-lives/262237/89 "2004-09-02T04:42:17Z")
> [@GaWd](#): > > Do you see anywhere where I espouse the idea that they do? You’re the one that mentioned authority. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2004, 4:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-who-try-to-control-their-kids-lives/262237/90 "2004-09-02T04:55:54Z")
> [@GaWd](#): > > This is most definitely NOT a case of moral relativism. This is the case of two young adults who have massive authority problems when it concerns parents and parenting. > > Sam Well no shit, since they are, as you said, _adults_. NOT children anymore. Their parents should not try and have authority over them as adults. ---
**Author:** ![GaWd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/f08c70/32.png) [@GaWd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GaWd)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2004, 5:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-who-try-to-control-their-kids-lives/262237/91 "2004-09-02T05:06:27Z")
> [@OleOneEye](#): > > You’re the one that mentioned authority. Well that’s the worst example of selective reading skills I’ve seen in a long time. ---
**Author:** ![OleOneEye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/f14d63/32.png) [@OleOneEye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OleOneEye)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2004, 5:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-who-try-to-control-their-kids-lives/262237/92 "2004-09-02T05:10:02Z")
> [@GaWd](#): > > Well that’s the worst example of selective reading skills I’ve seen in a long time. Hardly. If you don’t believe that parents have authority over their adult children, why bring up authority in a discussion about parents’ say in their adult children’s relationships? 😕 ---
**Author:** ![CrazyCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dfb087/32.png) [@CrazyCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrazyCatLady)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2004, 5:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-who-try-to-control-their-kids-lives/262237/93 "2004-09-02T05:56:00Z")
Oh, horseshit, **GaWd**. You’re the one who said this is an issue of young adults with authority issues regarding parents and parenting. Well, what issues do they have, exactly? You imply that you don’t think they’re rejecting their parents’ rightful authority, so what’s your deal? Good lord, you people make it sound like they’re a couple of 8-year-olds yelling “You’re not the boss of me!” I suppose, in a way, that _is_ what they’re saying, but it seems like a pretty healthy thing to me. The parents in question aren’t the bosses or authority figures in any way, nor should they be. They’re just drawing a line in the sand for parents who won’t respect any other boundaries. The line they’re drawing (you don’t have to like my decisions but you do have to respect them and my right to make them, and if you don’t I’m outta here) seems like a perfectly reasonable line to draw, frankly. My parents don’t like a lot of the decisions I’ve made over the years, and that’s okay. They have enough respect for me and enough common courtesy not to shit all over my life. If they did not, we wouldn’t have the relationship we have. I daresay we wouldn’t have a relationship at all. ---
**Author:** ![GaWd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/f08c70/32.png) [@GaWd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GaWd)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2004, 6:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-who-try-to-control-their-kids-lives/262237/94 "2004-09-02T06:32:52Z")
> [@CrazyCatLady](#): > > Oh, horseshit, **GaWd**. You’re the one who said this is an issue of young adults with authority issues regarding parents and parenting. Well, what issues do they have, exactly? You imply that you don’t think they’re rejecting their parents’ rightful authority, so what’s your deal? Oh horseshit yourself. If you would read what has been said, you’d see that catsix and Elenia have had awful experiences with what they consider to be controlling parents. THat is the reason for the shrill reactionary tone in this thread. THey see what they perceive to be the kinds of situations they endured being perpetrated on another adult child and this provoked this thread. > [@](#): > > Good lord, you people make it sound like they’re a couple of 8-year-olds yelling “You’re not the boss of me!” THat is exactly the picture I’m getting. > [@](#): > > I suppose, in a way, that _is_ what they’re saying, but it seems like a pretty healthy thing to me. The parents in question aren’t the bosses or authority figures in any way, nor should they be. They’re just drawing a line in the sand for parents who won’t respect any other boundaries. I don’t see the healthiness you speak of. It seems much less like a line in the sand and more like an immovable, ungiving paint line. Which is fine by me, personally. But they ought not run in here determining by their standards what is acceptable behavior and what is not based merely on their own experiences. Granted, in the original OP, we’re talking about a mother who goes over the line shitting on her future DIL, and while I certainly don’t condone fucking off at a funeral or whatever, I certainly understand the mother’s feelings on the matter. I understand where the woman’s feelings come from, and why she acted so stupidly. The quote Maureen used from Zev explains it very thoroughly. Sam P.S.- OneEye, stop being willfully obtuse. I don’t have time to play word games. What I said is pretty clearly not what you’re inferring that I said, nor was it my intention. ---
