# parkega3, is there something wrong with you? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [December 4, 2013, 12:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parkega3-is-there-something-wrong-with-you/675466 "2013-12-04T12:21:31Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![EmilyG](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/emilyg/32/364_2.png) [@EmilyG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EmilyG)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2013, 12:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parkega3-is-there-something-wrong-with-you/675466/1 "2013-12-04T12:21:31Z")
So, one day I see this in the [“Good jokes you’ve heard recently”](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=675457) thread: > [@Good jokes you've heard recently](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-jokes-youve-heard-recently/643949/935): > > Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate my excuse, I always get the feeling that my boss knows I’m lying. One recent occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway, because the truth was just too damned humiliating. I simply mentioned that I had sustained a head injury, and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the next day. By then, I reasoned, I could think up a wopper to explain the bandage on the top of my head. > > The accident occurred mainly because I had given in to my wife’s wishes to adopt a cute little kitten. Initially, the new acquisition was no problem. Then one morning, I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard my wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen. > > “Honey! The garbage disposal is dead again. Please come fix it.” > > “You know where the reset button Is,” I protested through the shower. “Reset it yourself!” > > “But I’m scared!” she persisted. “What if it starts going and sucks me in?” > > I laughed. There was a meaningful pause and then said, “C’mon, it’ll only take you a second.” > > Anyway, out I came, dripping wet and buck naked, hoping that my silent outraged nudity would make a statement about how I perceived her behavior as extremely cowardly. Sighing loudly, I squatted down and stuck my head under the sink to find the button. It is the last thing I remember… > > It struck without warning, and without any respect to my circumstances. No, it wasn’t the hexed disposal drawing me into its gnashing metal teeth. It was our new kitty, who discovered the fascinating dangling objects she spied hanging between my legs. > > She had been poised around the corner and stalked me as I reached under the sink. And, at the precise moment when I was most vulnerable, she leapt at the toys I unwittingly offered and snagged them with her needle-like claws > > I lost all rational thought to control of orderly bodily movements, blindly rising at a violent rate of speed, with the full weight of a kitten hanging from my masculinity. > > Wild animals are sometimes faced with a “fight or flight” syndrome. Men, in this predicament, choose only the “flight” option (I know this from experience). I was fleeing straight up into the air when the sink and cabinet bluntly and forcefully impeded my ascent. > > The impact knocked me cold. > > When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me. Now, there are not many things in this life worse than finding oneself lying on the kitchen floor, buck naked, in front of a group of “been-there, done-that” paramedics. > > Even worse, having been fully briefed by my wife, the paramedics were all snorting loudly as they tried to conduct their work, all the while trying to suppress their hysterical laughter… and btw not succeeding. > > Somehow, I lived through it all. > > A few days later I finally made it back in to the office, where colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of me about my head injury. I kept silent, claiming it was too painful to talk about. Which it was. > > “What’s the matter?” They all asked, “The cat got your tongue?” > > Well… Not exactly! > > (I hate cats!!) Okay, you hate cats. I get it. I guess not everyone likes the same things I do. Really, it’s just one cat-related joke - and it’s not too mean for the cat. I can live with it. A little while later, \*\*parkega3 \*\*posts this in the Jokes thread: > [@Good jokes you've heard recently](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-jokes-youve-heard-recently/643949/941): > > … > Did I tell you I hate cats? I suffered a serious injury from one of those fuzzy faced, flea bitten, little fur balls (see post from 26NOV2013 above). This Thanksgiving past, I had eleven people for dinner. It was my job to cook the turkey and make the giblet gravy. So, I had the kitchen all to myself while the company enjoyed hors d’oeurves and cocktails. Anyway, this little spawn of satan goes to the bathroom in the house! In the kitchen!! So I put Pop Rocks in the Kitty Litter (and you can try this at home). Here kitty-kitty!!! Yes, because jokes about things you hate are automatically hilarious, especially if something is harmed. **Parkega3** then attempts to turn his/her hatred of cats into a very unfunny running gag: > [@Good jokes you've heard recently](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-jokes-youve-heard-recently/643949/946): > > … > Did I tell you I hate cats? Well apparently I’m not the only one… > > Little Johnny is sitting in a biology class, and the teacher says that an interesting phenomenon of nature is that only humans stutter, no other animal in the world does this. > > Johnny’s hand shoots up. “That’s not correct, Miss McGilacutty!” he says. > > “Please explain, Johnny,” replies the teacher. > > “Well, Miss, the other day I was playing with my cat on the front porch. The neighbors’ Great Dane came running around the corner, and my cat went “ffffffffff! ffffffffffff! ffffffffff!”, and before he could say “FUCK OFF!”, the big dog ate him!” I go to the jokes thread for a good laugh, but I haven’t been doing a lot of laughing there lately. I do understand that some people hate cats, and that not everyone likes cats, and that not everyone likes the same things that I do. But still, I have to wonder if someone spends that much effort into hating something, and wishing horribly cruel things on it, if there’s something wrong with that person. (Also, I have multiple things wrong with me and I realize the irony of asking this about someone else.) That is all. Carry on. ---
