# Parents - would you be mad if you were seated away from your children at a wedding?
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-would-you-be-mad-if-you-were-seated-away-from-your-children-at-a-wedding/481045
**Category:** In My Humble Opinion
**Created:** [January 13, 2009, 5:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-would-you-be-mad-if-you-were-seated-away-from-your-children-at-a-wedding/481045 "2009-01-13T05:00:22Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 2
### Author:  [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)
#### Post date: [January 13, 2009, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-would-you-be-mad-if-you-were-seated-away-from-your-children-at-a-wedding/481045/21 "2009-01-13T17:33:36Z")
> [@GilaB](#):
>
> I understand why you’d do it, but I was insulted by chicken fingers and such when I was a kid, even at the age of five or six. I knew the grown-ups were getting better food, and I was hurt by the perceived snub. The (many) kids’ tables at my wedding had something simpler than the adults, but not chicken fingers or hot dogs.
Heh. At $45 a plate the offense of a 4 year old is not my greatest concern.
That being said, what’s wrong with chicken fingers? Chicken fingers are good! With dip and fries - yummy! If they weren’t deep fried I’d eat them myself.
However, if you have a better suggestion for a kids meal, I’m certainly happy to hear it - we have our formal menu selection meeting on the 20th and I’m sure I can switch things out if chicken fingers are gong to offend people.
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### Author:  [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)
#### Post date: [January 13, 2009, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-would-you-be-mad-if-you-were-seated-away-from-your-children-at-a-wedding/481045/22 "2009-01-13T18:02:17Z")
Go with the chicken fingers. Yes, some sophisticated kids (including mine) would rather have the prime rib, but really, who cares? They’ll eat the chicken fingers. Chicken fingers are safe - most kids will eat them, even if they’d rather have something else. And, as you’ve discovered, they’re a LOT cheaper than the overpriced adult plates which most of the kids wouldn’t finish, and would be more likely to refuse altogether!
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### Author:  [@sugar\_and\_spice](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sugar_and_spice)
#### Post date: [January 13, 2009, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-would-you-be-mad-if-you-were-seated-away-from-your-children-at-a-wedding/481045/23 "2009-01-13T18:21:23Z")
10 and 11 seems a little bit old for a kids table with a hired babysitter. At that age I was perfectly happy to sit and listen to my loudmouth uncle tell stories. I’m sure the 3 tweens will enjoy sitting together, but it ends up that just 1 of them at the kids table then I’d consider just putting them next to their parents.
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### Author:  [@aruvqan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aruvqan)
#### Post date: [January 13, 2009, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-would-you-be-mad-if-you-were-seated-away-from-your-children-at-a-wedding/481045/24 "2009-01-13T18:26:26Z")
> [@alice\_in\_wonderland](#):
>
> We’re having prime rib with a merlot jus, tri-colour roasted rosemary potatoes, glazed carrots and green beans. It didn’t seem exactly right for a 4 year old. 🙂 For the kids we were planning on chicken fingers and fries.
well, to be perfectly honest, i hate the idea of kids menus. i was raised eating everything my parents ate, and have no problems trying new foods. if you raise kids to think they get special foods only, then what incentive is there to try real food. then you end up with those kids we see discussed here on the dope that will only eat mcnuggets, fries and yoohoo sodas.
there is no appreciable amount of alcohol in the merlot saucing, so they can eat that, and it is on plain beef. Cow, what gets ground up into burgers. potatoes are potatoes, just not cut into slivers and deep fried. carrots and beans are a kid staple.
WHy do you want to torment them with plastic food when the parents are having _real_ food?
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### Author:  [@Atomicflea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atomicflea)
#### Post date: [January 13, 2009, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-would-you-be-mad-if-you-were-seated-away-from-your-children-at-a-wedding/481045/25 "2009-01-13T18:32:50Z")
I had a kids’ table at mine, and the kids made a beeline for it the second they spied it. We had a fun centerpiece with lollipops/balloons/pixie stix. We didn’t have that many, so at each place setting we had crayons and coloring book, plus a small toy (small lego or car, or Littlest Petshop or doll). They LOVED it. The table was in the same room as ours and their parents would make the rounds so I didn’t even have to hire a sitter. They were really well-behaved and entertained the entire night.
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### Author:  [@Atomicflea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atomicflea)
#### Post date: [January 13, 2009, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-would-you-be-mad-if-you-were-seated-away-from-your-children-at-a-wedding/481045/26 "2009-01-13T18:37:29Z")
> [@aruvqan](#):
>
> well, to be perfectly honest, i hate the idea of kids menus. i was raised eating everything my parents ate, and have no problems trying new foods. if you raise kids to think they get special foods only, then what incentive is there to try real food. then you end up with those kids we see discussed here on the dope that will only eat mcnuggets, fries and yoohoo sodas.
