No, I think personal items I leave lying around my coworkers offices are fair game for them. Or personal items they leave in my office are fair game.
You bring in what you need and a purse. Your purse is put where purses go. Your hats, coats, etc. are put where hats, coats go. If you take your wallet out of your purse and leave it lying on my kitchen table and the dog grabs it and eats a twenty dollar bill, that’s your problem.
Another non-landline owner here. Also a non-parent.
If the parents plan to call during the evening, even if they have a landline, the sitter’s cell sounds like a good option. If the kid isn’t safe taking a bath alone–should the sitter have to leave the bathroom to catch the call? If the kid’s safely in bed & the sitter’s done cleaning, washing dishes, scrubbing toilets, changing the catbox, etc., she ought to be able to call her pals. Again–leaving the landline free.
Last I heard, good sitters aren’t easy to find.
Sounds as though the OP’s situation has worked out OK. Others here still have “issues.”
Were you actually raised by wolves? Because there are societal rules pertaining to the treatment of private property, and you don’t seem to have learned any of them, ever.
I seriously hope that at least you warn people that neither your kids or your dog are trained not to break/eat people’s personal items.
I very frequently take off my watch when I eat dinner; I sometimes place it on the dinner table beside my plate. If I was at your home for dinner, and you decided to move my watch because you felt you needed to, and you carried it into your kitchen and dropped it down your garbage disposal, who is to blame for this? Is it mine, for failing to realize that anything I leave momentarily unattended in your palace becomes yours to do with exactly as you please? Or is it yours, for doing something that virtually every thinking person in the world knows you just don’t do?
I wouldn’t wear a bullet proof vest to dinner with you, because I’d assume it was understood that you won’t shoot me just because I’m in your house. Similarly, I wouldn’t hesitate to lay my watch down in your presence, because I would assume it was understood that you wouldn’t carelessly destroy it. Is this latter assumption foolish on my part?
If not, why is it different with a child? Because of the child’s age? My daughter is three, half the age of the child in the OP, and she knows perfectly well that other people’s stuff belongs to other people, and that she shouldn’t be messing around with it. I shouldn’t have to guard everything I own like a hawk when I’m in your house just because you’ve neglected to teach basic courtesy to your kids.
Holy crap. You know what, disregard my previous post and the questions contained therein. You and I are… um… not operating according to the same assumptions about society, and manners, and responsibility. I would not want to live in a world where the above represented the standard way of thinking, and fortunately, I do not.
Sorry for the triple post, but I wanted to make one last comment, which is that I actually sort of kind of agre with the last sentence here; if your dog eats my money that I left lying around, I’d take responsibility for that.
Dogs are, after all, dogs. I have vague hopes that my child will behave in a different way than my dog, ambition that you and I apparently do not share.
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Read through 148 posts, some of which offer some constructive critcism, others giving sage advice, with the usual amount of OHTEHMORALOUTRAGE!!!ONE111ELEVEN thrown in for good measure.
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Do not allow babysitter in domicile while wearing shoes.
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Split cost of replacement phone with sitter, as both parties were at fault.
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Do not tip sitter, either.
Thread over.
For something that became your responsibility the moment you touched it. Whn you break something you’re responsible for replacing it.
My dog is five months old. My kids don’t break things on purpose. I’m going off two things here from the OP.
- The cell phone was not grabbed, it was “picked up.”
- The cell phone was dropped in the tub accidentally.
I’m making an assumption - the cell phone was unattended by the sitter. Because if the cell phone was attended, the child wouldn’t have been able to pick it up while in the tub.
I’m afraid I fail to see any problem with anyone touching something that is mine that I leave lying around. People come into my office and they pick up the books I have lying there. If I have a magazine on my desk they look through it. They move my coffee mug to sit on my desk, or move my backpack to sit on my guest chair (its a little cube). I don’t keep toys on my desk, but I’ve noticed that when people do, their guests pick up and fidget with their toys. I’m not alone in this, I’ve noticed plenty of other people do it.