**Author:** ![OleOneEye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/f14d63/32.png) [@OleOneEye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OleOneEye)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2004, 6:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-who-try-to-control-their-kids-lives/262237/95 "2004-09-02T06:42:19Z")
> [@GaWd](#): > > P.S.- OneEye, stop being willfully obtuse. I don’t have time to play word games. What I said is pretty clearly not what you’re inferring that I said, nor was it my intention. What word games? You’re the one saying that two adults who don’t want their parents harping on their relationship/career/lifestyle choices are having “authority issues”. Again, if you don’t believe that parents have authority over their adult children, then what on earth does authority have to do with this thread? ---
**Author:** ![CrazyCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dfb087/32.png) [@CrazyCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrazyCatLady)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2004, 7:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-who-try-to-control-their-kids-lives/262237/96 "2004-09-02T07:31:29Z")
Sooo…you’re not going to tell us what authority issues the OP and **catsix** are having? Okay, fair enough, I suppose. ---
**Author:** ![Zoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/a4c791/32.png) [@Zoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zoe)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2004, 10:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-who-try-to-control-their-kids-lives/262237/97 "2004-09-02T10:14:38Z")
> [@](#): > > **GaWd** : This is the case of two young adults who have massive authority problems when it concerns parents and parenting. Interesting. I would have said it another way. I would have said that the parents have massive authority problems. The ways in which they handle their love and concern for the welfare of their adult children is inappropriate. There are adult children with adult children and even adult grandchildren of their own who _still_ have to enforce boundaries with a parent who has never dealt with her overpowering need to control. The problem does not know age limits. My mother is 91 and my oldest granddaughter is a very grownup 17. It is often the parent who tries to control others that needs the counselling, not just the adult child who seeks to control her own life. As is often the case, however, it _is_ only the adult child who seeks help. > [@](#): > > **Maureen** : As for the OP, she was specifically talking about the thread in MPSIMS. But then she moved to the broader subject when she started the new thread in the Pit. She can correct me if I am mistaken, but I didn’t think the new topic is limited to that one situation. [quote] **Maureen** : And, sorry, I’m not going to say the mom has no reason to be upset; she does. \ > [@](#): > > Look, everyone here is trying to make the point that intolerance sucks. No, I don’t think I have addressed the subject of intolerance. > [@](#): > > No one questions that. But you’re being just as intolterant by refusing to see that woman’s POV. The fact that she’s going way too far is not even in question. However, by digging in your heels, you’re being just as closed minded as she is. > > Yes. She should be willing to accept what her future daughter in law is offering and be happy that she’s willing to do that much. Lots of women probably wouldn’t be. I never said that she didn’t have a right to be upset. And I didn’t say that I don’t see her point of view. (I haven’t even addressed that situation specifically.) Everyone has a right to his feelings. But wise parents don’t always act on them. > [@](#): > > **Maureen** : By the same token, you should practice what you preach. Be a bit more tolerant, and try to see why this is so important to the mom. Or you’re no better. **Maureen** , I do practice what I preach. I wouldn’t _dream_ of giving my step-children unsolicited advice. Do you have me confused with someone else? Or maybe your comment was directed at someone else. Certainly I know what it is like to bite my tongue while someone I love makes painful decisions that aren’t mine to make. I have very little respect for parents who put their own emotional needs above their adult children’s rights to be fully functioning, emotionally intelligent adults. The mother gets to make decisions about _her_ life and the adult child gets to make decisions about _his_ life. One life per adult person. ---
**Author:** ![Syntropy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/65b543/32.png) [@Syntropy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Syntropy)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2004, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-who-try-to-control-their-kids-lives/262237/98 "2004-09-02T16:07:35Z")
> [@CrazyCatLady](#): > > Sooo…you’re not going to tell us what authority issues the OP and **catsix** are having? Okay, fair enough, I suppose. He did. Here’s an idea: actually go back and read where **catsix** and **Elenia28** explained what their parents did that causes them to react in such a manner that they cannot view any parent involvement as anything but intrusive. As opposed to just, say, showing up on page two for the pile on. Oh, and this right here: > [@CrazuCatLady](#): > > Well, on my monitor, it looks like they’re trying to clarify and explain their posts, and you’re sitting there shrieking about how they’re not listening Horseshit to you. In fact, gorilla shit, which stinks a hell of a lot more, and is ten times as messy. Let’s look at some examples of those calm explanations and clarity, shall we? > [@Elenia28](#): > > Fathers…well mostly I see mothers pulling this crap. So I’ll just say: Fathers, stand up to your wives if you see them doing this. Don’t nod and say yes, dear! This is your kids’ life! > [@catsix](#): > > You’re an utter moron if you think I’m merely ‘throwing a tantrum’. I am 26 years old, I have a career, I support myself, and I live the life I chose to have. My favorite one so far: > [@catsix](#): > > If the son, who is in this relationship with this woman and (presumedly) wants to marry her, and he’s happy with how his girlfriend (potential wife) is handling their difference of religion, why the hell should his mother have any say in the matter? next page: (oh, sorry, this contains a sample of my shrieking & not listening) > [@Maureen](#): > > You’ve demanded the reasoning behind the actions of a parent involving themselves in a child’s life. I and others have attempted to explain them > [@catsix](#): > > I didn’t demand the reasoning for anything. 