>
> there is no appreciable amount of alcohol in the merlot saucing, so they can eat that, and it is on plain beef. Cow, what gets ground up into burgers. potatoes are potatoes, just not cut into slivers and deep fried. carrots and beans are a kid staple.
>
> WHy do you want to torment them with plastic food when the parents are having _real_ food?
**aruvqvan** , different strokes. It their parents’ job to teach them what/how to eat.
My nine-year-old eats lobster, clam chowder, and all sorts of ethnic foods, but he will kill some fries and chicken fingers. If for some reason he hated them, I would know in advance so I could discreetly bring an alternative for him and ask that it be heated without bothering the blushing bride and her brand new hubby with my picky kid’s food drama.
Frankly, most kids aren’t hung up on food–it’s just fuel for playing. I think you just happened to be a “foodie” kid, but I’m not sure that’s the norm.
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### Author:  [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)
#### Post date: [January 13, 2009, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-would-you-be-mad-if-you-were-seated-away-from-your-children-at-a-wedding/481045/27 "2009-01-13T18:39:29Z")
> [@aruvqan](#):
>
> well, to be perfectly honest, i hate the idea of kids menus. i was raised eating everything my parents ate, and have no problems trying new foods. if you raise kids to think they get special foods only, then what incentive is there to try real food. then you end up with those kids we see discussed here on the dope that will only eat mcnuggets, fries and yoohoo sodas.
I absolutely, 100% agree with you, and I’ve pissed off a lot of Dopers in past threads on this very same issue.
On the other hand, I would never expect someone to subsidize my child’s learning experience at an additional $40 a plate. The kid can eat chicken fingers for one night, and we’ll make sushi for dinner tomorrow.
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### Author:  [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)
#### Post date: [January 13, 2009, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-would-you-be-mad-if-you-were-seated-away-from-your-children-at-a-wedding/481045/28 "2009-01-13T19:55:40Z")
> [@aruvqan](#):
>
> well, to be perfectly honest, i hate the idea of kids menus. i was raised eating everything my parents ate, and have no problems trying new foods. if you raise kids to think they get special foods only, then what incentive is there to try real food. then you end up with those kids we see discussed here on the dope that will only eat mcnuggets, fries and yoohoo sodas.
>
> there is no appreciable amount of alcohol in the merlot saucing, so they can eat that, and it is on plain beef. Cow, what gets ground up into burgers. potatoes are potatoes, just not cut into slivers and deep fried. carrots and beans are a kid staple.
>
> WHy do you want to torment them with plastic food when the parents are having _real_ food?
Well, here’s the thing - determining if _your_ child is a picky eater or a gourmet is really none of my concern - I don’t care. We are trying to choose something that _EVERY_ child will eat and enjoy, including the picky ones. It doesn’t have to be chicken fingers, but I’m not interested in spending $45/plate on the off chance that your precious darling will eat a plateful of prime rib. Frankly, if you want to feed your child prime rib, buy it yourself.
That being said, regardless of your child’s preferences, I know for a fact that two of the children in attendance (my niece and nephew) will NOT eat prime rib, or at least not an appreciable amount of it. I’ve just spoken to the mother of one of the other children and she has indicated that her daughter (who is 11) will be perfectly happy with chicken fingers and, in fact, just be happy to be invited.
Really, I have no trouble serving the children something other than chicken fingers and I’m open to suggestions; however, it’s not going to be prime rib.
This isn’t a restaraunt and there’s not a short order cook on hand - two (well three - I have one vegan guest) meals will be prepared. If you’re under age 12 you’re getting the kid one.
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### Author:  [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)
#### Post date: [January 13, 2009, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-would-you-be-mad-if-you-were-seated-away-from-your-children-at-a-wedding/481045/29 "2009-01-13T19:59:56Z")
> [@sugar\_and\_spice](#):
>
> 10 and 11 seems a little bit old for a kids table with a hired babysitter. At that age I was perfectly happy to sit and listen to my loudmouth uncle tell stories. I’m sure the 3 tweens will enjoy sitting together, but it ends up that just 1 of them at the kids table then I’d consider just putting them next to their parents.
Yah, I was wondering about this. However, I think we may bribe the ‘tweens’ with cool tween gifts (and cool kid gifts for the younger ones). I’m hoping they’ll forgive the babysitter (who’s there for the younger kids), particularly if it means they don’t have to take care of their younger siblings.