And if the breakage is accidental, then I’m not going to blame the person who broke it or make them take responsibility. It was an accident. If they broke my stuff accidentally and said “oh my, let me pay for that” my response would be “don’t worry about it, it was an accident.” If I bring photos of my kids into your office and leave them there, and then you accidentally spill your coffee on them - my bad. I shouldn’t have left something I care about where I couldn’t attend it.
I may have been raised by wolves, but I find it extraordinarly rude to demand someone pay for something of mine that was broken by accident. If they offer (and I’ve said twice now, this is the third time, that I would offer half, but would feel under no obligation to pay, hell, if I liked the sitter, I’d probably pay for the whole thing), that’s different. But “you broke my widget!!! You need to pay!!!” is far ruder than touching the widget to start with. And “your kid, who I was responsible for at the moment, broke my widget, you need to pay” is ridiculous. You were not watching either your cell phone or my kid very well if they were able to break it. Neither needs constant attendance, but you are 0 for 2.
If your stuff is attended in my house, don’t worry about it. No one’s going to grab your watch away from you sitting next to you at the table. (Well, the dog might, he is five months old and we are still working on manners - probably not a watch though - but don’t leave your socks sitting around or anything leather - we do warn you about that when you walk in - leave your shoes on your feet or put them behind a closed door - don’t leave your purse lying around, the dog will chew it if not watched.) This also doesn’t extend to things done with maliace - if my kids break it with malace of course I’d take responsibility. But I’m wondering about all these people who think its ok to leave all their stuff lying around my house unattended - and how much stuff you guys carry around to leave lying around, and why you leave it lying around.
I’m wondering how many people here have raised six year olds recently. My kids aren’t that unusual in touching - their friends come over to my house and touch all sorts of stuff. My photos get moved, the stuff I have sitting on coffee tables gets moved, a few of them want to treat the panty and the fridge as their own (my kids don’t - they ask even in their own house) - they seem to get better as they get older - but kindergarteners and first graders don’t have dependable impluse control yet. We had a party a few years ago and the kids created a fort in my master bedroom closet - and my two were far to young to be involved at that point. Kids finger stuff. Mine could also bathe themselves without supervision by six. I sometimes wonder about my kids manners - they talk too loud, they tell poop jokes far too often. But people compliment their manners and they get invited back places. When I ask their teachers about their behavior I’m told my kids are normal and that my son has very good control for his age. My daughter - less good control - but still within the range of normal.
I don’t think you can make this assumption. While we obviously don’t know exactly what happened, personally I can easily imagine the following scenario: I keep my cell phone in my front pocket if I’m carrying it on my person – it doesn’t have clip, and I don’t put it in the back pocket because I don’t want to sit on it. I kneel down by the tub to help the 6 year old rinse her hair. I’m on my knees, and the phone is digging into my hip as I bend over the tub, plus I’m afraid the phone might fall out of my pocket into the tub. So I take it out and lay it on the floor, because this hypothetical tub is a regulation tub found in most homes, not one with a “surround”. While I’m wringing out a washcloth or pushing up my sleeves or whatever, the 6 y.o. picks it up, and before I can take it back or tell her to put it down, she has dropped it in the tub. There’s no point at which the phone is “unattended”; there’s no point at which the child is “unattended.” There’s no point at which I’m texting or gabbing; there’s no point at which I am strewing stuff around your house. It’s just one of those things that happen; same as if I’d taken my watch off and laid it by the tub so it didn’t get wet – I’m on my knees, remember, the kids has soap in her hair – and she picked it up and dropped it in the tub. Not hugely negligent on my part; not intentional on hers. But at the end of the day, she has picked up something that did not belong to her without asking or receiving permission; she broke it; and she was old enough to know better. So the parents should replace my phone, or at least go halves on a new one.
Sure, but if the person drops your coffee cup and breaks it after playing with it, they should replace it. If they are flipping through your book and happen to drop it in a bucket of water, they should replace it. And they should NOT be moving/ touching/ playing with your Blackberry / cellphone / purse /wallet. IOW, there are two levels of “stuff” we are talking about : (1) other people’s stuff that is probably fair game to mess with (like toys); and (2) other people’s stuff that is almost certainly not fair game to mess with (like purses and electronics). In either case, if you destroy the item, you replace it.
