# Paris Hilton. GAH! **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [December 16, 2004, 3:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/paris-hilton-gah/280084 "2004-12-16T03:39:14Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![buttonjockey308](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bcef8e/32.png) [@buttonjockey308](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buttonjockey308)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2004, 3:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/paris-hilton-gah/280084/1 "2004-12-16T03:39:14Z")
I have Comcast cable internet. They have some interesting content for perusal, some of that content, was a photo gallery of 6 ‘hot’ women, Lindsay Lohan (reeyow!) Beyonce, the Simpson Sisters, Jennifer Lopez, and Paris Hilton, now I don’t know if it’s just me or what, but take a really good long look at Paris Hilton. A REALLY good long look. That girl is ugly. Not gouge-your-eyes-out-with-a-soup-spoon ugly, but I’ll tell ya what, there are better looking women begging for change on the way to the train in the morning. If she wasn’t filthy rich and willing to fellate to completion on camera, she’d…um…well, probably still do that whole on-camera thing, only no one would watch. ---
**Author:** ![supervenusfreak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@supervenusfreak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/supervenusfreak)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2004, 3:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/paris-hilton-gah/280084/2 "2004-12-16T03:42:29Z")
> [@buttonjockey308](#): > > I have Comcast cable internet. They have some interesting content for perusal, some of that content, was a photo gallery of 6 ‘hot’ women, Lindsay Lohan (reeyow!) Beyonce, the Simpson Sisters, Jennifer Lopez, and Paris Hilton, now I don’t know if it’s just me or what, but take a really good long look at Paris Hilton. A REALLY good long look. That girl is ugly. Not gouge-your-eyes-out-with-a-soup-spoon ugly, but I’ll tell ya what, there are better looking women begging for change on the way to the train in the morning. If she wasn’t filthy rich and willing to fellate to completion on camera, she’d…um…well, probably still do that whole on-camera thing, only no one would watch. Paris Hilton has the body of a young boy with tits. ---
**Author:** ![bouv](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bc8723/32.png) [@bouv](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bouv)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2004, 3:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/paris-hilton-gah/280084/3 "2004-12-16T03:46:38Z")
The Simpson _sisters_? OK, Jennifer is attractive, but Jessica is average, at best. Certainly not to be included in a complilation of 6 ‘hot’ women. So many better choices out there. ---
**Author:** ![Ephemera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8baadc/32.png) [@Ephemera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ephemera)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2004, 3:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/paris-hilton-gah/280084/4 "2004-12-16T03:54:57Z")
Of those mentioned, the only one who is truly beautiful (or hot, whatever) is Beyonce. The rest are only average (in the Hollywood sense) at best and, in the cases of Lohan and Hilton, not. ---
**Author:** ![Nightwatch\_Trailer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/9dc877/32.png) [@Nightwatch\_Trailer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nightwatch_Trailer)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2004, 3:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/paris-hilton-gah/280084/5 "2004-12-16T03:56:37Z")
I had a classmate in high school who looked like Paris, except prettier. I wouldn’t say any of those six are gosh-wow gorgeous. Where’s Rachael Ray in all this, anyway? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Paranoid\_Randroid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/paranoid_randroid/32/18_2.png) [@Paranoid\_Randroid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Paranoid_Randroid)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2004, 4:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/paris-hilton-gah/280084/6 "2004-12-16T04:06:08Z")
> [@Nightwatch Trailer](#): > > I wouldn’t say any of those six are gosh-wow gorgeous. Where’s Rachael Ray in all this, anyway? 😉 Locked in a closet somewhere, hopefully, with her mouth gagged and hands tied so she can’t move them so much. Yeow, that woman wouldn’t know an appropriate hand gesture if it pinched her on the butt. Not that I wouldn’t. But that’s beside the point. Some people are so annoying it invades your eyes and you’re forced to stop thinking they’re cute. How could anyone say Lohan’s not hot? She is. When she’s not orange. Paris Hilton, on the other hand … erk. The best thing you can say about her is that she’s better looking than Kathy Bates. And I’d still rather make out with Kathy Bates. ---