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### Author:  [@Lightray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lightray)
#### Post date: [January 13, 2009, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-would-you-be-mad-if-you-were-seated-away-from-your-children-at-a-wedding/481045/30 "2009-01-13T20:04:19Z")
Go with the chicken fingers – there is a reason it is a cliche that some kids will only eat chicken fingers and fries. It is bland enough to be palatable to kids bothered by strong tastes, familiar enough to be acceptable to kids mistrustful of strange food, and fried and breaded food is tasty enough for everyone else.
Heck, there are times where _I’d_ prefer chicken fingers to other options.
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### Author:  [@CAT\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CAT_1)
#### Post date: [January 13, 2009, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-would-you-be-mad-if-you-were-seated-away-from-your-children-at-a-wedding/481045/31 "2009-01-13T20:24:16Z")
The hall I rented for my wedding came with an optional game room for a small fee, like fifteen bucks. I rented that too and the kids at the wedding from age 2 to 16 pretty much all hung out there. We had about 200 people at the wedding and probably 20 kids. They were mostly all cousins, and the older ones watched the little ones. It was right next to the hall so we could also see them at all times. It was the best idea I had that day! It just had a few game machines and a pool table, and lots of sofas and stuff.
We didn’t have separate tables for the meal, but I think that idea is great for your type of wedding.
Our meal was very low key, and only cost about $5 a plate! We made most of it ourselves, and it was buffet style.
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### Author:  [@Geek\_Mecha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Geek_Mecha)
#### Post date: [January 13, 2009, 8:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-would-you-be-mad-if-you-were-seated-away-from-your-children-at-a-wedding/481045/32 "2009-01-13T20:29:37Z")
At the last wedding I went to, there was a (grand)kids’ table. My cousins and I were at it. I’m 31 and my cousins are 21-24. It was my 24-year-old cousin’s idea. I don’t know why she singled us out-- all the other people our age sat with their families or each other.
I hadn’t seen my cousins in years and was meeting their SOs for the first time, so after the “how’ve you been?”-type questions, it was a pretty quiet table. Plus I’d flown in for the wedding and wanted to spend time talking with my aunts, uncles, grandma, and parents… all of whom were at another table. Presumably the Old Fogies table.
It was the only thing about the otherwise very lovely wedding and reception I thought was stupid. It felt like they very much wanted a kids’ table and didn’t let the lack of kids stop them. I’m fine with the idea of assigned seating, but this was just excessive.
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### Author:  [@aruvqan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aruvqan)
#### Post date: [January 13, 2009, 10:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-would-you-be-mad-if-you-were-seated-away-from-your-children-at-a-wedding/481045/33 "2009-01-13T22:06:57Z")
> [@Atomicflea](#):
>
> **aruvqvan** , different strokes. It their parents’ job to teach them what/how to eat.
>
> My nine-year-old eats lobster, clam chowder, and all sorts of ethnic foods, but he will kill some fries and chicken fingers. If for some reason he hated them, I would know in advance so I could discreetly bring an alternative for him and ask that it be heated without bothering the blushing bride and her brand new hubby with my picky kid’s food drama.
>
> Frankly, most kids aren’t hung up on food–it’s just fuel for playing. I think you just happened to be a “foodie” kid, but I’m not sure that’s the norm.
Not sure how eating whatever was plunked in front of me counts as foodie … and this was the 60s so where i did get exposed to wierd foods [dad was army] the majority of what was cooked was basic american glop … though we did eat pretty much everything including spinach, lima beans, brussels sprouts, artichokes, asparagus, various squashes … I honestly thing the wierdest thing I ever really ate as a kid, that would be considered wierd for a kid was properly made steak tartare at the pen and pencil club in manhattan … the waiter tried desperately to convince me and my dad that he needed to have it turned into a hamburger for me. _sigh_
Though my parents were good that if either my brother or i tried something and really didnt like it, we didnt have to eat it but we damned well better try it before deciding we didnt like it.
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### Author:  [@the\_Lady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/the_Lady)
#### Post date: [January 14, 2009, 2:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-would-you-be-mad-if-you-were-seated-away-from-your-children-at-a-wedding/481045/34 "2009-01-14T14:59:44Z")
I think it’s a fabulous idea - both the kids table and the chicken fingers. I’m quite certain the parents will be thrilled with you for being so thoughtful.
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### Author:  [@Harmonious\_Discord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harmonious_Discord)
#### Post date: [January 14, 2009, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-would-you-be-mad-if-you-were-seated-away-from-your-children-at-a-wedding/481045/35 "2009-01-14T15:05:23Z")
We had often had kids tables, and a parent that couldn’t leave the kid alone would eat by the kids. Not many parents ever had a problem leaving the kids to eat while the adults enjoyed adult company.