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2013, 12:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parkega3-is-there-something-wrong-with-you/675466/2 "2013-12-04T12:35:09Z")
Wow. I could see Pitting him if he were telling stories about how he actually killed or hurt cats on a regular basis. But telling three jokes in a row? Seriously? ---
**Author:** ![Budget\_Player\_Cadet](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/budget_player_cadet/32/205_2.png) [@Budget\_Player\_Cadet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Budget_Player_Cadet)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2013, 12:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parkega3-is-there-something-wrong-with-you/675466/3 "2013-12-04T12:57:50Z")
I thought they were witty. And I _like_ cats. The second one is a little odd, but honestly, I don’t see anything worth getting one’s knickers in a twist here. ---
**Author:** ![saje](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/saje/32/3631_2.png) [@saje](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/saje)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2013, 1:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parkega3-is-there-something-wrong-with-you/675466/4 "2013-12-04T13:07:52Z")
The ignore feature is a wonderful thing… (bah, stupid caps lock!) ---
**Author:** ![DataX](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@DataX](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DataX)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2013, 1:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parkega3-is-there-something-wrong-with-you/675466/5 "2013-12-04T13:22:22Z")
Seems fairly light hearted to me. I’m pretty sure he didn’t ACTUALLY put pop rocks in the kitty litter - just as I’m pretty sure the kitty in the other joke wasn’t trying to say “fuck off”. Even if he did put pop rocks in the kitty litter - that seems extremely tame and not traumatizing. Seems to me like he is actually just trying to develop a character - he is the grumpy guy who now doesn’t like cute kittens as much. I didn’t read the first post more than once, but I didn’t even see any violence towards the kitty in it. I am pretty sure most guys would (if the story was true) not run around with a cat’s nails in their sack. With most guys - kitty would have been punched in the nose - hard. ---
**Author:** ![BubbaDog](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bubbadog/32/333_2.png) [@BubbaDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BubbaDog)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2013, 1:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parkega3-is-there-something-wrong-with-you/675466/6 "2013-12-04T13:58:38Z")
> [@EmilyG](#): > > But still, I have to wonder if someone spends that much effort into hating something, [snip] My wonderment starts at somebody who’s panties bunch up over jokes. > [@](#): > > and wishing horribly cruel things on it, if there’s something wrong with that person. :rolleyes: Puleeze. The cat attacked his balls and lived to shit in the kitchen later. I guess by your name that you are female. Take it from me, a guy, an attack to the nuts will make you want to punch babies. The guy obviously is merely annoyed by the cat and likes to exaggerate replies to that annoyance. In short, Lighten up Francis! ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2013, 2:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parkega3-is-there-something-wrong-with-you/675466/7 "2013-12-04T14:10:50Z")
Goddamn. Cat worship is annoying and stupid. He told three _jokes_ about cats. It’s ok not to find the jokes funny because you love cats so much. To think something’s wrong with him smacks of something wrong with YOU. News flash: I hate cats, too. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2013, 2:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parkega3-is-there-something-wrong-with-you/675466/8 "2013-12-04T14:11:30Z")
How do you make a cat go “woof!”? Soak it in gas and put a match to it. ---
**Author:** ![Rachellelogram](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rachellelogram/32/8689_2.png) [@Rachellelogram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachellelogram)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2013, 2:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parkega3-is-there-something-wrong-with-you/675466/9 "2013-12-04T14:19:28Z")
My cat tore up a bit of carpet the other day and I called her a buttface. Because her face looks like a butt. ---