😃😃 I just love that one. > [@Elenia28](#): > > If you have raised your child properly then there should be no issue about letting go. And yes, it is all about teaching them independence from the age of 13 on. Very soon you as a parent are going to kick off and DIE and they will no longer have you there. > [@Elenia28](#): > > This is what makes me think you had good parents. If you can’t even comprehend our feelings then you could not have experienced it. > [@catsix](#): > > Where I disagree is on the idea that she’s entitled to have a position of any relevance regarding the relationship between two other adults, whether those adults are related to her or not. > [@catsix](#): > > You’re apparently just another overbearing cunt who doesn’t give a rat’s ass about anything other than what ‘mommy’ wants for her ‘little boy’. Some more of me shrieking and not listening: > [@](#): > > Elenia28, I do hear what you’re saying. And I do agree with you. I was just trying to give you some perspective from the other side. > [@](#): > > Tolerance isn’t just respecting the beliefs of people who agree with me and insisting on respect from people who don’t. Tolerance is also respecting the faith of religions that I happen to disagree with. > [@](#): > > I’m sorry your parents are such control freaks. I truly am. I guess I’m having a hard time understanding how you can have your own place, your own life, and not be able to set limits on their interference. That’s not a criticism. Just a lack of understanding. > [@](#): > > Elenia28, no problem. I think the kids should respect the mom’s religion, and from what the OP was saying, the young lady intends to do exactly that by converting and raising her children within the faith. I think the mom needs to cool her jets and respect her son’s decisions. I don’t think she’s right. I can just see her point of view. > No, I didn’t have the best relationship with my parents, and still don’t with my father. But I made a resolution to be a better parent, and be more involved in my kids’ lives (he was rather the opposite of yours, with alcoholism thrown in) than they were. Much therapy was involved, and my mom and I eventually found middle ground. Both **catsix** and **Elenia28** had severely dysfunctional relationships with their parents. No matter which party you are in a relationship like that, there are long term consequences which require resolution. If you cannot find them with the other party, you should try to find them within yourself. Many times, therapy is necessary to find that resolution and peace of mind. Or this transferrence crap will keep happening. I have a healthy involvement in my children’s lives. If I find out they have a drug/alcohol/gambling problem, piling up huge mounds of debt, living in a gutter, etc., even after they’ve moved out of my home and are adults, I am not going to “sit on my hands and stay silent.” I am going to get involved. If they stop talking to me, but go on and have productive, happy, healthy, well adjusted lives, then _so fucking be it._ My job as a parent, despite what you may think, is NOT solely to feed, clothe and and pay for their education til they’re old enough to go out and do it for themselves. **Zoe** , I appreciate what you’ve said. No, wise parents do not always open their traps, and I did not mean to imply anyone should. People have to make their own mistakes in order to learn from them. But you also have to know there are times when you _should_ say something, and by not saying something, you are doing more harm than good. That is not, IMO, putting my emotional needs before theirs. **GaWd** , you were absolutely right. ---
**Author:** ![catsix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e19b73/32.png) [@catsix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/catsix)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2004, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-who-try-to-control-their-kids-lives/262237/99 "2004-09-02T17:43:27Z")
Do you think that your job as a parent is to involve yourself in the decisions that your kids, who are now adults, make whether they ask you to or not? ---
**Author:** ![Syntropy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/65b543/32.png) [@Syntropy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Syntropy)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2004, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-who-try-to-control-their-kids-lives/262237/100 "2004-09-02T17:59:01Z")
Jesus Christ on a titanium fucking crutch. (Sorry, Sam) The answer to your question, **catsix** , is almost all of the times no, and sometimes, yes. Because, you see (or perhaps you don’t- I’m beginning to get the impression you don’t even _want_ to see), when it comes to interpersonal family relationships, there are no absolutes. I’m sorry, I know that’s not the answer you’re looking for, but it’s the truth. I can think of several reasons why a parent would have to step in and make a decision for a grown child. All of them involve that child being too diminished, in one way or another, to make their own competent decisions. Whether they feel they are capable of doing so or not. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-who-try-to-control-their-kids-lives/262237.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-who-try-to-control-their-kids-lives/262237.md?page=6)