**Author:** ![shy\_guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a6a055/32.png) [@shy\_guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shy_guy)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2004, 4:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/paris-hilton-gah/280084/7 "2004-12-16T04:18:22Z")
I think Paris’ looks depend a lot on the situation. She’s more fashion model-thin than movie actress-thin, so that can look kind of odd sometimes. Also, she has a tendency to be absolutely _orange_, which makes her look like a particularly wealthy Star Trek alien. On the other hand, when her skin looks at least moderately natural and she’s all dolled up, I think she can look quite stunning. And she knows how to _work_ those outfits and jewel-encrusted handbags. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Fight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/90ced4/32.png) [@Cat\_Fight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Fight)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2004, 5:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/paris-hilton-gah/280084/8 "2004-12-16T05:20:04Z")
Hilton looks like an anorexic, mildly retarded duckling. Lohan is pretty, but wouldn’t stand out from a crowd of mallrats. Jessica Simpson is like a chameleon- depending on the photo, she can look like a porn star or a clown (her sister is barely worth mentioning, unless it’s to mock her SNL monkey dance). JLo and Beyonce are both genuinely gorgeous, in and out of makeup, though neither has much going on upstairs. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2004, 5:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/paris-hilton-gah/280084/9 "2004-12-16T05:23:01Z")
> [@bouv](#): > > The Simpson _sisters_? OK, Jennifer is attractive, but Jessica is average, at best. Certainly not to be included in a complilation of 6 ‘hot’ women. So many better choices out there. Jennifer? I thought her name was _Ashley_? ---
**Author:** ![Yookeroo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yookeroo/32/323_2.png) [@Yookeroo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yookeroo)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2004, 5:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/paris-hilton-gah/280084/10 "2004-12-16T05:38:49Z")
I wouldn’t consider Lisa nor Maggie “hot”. ---
**Author:** ![Wolfian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/7ea924/32.png) [@Wolfian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wolfian)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2004, 7:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/paris-hilton-gah/280084/11 "2004-12-16T07:01:23Z")
> [@supervenusfreak](#): > > Paris Hilton has the body of a young boy with tits. You leave Keira Knightley out of this! Wait, you said “with tits.” False alarm. **bouv** , huh? I’m asuming you meant Ashlee is average and Jessica is hot, cause that’s true. **Yookeroo** , :D. Wait about 11 years for Lisa. Sure, she’ll drag you to all her activist meetings, but it’ll be worth it. I think a lot of the Lohan thing is the red hair. Other than Kidman and the girl from That 70s Show (who recently appeared on the cover of Maxim with blond hair. WTF?) I’m hard pressed to think of any other redheaded stars. If anyone else can I would appreciate cites. Lots and lots of cites. ---
**Author:** ![EllisDee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellisdee/32/4531_2.png) [@EllisDee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EllisDee)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2004, 7:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/paris-hilton-gah/280084/12 "2004-12-16T07:10:00Z")
> [@Wolfian](#): > > I think a lot of the Lohan thing is the red hair. Other than Kidman and the girl from That 70s Show (who recently appeared on the cover of Maxim with blond hair. WTF?) I’m hard pressed to think of any other redheaded stars. If anyone else can I would appreciate cites. Lots and lots of cites. You mean like Julia Roberts? I am a fan of Dominique Swain, Robin Tunney, Sarah Polley, and Alicia Witt, who are all redheads. I always think of hope Davis as a redhead, but I think she’s actually blonde. Then there’s Rebecca Gayheart, though the less said about her the better. ---
**Author:** ![bouv](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bc8723/32.png) [@bouv](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bouv)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2004, 2:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/paris-hilton-gah/280084/13 "2004-12-16T14:05:55Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > Jennifer? I thought her name was _Ashley_? :smack: I don’t know what I was thinking, somehow all the names got messed up in my head. I meant to say that Jessica is attractive, and Ashley is not. And Aes: You don’t find Jennifer Lopez (I REFUSE to call her J. Lo…except just now) is attractive? All that stupid BS about her ass aside, she still has a gorgeous face. ---
**Author:** ![GrizzRich](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/7ba0ec/32.png) [@GrizzRich](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrizzRich)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2004, 2:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/paris-hilton-gah/280084/14 "2004-12-16T14:27:21Z")
Paris Hilton… …she DO have a purty mouth! ---