**Author:** ![Enginerd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/bcef8e/32.png) [@Enginerd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enginerd)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2013, 2:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parkega3-is-there-something-wrong-with-you/675466/10 "2013-12-04T14:20:35Z")
> [@BubbaDog](#): > > My wonderment starts at somebody who’s panties bunch up over jokes. > :rolleyes: > > Puleeze. The cat attacked his balls and lived to shit in the kitchen later. I guess by your name that you are female. Take it from me, a guy, an attack to the nuts will make you want to punch babies. The guy obviously is merely annoyed by the cat and likes to exaggerate replies to that annoyance. > > In short, Lighten up Francis! Well of course _you_ would say that. I think your username makes it clear where you stand on this ages-old conflict. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![BubbaDog](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bubbadog/32/333_2.png) [@BubbaDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BubbaDog)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2013, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parkega3-is-there-something-wrong-with-you/675466/11 "2013-12-04T14:57:07Z")
> [@Enginerd](#): > > Well of course _you_ would say that. I think your username makes it clear where you stand on this ages-old conflict. > > 😛 On three legs while lifting the fourth. ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2013, 3:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parkega3-is-there-something-wrong-with-you/675466/12 "2013-12-04T15:02:31Z")
Alf: “I love cats! Cat B-B-Q, cat stew, cat-ska-bobs, deep fried cat…” ---
**Author:** ![Bruce\_Wayne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/22d042/32.png) [@Bruce\_Wayne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bruce_Wayne)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2013, 3:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parkega3-is-there-something-wrong-with-you/675466/13 "2013-12-04T15:03:05Z")
> [@EmilyG](#): > > **Parkega3** then attempts to turn his/her hatred of cats into a very unfunny running gag: Judging by that first story I’ll go ahead and go with “his”. This was a substandard pitting btw. ---
**Author:** ![saje](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/saje/32/3631_2.png) [@saje](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/saje)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2013, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parkega3-is-there-something-wrong-with-you/675466/14 "2013-12-04T15:14:48Z")
Gotta say, as someone who’s a confirmed & card-carrying Crazy Cat Lady I don’t find those jokes so horrible. I don’t think they’re funny, but they don’t offend my cat-addict sensibilities either. ---
**Author:** ![Truman\_Burbank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecc23a/32.png) [@Truman\_Burbank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Truman_Burbank)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2013, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parkega3-is-there-something-wrong-with-you/675466/15 "2013-12-04T15:32:09Z")
Yeah, really. Dude contributes 3 jokes he probably swiped from the “I Hate Cats Jokes” website (I assume there is some such thing) and you get your knickers in such a twist you decide it’s a pitting? I like cats just fine, but I find your level of outrage and offense taken…excessive. ---
**Author:** ![FriarTed](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/friarted/32/1052_2.png) [@FriarTed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FriarTed)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2013, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parkega3-is-there-something-wrong-with-you/675466/16 "2013-12-04T15:41:12Z")
> [@Malacandra](#): > > How do you make a cat go “woof!”? > > Soak it in gas and put a match to it. I love cats, dogs, & other little animals. I despise cruelty to them. I laughed at this. I was also in hysterics during the re-animated cat scene in, of course, REANIMATOR. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2013, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parkega3-is-there-something-wrong-with-you/675466/17 "2013-12-04T15:50:42Z")
> [@FriarTed](#): > > I love cats, dogs, & other little animals. I despise cruelty to them. > > I laughed at this. > > I was also in hysterics during the re-animated cat scene in, of course, REANIMATOR. That was an awesomly bad, awesome movie. ---
**Author:** ![andros](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e480ec/32.png) [@andros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andros)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2013, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parkega3-is-there-something-wrong-with-you/675466/18 "2013-12-04T15:54:54Z")
> [@Malacandra](#): > > How do you make a cat go “woof!”? > > Soak it in gas and put a match to it. How do you make a dog go “meow?” Dip it in liquid nitrogen and run it through a bandsaw. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2013, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parkega3-is-there-something-wrong-with-you/675466/19 "2013-12-04T16:06:39Z")
The first two stories made me think that **parkega3** ’s problem was that he didn’t really have a handle on the point of the jokes thread; they were evidently both “humor” monologues (and in fact they were humorous in much the same way that “collectibles” from the Franklin Mint are collectable). The third one was actually a joke; and, had **parkega3** _not_ chosen to open his routine by establishing his “Cat-Hatin’-Sam-the-Master-of-the-Hilarious-Yarn” persona, it would have been a decent addition to the thread. That said, the OP of _this_ thread really needs to lighten up. ETA: And the two jokes in the post immediately preceding mine are quite good. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2013, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parkega3-is-there-something-wrong-with-you/675466/20 "2013-12-04T16:15:51Z")
Also, if a cat is avoiding his litter box, he’s hardly likely to use it just because someone puts Pop Rocks in it. So the joke appears to be on the kitty-hater in that second story. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parkega3-is-there-something-wrong-with-you/675466.md?page=2)