# Parents--would you replace a child's dead pet and not tell them? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 9, 2009, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-would-you-replace-a-childs-dead-pet-and-not-tell-them/485128 "2009-02-09T21:04:59Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 17\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![flodnak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/838e76/32.png) [@flodnak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flodnak)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2009, 7:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-would-you-replace-a-childs-dead-pet-and-not-tell-them/485128/21 "2009-02-10T07:36:53Z")
No. Not a chance. I just took totnak’s rats to the vet last night to have them euthanized. (He decided not to come.) One had a severe lower respiratory infection and the other had a stroke just hours before it was time to go to the vet - Nature’s way of making sure two best buddies never had to be alone, I guess. It was a pretty rough experience for both of us and there is no way I’d try to just get “replacements” for his small friends. Sorry if I don’t have a sense of humor about this right now. ---
**Author:** ![Diz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/87869e/32.png) [@Diz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diz)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2009, 8:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-would-you-replace-a-childs-dead-pet-and-not-tell-them/485128/22 "2009-02-10T08:19:05Z")
My grandparents replaced my mother’s pet when she was a small child and didn’t tell her until many years later. It still pisses off my mom and my grandparents have been dead for years now. No, I wouldn’t do that to a child, and I’m glad nobody tried it with me. ---
**Author:** ![Harmonious\_Discord](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/74df32/32.png) [@Harmonious\_Discord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harmonious_Discord)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2009, 12:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-would-you-replace-a-childs-dead-pet-and-not-tell-them/485128/23 "2009-02-10T12:13:24Z")
I wouldn’t replace the pet and pretend it’s the same one. The kids know the difference because they bonded with it. They know every hair, scale, or skin spot on that animal, and it’s behavior. You can try the they went to see a relative line if their young, but don’t do a swap. ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2009, 12:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-would-you-replace-a-childs-dead-pet-and-not-tell-them/485128/24 "2009-02-10T12:54:11Z")
I never did that but I did replace his little brother. I’m up for parole next year. ---
**Author:** ![Maastricht](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e57/32.png) [@Maastricht](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maastricht)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2009, 1:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-would-you-replace-a-childs-dead-pet-and-not-tell-them/485128/25 "2009-02-10T13:40:48Z")
No. However, these last months I did all I could to get my baby son attached to a certain stuffed animal. Then I went out and bought three spare. Parenting is looking ahead. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![auRa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c4cdca/32.png) [@auRa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/auRa)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2009, 1:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-would-you-replace-a-childs-dead-pet-and-not-tell-them/485128/26 "2009-02-10T13:45:20Z")
> [@KneadToKnow](#): > > Where are y’all getting these animals? I’ve had the same goldfish since I was in elementary school! They live practically forever! You know, my friend has a goldfish that she actually _has_ had since elementary school (6th grade). Funny thing: if you actually keep them in adequate living conditions, they live for about 20 years… We never really had pets as children, so I haven’t had to deal with switcheroo vs. non-switcheroo. A friend of mine, however, got quite a shock a while back when it turned out that Ville the exceptionally-long-lived budgie was actually Villes 1, 2 and 3, courtesy of a rogue free-roaming neighborhood cat who came in through the window (Ville 1), unknown causes (Ville 2) and, finally, old age (Ville 3). Apparently, the first two Villes went in the span of a year; Ville 3 lasted for 10, which is still not bad. ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2009, 2:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-would-you-replace-a-childs-dead-pet-and-not-tell-them/485128/27 "2009-02-10T14:05:34Z")
> [@AngryIrishLass](#): > > I replaced a hamster. I normally wouldn’t have done it, but my son was 6, my niece, his best friend and everyday playmate, had just died 10 days before. Chewy No. 2 stuck around for another 3 years or so (Chewy No. 1 had been here maybe 3 months). When he was 16 the topic came up, and I thought of confessing, but his “I’m glad I had Chewy after Sydney died.” stopped me. I was going to say never, but this seems like a good time for an exception. ---
**Author:** ![Laughing\_Lagomorph](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/6bbea6/32.png) [@Laughing\_Lagomorph](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Laughing_Lagomorph)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2009, 2:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-would-you-replace-a-childs-dead-pet-and-not-tell-them/485128/28 "2009-02-10T14:30:49Z")
Would I do the switcheroo? Probably not…my son is almost 9 and we already lost one of our rabbits (not really his pet) and his first hamster. He was very upset about the hamster and rightfully so but there is no way we could have hidden it from him, he knew the little guy had been sick. Hamster #2 is doing well but the darn things only live a couple of years at best. Oddly my parents DID do the switcheroo when we were little, with one of our (several) tropical fish. Us kids were away for a week and apparently while we were gone the fishy shuffled off this mortal coil. Problem was the stand-in wasn’t close to an exact match and we figured it out immediately. I must have been 7 or 8, my sister 10-11 and my younger brother 6 or so. I was just surprised they even bothered trying to fake us out, I don’t remember that any of us were too upset at the fish dying (I don’t think he even had a name) but I do remember feeling slightly insulted that they thought they could fool us with an obvious impostor. ---
**Author:** ![gwendee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/35a633/32.png) [@gwendee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gwendee)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2009, 2:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-would-you-replace-a-childs-dead-pet-and-not-tell-them/485128/29 "2009-02-10T14:44:41Z")
I was about to say exactly what **DungBeetle** did. All I can think of is Gary Coleman as Arnold saying “That’s not Abraham!” My son got a fish tank for his 5th birthday. He was with his foather for the weekend when the first fish died. I braced myself for this “teachable moment” and told him oh so gently and calmly as soon as he got home. His response was, “Cool! Can I flush him?” As an aside, my mother did have a hamster who lived way-y-y-y-y longer than a typical hamster life span. I think he was into his 4th year when he expired. He looked like the 95 year old man equvalent of a rodent. He’d lost a lot of hair and some teeth. ---