This isn’t a situation where someone has accidentally spilled something; this is a situation where the child picked up the item and then dropped it. IOW, without an action on the child’s part, the damage would not have occurred. You are responsible for your child’s actions. And while it is very nice of you to decide that if the damage to another person’s property is “accidental” then YOU would not make them pay for it, that is hardly the only reasonable view. Even if I have accidentally damaged or destroyed someone else’s property, I will pay to fix/replace it, because I still caused the damage/loss. Even in your hypothetical, the other person says “Oh my, let me pay for that,” and you have to decline the offer. But for some reason, because we’re talking about your own kid, you wouldn’t even make the offer that you assume – correctly – most other polite people would make.
If you admit that you would offer to pay half, and indeed might pay for the whole thing if you liked the sitter, what, precisely is your argument? That the sitter shouldn’t demand full payment because to do so is rude? That’s not even what the OP said happened: “My daughter said, well, I don’t want to seem rude - and it was an accident, after all - so that is when I suggested that they go halfs on it. Well, after my daughter approached her cousin about it, her cousin got very offended, told my daughter she was ungrateful and rude (she yelled at her on the phone for about 5 minutes).” Are you just trying to decide who is ruder – the parents who didn’t offer to pay for the phone at all, or the babysitter who asked them to go halves and was screamed at for it?
I’m amazed at this reasoning. “If damage occurred, you must be responsible for it, because if you were doing your job, no damage would have occurred.” Shit happens, especially where kids are concerned. They do exactly what was done in this case: They mess with stuff that isn’t theirs, and they break stuff. Part of effective parenting, IMO, is teaching them that (a) you don’t mess with stuff that isn’t yours, and (b) you don’t break stuff.
I’m not sure how you could possibly guarantee this. MY watch is sitting next to me on the table; your grabby six year old is in the next chair. I turn my head to say something to you in the kitchen; she grabs the watch and drops it on the floor. The breakage must be my fault! The watch must have been unattended! If your children are encouraged or allowed to touch/take other people’s things based only on whether those things are “attended” or not, then it’s not just the dog’s manners you need to work on.
I’m not sure what you mean by “all their stuff” and “lying around your house” and “unattended,” as if you’re talking about people shedding electronics and valuables as they wander freely through your home. That bears no resemblance to the situation in the OP, of course. The babysitter had her cellphone with her; this is extremely common for almost everyone under 30, and her parents may well have taught her to carry it with her at all times. She set it by the tub – who knows why, so it didn’t get wet/ didn’t fall out / didn’t dig into her hip. Unquestionably, however, the only reason either she or her phone are near the tub or even in your house is to assist with your kids. The kid picks it up – and is old enough to know better in any home but yours – and destroys it. The parents pay.
If you are willing to allow six-year-olds to mess with your stuff, pick stuff up and then break it, wander through your home and pantry, that is YOUR decision. But you are simply incorrect to assume other people run their homes in the same way. Six-year-olds do NOT have great impulse control; that’s why you TEACH them the consequences of their actions: You do not touch other people’s stuff, especially electronics. You do not break other people’s stuff, ever. If you break other people’s stuff, you pay for it. You don’t engage in a deep philosophical debate about the nature of accidents, or try to chop the facts down finer than a gnat’s eyelash to determine if the breakage was truly accidental or not: It doesn’t matter. If you broke it, you pay for it. And you don’t touch other people’s stuff, because you might break it and have to pay for it.
Frankly, this doesn’t seem to jibe with your attitude about parenting in this thread, which would indicate that far from being well-behaved, your kids feel free to touch / take /destroy anything that catches their eye, safe in the comfort of knowing that their mom will blame the owner for the damage, because he or she must have left the item “unattended” (or it couldn’t possibly have gotten broken).
I have great respect for you as a poster, Dangerosa, but you are IMO way, way off base in this case.