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### Author:  [@sciurophobic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sciurophobic)
#### Post date: [January 14, 2009, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-would-you-be-mad-if-you-were-seated-away-from-your-children-at-a-wedding/481045/36 "2009-01-14T15:44:54Z")
We’re having a separate room for the kids, with a tv, games, and at least 2 babysitters. They’ll have their own food too. They’ll be welcome in the main room, but we wanted them to have a place to go if they got restless or bored.
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### Author:  [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)
#### Post date: [January 14, 2009, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-would-you-be-mad-if-you-were-seated-away-from-your-children-at-a-wedding/481045/37 "2009-01-14T17:26:36Z")
> [@aruvqan](#):
>
> Not sure how eating whatever was plunked in front of me counts as foodie…
Well…but that’s the other point here. The kids should eat what’s in front of them (in this case, chicken fingers) without whining that they’d prefer the prime rib.
Parenting is a wide morass of sometimes conflicting lessons. Can’t teach 'em all in one day.
(BTW, your parents sound like smart folks.)
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### Author:  [@schnuckiputzi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/schnuckiputzi)
#### Post date: [January 14, 2009, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-would-you-be-mad-if-you-were-seated-away-from-your-children-at-a-wedding/481045/38 "2009-01-14T18:18:23Z")
I have three teens and have hosted innumerable parties for kids over the years. Usually it comes down to…yes, they would eat the fancy food, but seriously, how many are actually going to sit down and eat? Most younger kids are going to be so jazzed up that they’re at a ‘party’ that they may graze a little here and there, but the action’s the main thing. I stopped worrying years ago about if little Timmy ate the chicken fingers and fries or not. If they’re hungry, they’ll eat. If they’re still hungry when they get home, they’ll get a snack. Don’t worry – sounds like a great plan!😃
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### Author:  [@aruvqan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aruvqan)
#### Post date: [January 14, 2009, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-would-you-be-mad-if-you-were-seated-away-from-your-children-at-a-wedding/481045/39 "2009-01-14T18:24:01Z")
> [@WhyNot](#):
>
> Well…but that’s the other point here. The kids should eat what’s in front of them (in this case, chicken fingers) without whining that they’d prefer the prime rib.
>
> Parenting is a wide morass of sometimes conflicting lessons. Can’t teach 'em all in one day.
> (BTW, your parents sound like smart folks.)
Smart or not, they both came from a generation where you ate what was given you or you went to bed hungry.
On the other hand, Ill eat pretty much anything I dont actively know I dislike, or am allergic to. I admit to being prejudiced against bugs … but have eaten monkey and lion, dog, horse, rabbit, squirrel, opossum, racoon, bambi, wild boar … not tried bear yet, no opportunity. I would probably be safer in naming what I havent tried yet sort of.
I probably would have been disappointed in getting stuck with chicken fingers … and my parents probably would have not wanted me to be sent to kiddy purgatory. In our extended family kids were expected to sit at the table and converse with adults, and eat what everybody else had. My brother and I went to rather good places with my parents from before I can remember and required to act politely at all times. We even did plane trips and had to behave.
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### Author:  [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)
#### Post date: [January 14, 2009, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-would-you-be-mad-if-you-were-seated-away-from-your-children-at-a-wedding/481045/40 "2009-01-14T19:23:43Z")
> [@aruvqan](#):
>
> I probably would have been disappointed in getting stuck with chicken fingers … and my parents probably would have not wanted me to be sent to kiddy purgatory. In our extended family kids were expected to sit at the table and converse with adults, and eat what everybody else had. My brother and I went to rather good places with my parents from before I can remember and required to act politely at all times. We even did plane trips and had to behave.
Which is fine, but you’re not invited to my wedding (neither the grown up nor child you). 🙂
I get that you were taken places as a youth and tried lots of different things - so was I and I had quite a sophisticated palate as a child. That’s _REALLY, REALLY_ not the point. The point is, what is a nice, easy meal that most kids will eat, makes a minimum of muss, and is fairly ‘Do-it-Yourself’ so parents don’t have to worry about cutting things up.
Honestly, expanding the food horizions of my young guests is of absolutely no concern to me, whatsoever. I couldn’t care less about it. I want them to be fed and to have fun, but I couldn’t care less about exposing them to gourmet food. If that needs to happen, it needs to be their parents that make it happen. Also, it can happen someplace other than my wedding. I really don’t want parents ‘experimenting’ with their kids taste buds at my wedding if only so that if Jr. decides he doesn’t like this new food, I’m not obligated to arrange for something else.
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