**Author:** ![muldoonthief](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muldoonthief/32/3188_2.png) [@muldoonthief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/muldoonthief)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2009, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-would-you-replace-a-childs-dead-pet-and-not-tell-them/485128/30 "2009-02-10T15:33:47Z")
I wouldn’t, barring some exceptional circumstances like **AngryIrishLass** had. And once the kids hit their teens, not even then. Of course, next time I’ll move the hamster cage further away from the oven, just in case… ---
**Author:** ![I\_Am\_The\_Lorax](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/e19adc/32.png) [@I\_Am\_The\_Lorax](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/I_Am_The_Lorax)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2009, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-would-you-replace-a-childs-dead-pet-and-not-tell-them/485128/31 "2009-02-10T15:59:51Z")
I adopted a goldfish from a friend in high school. Her pet fish had died while she was away, so her grandmother replaced it. It just wasn’t the same, obviously, and she knew it, and couldn’t bond with it and in fact hated it. But I got along with Moby Dick just fine. Like **Ivylass** , I shudder to think what it would be like if Gramma was the first death they experienced. Better they learn first by all the hermit crabs, and thier first guinea pig, Mr. Jack, who’s in heaven rolling in hay all day. It’s generally a bad idea, IMHO, because pets have personalities, and relationships with thier caregivers that can’t be duplicated. However, **AngryIrishLass** , I would have done the same thing in your shoes. My son is six now, and I’d do anything, _anything_, to protect him from that kind of hurt, or at least not make it worse. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2009, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-would-you-replace-a-childs-dead-pet-and-not-tell-them/485128/32 "2009-02-10T16:04:51Z")
> [@gwendee](#): > > My son got a fish tank for his 5th birthday. He was with his foather for the weekend when the first fish died. I braced myself for this “teachable moment” and told him oh so gently and calmly as soon as he got home. His response was, “Cool! Can I flush him?” Heh. Reminds me of the little girl, B.B. in “Kill Bill.” You’ve got yourself a mini hired killer on your hands! ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2009, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-would-you-replace-a-childs-dead-pet-and-not-tell-them/485128/33 "2009-02-10T18:13:11Z")
> [@Freudian\_Slit](#): > > Plus, kids have to learn about death at some point, right? True, but I would draw the line at tying up a little noose and letting the kid find the pet swinging. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2009, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-would-you-replace-a-childs-dead-pet-and-not-tell-them/485128/34 "2009-02-10T18:28:45Z")
> [@Cervaise](#): > > True, but I would draw the line at tying up a little noose and letting the kid find the pet swinging. Well, unless you’ve got a lil Wednesday Addams on your hands. ---
**Author:** ![Mama\_Zappa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/71e660/32.png) [@Mama\_Zappa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mama_Zappa)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2009, 11:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-would-you-replace-a-childs-dead-pet-and-not-tell-them/485128/35 "2009-02-10T23:14:05Z")
Hey, cool! I caused a spinoff thread 😃 Short answer: highly unlikely. Long answer: Kids have to learn about death somehow and the death of a pet is a fairly reasonable way to do it. Depending on the kid, I might encourage them to go out and get a new pet fairly quickly afterward\* , but I don’t think I’d try to sneak one in! Kids are smarter than we give them credit for. A kid young enough to not notice the switchout is really too young to be able to interact with a pet anyway. Plus, it’s dishonest. I won’t say I’ve _never_ lied to a kid (Dweezil, at age 7, really didn’t need to know what they were selling at the “Adult Toy Store” we’d just driven past), but I do try to avoid it. - oh, and depending on how Fluffy died. If Fluffy died because of being used in a game of beanbag toss… probably NOT gonna rush to adopt a new vict - er, pet. ---
**Author:** ![Mama\_Zappa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/71e660/32.png) [@Mama\_Zappa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mama_Zappa)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2009, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-would-you-replace-a-childs-dead-pet-and-not-tell-them/485128/36 "2009-02-10T23:21:19Z")
> [@iwakura43](#): > > As a boy, a particular stuffed animal of mine which had apparently lost its head in the washing machine, was replaced by my mother, who neglected to dispose of the fallen pup without my seeing. It might have worked, but I was inconsolable upon seeing my murdered (stuffed) pet. > > Moral of the story, bury the body quick 🙂 This reminds me: We _do_ in fact have duplicates of each kid’s stuffed “lovey” (Dweezil’s Bunny, and Moon Unit’s doll) - each kid adopted this as his/her special object at about 16 months of age. Each has been replaced at least once. We’ve lived in fear of the kids finding the spare (leading to one hilarious time when I was forced to slam-dunk the spare Bunny into a soup pot - fortunately empty). They’re too old for us to get away with it which is too bad - we still have spares, Bunny looks like she’s been chewed on by the dogs, and Dolly looks like someone stopped halfway through open heart surgery. I think the last time we were able to do a switcheroo on either one was when the child in question was 5 or so. ---
**Author:** ![schnuckiputzi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecb155/32.png) [@schnuckiputzi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/schnuckiputzi)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2009, 3:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-would-you-replace-a-childs-dead-pet-and-not-tell-them/485128/37 "2009-02-11T03:04:07Z")
I suppose it is taken for granted that your kids are not growing up on a farm. Pet today, dinner tomorrow. Actually, we made a clear distinction between pets and potential food, but mine grew up knowing that even their pets were only a coyote chomp away from ‘pet heaven’. We never made it a huge deal, and they never seemed to be too scarred. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parents-would-you-replace-a-childs-dead-pet-and-not-tell-them/485128.md?page=1)