**Author:** ![Ephemera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8baadc/32.png) [@Ephemera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ephemera)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2004, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/paris-hilton-gah/280084/15 "2004-12-16T15:11:43Z")
> [@bouv](#): > > And Aes: You don’t find Jennifer Lopez (I REFUSE to call her J. Lo…except just now) is attractive? All that stupid BS about her ass aside, she still has a gorgeous face. She’s attractive but not a stunner. I’m much more in love with Salma Hayek and Penelope Cruz. ---
**Author:** ![FlyingDragonFan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c89c15/32.png) [@FlyingDragonFan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FlyingDragonFan)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2004, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/paris-hilton-gah/280084/16 "2004-12-16T15:16:07Z")
> [@Wolfian](#): > > I’m hard pressed to think of any other redheaded stars. If anyone else can I would appreciate cites. Lots and lots of cites. How about [Ma Kent](http://www.kryptonsite.com/annettegallery7.htm)? ---
**Author:** ![Jurph](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/50afbb/32.png) [@Jurph](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jurph)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2004, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/paris-hilton-gah/280084/17 "2004-12-16T15:27:48Z")
The girl from _That 70s Show_ is Laura Prepon, and she lost me when she dyed her hair. There is a shortage of gorgeous natural redheads, and a glut on the market of bottled blondes. Lindsay Lohan gets by on the same thing that Kirsten Dunst does: each can transform her face at will from smoky sexpot to cheerful and perky, or go pouty and dark, or wistful and far-away, or or or… which means that with a few clever photographers who recognize their gift, they can be all things to all men. I don’t even think Julia Roberts has that kind of range; she has The 300-Watt Smile :D, and The Serious Face :mad: . Keira Knightley’s only 18 or so (roughly the same age as Lohan?) but she’s got some, er… catching up to do. If Lindsay agreed to swap Keira a little bit of curvature for a little bit more acting talent, they’d both be more likely to succeed in today’s Hollywood. And speaking of “Most Likely to suck seed,” Paris Hilton wouldn’t even earn a second glance if I saw her at the mall. Her money makes her famous, but if we accept the idea that life is suffering, and her money insulates her from all problems, then what does she really have? ---
**Author:** ![Cliffy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/59ef9b/32.png) [@Cliffy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cliffy)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2004, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/paris-hilton-gah/280084/18 "2004-12-16T15:28:12Z")
I don’t think Hilton is particularly pretty, but she’s got very nice legs. –Cliffy ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2004, 3:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/paris-hilton-gah/280084/19 "2004-12-16T15:48:12Z")
> [@bouv](#): > > The Simpson _sisters_? OK, Jennifer is attractive, but Jessica is average, at best. Certainly not to be included in a complilation of 6 ‘hot’ women. So many better choices out there. > [@bouv](#): > > I don’t know what I was thinking, somehow all the names got messed up in my head. I meant to say that Jessica is attractive, and Ashley is not. Ok you were freaking me out for a second there. I don’t know what it is but I don’t really find Paris all that “hot”. She actually looks pretty ugly in one closeup (like her entire face fits in the page closeup) I saw in one of my GFs fashion mags. My theory is that people think she looks hotter than she really is because: -she’s tall and thin -she’s very very blond -she dresses in lots of outrageous hot pink miniskirts that draw attention to her basically, it’s kind of like “beergogle hot” - You think a girl is hot because your brain is programmed that “tall, thin, blond, skimpy outfit” is hot even if, on closer inspection, they have a face like a dragon. I think she is a marketing genius though (or someone is, if not her). Basically she has made an entire multimillion dollar career out of doing nothing. Though not a superstar, Alyson Hannigan (Buffy, American Pie) is also a redhead. ---
**Author:** ![Scoundrel\_Swanswater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dfb087/32.png) [@Scoundrel\_Swanswater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scoundrel_Swanswater)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2004, 3:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/paris-hilton-gah/280084/20 "2004-12-16T15:56:10Z")
I also don’t think Paris Hilton is attractive… at all. I think she does have something about her that just oozes sex. It is probably the way she moves her body. I still wouldn’t touch her with a 10-foot pole wearing condoms though. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/paris-hilton-gah/280084.md?page=2)